“I didn’t always,” she laughed, rolling the window down on the Mustang. Once it was down, she stuck her hand out and let the warm wind of the summer night caress it as she moved it to the beat of the song on the radio. “I had to learn that sometimes I don’t need to know everything, sometimes I have to trust my man. That’s hard. Not because of Jagger, because it’s easy for me to trust him, but giving someone else my love? Love can kill you. Love can destroy you. I trust him enough to give him that love, but that doesn’t mean that it’s easy. I worry about him all the time, and I even worry about myself.”
“Because of what happened to you?”
“You’re not putting this conversation back on me, girlfriend. This conversation is about you. We can talk about me another day.”
A friend who was selfless, that was even more of an anomaly in Jessica’s circle. She blew out a breath. “Things just got weird.”
“What the hell do you mean they got weird?”
“Layne and I haven’t been together since he got back from Iraq,” she started. “Tonight, we kind of were.”
“You kind of were?” Bianca giggled. “So you acted like two horny teenagers on the side of the road somewhere?”
Shame burned high on Jessica’s cheeks. They had. Anyone could have seen the two of them, and then what would she have done? She had escaped here to get away from nude pictures, and here she had gone crazy on the side of the road. Her life was beginning to move in a direction where even she couldn’t make heads or tails of what her thought process was. “I guess you could say that.” She ran her tongue along her lips and cast her eyes downward.
“There’s nothin’ wrong with that, you know.”
“Yes there is.”
Bianca sighed and checked her blind spot before pulling off the road. She put the car in park and turned in the driver’s seat to face Jessica. “Okay, let’s be honest with each other here. What’s really going on? Why are you having such a freak out about getting your freak on?”
If it hadn’t been such a serious thing for Jessica, she would have snickered at the play on words from Bianca’s mouth. “Because, who does that? I ran here because I had nude pictures get exposed, and I was so embarrassed that happened, but I’m perfectly okay with shucking every part of clothing off the top half of my body and letting Layne have his way with me on the side of the road? What the fuck is wrong with me?”
“Nothing,” Bianca told her softly. “Nothing is wrong with you. You want to know what I think?”
Tears pooled in Jessica’s eyes. “Yes, because right now, I’m not even making sense to myself.”
“I think that you’re okay with whatever Layne wants to do to you because he has such a hold over you. You want him to be in control, you want to be whatever he wants you to be. With him, you can lie back and just enjoy it, even if you aren’t sure about where his head is all the time. With other people, you always worry; you care about what they think of you. You’re comfortable with Layne because he was your first love. But at the same time, you worry that he’s going to hurt you emotionally. You’re scared to let yourself feel with him. That’s what I think.”
Jessica inhaled and exhaled loudly. “He was, he is, but I just don’t know what to trust with him anymore. You say Jagger’s hard to love; he hasn’t had the mindfuck of Iraq.”
“I didn’t say Jagger was hard to love. His personality is hard to love, and don’t judge. Jagger’s had a mindfuck of his own.”
They sat in silence for a few moments.
“But what I’m getting at,” Bianca continued, “Is you have to make a decision. Is living this life worth Layne?”
Jessica didn’t quite understand what Bianca was saying. “I’m not sure I follow.”
“I’m afraid you’ve been a little wishy-washy when it comes to Layne—you’ve been able to come in and out of his life at regular intervals since the two of you met one another. With this life, with these guys, with their enemies, you can’t do that. You can’t just be seen with him one day and then not be seen with him the next. That’s not how this works, and I personally don’t want to get attached to you and count on you as a good friend and have you leave. You either are in this lifestyle or you aren’t. That’s one thing I’ve learned in the short time I’ve been here. Please don’t lead him on.”
That struck Jessica. Could she be in this lifestyle? Would she willingly give up a career that she had spent most of her life building? Wasn’t that what she was thinking about when she’d hopped on the plane to Nashville? Now those decisions seemed monumental. “Do I have to make those decisions now?”
