“She promised me a walk. I feel like her poodle or something,” Greyson teased, speaking to Dr. Solomon and earning a laugh. He turned his gaze to me, his eyes compelling.
“Um, sure. I was almost done anyway,” I agreed, not sure of what else to do.
“Thank you, Dr. Solomon.” I stood and smiled at him.
“Of course, the pleasure is always mine, Nurse Holton. Remember tonight.” He smirked and took a bite of salad, his eyes just barely making eye contact with Greyson as he waved.
We walked away, and Greyson leaned in as I dumped my tray. “Remember tonight?”
Yeah, what was that about? “Um, last night I slept with my book as a pillow and so, as you know, my neck was messed up.” I glanced to Greyson with an open expression. “Dr. Solomon was reminding me to use a pillow, rather than a book.”
“Oh… strange way to say it,” Greyson mumbled, casting a glance back to Dr. Solomon.
Yeah, it was…
We walked down the hall that led away from his room and toward the courtyard. A few nurses smiled as they passed, all dressed in their khaki skirts or pants with polo shirts discreetly carrying the Willow and Oak label. . The hall was open and bright from the large picture windows allowing in the bright sunshine of the early afternoon.
“Damn, it feels good to be out of that room.” Greyson’s tone was more relaxed than I had heard it. He strode beside me, measuring his steps to keep pace with my own.
At the glass door that opened to the courtyard, he took two quick steps ahead and swung it open for me.
“Thanks,” I mumbled as I tucked a stray piece of hair behind my ear.
“Of course.”
Outside the sun shone brightly. As I paused to wait for Greyson to catch up, I watched his face. As soon as he stepped from the shadow of the building he halted his steps and closed his eyes, tipping his face to the sun.
“Damn. I missed this.”
“The sunshine?” I questioned, a small smile tipping my lips.
“All of it. You forget.” He breathed deeply and opened his eyes, striding toward me and then waiting for me to catch up with him. “The drugs… you become so consumed by them, by getting your next hit, that you forget about enjoying the smaller things. You know?” He glanced at me and I nodded.
“How so? Tell me about it.” We walked off the patio and onto the lush grass.
“If you’re not high on it, then you’re consumed with worry over when you’ll be able to get your next bump and fear that you won’t get it in time. Everything else is just blocked out completely. When you’re on your hit, then, at least in my case, I worked. I kept myself absorbed in my company and what needed to be done for it to be successful, for me to prove myself.”
“Either way you lived in fear.” I watched him.
His clear gaze clouded over. Finally, he gave a slow nod. “Yeah, actually. You live in fear. And it swallows you whole.”
“But now?” I questioned.
“Now… now I try to live. Survive without the drug. The problem is…” He paused next to a tall oak tree, leaning against the fat trunk.
“Yeah?” I stopped in front of him.
“You forget how,” he whispered, staring at the grass then focusing on me, a tormented expression twisting his features.
“That’s why you’re here. Because that’s the detox for your soul. Your body, it has to rid itself of the poison of the drug, but so does your heart. Greyson, it needs to detox just as desperately.” Everything in me wanted to reach out, to offer a comforting pat on his shoulder, give him hug, but I didn’t. Greyson’s distance from addiction was so narrow that he’d easily and unknowingly attach to whatever created a safe or pleasurable feeling — anything or anyone.
I didn’t want him using me to replace the drugs. Already I was worried that I had given him too many quick answers to his questions. Also, I didn’t want my attraction to be evident, and touching would ignite my own feelings. Ones I didn’t want him knowing or responding to.
“Yeah, you’re right. Don’t get used to hearing that for me though.” He pushed off the tree trunk and started walking again.
I giggled. “I seem to remember hearing those words before… I’m betting I’ll be hearing them again,” I teased with a raised eyebrow.
“Damn, you’re hard on my ego,” he joked, reaching over and pushing me gently.
