“She has a severe concussion. When I say she needs to take it easy, I don’t just mean she can’t go to work. She needs to avoid activities that require concentration or thought. She needs to avoid any sort of emotional strain.”
“She will be on a physical and mental vacation doc, you have my word.” Ethan looked so serious, more than she had ever seen him. He looked fierce.
“We will be monitoring her for a few more hours but we should be able to release her in the morning.”
“What time is it?” Erica looked for a window but there wasn’t one.
“It’s late.” Ethan murmured.
“I’ll be back to check on you a little later.” The doctor said before excusing himself. Erica looked at Ethan for a moment. He was still standing a few feet away. He hadn’t approached the side of the bed. His jaw was clenched as if he were waging an internal struggle. Several times he looked as if he were about to say something but didn’t, when he finally spoke his voice was soft.
“How do you feel?”
“Just tired.”
“Are you in pain?”
“I am pretty sure I am on pain medication.” He nodded tightly and she was struck by a sudden thought. Did he know she was pregnant, they wouldn’t tell him that would they? Of course they couldn’t. She silently admonished herself. Don’t think too much, and don’t have emotional strain. That’s what the doctor had said, yeah right, if he had wanted any chance of that happening he shouldn’t have told her she was pregnant. Now she could do nothing but think and be emotional.
“What happened?”
“You don’t remember?”
“Only bits and pieces.” She swallowed, licking her lips. She suddenly remembered all of the things that woman had said about Ethan. She knew it wasn’t true, but she needed to hear him say it. “I remember… that woman… Jade.” Ethan winced slightly at the name.
“If that bitch wasn’t dead I would kick her ass.” Zoe muttered reentering the room.
“She’s dead?” Erica gasped.
“She took a shot at Ethan and the cops shot her.” Zoe said as candidly as if she were talking about the weather. Ethan looked at the floor for a second, guilt crossing his features. Erica had a quick memory flash of Ethan standing in front of her holding a gun. Zoe pulled the chairs closer to the bed, and Ethan took the hint and sat down. He still looked beyond tense. It occurred to her that he hadn’t touched her at all.
“Stop trying to remember. The doctor doesn’t want you thinking.” Zoe admonished.
“Aren’t you supposed to be in Chicago?” Erica suddenly remembered.
“I was. I got on a plane as soon as Jace called me.” Erica glanced at Ethan, he was still watching her, wary and tense. It was extremely unnerving.
“Are you going back?”
“Probably when you are back on your feet. Someone has to look after you.”
“I’m doing it.” Ethan interrupted. “She’ll go home with me; I will take care of her.” Zoe looked at him as if she were prepared to argue, but he met her gaze. There seemed to be a long moment of silent conversation between the two, then Zoe nodded.
“All right.”
The trip to Ethan’s house was surprisingly fast. This meant she had to have slept at least part of the way. They had given her crutches but Ethan had lifted her from the wheel chair into his truck at the hospital and when they arrived at his house he looked fully intent on carrying her in.
“I have crutches.” She said when he opened the door.
“I know.” He said even as he slid his arms around her. He carried her as if she weighed nothing and it made the girl in her giggle with delight. He placed her on the sofa arranging her leg so it was propped up on the ottoman on pillows. Then he returned to the truck for her crutches and the bag Zoe had packed for her.
Ethan still wasn’t himself. She hadn’t seen him smile at all. His brows seemed to be pulled down in a permanent frown and it made her feel guilty. Was he angry with her? Did he think she had put herself in danger by going to the roasters alone? Was he finally fed up with all the drama he’d had to deal with because of her? The worst thought she had, but the one she couldn’t shake was, was he thinking of Jade? Had he cared for her?
“Are you hungry?” Ethan’s voice pierced her thought process and she was actually thankful because it was starting to give her a headache.
“You really don’t need to wait on me Ethan.”
“I am damn well going too!” He growled surprising her into silence. He sighed and rubbed his eyes.