“Not right this second, no. But I do feel like you need to know what you’re getting yourself into. Things with these guys aren’t always black and white. People don’t come after just them; sometimes we get caught in the middle. You’re a big name, Jessica Shea. I think, before you go any further with Layne, you need to decide if you want to be Jessica Shea, movie star, or if you can be Jessica Shea, erotic romance writer.”
“As an erotic romance writer my name is Felicity Heart, if you really want to know,” she said softly.
“If you’ve already got a pseudonym picked out, then this is something you obviously want to do,” Bianca pointed out.
This was why she hated getting close to people. When she did, they got inside her head and wondered why she did the things did. “I have commitments,” she tried to explain.
“Look, I’m from bumfuck, Kentucky, just explain this to me. What is really going on here?” Bianca tried again, her tone soft and pleading.
“I’ve always, in every facet of my life, done what everyone asked of me. There are contracts that say I have to do what people tell me, there are endorsement deals that say I have to absolutely hold up to a moral compass that not many people could,” she swallowed roughly against the hardness in her throat.
“But that’s not you?” Bianca guessed.
She turned her face, her green eyes wide and bright. “It’s so not. I am not any of the things that people want me to be. I’m a young woman who enjoys going out and having a good time, I’m the type of woman who would fly hours to see a soldier for a booty call. The type of woman who writes erotic romance for God’s sake. I don’t want to pretend anymore. It’s driving me insane.”
“Then be who you want to be. Life is way too short to spend it pleasing other people.”
“That’s easy for you to say,” Jessica smiled softly.
“It is. A few months ago, I wasn’t sure if I would make it out of a school cafeteria in time to ever see Jagger again. I wasn’t sure if I would even be able to take another breath. It is easy for me to say, because I say go for it. Life isn’t guaranteed. I’m just saying that before you make that decision that you want to be with Layne—you need to take a close look at how these guys live their lives here. That’s all I’m saying.”
“I appreciate it, I do, but I’ve got a lot of thinking to do.” She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and looked out of the window. Even though it was nighttime, the same moon that had allowed her to see Layne in the darkness allowed her to see the roadside landscape. As far as her eye could see, there were rolling hills, houses, and a little bit of farmland. This was so different from LA, but it calmed her somehow. The anxiety she felt in the city she didn’t feel here.
Bianca started the car and checked her blind spot to ease back onto the road. She shifted gears and kicked the car up a few miles per hour faster, causing Jessica to hold on tightly to the door handle. “So you and Layne, huh? Gettin’ freaky on the side of the road. Didn’t think you had it in you, Hollywood.”
A small smile played on Jessica’s face as she cut her eyes over to the other woman. Gradually, a laugh bubbled up from deep within her throat, and she continued until tears ran down her face. This time, however, those tears were good tears. Tears born of laughter and a memory that she would always keep with her. “That wasn’t Jessica. That was Felicity Heart,” she gasped, laughing harder.
“We should totally get Felicity Heart up on stage at Wet Wanda’s. We could put a wig on you and turn the lights down real low in the club. It could be research.”
The idea held weight, but Jessica wasn’t sure that she wanted to say that right now. There was a part of her personality—the one that caused her to write erotic romance in the first place—that enjoyed sexual attention like that. However, the bigger part of her personality held the fear of rejection and judgment. It was something she would have to think about. “It intrigues me, but I’ll let you know.”
“I can see it inside of you, Jessica Shea. You want to let loose. No one knows you’re here. Why not?”
“You are such a bad influence on me,” Jessica laughed as they turned onto the gravel driveway that led back to the clubhouse.
“I need someone else to corrupt…the school system makes me be moral. I’m going to have to live vicariously through you for the rest of my life. That’s why I hope you stay,” she winked as they parked and each got out of the car.
“I’m flattered, honestly.”
