by Julia Goda
What a day. So much had happened over the past twenty-four hours it was hard to wrap my head around it all: Jason and I had forgiven each other and were back together, we had lots of make-up sex, he was moving in with me, we got engaged, had more sex, decided to start a family, and then I got beat up at my own birthday party.
“Can I ask you something?” Jason interrupted my thoughts.
“Sure,” I answered.
“Shits me that I have to do this now when you’re already battered and bruised, but I wanna deal with this so we can move on from it.” I tensed a little at his ominous words. Then I waited for him to move on. “He make a move on you?”
I relaxed. Thinking he was talking about Brad, I told him, “Yeah, he did. A while ago. I blew him off. I wasn’t nice about it. That’s probably why he’s been even more of a jerk than he usually is. But I never thought he would actually physically hurt me.”
Jason’s fingers kept caressing my back. “I could have guessed that part. But that’s not what I meant. I meant did Nick make a move on you tonight?”
I tensed again, giving Jason his answer without having to say the actual words. “I knew it,” he whispered harshly. His fingers had stopped and his hand was now lying flat against my back. I said nothing and waited, hoping he would let this go for now. I was too tired to deal with anything else today.
I should have known he wouldn’t.
“Tell me what happened.” I closed my eyes and sighed before I relented and told him how Nick had stopped me after our song and had kissed me.
“That fucker,” Jason swore through clenched teeth.
“I made it clear that I’m not interested in him that way and that I love you.” His hand at my back pushed in slightly.
“I know, baby. I’m not worried about that. And I can’t blame him for falling for you.”
“Then what are you worried about?” I moved my head on his chest so I could see his face. He tilted his chin down so he could do the same.
“You think of him as a friend. A good friend.”
I nodded. “Yeah, I do.”
“So how would you feel if he couldn’t get over this, if he couldn’t be your friend anymore like he used to?”
The pain of disappointment and loss ran through me and I grimaced.
“Yeah. Exactly,” Jason whispered. “I don’t particularly like him and as I said, I can’t blame him for falling in love with you. But I can and will blame him if he makes this hard for you and hurts you. You’ve experienced enough loss. I don’t want you to hurt.” He pressed a soft kiss against my forehead as he said those lost words. I took a deep breath and planted my face in his chest.
He was such a good man.
A lot of men would be only too happy to get rid of someone who could potentially be their competition, but not Jason. He was worried that I would get hurt over this. And he was right. I would. If Nick couldn’t accept Jason in my life, if our friendship wasn’t enough for him, it would hurt losing him.
“He’s a good guy. He’ll get over it,” I said with hope in my voice.
“I hope so, baby. ‘Cause if he doesn’t, he’ll have to answer to me. And not just for putting his mouth on a woman who isn’t his to kiss.”
“He didn’t get very far.”
“Spare me the details, baby. I don’t want to know. I can’t guarantee to not hunt him down and hurt him if you give me a visual.”
I kept my mouth shut.
“How’s your head?” Jason asked after a few minutes of silence.
“Throbbing a little, but not too bad.”
“Your throat?”
“Getting better.”
“Good.” He kissed my forehead once more. “Go to sleep.”
Not long after, I did exactly that as Jason held me in his arms and his fingers had resumed drawing random patterns on my skin.
Chapter 14
LORELEY
I woke up the next morning spooned by Jason. We were touching from shoulder to feet as he held me close. I could feel his breath as it brushed the skin on my neck where his face was buried. I knew he was awake, too, since his thumb was gently brushing back and forth over the knuckles of my hand he was holding.
“Good morning,” I whispered sleepily.
“Morning,” he returned as he placed a soft kiss right behind my ear. I shivered.
Waking up like this, cuddled and loved by Jason, was one of the best things in the world. I had missed it so much. I snuggled further into his heat and sighed contentedly. His arms tightened around me as his lips travelled from over my ear down the side of my neck.
“How are you feeling?” He whispered.
“Great,” I breathed. I stretched my neck to give him better access and could feel his smile against my skin.
“Not sore?” His fingers had let go of mine and were travelling up my arm, over my shoulder, down my side until he found the edge of my shirt where they slightly caressed my bare stomach. Those soft touches were driving me insane. I pushed my butt into his growing erection and moaned, asking for more. Jason laid his hand flat on my stomach and pressed in at the same time he ground his hips against me. My insides weren’t the only things that fluttered at that contact and the promise it communicated. I slowly circled my hips against him and moaned again.
“Baby?” Jason asked through his chuckle.
“What?” I breathed. It was completely lost on me that he had asked me a question.
“Your head. Is it sore?”
It took me a second to focus on his question, already too lost in his touch and my desire for him to think clearly. Jason’s hand on my stomach turned me so that I was on my back and he was on his side, half next to me, half on top of me. He grinned down at me as I stared up at him. His eyes ran over my face and stopped on my right cheek.
