“What I wanted to do was make a fucking difference. Now, after working this job for as long as I have, I find out that my boss and other superiors were just turning their backs as women lay dying? You know as well as I do that they knew about this. They had to. As soon as they start checking financials, I can almost guarantee you there are going to be numerous checks from Clinton Herrington to every single one of them. This isn’t who I want to be anymore.”
“Who do you want to be?” Travis asked. For the first time in their lives, he was scared for his cousin.
“I don’t know, but I know this badge on my chest doesn’t make one goddamn bit of difference—to anyone.”
The words that would make Rooster feel better never came. There was absolutely nothing that Travis could say that would take away the bitter taste in his cousin’s mouth. Nothing. He had based his entire adult life on what was now a lie. He needed some time. “Look, I don’t know what to do, what to say, that’s going to make you feel better. Having said that, I am here for you. If you need me, it doesn’t matter if it’s day or night, I will be there.”
Rooster knew that, and for the first time in a long time, he believed it. “I know, and I appreciate it more than you know. It’s going to take some getting used to.”
The two of them didn’t say anything else as Rooster turned and made his way towards the front door of the clubhouse. He strode over to the patrol car, got into it, and put it in gear. As he made his way down Porter Pike and back towards town, he remembered the time he’d pulled Liam over. Had it been that long ago? In the grand scheme of things, it hadn’t, but to him, it felt like a million years ago.
“Rooster, how ya doin’?” he asked, grinning up at the redheaded sheriff’s deputy.
“Not too bad,” he answered. It didn’t escape Liam’s notice that he casually rested his hand on the butt of his gun.
“By the way you’re standin’ I’ll take it this ain’t a social call.”
“You would be correct in that assumption, and don’t be callin’ me Rooster. You of all people know my name is Officer Hancock. We had some reports of loud motorcycles and shots fired out near the old Garvin Lane Bridge. You know anything about that?”
“Can’t say that I do. Can you place me or my boys there?”
Officer Hancock smirked. “C’mon Walker, we’re old friends.”
“That’s right, Rooster, we are. We ran these roads when we were teenagers, but we’re not on the same side now are we?”
Funny how right when he thought he had his life figured out, it had started changing and now would be the biggest change of all. When he pulled into the parking lot that housed the sheriff cars, he pulled all his equipment and the envelope that held his resignation out of the glove box. The rest of what he took inside was the gear they’d given him. He walked into that building, and within fifteen minutes, he was out. This time he was in plain clothes, and he felt exactly the way Christine had said she had felt. Completely and totally free.
Chapter Twenty-Four
It felt good being back in his cave. Travis took a deep breath, focusing on all of his video cameras. This was where he felt at peace, where he hadn’t felt like he’d been able to come for so long. It was a bad place to be in, not being comfortable in the one place that you felt like you needed to be. He was doing a clean sweep of everything when he heard someone knock on the doorframe. Glancing up, he saw Jagger there. Shit.
“Can I come in?”
“If you promise you ain’t gonna bust my head wide open again. I’m finally getting over the motherfuckin’ headaches.”
Jagger had a seat and stretched his legs out in front of him. “I really wish I could say I was sorry that I did that to you, but I’m not. In fact, I’m still kinda pissed that you kept that from me. I missed all that time with her.”
“It wouldn’t have been good time, Jagger. Trust me when I tell you this. When I first met her, she was not who she is today. She was closed off from everyone and everything. You think this woman is different from the sister you knew as a child? The woman I met months ago was yet another completely different person. She had to heal a little before she came back to you. Am I sorry that I kept it from you? No. Just like you aren’t sorry that you busted my head open. Things happen and we all deal with it.”
“I kinda get it, okay? When you’re with a woman that you love—and I hope like fuck that you love my sister, because she has had precious little of it in her life—you do what you have to in order to prove that. I also have to admit that part of that disconnect with her was my fault. I should never have left her there. I knew what I was leavin’ her with, and that’s my own guilt, but I pushed the guilt off on you, and I shouldn’t have done that.”
The two of them sat in silence for a while. “I wanted to tell you so many times. I even mentioned it to her a few times, but she would shoot me down. I think she was punishing you for leaving her.”
“I think so too,” Jagger said with a sad smile. “Like I said, though, it’s nothing I don’t or didn’t deserve. I’m just hoping that we can get our relationship back on track. I’m not asking for it to be the same as it was. We’ve both been to hell and back since the last time we saw each other, but I’m hoping we can come to some semblance of what it was.”
Travis’ eyes scanned his bank of monitors again, his eyes stopping on one in particular. “I think if anyone can help, it’s the woman that Christine’s talking to right now.”
“I wish we could hear what they were saying,” Jagger said, his eyes glued to the monitor.
Christine sat at the hostess counter, glad for some normalcy. Everything that had happened the last few months, especially the last few weeks, had taken its toll on her. Some people wouldn’t think a simple receptionist job at a hair salon would mean a lot, but it did to her. It represented everything that had come to mean so much to her. Travis had gotten her this job, she had learned to stand on her own two feet because of this job, and it allowed her to be somewhat of a people person. She looked up as the bell rang, indicating that someone was coming inside. Her breath caught when she saw it was B.