“Would you like an omelet?” He asked with a little more composure. She nodded.
After they had both eaten he sat down on the other side of the sectional and turned on the TV.
“Doc said you couldn’t watch anything that would make you think.”
“Guess Jeopardy is out then.” She muttered but he didn’t laugh, he didn’t even smile. He turned on a cooking show and dropped the remote on the sectional beside him. Erica didn’t know what to say, the air around them was awkward and tense. After a couple of minutes Ethan began to softly snore and Erica realized with a jolt that though she was tired, she had at least slept. He had likely been up all night, maybe more than one, considering she had no idea how much time had passed. She snuggled into the cushions turning slightly so she could watch him sleep. His tension seemed to ease as he relaxed into a deeper sleep. She longed to crawl over to him. To curl up with him and sleep but she didn’t. She had decisions to make. A baby to think about.
A Baby… She flattened her hand over her abdomen. She was going to be a mother. The idea both thrilled and terrified her. What would Ethan say? She had to tell him. She would never keep something like that from him. But she remembered vividly the time he had suggested she use a morning-after pill? What if he asked her to get an abortion? She would never agree to that, but it would be really hard for her to get passed that with him.
Would he think she had gotten pregnant on purpose, to try to trap him like his step-mother had his father? Would he resent her? The barrage of questions with no answers caused her head to pound viciously. She closed her eyes and tried to clear her mind.
Chapter 24
Ethan jerked awake instantly scanning his surroundings. At first he wasn't sure what had woken him. The TV was still on and Erica was still on the other end of the couch. Then he heard her whimper. He jumped up and went to her just as she began to really thrash.
"Erica, Erica wake up."
"Ethan!" She cried but didn't open her eyes. He gently cradled her face in his hands.
"Erica open your eyes, you are safe." She opened her eyes and gasped. Her voice was a harsh rasp.
"Ethan, it was you, you shot her."
"Yes." He drew back, releasing her face.
"She shot at you."
"She missed." Erica was slightly stunned at the cool indifference in his voice. Her heart was still racing from the fear she'd remembered in her dream. She stared at him and he stared back. His jaw was tight. His eyes a cool and distant. She didn't want to ask but she had to know.
"Did you... Did you care for her?" That was the best she could do she couldn't utter the word love. Ethan looked surprised and confused at the question.
"What?"
"She said you were... Involved." Ethan frowned and looked down as if he were trying to remember.
"She looked familiar but I couldn't place where I had seen her. We were certainly never involved." He said the last forcefully. She looked into his eyes. There was no deception. She tried hard not to look as relieved as she felt.
"She was one of the cheerleaders." Erica said softly.
"What?" Ethan frowned.
"At the baseball games, there were three women cheering for Jace, his secretary and two blonds. She was one of the blonds." Ethan's mouth dropped open slightly.
"Oh man that's it... I think I might have run into her at a bar too." He rubbed his hands against his thighs. "I don't know why she would say we were involved." He look
ed haunted.
"Ethan." Her voice was soft and soothing. "Aren't you the same guy that said these people are disturbed, you can't explain them?"
"You got hurt because of me. I was supposed to protect you." He growled his eyes flashing with self-directed anger.
"Ethan..." She struggled to sit up and winced from the pain.
"You need your pain meds." He surged to his feet and walked toward the kitchen cursing under his breath and looking at his watch. She sighed, sinking back against the soft cushion. She didn't know what to do. What to say, to ease his tension. He returned and handed her a pill and a glass of milk. She wrinkled her nose at the milk.
"You need to have something with the pill. I don't want you to wait while I fix you something to eat."
"It's okay, I am really not hungry."
