And she had to let him go.
Chapter Thirty-One
After a long day on the streets of Toronto with a commercial real estate agent, Syd dragged herself into her room at the Grande Hotel and tossed her bag and purse onto the plush taupe sofa as she passed it. She moved to the makeshift kitchenette and pulled a bottle of water from the bar fridge, twisting the cap off and taking a long swallow. She wiggled out of her lightweight blazer, draped it over the gleaming black countertop of the small peninsula and made her way up the stairs to the second floor of her suite.
She eyed the phone on the bedside table and nibbled her lip. She had promised Caleb she would call him when she got to Toronto and she’d already been in the city for two days. There was no avoiding him forever and it was better to get the inevitable over with sooner rather than later. She’d purposely booked an extra two nights in the city so she could have some time for herself, without Brett, without interruption—time she needed to heal her heart.
Syd peeled off her sheer maroon blouse and black pencil skirt and, leaving on her thin gray camisole and panties, walked into the adjoining bathroom. She twisted the faucets by the tub and, while it filled, stripped the rest of her clothes off and left them on the tile floor. She dropped a bath bomb into the steaming water and carefully stepped into the oversized tub. Lying down at last, she leaned her head back and tried to relax as the water fizzed around her and her nose filled with the heady scent of lavender.
Over the past week she’d thought long and hard about what needed to happen in her life. There was a definite disconnect between what she needed and what was going to happen. She needed Caleb yet she had to marry Brett. She needed happiness yet she would have to live with sadness for a while. She needed Caleb all around her, touching her, kissing her, making love to her, but she was going to have to deal with being celibate for a while, because there was no way Brett was getting anywhere near her.
And after the stunt he’d pulled a few days ago…
She wasn’t even close to forgiving him yet, not even a little. Although he’d sent dozens of bouquets of flowers and had called umpteen times apologizing, he didn’t seem to get the point. Yes, he seemed genuinely apologetic for trying to force himself on her, but in the same breath he would say that he has every right to have that kind of affection from her, and that he shouldn’t have had to force himself. Basically—he was throwing the blame for what happened back in her face.
Syd held her breath and closed her eyes, sliding down so she was completely submerged in the tub. She stayed that way till her lungs burned, part of her wishing she didn’t ever have to come up for air, wishing she could stay beneath the cloudy water and not have to deal with the mess she called her life.
A few minutes later she stepped out of the tub and dried off with a plush ivory towel as the bathwater swirled and funneled down the drain.
She nodded and muttered, “Yup. That’s my life… Right down the fucking drain.”
She threw on her most comfortable oversized nightgown, grabbed a box of tissues and reached for the bedside phone. Taking a deep breath, she dialed Caleb’s number.
He answered on the second ring.
“Hello?”
“Caleb, hi. It’s Syd.”
Silence.
“Caleb?”
“Yeah, I’m here. How’s your business trip so far?”
“It’s good. I have a couple more places to check out with the real estate agent tomorrow, but I think I already picked out a spot for the restaurant.”
“That’s nice.”
He was distant with her, too quiet. She’d wanted to start driving him away. That was why she didn’t speak to him often or see him at all in weeks on end. But to hear it in his voice, to realize she’d succeeded, nearly broke her to pieces.
Syd heard the sound of children screaming and laughing. “Where are you?”
“I’m back in Miami, at PJ’s house.”
“Oh. I thought you were staying in California,” she said quietly.
“I was when I thought I was in a relationship, but since I was apparently mistaken I came back home.”
A tear slid along her cheek. “Caleb, I’m sorry. You know with everything going on, how incredibly busy I’ve been—”
“Right.”
She let out a puff of air. “That’s actually why I’m calling you.”
“Really?” His voice was tight, as if he anticipated what she was going to say.
“Things… Things are difficult for me, Caleb. I’m busy with work, with my father. I barely have any time for me, let alone a relationship. Plus, we’re in different countries, and it’s impossible to get together.”
“No it’s not. All you need to do is make a little time for me, like I would for you,” he whispered.
“I have no time to begin with, Caleb,” she started.
“You had time for someone else last we spoke, Sydney.”
“What?” What on earth was he talking about?
“Don’t play dumb, Syd. I heard him in the background while we were on the phone. I get it, I’m too far, not worth your effort. That’s fine.”
Brett.
