“There’s not a day that goes by when I don’t think about my father,” he told her, sighing. “Therefore, no. I don’t regret anything that I did. The only thing that I regret is that I didn’t kill that son of a bitch when I had the chance.”
Annie, for some reason, almost sighed in relief at this. She shouldn’t feel this way about a rogue. She shouldn’t be thankful that he didn’t regret what he’s done, that he didn’t regret the things that he did to become a shifter outcast that could be killed at any moment by literally any shifter in the world. The thought that a shifter could kill Lukas, and get away with it with no questions asked, made her stomach turn.
Lukas didn’t deserve what had happened in his pack. He didn’t deserve to become a rogue. And he, for sure, didn’t deserve the eventual death he would have, probably by a shifter who ran into him by chance and realized that he was a rogue.
Taking a deep breath, Annie decided that she was going to do something reckless. But that part of her that normally screamed at the idea of doing something dangerous was very quiet now in her head.
“Can I tell you a secret?” She asked him, her heartbeat quickening with every breath she took.
There was no going back now.
Chapter 19
Lukas stared at Annie, surprise flickering across his face as she stared at him, her eyes seeming to see into his soul.
“You can tell me anything,” he honestly told her, not blinking as he held her steady gaze.
Lukas couldn’t believe she was still sitting across from him. He had never told anyone–anyone–about how he became a rogue. Every shifter he ever came across tried to kill him before they asked him about his life choices, of course. He, for sure, thought that she was going to leave while he was telling the story. He thought that she was going to get up and leave him alone with his thoughts and memories of how his life turned upside down in less than a week.
Instead, she stayed during it all, throwing him off. He almost didn’t know what to do. He was surprised when she even asked him, seriously, to tell her about how he became a rogue. But actually staying around and still talking to him? Still wanting to be in his presence? This whole experience was something that he had never been through before, and he, quite simply, didn’t know what to do.
“You can’t tell anyone this,” she pleaded with him, her eyes widening with fear. He straightened up and leaned forward on the table on his forearms, his presence completely changing as he saw that what she was about to tell him was important. He hated that she looked so worried.
“I won’t tell anyone. You have my word,” he told her, wanting desperately to walk over to her and take her in his arms, caressing away the worry and fear she was currently feeling. He couldn’t imagine the sudden change in her emotions–or what had brought it on.
“I…sometimes, I feel like I don’t belong in the pack. And I like that. I…I envy rogues sometimes, which is horrible and wrong, I know. But that feeling of not having anyone that controls you? That feeling of being free and doing whatever you want, regardless of anyone being hurt or hearing about it? I’ve never had that. I don’t know if it’s because I’m a halfie, and part of me is human, but I crave individuality. And I don’t get that in the pack.”
Lukas stared at her, in disbelief over her confession. He couldn’t believe that she just told him that. He didn’t know where he gained her trust, but he thanked whatever moment or situation that was. To tell someone, especially someone like Lukas who wasn’t trusted by the shifter society that they lived in, that she didn’t feel a pack connection like the others could be treason in some cases.
The pack bond was something that was so sacred and important to shifters–and the whole shifter society. To confess that you didn’t feel that longing to be with your pack could be considered a form of suicide in the shifter world.
“I…,” Lukas honestly didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know how he could comfort her or make her feel more assured about the situation. It wasn’t normal, and he had never truly come into contact with a shifter that would ever publicly say they didn’t feel their pack’s bond.
“I think it’s because my mother was a human,” Annie interrupted, almost like she knew Lukas didn’t know what to say. “She–well, that’s another story. But I think that because I’m a halfie, that strong bond that everyone else feels? I don’t feel it. Maybe it’s also because the pack has notoriously been either disinterested or disrespectful to me since I was born because I was half shifter, half human. I don’t know, I just know that I have a desperate need to flee and just go somewhere else on a daily basis.
“And I hate that. I’m already different from my pack on almost every level without all these psychological problems that I have. Why can’t I just be normal like every other shifter?”
“Your uniqueness isn’t a fault, Anastasia,” Lukas managed to say, understanding why she wanted to be like the pack, yet also hating that she felt that way. That was one thing he had always hated about the shifter world–the idea that individuality shouldn’t exist. “You shouldn’t be feeling like this. It’s okay to feel emotions like this–even if it isn’t the most natural thing in the shifter world. You should embrace the ideas instead of shoving them away from fear.”
“That’s easier said than done,” Annie told him, laughing bitterly and shaking her head. “If I ever told anyone in the pack, even Kato, I would be ostracized. At least Kato wouldn’t tell the rest of the pack–but he would still think differently of me. This just isn’t a thing that full-blooded shifters feel, and I know that.”
“Would you ever leave?” Lukas asked her. “Would you ever decide to leave the pack and go start your own life away from them? If that didn’t make you a rogue, of course.”
“No, I don’t think I would. I could never leave my father back here. Or Kato and Thea? They’re my family, and I wouldn’t be happy without them. They’re the reason I’m sane and still here. Even though I’m unhappy at times with the pack, even though I feel like I don’t belong, I don’t think I’ll ever leave.