“No, I’m just keeping you in check,” I shot back. His teasing shove was provoking. All I wanted to do was push back, but I hesitated. Everything I had been doing could be considered flirting and I wanted, needed, to draw the line somewhere. Even if my emotions were less than controlled around Greyson, I still had to draw a line in the sand. It was as if my heart had overruled my head completely. And though I knew the ugly, miserable side of addiction, my heart wasn’t willing to believe that about Greyson. But deep down I knew I was playing with fire.
“What is it with you?” Greyson paused and regarded me closely, his gaze piercing through me till I felt naked, exposed.
“What do you mean?” I asked, and continued to walk, leaving him behind.
“Wait.” He reached out and grasped my hand.
I gasped at the contact. My flesh broke out in shivers of awareness that made my stomach flutter. What was it about him that gave me such a strong reaction to everything he did? His touch was searing, as if he continued to burn me but with each burn I received, I became more and more addicted.
“Yes?” I tugged at my hand but he only held it firmer.
“You can’t possibly have it all together. I’m willingly bleeding my pathetic heart out here. I have been. But… all I get from you are perfectly executed answers. Where’s your weakness? What’s your kryptonite, Superwoman?” he teased.
I stared at him, not knowing what to say. Rather, knowing exactly what the answer was but unable to speak it, unable to give it away. You. He made me feel things I hadn’t known existed. The temptation he presented was overwhelming. A rush of adrenaline at my internal admission hit my veins and tasted metallic in my mouth.
“We all have issues, Greyson. Some are addictions to drugs, some are addictions to fame, money, or worshiping a person and expecting them to fulfill you. I’m not perfect, far from it. I—I don’t pretend to have all the answers. You’ve just asked a few questions that I did happen to know the answers to.” I shrugged, then tugged my hand again. This time he released me. I took a few steps forward then glanced back, expecting him to follow. He wasn’t. He was standing there, scrutinizing me.
“Okay, Supergirl. I’ll leave it alone. But I’ll figure it out. Everyone’s got kryptonite, some are just more obvious than others,” he said quietly and took a few steps to catch up with me.
“So what’s up with you and Dr. Solomon?” he asked after a few moments.
“Huh?” I turned to him, full of confusion and completely caught off guard.
“You and the golden doctor. I mean, you have lunch together, am I right?” he pressed.
“Sometimes…” I answered. Was he referring to today and Dr. Solomon’s help with my neck? Curiosity burned in my mind as I wondered if he was just curious or if maybe, he was jealous.
“Hmm…” He shrugged his shoulders and walked away. Then he turned and walked backward. “And you let him work on your neck.” He raised a questioning eyebrow.
“He’s a doctor!” I argued.
“Uh huh.” Greyson turned back around.
“So if I were a doctor, then it would have been fine for me to touch you?”
“No! I mean, yes. It’s different.” I finished, closing my eyes. How am I going to get out of this one?
“Different?” He stopped and turned to face me, waiting.
“Yes, different. You’re… you’re a patient, Greyson. I have to remain professional. I’m sure you understand that. You’re a businessman. You should get it. Dr. Solomon… He’s a colleague, but he’s also my boss. It if makes you feel better I was pretty uncomfortable with the whole situation anyway,” I
mumbled and shrugged my shoulders.
“You’re right… It’s just harder for me because I see you as more of a friend than my nurse slash intern.” He shrugged one of his broad shoulders and gave me a lopsided grin.
“I consider you a friend too, but one who’s also a patient. The patient part? It kinda outranks the friend one, because right now it’s more important.” He needed to understand that, but the words also were a reminder to myself.
“I get it.” He rubbed the back of his neck.
“Are you getting tired?” I asked, noticing the fatigue in his eyes which caused their clarity to become slightly bloodshot.
“Shit, I’m weak.” He ran his fingers down his face in a helpless gesture.
“No, you’re recovering.”
He shot me a glare.
“It’s true.”
“That doesn’t mean I… It just gets frustrating, okay? You, you always point out the obvious, like I’m incapable. I’m not. I know it. I get it. It’s humbling enough being here. Having a beautiful woman constantly reminding me of what I should know or already know gets a little…” He paused his rant, swearing and turning to a tree and leaning his head against it.