It was funny, because in a way she was breaking things off with him because of another man. It would be so simple to apologize and hang up the phone, to let it go and let it be.
But she couldn’t. She wasn’t able to let him believe she’d cheated on him in the short duration of their pseudo-relationship. Part of her was desperate to make sure he realized how much he meant to her. “Caleb, I’m not sure what you’re thinking, but last time we spoke I had a friend over who was quite drunk.”
“Sure.”
“I’m serious! Damn it, Caleb, I don’t have time for a relationship right now!”
“Uh-huh.”
“We were just bad timing. There’s too much going on in my life, Caleb. So much I can’t even tell you about…” she stopped herself short of babbling on hysterically about the deal she’d made with Brett and the consequences to her family if she didn’t follow through.
“Try talking to me, Sydney. Make me understand,” he implored.
“I… I can’t. I can’t tell you.”
He laughed, and it was a hollow, fake sound. “But I’m sure you made time to tell your drunk friend.”
“Stop it! I didn’t cheat on you. I couldn’t—I could never do that to you and live with myself.”
He sighed. “But you could easily break things off with me. That you could do to me, no problem.”
She was openly crying now, her voice high-pitched, in near hysterics. “No, Caleb. It’s not like that at all. It’s killing me to do this, but I have to. It’s not fair to you with the way things are.” She groaned, aggravated. This was supposed to be a two-minute call—get him on the phone, say they were through, she was sorry and hang up.
“Why don’t you let me be the judge of what’s fair to me and what’s not, Syd?”
“Because I care about you more than you can ever know, and I refuse to let you waste your time on me when I can’t devote even a percent of my attention to you. This isn’t our time, CJ, and you so deserve better than me. Just hang up the phone and forget about me. Find someone who can love you the way you should be loved, someone to love with all your heart and who you can be with forever.”
“I thought I did find that person,” he said quietly.
Syd felt as if she’d been stabbed. “So did I,” she whispered back. “Goodbye, Caleb. I’m so sorry,” she managed between sobs. She quickly put the receiver back in the cradle before he had a chance to say anything else.
It pained her to hear she had hurt him…but when he’d basically said he thought he could be with her forever, it had ripped her apart. She brought her legs to her chest and rested her head on her knees. Her body shook and convulsed as she wept, her heart aching.
I love him. I love him and I just let him go.
Caleb stared at his cell phone, mouth slightly open and body rooted in shock.
He was in sheer disbelief. She’d broken things off and hung up, just like that.
“Dude?”
Caleb turned around slowly. The look on his face must’ve said it all.
Pat put his arm around his shoulder. “Come on, let’s take a walk. Lilly and her friends will be fine for a few minutes,” he said softly, leading him through the doors that opened to the spacious back yard.
They walked in silence a few minutes before he spoke again. “CJ, what happened, man?”
“She… Syd, she broke up with me.”
Pat pressed his lips together, waiting for his brother to continue.
“I… She… She said she didn’t have time for a relationship.”
“But you don’t believe her,” PJ stated knowingly.
“No, I don’t. You make time for a relationship if it means anything at all to you. Saying you don’t have time is a cop out.” His hand started aching, and he realized he still had his fingers tightly clenched around his phone. “She said goodbye, I’m sorry and hung up. She told me that voice I heard was a drunk friend. She swore left and right she wasn’t cheating and basically said that our relationship was bad timing in her life.”
“Shit, Caleb,” Pat said, rubbing his chin. “Something tells me you don’t completely buy it, though.”
Caleb sighed and slipped his phone into his pocket. “I don’t know. If you’d heard her… Pat, she’s either an amazing, top-notch actress, or she really is as devastated as I am that she broke things off. I mean, she was sobbing, man. Totally and completely crying so hard she couldn’t catch her breath.”
“That doesn’t exactly sound like a person who was breaking things off with someone she doesn’t care about—a lot.”
An elfin girl, with a heart-shaped face and long wavy blonde hair, came running out of the house and crashed into Pat.
“Daddy, Daddy,” she wailed, “Nessa isn’t letting me play! It’s my turn!”
“One sec,” Pat said, winking at his brother. He walked Lilly back to the door and gave her a kiss on the top of her head. “Now, ladies,” he called into house, “let’s play fair and let everyone have a turn, all right?”
“Yes, Mr. Jones,” a chorus of five overly dramatic nine-year-olds said at once.