“It’s bruised but it’s not as bad as I thought it would be,” he murmured as if speaking to himself. I took a quick inventory of my body. Both my cheek and my lip stung a little, and there was a dull distant pain at the back of my head, but it was much less than last night. My throat still felt a little scratchy, but that too, was better than I would have expected just a few hours ago. If I took it easy today and didn’t talk too much or sing, I should be okay.
“I’m feeling okay. Much better than last night.”
“Your head?” Jason asked again when his eyes came to mine.
“I can feel it a little if I think about it, but the throbbing is gone.”
“Good.” He leaned in and placed soft little kisses on the corner of my lip and my cheek, then switched direction and kissed along my neck. I hoped the bruising there wasn’t too bad.
“This looks worse than your cheek. Does it hurt when I touch it?”
I shook my head. He placed more kisses there until he reached the other side, then moved up again and across my other cheek until he found my mouth. His hand was back at my stomach and was now moving with intend.
“I want to make love to my fiancée,” he whispered seductively.
I wanted that, too.
I gasped and my hips twitched at the touch of light fingers over my panties. He found my clit through the fabric and pressed in gently, giving me more but not nearly enough. I pushed out against his hand, seeking more friction. He gave me what I wanted and pressed in harder and started to circle my nub. I closed my eyes and moaned again.
A second later, his hand was in my panties and his fingers were sliding through my folds.
“You’re soaking wet,” he growled. Then he lifted up, whipped his shirt over his head, and pulled his boxer briefs off so he was completely naked. He quickly divested me of my panties and my shirt and climbed between my legs. With his hands on my knees, he opened me wide and stared down at me.
“You’re absolutely beautiful like this, spread open wide for me. I can see how wet you are.” His hand grabbed his cock and he started pumping slowly, his eyes roaming my body. I couldn’t help but lick my lips as I watched him pleasuring himself. I had always liked
watching him when he did that. It was hot.
“God, the way you’re looking at me right now…greedy, wanting me. Nothing is hotter than that.”
I licked my lips again as my eyes found his. He radiated heat and hunger and the promise of desire and passion and love, and I wanted all of it. I reached out with one hand and ran my nails over his chest, making him groan. His pupils dilated and his eyes turned into a dark brown. He let go of his cock and spread my legs even wider, holding them up at the back of my knees as he aligned himself with my entrance. Then with one long and smooth stroke he was inside of me, filling me. We both cried out at the pleasure of it. Jason instantly began to move with long and slow thrusts, making me feel all of him as he pulled out slowly then slammed back into me. He threw his head back and groaned. Nothing was hotter than seeing your man groaning because of you, because of how you felt around him, because of what you did. I wanted to move, to push against him, to make him go faster, but with the way he held me, I could do nothing but take what he had to give me.
And it was glorious.
“Jason,” I breathed as he pushed me higher and higher.
“I feel it, baby. I feel your pussy clenching down on me. God, you feel so good.”
My breaths were coming in pants. I was close. So close.
“Jason,” I breathed again, desperate now, needing to come.
He started to move in earnest now, thrusting into me hard and fast over and over.
“Come on, baby. Let go. I want to feel you explode all around me!” One, two more thrusts and I cried out his name as I came. Vaguely, I heard him grunt then felt him still as Jason emptied himself inside of me with a loud groan.
When I came back down, Jason was sprawled on top of me, still breathing hard. I wrapped all four limbs around him and held him tight, burying my face in his neck the same way his was buried in mine. A few minutes later, our breaths had evened out and Jason started nibbling my neck.
“I missed waking up next to you,” he echoed my thought from earlier as he murmured against my sensitive skin, making me shiver once more. Unpleasant thoughts of him waking up next to other women entered my mind, but I pushed them away. It was in the past and thinking about it would do neither of us any good. Jason must have felt my body react to the thoughts though, because his head came out of my neck and he looked down at me.
“Never. I never woke up next to anyone else, Loreley. I never spent the night with anyone else. I couldn’t bear the thought of being that intimate with anyone but you.” My body relaxed under him. He kissed me, reassuring me. It was silly really, being jealous of the time he spent with other women when we were apart, but I couldn’t help it.
Once again, Jason proved that he could read me better than anyone. “It’s only ever been you, Loreley. I was broken without you. I was hollow, a shell. I knew that no woman could ever fill the hole that was left behind when I lost you, so I didn’t even try. Nobody compared. Nobody will ever compare to what I feel for you. You’re my best friend, my soul mate, my everything. I’m nothing without you.” His sincere eyes bore into mine. Then he lowered his lips for a soft and loving touch and whispered there, “Only you.”
“Only me,” I repeated.
“Always. Forever.” Another soft touch.
“Always,” I whispered. “Forever.”
And just like that, the jealousy was gone. Jason’s heart and soul were mine. They always had been and they always would be.
Just like mine were his.
My head was feeling better, yet not quite good enough to go for a run. Since we’d had a long wait at the hospital and got home late last night, Jason and I had slept in and it was now almost ten o’clock.