Glancing over at the other woman, Bianca decided that she was telling the truth and smiled a genuine smile. If anyone deserved a woman by his side, it was Layne, and there wasn’t anything that Bianca wouldn’t do to make that happen.
Chapter Twenty-Five
The side of town that Heaven Hill was heading to was one that was unfamiliar to Layne. Sure, he had driven his bike through the Olde Stone area, but it was a gated community. He had never been able to time it just right so that he could get inside. He watched as Rooster pulled up to the keypad and punched in a set of numbers. The gates opened easily, and he motioned for them to follow him inside. Rooster—there were something that struck him as odd about there being a lawman on this bust. He wondered just what side of the law Rooster had decided to play. Since the incident at the school with Bianca, Rooster had been hanging around more and more at the clubhouse, and he had a feeling that Liam was trying to figure out just what in the fuck Rooster wanted to do too. It seemed as if he was at a transition point in his life.
The houses were huge as they drove down roads that were laid out in what would have been a maze if they hadn’t been following someone. He wasn’t sure if he could get out of here quickly if he had to. The cars that sat in the driveways were worth more than three of his bikes combined. They were obviously way out of their league here, and he had to question where this banker had gotten so much cash. Bankers were well off, but this was more money than he was sure he would personally see in a lifetime, even doing illegal shit.
They rolled to a stop in front of a large home, and he made it a point not to look too closely at the house. He already felt inadequate enough as it was when it came to his life. He didn’t need another reminder.
“Is he here?” Tyler asked as he got off the bike and took a look around.
No car in the driveway, the garage was locked tight, no lights on in the house. It looked closed up for the night.
“He said he would be,” Rooster said as he jogged up the pathway and glanced through the door. “Can’t see shit in there, it’s just a huge-ass foyer,” he threw the words behind his back.
The back of Layne’s neck twitched. The guy was here, they just had to find him. “He’s here,” Layne told them. His tone spoke of no argument, no second-guessing, and no questioning. He was very sure in his words.
Venturing off on his own, he knew that Jagger followed him, but he wasn’t sure about anyone else. He quietly made his way around the house, looking for any weak point where they might be able to break in without too much fuss and muss. As they rounded the back of the house, he spotted two French doors with more glass in them than any one person needed. “Bingo,” he breathed out, walking over to the doors. His gaze swept them, from the bottom to the top, up and around. He ran his hands over the top of the door frame and then turned to Jagger.
“Go get Steele, I need him back here, but we can get in pretty easily.”
It amazed Jagger how Layne could quietly take in a situation, do his own research, and come back within minutes, a plan in mind. “Be right back.” He shook his head, smiling slightly.
As he rounded the front of the house, the other members of the club were looking through windows, and he whistled softly. “Layne’s got us a way in, but he needs Steele.”
“That’s my Government-taught criminal,” Liam grinned, clapping his hands on Jagger’s shoulders.
The came around the back, and Steele stepped up to the other man. “What do we have here?”
Layne became all business. “Some sort of security system. It’s got a tripwire up top. I don’t wanna set this thing off. Even though we have a sheriff with us, this is city jurisdiction, and if this thing makes a racket, we’re gonna have to take off anyway. Can you disable it? If you can, that lock is easy as fuck to pick.”
They watched as Steele reached into his bag and pulled his black-rimmed glasses out.
“Fuckin’ hipster,” Tyler cracked, laughing when Steele flipped him the bird.
“Not all of us were blessed with great eyesight. Some of us need a little help.”
“Yeah, yeah.” He slapped Steele on the back. “Just do your thing and help us get in.”
“That’s what I’m trying to do, VP.”
Grabbing his bag, he pulled out a case packed full of cutters and tools. Steele was shorter than the rest of them, not by much, just enough that he couldn’t see the top of the door frame. “Tyler, can you tell me if there are two wires and what color they are?”
“So now you want my help. I see how it is.”
Without giving any more guff, Tyler walked over and stood on his tiptoes, feeling the wires that rode the top of the frame. “You’ve got two here, they’re both the same color.”
