by Laura Miller
I was quiet for a second. Then, I cocked my head in his direction.
“You reading one of your sister’s magazines again?” I asked.
“Dude, this is a proven fact,” he said.
“Proven fact,” I repeated.
He stared me down with his goofy glare again, while I took in a big breath of cool air.
“Jeff, it sounds like a stupid idea,” I said, shaking my head and letting go of the breath.
“A stupid idea that just might work,” he said.
I paused for a moment and thought about it. If I had had a better idea, I would have used it by now. She wanted a fancy-pants lawyer boyfriend right now. How was I supposed to change her mind about that?
I put my thoughts on hold and glanced back at Jeff.
“But what about the girl?” I asked.
“Who? Jessica?” he asked.
“Yeah, that would be a pretty shitty thing for me to do to her,” I said. “I can’t do that.”
“Will, I’m not telling you to be mean to her,” he said. “She wants a chance. You’re giving her a chance. She knows there’s a chance you might not like her.”
“But I’m not really giving her a chance,” I said.
“Sure you are,” he said. “Who knows, you might even fall for her.”
He was proudly nodding by the time he had finished his sentence, but then he stopped and quickly cocked his head.
“But you’re not going to fall for her,” he said. “You’re going to break her heart, and she’s going to come running to her el-friend-o, me-o,” he said, pointing dramatically at himself.
I glared at him with narrowed eyes.
“You’re an idiot, Jeff,” I said.
“But I’ve got a point, though, right?” he asked.
I walked into the house, grabbed a glass from the cabinet and filled it with tap water. I could hear Jeff’s big footsteps trailing behind me.
“Jessica really wants to go to this party, and for some God-only-knows reason wants to go to it with you, and you want Julia back,” he said. “And what’s better to get a girl back than to use jealousy? It’s perfect. You have to admit, I’ve got a point.”
He walked closer to me and squared up to my frame. I knew he was waiting for me to acknowledge him. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to, but I also didn’t have another plan.
“Well...,” he said, drawing out his ls.
“Okay, okay, you might have a point,” I admitted, reluctantly.
“Yes,” he shouted, spinning around and pumping his fist into the air.
I watched him eventually roll onto the back of the couch and hurl himself over it. Then, I took a drink and swallowed hard. I already knew his plan was a bad idea, but I just couldn’t stop wondering: What if it worked? Just what if this crazy idiot’s plan worked?
I set the glass down onto the counter and felt my chest rise as I sucked in another deep breath. The truth was that I missed her; I missed her too much not to try anything to get her back.
Chapter Sixteen
New Year
“Hi,” I said, as she cracked the door and poked her head out of the small opening.
“Hey,” she said, pulling a small, furry creature back and then opening the door wider.
I watched her take the fur-ball-looking thing to another girl sitting on a couch and then disappear into a dark hallway. The girl on the couch took the dog and cradled it in her arms. The door was still open, so I stepped in and closed it again behind me.
“Let me just get my purse,” I heard a voice call out from some room in the back of the small house. “I’ll be right there.”
The girl on the couch glanced up at me.
“Hi,” I said, rocking back on my heels.
The girl smiled and returned her attention to the television and the dog, now pawing at her lap.
I squeezed my fists together in my pockets. I felt nervous. I hadn’t taken a girl out for the first time since Jules when we were sixteen. I counted the years quickly in my head. It was only three, but it felt like an eternity. She wore black on our first, real date—jeans and a tight, black top. God, I still remembered everything about it.
I glanced at a clock on a wall in the kitchen. Its loud ticking drew my attention. Eight o’clock. I touched my fingers to my palms. They felt sweaty or something, and I realized that I wasn’t nervous because of Jessica. I was nervous because I really had a bad, sick feeling about this whole, stupid idea. I should have never let Jeff talk me into it. Julia was going to hate it, and she was going to hate me for it.
“Okay, I’m ready,” Jessica said, emerging from the back room. “You look nice.”