Dressed in cut-off jeans shorts and my Rolling Stones t-shirt, I padded from the kitchen to the living room on my bare feet and found Jason staring at the photographs that were arranged on my mantle. I watched as he retrieved one that showed Jesse on his first Halloween. He’d only been nine months old and had looked super cute in his little cowboy outfit. Jason smiled as he touched the glass protecting the picture then put it back to inspect another one. My mantle was covered, showing pictures of Jesse and me throughout the years, sometimes the both of us, sometimes just him, sometimes with other family members or friends.
“I brought you more coffee.” Jason turned at my words and reached out for the mug I was holding out to him. He took it and used his other arm to pull me into his side. Leaning into him, I took in the photographs of our son. I couldn’t imagine what it must feel like for Jason to know he would only ever see Jesse in pictures.
“I have tons of pictures and videos if you want to see them.”
“I want that. Very much so. I want to see everything you have and hear every story you can remember.” His voice sounded wistful.
I leaned up to kiss the side of his neck then headed to the bench under the window where I stored all my photo albums and opened it. Jason followed me and sat down cross-legged on the floor when I handed him the first album with Jesse’s baby pictures. I sat down beside him, our shoulders touching.
The first pictures were of me pregnant, starting probably somewhere around my fifth month in. Jason gasped when he watched my tummy grow bigger and bigger in the pictures. There were pictures of me up to a few days before delivery.
“So damn beautiful,” he whispered reverently and my heart skipped a beat.
He stopped when he came to the first picture that had ever been taken of our son. We were at the hospital, about an hour or so after Jesse was born, and I was smiling huge as I was holding him in my arms. I remembered that moment like it had been just yesterday. I remembered the absolute and pure bliss of seeing my baby boy for the first time, of holding him, touching him, and smelling him. He had been so beautiful I couldn’t take my eyes off him and had stared at him for hours. Jason looked at the picture for a long time.
“Perfect. He was perfect.” His voice sounded strangled. He touched the picture with his finger, slowly running it over his son’s face over and over again as if he was stroking his cheek in wonderment. “You look so happy.”
“I was. It was the most beautiful moment of my life.” It was hard telling him this, knowing he wasn’t there with me to experience the beauty of that moment, knowing he would never get that back. I wanted to give him something to make him feel part of what I experienced, something that he could hold on to, that was only his and mine and Jesse’s. So I told him everything from the beginning, how and when I found out I was pregnant, where I had been, how I had felt; what food I had craved during pregnancy; my mood swings and crying jags; all my wishes and dreams, my worries and my anxiety; my excitement. I told him everything from what colors I had chosen for Jesse’s nursery to the first outfits I had bought; from my heart melting at seeing Jesse’s first smile to my heart stopping at having to take him to emergency because he had a high fever that wouldn’t go down. I shared all my emotions with him as Jason turned page after page, all my joy and all my worries, my elation and exhaustion, all my memories. Because they were his just as much as they were mine and if life had been fair, Jason would have been here to experience every single one of those moments with us.
We sat for hours, me mostly talking, him mostly listening, as we went through every last one of my photo albums and Jason got to know his son. There was a lot of laughter and there were a few tears. When the last page was turned and he had looked at the last photo I had ever taken of Jesse for a good long while, he closed the book and looked at me with love and gratitude and pride and joy shining in his eyes. There was still some sadness left, and I supposed there always would be when either one of us thought about our son, but the joy and happiness outweighed the heartache.
“Do you know how truly amazing you are? You have given me something I thought I would never be able to feel. You made me feel like I knew him, as if I was here with you to watch him grow and watch him experience life. Thank you for giving me my son.” His voice was low and full of emotion.
&n
bsp; Words left me as tears stung my eyes at the beauty of what he just said. I opened my mouth to say something, anything, but nothing came out. Jason smiled the most beautiful smile I had ever seen him smile right before he leaned down and kissed me softly, reverently, lovingly.
“I have videos, too,” I whispered when he ended the kiss and held me there with his eyes. Jason stilled for a second then threw his head back and burst out laughing. He let himself fall onto the carpet and pulled me with him so that I was lying on top of him. It felt so glorious that warmth filled me and all I could do was watch. This was what I had lived for all those years ago, to see true happiness on Jason’s face and knowing that I was responsible for it.
And now I had it back.
Jason’s laughter died down to a chuckle and he kissed me again while his body was still shaking. That felt great, too.
“You could hear his voice, hear him laugh,” I whispered.
The mirth left his eyes as he comprehended the meaning of my words. “I would love that.” His voice was rough with emotion and yearning.
“He had your laugh,” I smiled down at him. “Hearing it, knowing he was happy and knowing I was partly responsible for his happiness made everything else in my life less important. Just like with you.”
“You really mean that, don’t you?” Jason asked, amazed.
“I do.”
“God, I love you.” He did. I could see it in his eyes, could see it all over his face. He truly loved me with every single fibre of his being.
“I love you, too,” I replied, overwhelmed by the love I was feeling for him.
He kissed me once more, a soft lip touch that conveyed everything I could see in his eyes.