“Annoying?” I finished.
“Yes,” he whispered. “I’m not used to… I’m not used to not having control, to not knowing pretty much every damn thing. You make it look easy, to have it together and I wonder… why can’t I?” He turned around and closed his eyes, leaning his head against another tree trunk.
“Greyson…” I started and walked toward him.
“No, don’t give me the shit about not having all the answers. We’ve been there, done that. I just… Never mind. I think I’m too tired to be rational,” he mumbled then gave me a brave smile.
I returned it, but my heart ached for him, for the words I couldn’t say, for what they would mean if I did. We walked back to his room in silence, the whisper of our footsteps echoing behind us in the hall.
When we reached his door I followed him in, but didn’t go farther than a few steps.
“Rest, Greyson. I’ll be back later before my shift’s up to check on you.”
“Yeah, okay.” He waved me off and shot the door a pointed stare.
I got the silent message loud and clear. I’d barely stepped back into the hall when he closed the door behind me. As I walked away I went over our conversation in my head.
What could I have said? Greyson, my weakness, my kryptonite? It’s you… because every time I’m around you, my resolve to remain unattached becomes weaker and weaker. And I’m afraid. Because the moment it crumbles is also the moment I’ll lose my heart, and I’m not what you need…
Everything he wanted to know, everything he wanted me to explain was everything I could never, ever tell him.
Chapter Six
Before my shift ended I went to check in on Greyson. I knocked once then waited. Just as I was about to turn and walk away, he opened the door. His eyes blinked rapidly as if unaccustomed to the bright light.
“Hey,” he mumbled, wiping his face with his hand.
“Hey… sleep well?” I asked, noticing the way his dark brown hair stood at odd angles. Even with serious bed head he was still devastating.
“Yeah.” He stretched and opened his mouth in a wide yawn.
“Good.”
“I’ll be right back.” He stumbled through the kitchen and to his bedroom door.
I glanced around the room as I waited. The room was beautiful; tastefully furnished with neutral colors and modern accents. But I wondered if it fell embarrassingly short of Greyson’s usual surroundings. He returned after a few minutes. His hair was slightly damp — less bed worn and more tousled. He had also changed into fresh clothes.
“I hate sleeping in the day. I feel so lazy.” He sprawled out on the couch and let his head rest on the back. He turned slightly and regarded me. “How long was I out?” He glanced curiously at the clock.
“A few hours. I’m almost finished with my shift, but I wanted to check in on you before I left. I’m off for the next two days so you’ll have another nurse for a while. Try not to be too hard on her, okay?” I raised an eyebrow.
“I’ve got to deal with some half-assed nurse for two days?” Greyson grumbled, almost pouting.
“No you get to bless another nurse with your sweet personality,” I quipped, stepping forward to take his pulse for my final record of the day.
“Now you’re just being mean.”
“Me? Never.” I bent down in front of him.
“Whatever. Take my damn pulse.”
I placed my first two fingers on his forearm, immediately feeling the measured beats of his heart. Each day they grew stronger, less erratic and more even.
“It sounds good.” I glanced up and realized he had a dab of what looked like toothpaste on the side of his lip.
“You… um. You have toothpaste, I think. Right here.” I touched my lip and then felt my face flush.
“That’s what happens when you brush your teeth while hardly awake,” he mumbled and rubbed the outline of his lips with his fingers. As his hands rubbed his stubble it made a rasping sound, totally intriguing to me. I glanced at the floor. Being so close to him was wearing down my resistance. He smelled like spicy oranges, and I wanted to lean closer, get a full breath of it. Which is why I stood. I needed to escape before I made a mistake.
“Better.” I flashed another grin and walked away.
“Wait.” Greyson stood and walked toward me. “Um… I just. I’ll miss you.” He shrugged in a boyish fashion, totally authentic and honest in his statement.
I felt my eyes widen slightly. “Thanks…I won’t be gone long.” I turned to leave again. My heart began to hammer slightly.