“Hey,” B waved, her smile was bright, her body language open.
She could tell why her brother loved the other woman. She was gorgeous, and seemed to be very sweet. Christine very badly wanted to get to know her, but she knew that would come in time. They couldn’t automatically be the best of friends just because she’d come back into their lives. “Hey, you have an appointment with Shelby, right?” She went about checking the appointment calendar for the day.
“I do,” B nodded, but it’s not for a few hours. “I was actually wondering if you’d like to go have coffee with me.” She pointed to the coffee house across the square. “I know this is your job, but if we tried to talk at the clubhouse, there are two men who would be very interested in what we had to say to one another. And if Travis is anything like Jagger, he knows what time you’re supposed to be home.” She rolled her eyes, an indulgent smile on her face.
“Go on,” Shelby said from the main floor. “We’ll be fine for a while. You hardly ever take a break as it is.”
She grabbed her purse and followed B out the door.
“It’s a gorgeous day,” Bianca said as the two of them made their way across the square. “Can you believe it’s going to be Thanksgiving in a few weeks?”
“No.” She shook her head. “I didn’t even realize that.”
“As a teacher, you tend to have every available day off on a countdown on your phone.” Bianca flashed a smile at her.
“I could understand that! I’m sure it’s a very rewarding yet trying profession.”
“It is. I love it! I wouldn’t give it up for anything—even though I’ve only been doing it since August.”
They arrived at the coffee house and went inside. There wasn’t a line, so they placed their orders and waited for them to be filled. Once they had the mugs in their hands, Bianca directed them towards the back so that they could have
some privacy. Christine had never been inside this place, but she immediately loved the feel of it, the exposed brick wall, the smell of coffee and food. They had a seat, and for a few moments, there was an awkward silence until Bianca opened her mouth again and began to speak.
“I want you to know that Jagger is the most important part of my life. Teaching is what I love to do, I wouldn’t want another profession, but Jagger is the best thing that has ever happened to me. He’s made me feel things and experience things that I never thought I would ever be able to. Like most of the people that stay at the clubhouse, life hasn’t always been easy for me.” She stopped to take a drink of her coffee, and it seemed to pull her together. “I know that the two of you aren’t really talking right now, and I know that’s killing him. I’m not asking you to divulge secrets to me, because that’s your personal business, but I want to be more forthcoming with you than I’m sure he’s been.”
Christine wasn’t sure if she was supposed to say anything, but she really did want to understand Jagger better. They had both changed in the years since they had seen each other. They had grown up and moved on and had a million things happen to them. She didn’t want to be estranged from him, so if the way to understand what he was going through was going to be through Bianca, then she was okay with that.
“He tried to find you, he did. I know he did. There have been times this year that I’ve seen him talk to people who may have known where you were, but it was such a secret. He couldn’t find your parents. Now that we know they were among the mass grave, we know why. He had nothing to go on.” She wanted to reiterate that to Christine, maybe if they kept telling her how badly Jagger had tried to right things, she would finally believe them.
Finding out her parents had been two of the bodies in the graves had not really been a surprise to Christine, but she had still felt the loss. No matter how bad her home life had been, those were still the people who had given her life. If she was honest, she was having a hard time coping with it all. The nightmares were back, and she’d not had them for months before this reoccurrence. “I know. I know with everything that I am he tried to find me. To be honest, the person holding back is me.” She put her hand on her chest.
“Can you tell me why? He would love nothing more than for you to come to him and tell him what you need.”
“I would love that too.” She smiled sadly. “There’s so much finally going right in my world, but I just can’t seem to reconcile that with who I am today.” Tears flooded her eyes. They had been doing that a lot lately, more than they ever had in her life. It hadn’t been horrible until she’d seen the front page of the newspaper. That paper talked about just how many bodies were in that field, how long it had been going on—much longer than she had been at that house, but she felt so much guilt. How and why had she been the only one to survive when so many hadn’t?
“Are you feeling guilty?” Bianca asked. She recognized that look in Christine’s eyes. It was one she had carried for a while after she had been taken hostage. It wasn’t that she felt guilty that something had happened to Raymond Tucker and she had lived, but she felt guilty for even causing the events in the first place. If he hadn’t become obsessed with her, there would have been no reason for him to stalk her, take her hostage, and put all those children in harm’s way.
Christine squeezed her eyes shut and nodded. “I am.” It felt good to admit that; she hadn’t been able to admit it to even Travis. She knew that he would question why when she should be feeling so blessed that she had fought and made it out alive. When Christine opened her eyes again, Bianca held a card out to her.
“This woman is absolutely amazing. I’ve gone to her, your brother has gone to her, Layne has gone to her, Meredith and Tyler have gone to her. She’ll get you fixed right up.”
She grabbed the card out of Bianca’s hand and read the words, remembering that Meredith had also mentioned someone to her. “This is a psych doctor?” she hated the implications of that.