I paused for a second in mid-thought and then awkwardly smiled.
“Thanks. So do you,” I said.
She was wearing a short, red dress—snug in all the right places. She really did look nice. And if I weren’t already obsessed with a fiery, little blonde, I realized then that I might actually really like Jessica.
“Ready?” she asked, grabbing a coat from a tall coat rack behind the door.
“Yeah,” I said and smiled.
Then, I lowered my face closer to hers.
“Does your roommate want to come?” I asked.
I watched Jessica’s eyes travel back to the girl on the couch. The girl met Jessica’s gaze and shot her an impatient look.
“I’ve tried,” Jessica said. “She says it’s too cold to go outside in a dress.”
I paused and shrugged my shoulders.
“She’s probably right,” I said, cracking a wide grin.
Jessica giggled and then slid her arms into her coat and reached for the doorknob.
“Bye, Sam,” Jessica called out over her shoulder.
The girl on the couch looked up for a second, flicked her wrist and then went back to the sitcom on the television and to scratching the dog between its ears.
I followed Jessica out the door and down the sidewalk, leading away from the little, brick house. When we reached the truck, I leaned around her to open her door. She smiled and then slid in. I was pretty sure I flashed her an awkward grin before gently closing the door behind her. I quickly shook it off and sucked in a cool breath of air, then made my way to the driver’s side.
Once behind the wheel, I felt for the key in the ignition and then purred Lou to a start before I suddenly noticed Jules’s photo on the dashboard. I stole a quick glance at Jessica. She was searching for something inside of her purse. So, without a second thought, I hastily snatched up the photo, slid it into the inside pocket of my jacket and glanced back over at Jessica. She was still searching inside her purse.
I took in a deep, nervous breath and then felt it quickly escape past my lips. Then, I forced the gear shift into first but kept my foot on the brake.
“You sure you want to go to this party?” I asked her.
Maybe there was still a way out of this mess. Maybe there was still a way for Julia not to see my dumb mistake.
Jessica blankly stared back at me.
“Isn’t everyone going to be there?” she asked.
The look on her face told me that there was no getting out of this one. Jeff was right. She really did want to go to this party. And I guessed I couldn’t blame her. It really was the best New Year’s Eve party around here, and it was always only locals who were invited. And tonight, she would be a local.
“Okay,” I said and then gently smiled.
I took my foot off the brake and hit the gas.
“To the party we go,” I said, taking in another deep, uneasy breath.
...
It was only half past eight, but the rooms in the big, Victorian house were nearly full. If Kathy knew one thing, it was how to throw a party. Jules always used to say that Kathy was a sixteen-year-old going on thirty-six every time Kathy would invite us to one of her elaborate shindigs back in high school. The thought and the perfect, sarcastic way Jules always used to say it made me smile on the inside.
“Will, I’m so p
leased you could make it,” Kathy said, throwing her arms around me.
“Wouldn’t miss it, Kath,” I said.
Kathy pulled away and then quickly forced her attention to Jessica.
“And who’s this?” Kathy asked in a pleasant voice.
“Oh, sorry,” I said. “This is Jessica. Jessica, this is Kathy. And this is Kathy’s parents’ house,” I then said to Jessica.
“Hi,” Kathy said, snatching up Jessica’s hand with both of hers. “I’m so glad you could make it.”
“The house is beautiful,” Jessica said, with a timid smile.
“Oh, thanks,” Kathy said. “It’s been in the family for years. Are you from around here?”
“Chester,” Jessica said.
Kathy immediately cocked her head and put on a playful smirk.
“Well, normally, we don’t entertain Chester Eagles, but we’ll make an exception tonight,” Kathy said, as her smile grew warm again.
Jessica laughed.
“Thanks,” Jessica said.
“Well, how do you two know each other then?” Kathy asked.
“I…we…,” I stuttered but didn’t finish.
I couldn’t remember how I was supposed to know her. Was I supposed to know her from the golf course or through Jeff or somewhere else?