"You need to eat." He said firmly. He put his hands on his hips and scowled clearly waiting for her to take the pill. She sighed and took the pill chasing it with the milk. He took the glass back to the kitchen. A few minutes later he brought her a bowl of fettuccine alfredo. He went back to the kitchen while she ate. It wasn't hard to tell that he was avoiding her. She wanted to finish the conversation and yet she couldn't focus. She couldn't concentrate enough to determine what she wanted to say. Her concussion made her brain fuzzy, and the warmth spreading through her told her the pain medicine was kicking in. By the time she finished the noodles she couldn't keep her eyes open. She felt the bowl lift from her lap and the blanket tuck more tightly around her.
Ethan watched the soft rise and fall of her chest. She looked so fragile. The stitches in her scalp were visible through her hair. The splints on her wrist and leg went a long way to adding to the look of fragility but it was her face that really did it. She was pale with dark smudges under her eyes. He wanted to wrap her in cotton, to hide her away from the world. No one had ever stirred his protective instincts the way she did. But he couldn't protect her; he'd failed to protect her. Disgusted with himself, he turned away stalking back toward his kitchen.
Erica woke slightly alarmed. Her heart was pounding. She vaguely remembered Ethan waking her to give her another pill. But now she didn't know where she was. She didn't recognize her surroundings. She was in a bed and for one terrifying sleep fogged moment she feared she was back in captivity. Slowly awareness overcame the fear. She pushed herself up and looked around. She hobbled to the door and opened it confirming her suspicion. She was in the guest room in Ethan's house. The guest room. In all the nights she had spent in the house never once had she stayed in the guest room. She tried not to think of the implications of that as she limped to the hall bathroom. But once she was back in bed she couldn't think of anything else.
He hadn't kissed her not once since she woken in the hospital. Even before he hadn't kissed her or hugged her since before their argument. Maybe he'd finally reached his limit. Too much drama, too much stress. Too much of him having to take care of her. She had to admit she would be tired of it too.
She loved him. The idea of letting him go hurt more that all her injuries combined. But she wouldn't cling. She still had her pride. Besides she owed him at least that much, she would let him go, release him from the perceived obligation he felt to her. Unfortunately, the baby was going to complicate things. She would release him from that particular obligation as well. After all she was nearly one hundred percent certain that she had conceived that time in the elevator. She had seduced him. It wasn't his fault. Of course she hadn't done this on purpose either, though the evidence against her was pretty damning.
Ethan was so focused on his inner turmoil he didn't hear her come in. He was making pancakes but his mind was on what to do next. He hadn't been able to sleep he felt like his world was hanging in the balance and he was at a complete loss as to what to do.
"Smells good." Ethan twisted and saw Erica at the counter.
"Where are your crutches?" He frowned.
"It's actually easier to get around without them." He looked as if he wanted to argue but instead he sighed and placed a plate of pancakes in front of her. "I don't think I can eat all these."
"Try." He said simply before turning back to the stove. Erica wasn't used to the cool briskness in his demeanor. She longed to see a smile, to hear the warm teasing voice. At the moment, she wasn't sure she would ever hear it again.
"Do you have my cell phone?"
"Yeah, I think it's in my office." He didn't look up as if he wasn't really paying attention and part of her was glad.
"I am going to call Suzy and have her drive me home." Ethan swiveled and looked in her eyes and she realized she should have known he was fully listening.
"Why?" The one word sounded almost accusing and she felt the need to duck her head in shame. She didn't, but she wanted too. Instead she looked at the pancakes, busying herself with trying to cut them left handed.
"Because I want to go home. I'm not an invalid, I can take care of myself."
"Erica..."
"Ethan, I am not your responsibility." The words came out harsher than she intended. She took a deep breath and pushed back from the counter. "Look I appreciate everything that you have done for me, but I think it's time for me to go. Before I do, we need to talk."
"We can't do this right now." He stalked away from her more agitated pacing than real retreat.
"Why not?" She followed him to the living room and sat down only because her ankle wouldn't let her stand.
"Because the doctor said no emotional strain."