“And I think that the way the pack is has more to do with this shifter society than it does anything else. Maybe if they were more open-minded about things, I wouldn’t feel like this. That’s just my opinion, though–and my father’s. I know my dad wants to change things slowly, and I hope he does. I really hope he does.”
“What did you mean when you said your mother was a different story?” Lukas asked, simply because he didn’t know what else to say. He knew he wanted to keep the conversation going. It kept him from realizing that he had to leave. He knew he was being selfish in staying and talking to Annie, but he couldn’t bring himself to leave her now–even though loud voices were screaming at him that nothing good would come of this. He was putting her in danger just by sticking around.
But, a huge part of him knew that he wouldn’t last out there without Annie. He knew that he was too far gone. He realized it when he told her how he became a rogue–and she stuck around and confessed her own dark secrets to him.
“If I tell you that story, we’ll be here all day,” Annie sighed. A second after speaking, Annie realized what she said and sat up a little straighter, meeting Lukas’s eyes.
The unspoken situation of Lukas leaving hung in the room like an impending death. Lukas broke free from Annie’s intense gaze, knowing that it wouldn’t lead to anything good. He had to leave. He had to.
“I guess I could tell you,” Annie said quietly. The unsaid meaning behind her telling him this story made him look up and meet her eyes again, this time not breaking free. Does that mean…. That couldn’t mean that Annie wanted him to stay? Could it?
Lukas couldn’t help but slightly smile.
Chapter 20
Annie found herself in a constant state of confusion when it came to Lukas. She expected his story of how he became a rogue to make her hate him because of whatever horrible thing he did. Instead, it was a s
tory that she could resonate and respond to–which made her fall deeper and deeper into that pool of desire and attraction that she felt for him.
Annie decided to tell Lukas about her mother. She was still in a little bit of shock about the whole situation, and she still hadn’t talked to her father to hear more about it. But she felt comfortable telling him the story–almost as if it was helping her come to terms with everything. She was able to get it off her chest and hear his thoughts about the whole thing, which surprisingly helped her.
She knew that she was stalling and keeping him from leaving. She could see it in his eyes that he knew he would eventually take off, and it hurt her more than she wanted to admit. Why was he leaving? He still wouldn’t tell her, and it almost felt weird to ask after everything that they were sharing.
She didn’t want the moment to end. After talking about her mother, and after both of them decided that the Elders were up to no good, they fell into an almost casual and lighthearted conversation, laughing together as they talked about everything and anything. Annie slowly realized as they chatted that she wasn’t the only one that was stalling the inevitable.
“Anastasia,” Lukas finally said when a comfortable pause enveloped them in the suddenly too small room. “I have to go.”
“No. You really don’t.”
Lukas stood up, not looking at Annie as he walked to where he had dropped his bag earlier when they had first entered the hotel room.
“Why are you even leaving?” she asked him, standing up and following him to where he grabbed his backpack and slung it over his shoulder.
“You know why,” Lukas muttered, not being able to confess to her how he really felt.
“Tell me,” Annie quietly said. Lukas turned around to find her standing directly behind him. He straightened up, hating that they were so close because all he wanted to do was lead her to the bed right behind her. Instead, he took in a deep breath and decided to do what they’ve been doing all night–tell the truth.
“I don’t want to get you hurt,” Lukas managed to say, not breaking eye contact with Annie. He decided to elaborate slightly when he saw a mixture of confusion and surprise pop up on her face. “If anyone finds out what happened between you and me, if anyone knows…you’re going to get hurt. And it’ll be all my fault. I’m trying to protect you the only way I know how.”
Annie stared at him in surprise, but Lukas didn’t regret what he said. He was leaving–he needed to get it off his chest. Hopefully now, she would realize how he much he felt for her in such a quick time.
Lukas couldn’t help but tense slightly as Annie took a step forward, leaving only a few breaths of distance between their bodies. Lukas felt his bag slip from his shoulder and lightly fall to the ground, but he was so caught up in Annie’s eyes that he didn’t even flinch. He didn’t even move.
Annie slowly brought her hand up to rest it on his chest, feeling his quickening heartbeat beneath his shirt. A little voice screamed inside Lukas’s head that he should stop this, for Annie’s sake, but he couldn’t move a muscle. It was like he was under her spell.
Annie took one more step towards him, both of their bodies now touching. She was still looking up at him with that gaze in her eyes, but somehow he managed to keep everything under control and not rip his clothes off in desperate need for her.
He kept thinking about their last kiss. That first kiss–everything he thought it would be and more. It was like, for those few seconds when she was in his arms, he could forget about his past. He could forget that he was a rogue and she was someone that was way out of his league in every single way. He could just think, that for one moment, both of them were regular people just enjoying each other. Annie made him think of better times. Of better things.
As Annie slowly tilted her head up to meet his lips, he finally felt like he was able to move. He gently grabbed her arms and pulled her to him, their lips finally meeting in what seemed like the longest wait of his life.