“I’m getting my associate’s degree at West Central,” Jessica said, saving me from my stumbling tongue. “Jeff is in one of my classes. And I saw him talking to Will one day…”
Jessica stopped and lowered her eyes, as if she had said too much.
“I see,” Kathy said, giving Jessica another warm smile. “Well, let me take your coats.”
Kathy put a hand on my shoulder and leaned dramatically to my side.
“Julia’s coming tonight,” I heard Kathy whisper near my ear.
I met her eyes. They were warning me, I knew. My lips immediately parted, and I felt my chest quickly rise and then fall. Then, I felt Jessica’s hand on my arm, and my eyes dropped to the spot on my bicep that Jessica was touching.
“You want to go inside?” Jessica asked me after she had given her coat to Kathy.
I caught Jessica’s hopeful gaze. It was making a direct path from the foyer where we were standing to the warmly lit room in front of us. Then, I stumbled onto Kathy’s stare again. It was still burning a stern warning straight through my forehead.
“Uh, yeah,” I said, taking a step forward. “Uh, thanks, Kathy.”
“Make yourself at home,” Kathy said in a way that sounded to me more like: Make your own bed. You’re the one who has to lie in it.
Jessica and I made our way to the back of the house. She followed my every move, but then again, she knew Jeff and a couple of Jeff’s friends from school, of which, only one had arrived. Everyone else was a new face.
“Do you want something to drink?” I asked her.
“Sure,” she said, nodding her head. “I’ll just take whatever you’re drinking.”
“Easy enough,” I said. “I’ll be right back.”
I ventured back toward the kitchen but took the long way to get there. If Julia were there, I could find her and explain everything before she could have a chance to get the wrong idea. I searched in between and around the swaying heads. There was no sign of her, but there was, on the other hand, an awkward, lanky kid across the room. I made my way over to him.
“Hey,” I said, coming up behind Jeff and grabbing his arm. “Have you seen Julia?”
“Hey, toolbag,” he said, putting out his hand.
He started doing the stupid handshake he made up for us in the fourth grade. I humored him and forced my hand through the motions.
“Where’s Jessica?” he asked me, ignoring my question.
“She’s in the living room,” I said. “Is Julia here yet?”
“Haven’t seen her,” he said, pushing past me and making his way toward the back of the house.
I took another glance around the room before ambling back toward the kitchen.
I got two drinks and then ventured back to the living room, where Jeff was already propped up beside Jessica, flapping his jaw. I saw him drawing the outline of a mountain with his hand, and I knew right away he was telling her the story of when he climbed some mountain in Colorado two summers ago. Jessica had that same look every girl had when Jeff was talking to her. I really hoped she wanted to come to this party as bad as Jeff said she had. If not, I really was going to have at least two girls hating me by the end of the night.
I walked over to the two of them and handed Jessica her drink.
She looked up at me, smiled and took the glass.
“Here,” she said, “sit down. Jeff is telling me about his summer at Estes Park.”
Her hand patted a small space on the couch beside her.
I stared for a couple of seconds at the spot where her hand had just been. Then, I looked up and caught Jeff’s bugged-out eyes. I was pretty sure he was silently telling me to just do something, so that he could get on with his story. So, after a few more seconds, I reluctantly fell into the couch next to her.
“Estes Park, huh?” I asked.
“Yeah, Will hates this story,” Jeff nonchalantly said and then went back to flapping his jaw.
Jessica knowingly glanced at me and smiled.
I laughed once and took a drink from my cup. I was nervous, but I played it off by sneering at Jeff. He paused for a second but then continued.
I took another drink from my cup. I didn’t know if it were the sound of Jeff’s unending story or the thought that Julia could come waltzing into the room at any moment that was making me claustrophobic. Someone had to go.
I motioned for Jessica to trade me my cup for her glass. She obliged without much nudging.
“Hey, Jeff, I think Jessica needs another drink,” I said. “Can we put your story on hold for a minute?”