“One’s real, one’s fake. Can’t cut both or it’ll trip another part of the alarm,” Steele muttered.
“Here, maybe this’ll be better,” Tyler said as he bent down and picked up the other man. “Fuck, you’re heavy,” he groaned as he lifted Steele up high enough so that their communications expert could see just what he had seen.
“Alright, put me down. I need something else.”
“Gonna get a fuckin’ hernia,” Tyler mumbled.
“Quit your bitchin’,” Liam smacked him on the shoulder, laughter in his voice. “He’s not that big.”
“Hey, I’m solid,” Steele argued as he fumbled around in his bag for what he needed.
When he extracted another kit, he looked up at Tyler. “Get me up there again?”
“Make it quick.”
The big man lifted him again, gritting his teeth as Steele made quick work of the wires there. “Okay, put me back down. We’re good.”
“Layne, get us in,” Liam told his newest member, pushing the rest of them back, giving him room to work.
Layne had his own set of tools, but they were much smaller than Steele’s. “I ain’t gonna get arrested am I?”
Rooster rolled his eyes. “I already told you, I’m not here in that capacity…so move your ass and get us in there.”
“I only take orders from my pres now that I’m not a soldier, don’t tell me to move my ass.” The tone of voice Rooster had used pissed him off, and he wanted him to know that. Turning back towards the lock on the door, he got busy, and within seconds, the latch popped and the door swung open. “After you.” He stepped out of the way, letting Liam in first.
Going into a house where they knew someone waited on them wasn’t Layne’s favorite thing to do. He’d done many things like this in Iraq. Sometimes they got out unscathed; sometimes they had a firefight on their hands. His heart kicked up a beat, and sweat coated his forehead and palms. Even he could hear the panting of his breathe. He had to get this under control before he gave them away. Pushing himself flat against a wall, he closed his eyes and clamped his mouth shut, trying to transport himself to another time, another place. He immediately flashed to earlier on his bike with Jessica. It wa
s enough to calm the beating of his heart and make the sweat on his brow not so heavy.
“You okay?” Jagger asked, concern etched on his face.
“I’m good,” he nodded.
“You two head down that way, we’re going upstairs,” Liam told his two newest members.
They nodded and headed towards the living area. It was as dark as the rest of the house, but it put Layne on high alert. “You feel that?” he whispered to Jagger.
Jagger nodded and grabbed his gun from the waistband of his pants. Layne did the same, wanting to be prepared in case they had to fight. They cautiously inched into the living area, both being slower than they normally would. As Layne rounded the corner, he felt arms come around his neck from behind. He made a sound to alert Jagger before using the back of his head to butt the other person in the face.
“Fucker,” Layne grunted when the person behind punched him in the kidney’s. Using the heel of his boot, he stomped on the foot of the other person, who howled in pain. That gave him enough time to turn around and face the person who had grasped him from behind. The person, obviously a man because of how solidly he was built, wore a black mask over his face, and Layne could see nothing but his eyes. “You want some?” he taunted. It had pissed him off that this person got the upper hand on him, and he was juiced already from his encounter with Jessica, and the anger was overflowing in his body. He didn’t wait for the person to answer, he started punching. The crack of bone against bone felt good in his hand, he decided after the third punch. He could feel blood pouring from his opponent’s nose, and he could hear the panting breathes of a man who was out of shape. “Fight back,” he goaded him, picking him up by his shirt and slamming him against the wall. “Fight back, motherfucker.”
That’s what he wanted, someone to hit him, to know that he was still alive. When he felt that pain, like when he boxed with Tyler, he knew that he was still alive. Without it, sometimes he questioned it. Most of the time he didn’t feel anything. He needed the pain and hurt to know that he was still real. For how long he beat on the other man, he didn’t know, but at some point, he realized that he held him up just to hit him. If he let go, he knew the other man would fall at his feet.
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