by Colbie Kay
"Yeah, I guess I haven't forgiven myself yet."
“I thought for sure you would say yes. I can't let anything else happen until you decide. I won't keep chasin' you."
"Why do you want me anyway?"
"We're perfect. We're two jagged, broken pieces that fit perfectly together. You just haven't realized it yet."
“You really believe that? I'm scared Bear."
"Hell yes, I believe it or I wouldn't be tryin' so hard to keep you. I would’ve let you go a long time ago. And Jacey, I know you're scared. I still think it would help if you talked to Snake and find out his side."
"Yeah, maybe. I'm just not ready yet."
"You’re never gonna be ready for somethin' like that, you just gotta suck it up and deal. The worst that's gonna happen is your mom told you the truth about everything. If, and I mean if, that happens, I'll be there for you and you don't ever have to see him again. I don't know how it’ll turn out, but this is the only time I might have to sit back and watch you get hurt. I don't want that for you, but there’s not shit I can do about it, you just gotta get it done."
“Yeah, and you promise you'll be there?"
"I promise, Jacey, but now I gotta go."
You’re not staying?"
"No, you need to get shit figured out and I can't keep hurtin' myself." He gets up, puts his clothes on and leaves. I cry myself to sleep, wondering what the fuck is wrong with me. Why couldn't I just tell him that yes, I wanted to, but I can't yet?
It's been a month since that night. Bear has stuck to his word about not letting anything else happen. Not only that, now he barely talks to me. He still comes over to see Kellen and brings us the stuff we need but that’s it though, and I fucking miss him so much it hurts. Most nights when I go to bed, I cry myself to sleep. Zoey came over the other day, and when we were talking, I told her I didn't know what was going on between us. I regret not telling him yes when he asked me to be his Ol' Lady. Today is the day. I've called Zoey over to watch Kellen so I can go talk to him at the garage. It's still cold out, but I have to look sexy so I put on a black leather mini skirt and a tank top with the Sinners’ logo that I asked Zoey to bring. I have my hair down and curled with my hoop earrings in and my makeup is light, except for some bold eyeliner. Soon enough, I'm ready to go. I've been working hard to get my body back in shape and I'm almost there, so I feel pretty good about myself. I walk out with my hooker heels in hand and Zoey is giving me a curious look.
"What?" I ask her.
"Where are you going dressed like that in the middle of the day?" she asks, smirking. "You’re such a bitch, by the way. I'm so jealous, you're looking all good and here I am, fat and frumpy."
Laughing, I tell her, "Thanks. You’ll be back to your hot little self too, once you have those babies. And I'm going to go get my man."
I see the smile forming on her face. "Well, it's about fucking time, girl. I'm glad you finally came to your senses about him."
I laugh, grabbing my coat. "I'll be back in a little while. If you need anything, call me."
"We’ll be fine. I need all the practice I can get anyway. Take as long as you need. I got Chasyr outside too."
"Thanks Zo."
"No problem, I'm happy for you!”
I grab my keys and head to my car.
I pull up and the second I step out of my car, I hear Crazy Bitch by Buck Cherry blasting throughout the garage. Bear’s underneath a 1969 black and chrome Camaro that he's been working on. He didn't hear me pull up, so I lean up against the car. He has the hood up and I take a peek underneath. I can tell just by looking at her that she’s been completely restored. Trying to be sexy, I cross my arms, pushing up my breasts up, and kick his leg, which makes him slide out from underneath the car. Bear glares at me, and I’m taken back, was hoping for a better reaction, but I suppose I deserve this. "This song remind you of me?" I ask, jokingly. He stands up, pulling out a towel he had sticking out of his back pocket, wiping his hands on it. Even in a dirty white beater and oil covered jeans, he's still sexy as hell.
"What are you doing here?" he demands.
"Well, my car is making a funny noise and I was wondering if you could look at it."
"Where's Kellen?"
"With Zoey. It looks like you need a clean shirt, that one’s pretty dirty." I say, taking the few steps to him. I reach out and grab the hem, pulling it up, but he grabs my wrists to stop me.