“Why… why are you in such a hurry? I mean, you didn’t even take my blood pressure.” He spoke the words as if just realizing what I was doing. Running.
“Oh! You’re right. Here sit down and I’ll—”
Greyson took a step forward.
I took a step back.
He studied me, suspicion narrowing his mesmerizing eyes. He continued to move forward.
I continued to move back until I felt the door behind me. Closing my eyes for a moment as I realized I was trapped. After a shaky breath, I glanced to Greyson. His expression was one of awakening, as if he saw something for the first time, something that astonished and delighted him. I swallowed, fear choking out the thrill of his body heat as he stepped close enough for our shoes to touch.
An escape! I needed to escape.
I searched to the left and right, hoping to duck away from him before he saw too much, before my eyes gave away what was trying to control my heart.
“No way.” he whispered.
At his startled statement I glanced up, my heart hammering.
“You had me completely fooled, Sophia Holton.” He shook his head and reached up trailing a finger down my face then tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.
I swallowed hard. He was so close. I could see the silver flecks of color in the iris of his gray eyes and the scent of spicy orange mixed with another scent, a flavor that was only Greyson. I closed my eyes, hoping, praying I’d break the spell.
“Open your eyes, Sophia,” Greyson murmured as his hand reached up and tenderly touched my cheek and proceeded to trail my jawline.
Like a fool, I opened my eyes, captivated once more and weakening. I tried desperately to remember why I couldn’t fall for him, why I couldn’t respond to his touch like I was starved for it, why I could never have him. But my mind was blank. All I could see was him. All I could feel was his touch and my very heart betrayed me by whispering his name over and over.
“My brave nurse, the one who has the answer to everything…” He shook his head and a slow grin spread across his face.
I flexed my hands, trying to distract myself when all I wanted to do was feel the texture of his stubble, the fullness of his lips. Without thinking, I bit my lip.
“
And here I thought you were bulletproof,” he whispered as he leaned forward, his lips a breath away from mine.
“I never said I was bulletproof,” I whispered back, my voice thick from the last shreds of my self-control slowly snapping.
“But I never thought you’d be afraid of the craziest thing.” His eyes were full of wonder and thrill… and awareness.
He was beautiful, perfect, and everything I wanted.
“Oh?” I asked softly, closing my eyes once more.
“Yeah. Because right now, you’re afraid… of me.” His breath tickled my lips, prickling them with heat and desire.
“No, I’m not,” I lied, opening my eyes, forcing a confidence I didn’t feel.
“Yes. Yes, you are. And fear is the last thing you should feel right now.”
“Are you sure?” I murmured. The sound of my blood pounding through my ears almost drowned out his slight chuckle.
“Yeah, right now all you should feel… is me.” He whispered the words against my ear, sending shivers down my back as his breath tickled my sensitive flesh. Tenderly, he trailed soft kisses down the side of my neck to my jawline. With a feather like touch, his tongue darted out to taste my skin. The warmth from his mouth caressing my jaw caused me to gasp.
“Feel my heart,” he whispered and reached down, pulling up my hand, letting it trace over his rippled stomach and up to his heart. I could feel its pounding rhythm and I took comfort in knowing his was hammering even harder than mine.
“Taste my kiss.” He tested my lips with a careful kiss, one made to entice but not overwhelm.
I was lost.
Against my will, I responded, leaning in to his kiss, surrendering. Immediately he deepened the exchange. Of their own accord, my hands reached up and gripped his shoulders. His body heat seared my palms, branding them, claiming them. His lips teased mine, coaxing them into a dance of give and take until he flicked his tongue against my teeth, giving me a hint of his flavor.
I opened, allowing him to taste me, to tease me further. His arms banded around me, pulling me in tighter. My body hummed, vibrating with acute awareness of his breathing, his heartbeat, every movement he made. Yet each taste, each flavor and touch wasn’t enough. I wanted more, needed more. My desire overwhelmed me and my heart began to stutter, not from desire but fear.
Beyond Broken Page 7