Jeff stopped talking just long enough to eye Jessica’s cup.
“I got it,” he said, snatching the cup from Jessica’s hand and shooting up.”
“No, it’s okay…,” she started and then stopped when she caught a glimpse of my shaking head. “Okay, thanks,” she said instead and smiled.
“I’ll be right back,” he said. “Save my seat.”
I watched as Jeff disappeared behind a group of people hovering around the doorway. Then, I looked back at Jessica to find her questioning stare.
“He likes getting girls drinks, believe me,” I said, thinking of a way to move to a spot on the armrest of the couch without making it too awkward. “And he’s a little wound for sound—his own, that is.”
I glanced at the armrest and then back at her. I felt the anxious smile still glued to my lips. I wondered if she could see it too.
“Besides, I don’t know about you, but I needed to get out of the Colorado wilderness for a second,” I said.
Jessica laughed and then rested her hand on mine. I flinched slightly, as my eyes darted to her hand.
“You’re my hero,” she said, playfully tossing her long, brown hair behind her shoulder.
Her hand was soft and kind, but it wasn’t Jules’s hand. What the hell was I doing?
I awkwardly smiled. I wanted to pull my hand back, but I couldn’t. I had already brought her to this party as a decoy for the girl I really wanted to bring; I had subjected her to Jeff’s loathsome hiking story; and if I took my hand back now, I would surely be the jerk I was turning out to be after all. I just couldn’t bring myself to embarrass her.
“Jeff said that you are getting your paramedic’s license and that you want to be a firefighter,” I heard her say, as if her voice were coming from some distant world.
My eyes were temporarily locked on our hands.
“Uh, yeah, I am,” I managed to get out, as I forced my gaze instead to her face. “I’m a, it’s a…”
“My uncle is a firefighter,” she said, saving me again from my stumbling tongue. “It’s a tough job, but it’s really honorable.”
She slid
her fingers around mine as she spoke, and suddenly, the room’s temperature rose another ten degrees—as if it weren’t already as hot as hell in the small room. I habitually pulled at the collar of my shirt.
“I mean, it’s super dangerous,” she continued. “My uncle has been trapped in a burning building and…”
She kept talking as I searched the room for Jeff. What was taking him so long? Now, all of a sudden, his stupid mountain story didn’t sound all that bad. At least, it had distracted Jessica. And damn it, this dumb plan of his would surely be the end of me if Julia was to walk…
My thoughts stopped then. And my eyes came to rest on a thin blonde in a short, black dress, standing in the doorway. I met the blonde’s fiery, green eyes as the words from the girl beside me quickly turned to mush before they reached my ears. Then, the blonde softly smiled and bit her bottom lip. She always did that when she was nervous.
God, she’s beautiful.
I watched Jules take a step and then stop. Then, all of a sudden, her face went blank, and her eyes fell fast to the hardwood floor. I held my gaze on her, until her own eyes returned to mine seconds later. But she wasn’t smiling anymore. In fact, now, her green eyes had turned sad. My heart sank as I remembered Jessica’s hand still wrapped up in mine. I tried to pull my hand back, but it was numb. I couldn’t move. I could hardly breathe.
God, what have I done?
I looked back up at Jules, and for a second, it looked as if she were going to run. No, don’t run. Yes. Run. Let’s both run. Let’s get out of here together.
Instead, she took a step toward us, and then another, until she was standing in front of Jessica and me.
“Hey,” Jules said, softly. “How have you been?”
I looked up at her, into her eyes. I felt as if I were dreaming. I wished I were dreaming. I expected her to be here. I wanted her to be here, but now, everything just felt wrong. It was all wrong.
“I’ve been good,” I said, slowly nodding my head.
They were the only words I had, but it wasn’t completely a lie. I felt good, compared to how I was going to feel after she slapped me across my face and told me that she never wanted to see me again. And how could I blame her? Yeah, we weren’t together. But what did that really mean for two people who weren’t meant to be apart?