"I told you, Jacey, that we aren't doin' this anymore. Go pull your car in here and I'll look at it." I go get my car, bring it inside, and take my coat off before getting out. When I step out, he looks pissed.
"What's wrong with you?" I ask him.
"Where are you goin' dressed like that?" he growls out, jerking his chin at me. "Where'd you get the tank? You haven't worn that one before.”
"I'm dressed like this to come see you. I got it from Zoey." This is gonna take more work than I thought. He was serious this time, and I have got to fix this shit before I lose him completely.
"I'm not doing this with you." I walk up to him, gripping his beater.
"I want you to ask me again."
"Why, so you can turn me down? I'm not doin' it,” he asserts, shaking his head no.
"Kellen fucking Rhodes, you look at me and you fucking ask me again!”
“Fine," he huffs out, looking bored. "Jacey, will you be my Ol' Lady?"
"Bear...umm…” I hesitate, tapping my finger on my lips in an attempt to try to lighten the mood.
"Don't fuck with me."
"Bear, I would love to be your Ol’ Lady."
"You're serious?" His eyes grow big, shock written all over his handsome face.
Smiling, I reply. "Yeah, I'm serious. I've regretted telling you no every day. I miss you so much, it hurts, and most nights, I cry myself to sleep. I don't want to be without you anymore." I see a smile taking over his face, and he picks me up in his arms, my legs wrapped around him. He's laughing which makes me laugh too. Then, he gives me the most earth shattering kiss, leaving me breathless.
"I love you, Lil Mama."
"I love you too."
Bear sets me down on my feet, cupping my face in his hands. “Did I make you fall in love with me?"
"You did."
His mouth comes crashing down on mine, our tongues exploring each others’ mouths. He breaks from the kiss and walks over to the garage door. "Turn your car on, let me hear it." I do as he says and can hear the clunking noise. I turn it off, get back out, and he closes the door as soon as I'm out of the car.
"I need you to get my baby purring again, Bear.”
"Your car’s not the only thing I'm gonna have purring." He walks right up to me and bends down to grip my thighs, picking me up and sitting me on the hood of my car.
"You scratch or dent up my baby and I'll have to hurt you."
"Your precious car will be fine. I think you got other shit to worry about right now, like how much my cock has missed his home." He runs his hands up my thighs, pushing my skirt up even higher. Moving one hand in between my legs, I spread open for him to let him feel how wet I already am. "No panties?" he questions, while running his fingers along my slit.
"Didn't want you having too much trouble. Now kiss me." He does just that, making it difficult for my lungs to work once again.
"I missed the fuck outta you, Lil Mama,” he says, feather light against my lips.
"God, I missed you too, so fucking much,” I whisper back.
"Lay back." Bear drops to his knees, putting his tongue flat against my pussy. He works it up and down, using his fingers to spread me open. Sucking my clit into his mouth, I arch my back, but he places his hand on my stomach to keep me still. When he releases my clit, he starts running his tongue back and forth over me, putting it inside, fucking me with it. When he pulls it out, he flicks my clit which has me bucking my hips against his face. It doesn't take long for me to scream out his name, an explosion letting go within my body. I can hear my screams echoing through the o
pen space of the garage. He quickly pulls me up and has me on the edge of the hood. His jeans are down now, he’s lining himself up to my opening and with one hard thrust, he’s balls deep inside me. "Shit, you feel fuckin' good, so goddamn tight,” he grunts out, pounding my pussy.
“Harder, Bear." He picks up speed as he squeezes me tighter in his embrace.
“It’s been so fuckin' long, I'm not gonna last!”
"Me either, you feel so good!” I say, between cries of pleasure. “I’m gonna cum again!”
"I can feel you your squeezing me, so fuckin' good. Let go baby. I'm right there with you." Taking me over the edge, I cry out Bear!, digging my nails into his flesh. He calls out my name in the crook of my neck as he bites down, then when we're done, he lifts his head to look at me "Did you really mean it?"
"Which part?"
"All of it."
"Every word."
"I fuckin' love you. Never thought I'd have an Ol' Lady."