“Oh honey, she’s so much more. She’s your cheerleader, the mother or grandmother you never had, she doesn’t judge you, but she doesn’t coddle you either. Doc Jones will shoot it to you straight, and you’ll wonder why you didn’t go before. She has made a huge difference in a lot of people’s lives.”
Christine flipped the card over and over in her hand.
Bianca took a drink from her coffee. “I’m just going to tell you straight. I pray with everything I have that I’m your sister-in-law one day—soon, hopefully—if your brother could take a motherfuckin’ hint.”
That caused a smile to tilt the side of Christine’s lips.
“I can see how badly you’re hurting, and I don’t want that for anyone, much less someone who’s going to be my family. Please, accept this and the help that I know she can give you. It’s not weakness to admit you need help, no matter what your parents told you. It’s the bravest thing in the world you can do.”
At those words, Christine completely lost it, sobbing quietly. “You get it?”
“I do.” Bianca grabbed her hand. “I do, and you will get no judgment from me. If you want me to take you there, I will. I will do whatever I can to help repair the relationship between you and Jagger. You mean so much to him.”
“I want to repair it too, and I want my relationship with Travis to be strong.”
“It’s going to take time,” Bianca warned her. “For people like us that have grown up not believing that we have any bit of good in us, it takes time.”
“I’m willing to put the work in. I don’t want to be this meek woman anymore.”
“Then you won’t be.”
That was all Christine needed to hear, it was like a light switched on inside her. Someone that hadn’t known her believed in her, and that felt good. It felt like she really could be different and that gave her hope.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Christine rubbed her hands against the denim of her jeans and took a deep breath.
“You sure you want to do this?” Jagger asked. He stood behind her, Steele at her side, Bianca at his.
“If you do, I do. I think we need to. This is the one thing that’s been holding me back; I need to make peace with it.”
She felt Jagger’s hand on her shoulder as she ascended the old porch steps. It had been a long two months of counseling that she’d undergone. Sometimes Travis would come and sit in with her, sometimes Jagger would. Every time, she and Doc Jones would work on some part of her childhood or adulthood that had caused her anxiety. At her last session, Jagger had been there, and Doc Jones suggested that the two of them go back to their childhood home, together. She thought that it would go a long way in making them feel better about the way things had gone down. It would give them a sense of closure that neither one of them ever had.
“I do,” he told her.
“If you two don’t mind,” she addressed Travis and Bianca, “I think Jagger and I need to go in by ourselves for a few minutes, just to get over the initial shock.”
“Whatever you want,” Bianca was quick to assure her. “It’s a little creepy out here, but as long as Travis is here to chase the boogeyman away, I’ll be fine.” She reached over, grabbing Travis’ arm for effect.
Jagger chuckled, glad for her humor. They were going to need it.
Travis reached down, kissing Christine quickly. “She’s right; we’ll be out here if you two need anything. Probably her protecting me, she’s got that smart-ass mouth on her,” he grinned, hoping for some lightheartedness before the two of them went into the house.
Christine grinned back before taking a deep breath and grabbing Jagger’s hand. They were going to do this together. “You ready?” she asked him.
His breath was heavy in his chest. He’d hated this house so much as a kid and then a teenager. It had been such an unhappy home. He hated to even be this close to it now, but he knew that she was right—if they didn’t get over this, they were never going to be able to move on with their lives. That was the o
ne thing they both desperately needed. They both had people that loved them in ways they had never been loved before. It was time to put the past where it was supposed to be, in the past.
“As I’ll ever be.”
When they reached the front door and turned the knob, both of them were surprised to find that it was locked, after all this time.
“You wanna do a little B&E?”
She couldn’t help the giggle that escaped her mouth. It broke the tension, and for that she was extremely grateful. “I’ve never done that before.”
“Travis, we need to do a little B&E,” he called over his shoulder.
Travis walked up the front porch steps, casually putting his arm around Christine’s shoulders. “You wanna learn how to do it, or do you want me to get us in?”
There was something about being there with him and him teaching her how to be the kind of rule-breaker that he was that made her feel like a badass. Didn’t necessarily mean that she wanted to do it, but it felt good to be asked. She bit her lip and shook her head. “Nah, you go ahead.”
“If you say so.”
She watched as Jagger moved back to give him room to work. Travis pulled a toolkit out of his pocket and bent down to inspect the lock.
“Why don’t y’all just bust the door in?” Bianca asked from where she stood, her eyes covered with sunglasses to protect them from the strong winter sun.
“Shush and let the man work,” Jagger quieted her. “I happen to like watchin’ Steele pick a lock. It’s pretty damn cool.”
In less than a minute’s time, he had the door open. “Got it.”
Christine waited until Bianca and Jagger went in, and then put her arms around Travis’ neck. “That was hot.”
“Picking a lock?” he asked, his eyebrows raised in question.
“Something about the way you were focused on that lock. I only see that level of focus with you when we’re alone.”
And just like that, he was surprised by her. He found himself being surprised by her more and more lately. Since Clinton had died, more and more of her personality was coming out. He loved that and hoped that it wouldn’t stop. “Let’s hurry up and get this over with, then we can go be alone again.”
Heaven Hill Series - Complete Series Page 95