"I am pregnant." She blurted out. She hadn't meant to say it quite so abruptly it just slipped out. His eyes grew wide and she rushed on hoping to get out everything she needed to say with no tears. "I don't expect anything from you. I want you to know this wasn't intentional. But I... I haven't exactly been truthful with you. You see I have this plan, my five year plan. Everyone else thought it was crazy, but I needed it." She could hear herself babbling but she couldn't stem the tide of words coming out of her mouth. "Five years, five years toward having a baby. There were a number of things that were supposed to happen first. But that was the goal." Ethan didn't even look like he was breathing. He just stared at her with a stunned expression. "You don't have to be involved. I am not asking you for anything. Just don't ask me too... I'm not going to..." She sucked in a deep breath and looked him square in the eye. "I am keeping my baby." His breath woodshed out of him and he dropped to the couch as if his knees had buckled.
"Oh, thank God." He breathed. It was her turn to stare at him. "With all that five year stuff I thought you were going to... I was afraid..." He let out a shaky breath and seemed to collect himself. He scooted closer to her. "Of course I'm going to be involved. Marry me Erica, we'll..." He stopped speaking when she shook her head.
"That is not a good reason to marry and you know it. When I get married it will be to someone who loves me." The words were painful even as she said them. She didn't think she would ever love anyone the way she loved him. She knew for sure she never had before.
"I love you." He emphasized the word ‘I’ but he could see she was skeptical, she thought he was just telling her what she wanted to hear.
Erica watched as Ethan surged to his feet and walked from the room. Her heart sank a little as she watched him go. Her head was starting to hurt and it was hard to concentrate on her next step. Ethan returned, his determined stride carried him straight to her. He sank smoothly to his knees in front of her sitting on his heels. He took both her hands in his holding her injured one very gently.
"Erica," his voice was soft and soothing. "Since the very first time I saw you, you've kept me tied in knots. It took me a month to get the nerve to talk to you. Was it love at first sight? Maybe not love, but it was definitely the recognition of a soul mate. Every day I have spent with you has done nothing but solidify that bond. I haven't said the words because you seemed so intent on taking things slow. But I really thought you knew how I felt. I thought it was obvious."
"I thought I did too, but..."
She looked down unable to expose her insecurity completely. He put his finger under her chin and tipped it back up.
"But...?" He prompted.
"You haven't come close to me or kissed me. I slept in the guest room." She said in a rush. Ethan sighed and dropped his forehead to her knees. Unable to resist she ran her fingers lightly through his hair. When he lifted his head he looked tormented.
"I let you down Erica. I promised to protect you and I failed. I wouldn't blame you if you never forgave me, but if you give me another chance I swear I won't let you down again."
“Oh Ethan, you didn’t let me down. You saved me.”
“But it was my fault, it was me she was obsessed with, and because of that you got hurt.” She squared her shoulders and glared at him.
“Ethan Reynolds, don’t you dare!” His eyes widened surprised by her sudden anger. “If it had been Marco, and you had gotten caught in the middle would you blame me?”
“No, but this is different. I should be the one to protect you.”
“That is a very chauvinistic attitude. This is the twenty first century and I am an independent woman perfectly capable of taking care of myself. You might be bigger and stronger than me but that doesn’t mean that I can’t take care of you just as much as you take care of me.” She looked fierce and even though he knew she was completely serious, he couldn’t help the happy smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.
“You want to take care of me?” He asked earnestly.
“You love me?” She countered.
“I love you so much.”
“Then kiss me.” He didn’t need further invitation he gently cupped her cheek pressing his lips to hers. When he pulled back and looked into her eyes he looked serious again.
“Erica, I love you. I’ll love you forever; I want you to be my wife. Not because there is a baby; just because you are the only one I want to share my life with.” He lifted a ring box from beside him on the floor and opened it. He placed it in her lap and she gasped. “Marry me?”
“How did you?”
Morning After (A Reynolds Security Novel) Page 21