“Anastasia,” he whispered, almost as if to remind himself that this really shouldn’t be happening.
Before he could interject again, Annie wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him towards her and deepening their kiss.
And for those few moments, he forgot that it was wrong.
Chapter 21
Annie pulled Lukas to the bed before she could stop herself. She wanted him, and he seemed to want her. She forgot about all the little reasons why she shouldn’t be doing this right now. All she could focus on, and all she wanted, was Lukas.
She quickly pulled his shirt off over his head, feeling his toned and muscular stomach. Lukas continued to kiss her, his hands lost in her hair, when she unbuttoned her jeans and stepped out of them. They fell on the bed as they walked backwards, both of them half undressed and tangled up in each other.
“Are you sure about this?” Lukas managed to say as he kissed her neck. His hands were now up her shirt, touching her all over. Everywhere his hands touched, her bare skin tingled, and she never wanted him to stop touching her.
“Yes,” she breathily whispered, slowly unbuttoning his jeans and feeling how hard he was. He moaned from her touch, welcoming it.
Slowly, Lukas slid her shirt up and over her head, and she heard it fall on the floor beside them. Finally, they were both just in their underwear, and Annie could see his hard desire for her as clear as day.
Lukas began to finger her delicate, lace panties, making her moan from his light touch. She wanted him to take it off, she wanted him to take her in every way and every position. After almost tearing off her underwear, Lukas made his way to her bra, expertly taking it off in a few seconds.
She was now completely naked in front of Lukas, but she wasn’t nervous or afraid. She wanted him to see every single piece of her body, and the way he was pushing his erection into her thigh as he kissed her let her know how much he was affected by her. She wanted him to be naked just like her–she wanted to see every part of his body.
“You’re so big,” she murmured in his ear as she helped him take off his own underwear, feeling how hard he was again and making him moan. When he began to kiss her neck, then trail down to her breasts, her hands got lost in his hair. His tongue played with her nipple, driving her crazy.
“I want you so bad,” he told her as he brought his lips back up to her own, kissing her deeply. She wrapped her legs around his lower half, inviting him and letting him know that she wanted him too.
He gently thrust into her at first, both of them moaning from the impact, showing each other pleasure. She grabbed at his back, scratching and letting him know that she wanted it harder, faster, and rougher.
He responded, escalating his thrusts with each approving moan that she made. She flipped him over halfway through so that his back was on the mattress and she was on top. He groaned in approval as she rode him, pleasure rippling through her core.
Lukas flipped her back over, gaining control, and making her laugh at his need to be on top, to which he replied with faster motions, making her laughter be replaced with another round of pleasing moans.
She knew that she was close as she clutched at his back, bringing him closer to her. She cried out as she released, moaning his name as he held her in his arms. As she clenched around him and felt her release, he began to finish, both of them shuddering in each other’s arms.
After they both finished, Lukas lay on top of Annie, gently kissing her. She still held him close to her, both of them breathing heavily and exhausted, but beyond pleased. Annie couldn’t believe that they just had sex, but her mind was reeling from the experience. She had never had sex like that–in a good way. It blew her mind, and from the way Lukas was still clutching on to her and not letting go, she assumed he felt the same.
Chapter 22
Annie rested her head on Lukas’ chest, holding him close to her as she listened to his heartbeat. Even though her head was still swirling with everything th
ey had just done, with everything he had just made her feel, she didn’t want to speak for fear that he would remember that he wanted to leave.
Lukas tentatively ran his hand up and down her shoulders and arms where he held her, leaving Annie with goosebumps. What they had just done…it was still making her blush. And for the first time since she realized she felt something for Lukas, she finally came to terms with their situation.
He was a rogue. She was a shifter. An alpha’s daughter. A halfie. And while all of these things should’ve led to Annie staying far away from Lukas, she never wanted to leave his side. She wanted him to stay with her, not leave because he thought he was protecting her.
This night, she and Lukas having sex and confessing all their secrets to each other, was possibly the best night Annie had ever had in her life. She never wanted it to end, especially because she began to get scared that Lukas would start talking about leaving again.
Before Annie could say anything to break the comfortable silence they were laying in, she heard her phone start ringing from across the room. She sighed, but didn’t get up to answer it. She didn’t want to think about the outside world–she just wanted to live in this little piece of heaven she and Lukas had created for themselves.
But when her phone started ringing again, she grudgingly got out of bed, away from Lukas’s warm embrace, to walk over to her phone. When she saw it was Kato calling, she grew a little worried. Kato never called her twice unless it was important.
“What’s up?” she asked as she answered, not being able to conceal the worry in her voice. Her first thoughts went to Kaiser and his band of murderers. Had they already reached her pack?
“Hey, I came by to talk with you, but you’re not home,” Kato told her from the other end of the line. “Your father and I are at your house. There’s been some recent developments in this Kaiser issue.”
Falling for the Rogue (Moonlight Wolves Book 1) Page 8