"I fuckin' love you too. Don't back out on me now."
"Not a goddamn chance." We smile at each other. "I gotta get somethin' to clean you up." He pulls out of me and brings back a warm wash cloth, cleaning me up. I realize he didn't use a condom. Smacking his arm I ask, "You trying to get me pregnant again?"
"Maybe." He laughs. “Really, I just got caught up in the moment and forgot."
"Well, it's a good thing I started back on the pills."
"Fuck me. No more condoms? That felt pretty amazing ridin' bareback."
"No more condoms. You going to stay with me tonight?" Bear kisses me again before he walking off. He tells me he will, and I hang around until he gets my car running normal again, then I go back home.
When I get inside, I see Zoey on the couch, bouncing in her seat. “How was Kellen, and what the hell are you doing?" I ask her, laughing..
"Oh, he was so good. I'm waiting for you to tell me what happened."
"Looks like I'm an Ol' Lady now." I smile.
"Ahhhhhh!” she screams out, loud enough that I have to cover my ears.
"Zoey, it's a good thing Kellen's awake or you would’ve just woken him up."
"I'm just so happy! This is so exciting!” she declares while clapping her hands. "So what happened? I want details."
"I made him ask me again and he didn't want to, but he did. I said yes and then we had amazing sex on the hood of my car. You’re not getting any more detail than that."
"Oh my God, that's so hot! I'm gonna have to do that with Hanger. We fucked on his bike and the back of his truck, oh, we need a car!” She zones out, like she's trying to figure out how to make it happen, and I can't help but to laugh. This is why I love her so much.
Bear
I went to Hanger not long after Jacey had Kellen. I needed to know if he kept the pregnancy from me, and it turns out, he did know that she was carrying a child, he just didn't know who’s. Hanger knew that we had fucked, but thought since she quit coming around, there wasn't anything there. He assured me that if he would’ve known, he wouldn't have kept something like that from me. Crazy Girl apologized and that's good enough for me. She was in a hard spot, and I can't hold it against her for being true to her friend.
I got my woman, finally after all this time, and I'm not letting go. Chatty used to be the one to do the cuts and patches, but since she's gone, I had to go to Ever. Now, I have Jacey's cut ready to go. It has “Property of Bear” on the back, which is something I never thought I would see, and on the front it reads “Lil Mama”. She’s the best fucking mother to my child I could ask for. I'll be getting her pregnant again, and when I do, I'll be there every step of the way this time. Jacey’s been alone her entire life, so I understand it was natural instinct to hide within herself, but now she has me, Zoey, and my brothers. Hopefully soon, she’ll have her father back too. She doesn't know that I called him.
I open the front door, walking in to seeing her feeding Kellen. She bottle feeds, which is fine with me because that allows me to feed him too. I'll never forget the first time she tried to breastfeed him. She put him up to her tit and he latched on just fine, but then she yelled out, “Son of a bitch! It hurts!” From that day forward, it was the bottle for our sweet Kellen. I walk over and lean down to give her a kiss. "I got somethin' for you."
"What is it?" she asks, looking at me. Jacey stands up, putting Kellen in his bouncy seat. I pull the cut from behind my back and show it to her. She goes to grab it, but I pull it back. "Bear, give it to me!”
"Not yet. Before I give it to you, I want you to know that there’s no turnin' back once you put it on."
"I know that Bear, shit, there was no turning back when I said yes. I love you. I'm not going anywhere." I give her a smile. Leaning in, kissing her one more time, I hand it over. She puts it on and looks sexy as fuck. "How's it look?"
"Looks fuckin' sexy, Lil Mama. I'd actually like to see you in nothin' but this and some fuck-me-heels." She’s got the biggest smile plastered on her pretty face as I grab her, pulling her to me. "Let's do it then."
"We can't, not yet. I have somethin' to tell you and you're not gonna like it."
"What? What did you fucking do?"
"I called Snake and he's comin' over here."
"YOU DID WHAT?" she screams at me.
"I called Snake, he's comin’ over.” I grab her hands and hold them in mine. "You gotta get it done. You’re officially a part of the club now, Jacey. It’s time."
She's shaking her head. "I'm not ready! I can't believe you did this!” I see her eyes tearing up.
“You would never have done it. You’re strong, you can do this. Get your answers, Lil Mama. I'll be right here with you." I hear a knock at the door. "I'll get it." I walk to the door and open it, stepping outside.
"Snake,” I greet him.
"Bear." He nods.
"Remember what I told you. I can't have her hurt any more than she already has been. If you think that's going to happen, I want you to leave now."
"She's my daughter. I've been waitin' for this day for twenty years, man. I'm not gonna hurt her. It's time we had this talk."
"Alright, but if she gets gets too upset, this meeting is over. Got me?"
"I got you. I know you love her and are looking out for her, but this’ll be the only time you talk to me like this. You got me?"
"Yeah. Lets go in, and keep in mind, she's really fuckin' nervous.” I open the door and we step inside. Entering the living room, I see that she's sitting on the couch, knees bouncing with her hands in her lap, looking nervous as fuck. "Lil Mama," I say, walking up to her. I bend in front of her, getting eye level. "You okay?"
"No I'm not okay, you fucking dick."
I suppress a laugh. "It's gonna be fine. I'll give you some time to talk and if you need me, I'll be..."
She interrupts me. "Kellen fucking Rhodes, you are not going anywhere! You did this, you are staying with me, goddammit." I do laugh then, and she gives me a go-to-hell look.
"C'mon Snake, have a seat." He sits in the chair across from the couch, and I take a seat next to Jacey, holding her hand the whole time. It's quiet for some time, nobody saying anything, and they just stare at each other. I keep looking back and forth between them. "Alright, someone needs to say something, get this shit started." They both look at me, then gazes return to each other again. Jacey speaks first. "I found you awhile back on the internet. I saw pictures of you with other kids, you looked happy."
"My brother's kids. You grew up."
"Well yeah, I haven't seen you in twenty years. Do you have any other kids?"
“No, never wanted anymore."
"Did you even want me?"
"You forgot, didn't you Jacey?"
"Forgot what?"
"What I told you the day your momma took you from me. I told you to never forget that I would always love you and that you were my princess. Of course I wanted you, I always did. You’re my little girl."
"So why did you let her take me? Why didn't you ever try to come get me?"
"Your momma threatened to turn the club in to the police if I came after you. I couldn't do that to them, and if I would’ve come and got you, what kind of life would you have had at the club? I thought you would have a better life with her."
"So you gave me up for the club?"
"No, Jacey. Never. I let you go because I thought you would've had a better life away from the club. I've missed you every day since you were six, when she took you from me."
“Did you really tuck me in at night and tell me stories?" she asks, fidgeting with her hands.
"Every night. Do you remember the story I used to tell you about the king and his princess?"
"Yeah, you would tell me the only boy the princess could marry would be the one able to stand up to the king, so he would know she’d be taken care of and safe." She has tears running down her cheeks and taking her face in my hands, I turn her to look at me. Wiping away the tears I ask if she's okay, and she gives me a nod. "It wasn't all a dream. It was real,” Jacey speaks softly, in disbelief.
Snake replies, “Yeah, baby girl. I love you so much, I always have. I thought about you every day that you were gone."
“Mom would never talk to me about you." Hesitating, she asks the question she’s been contemplating for a long time. "Will you tell me what happened with you guys?"
"Marie came into the club as a whore. I’d been with her a few times until I met someone else and fell in love, hard and fast. One night, we got into a bad fight. I thought she was done with me, so I got fucked up ‘til I didn't know what the fuck I was doin'. Marie came to me and I ended up fuckin’ her that night. Well, the woman I loved came back, and we were together for a little while ‘til your momma came and told me she was pregnant. I wanted to do the right thing, so I went to my Vixen, told her what happened, and she left me. Later on, I found out Marie messed with the condom so it wouldn't work. She was tryin’ to get me to settle down with her."
"Did you do the things she says you did? Did you abuse her and cheat?"