“Look at you, handlin’ the ladies,” Caleb joked. “Do you think you can work that magic on Sydney, tell her to not give up on us, and maybe she’ll comply with a simple ‘Yes, Mr. Jones’?”
“If I thought there was a chance in hell of it working, I’d do it in a heartbeat for you, bro,” Pat answered, his words sincere.
“I dunno, maybe you were right, Pat. I chased after her and followed her to Vancouver, even though she said she didn’t want to see me again. I did this to myself.”
“Or…”
“Or there’s something going on in her life that she feels she can’t tell me about, something that’s making her break up with me, even though her voice says she doesn’t want to do it.”
PJ bent and ripped a blade of grass out of the ground, flipping it around in his fingers as he spoke. “Well, now what? What are you going to do?”
Caleb frowned. “She broke up with me, so we’re supposed to be through, right? Then why do I feel like we have unfinished business? Why do I feel like we’re not done?”
Chapter Thirty-Two
“So what do you think of this place? The high ceilings offer endless possibility, and amazingly enough the hardwood floors are in impeccable condition.”
“Yeah, it’s nice,” Syd murmured.
The real estate agent, Mona, furrowed her brow. “Are you sure you’re okay, Sydney? I mean, I asked you earlier, but you’re really not yourself today.”
Of course I’m not all right. I gave up the man of my dreams and I cried all night.
She nodded. “I didn’t sleep very well, so I’m a bit low on energy.”
Mona frowned and gave a slight nod, her dark eyes still reflecting worry.
Syd mustered a smile. “I’m fine, Mona. I promise.” She waved her hand in the air. “And this place is lovely, but I’ve still got my heart set on that little place near Yonge and Bloor.”
“But, Syd, that place is half the size of this one. Based on your budget you could more than afford this place. It’s so spacious, there’s enough room to even convert it to a banquet or party space!”
She nodded. “I know, Mona, but Christou’s is not about grandeur. It’s about a family atmosphere with a bit of class. A small, cozy venue is perfect, and the extra unspent budget will do wonders going toward getting the restaurant ready to open in record time.”
Mona shrugged. “All right, if you insist. Would you like to go look at it again?”
Syd shook her head. “No, I’m good, thanks. If you could send me all the info pertaining to the property via email so I can go over it with Theo and my dad when I get back home, I’d really appreciate it.”
They parted ways and Syd headed back to the hotel, grateful she no longer had to force herself to socialize with another human. From this point on her companions would be her bed, pillow and tissues. Not to mention the three tubs of Ben & Jerry’s she’d bought.
She let herself into her room and dumped her bag and purse on the ground. She put two cartons of ice cream in the freezer and took the third upstairs with her, grabbing a spoon along the way. She ripped the top off the container and dug out a huge chunk of the frozen treat, nibbling it before it melted. She continued eating mouthful after mouthful while she undressed and slipped into a pair of jeans and an old University of British Columbia T-shirt, finally glancing into the small tub and realizing she’d eaten nearly half already.
Syd put her hand to the side of her head. “Christ,” she muttered. “That would account for the brain freeze.”
She set the carton on the dresser and picked up the phone, deciding it was about time she got some real food into her system.
“Room service,” a friendly voice answered.
“Hi there. I’d like to place an order.”
“Yes, ma’am. What room are you in?”
“Three-oh-four,” Syd answered, quickly flipping through the menu.
“And what can we get for you, Ms. Bennett?”
“Um, I’ll have the cheeseburger with extra cheese and no onion please.”
She heard the telltale click of nails on a keyboard. “Anything else?”
“Two orders of fries.” Syd paused. “Oh, and a couple cans of whatever brand of cola you have, please.”
“Yes, ma’am. Your food will arrive in roughly forty-five minutes. Please call us back if there’s anything else you need.”
“Thanks,” Syd said, returning the phone to its cradle and resuming her pigging out on the Chunky Monkey. She settled back on the bed and turned the television to some soap opera she’d never seen before, staring at the colors flashing by on the screen as she shoveled the frozen dessert into her mouth.
“Oh, Cliff, but I love you so much!”
Syd’s eyes instantly focused on the screen. The buxom blonde was clutching the tall, dark-haired man’s arm, trying to convince him that they were destined to be together. He shook his head adamantly, telling her he was married, that what they had was nothing but a fling, a mistake.
Syd closed her eyes. A tear escaped and rolled down her cheek as she blindly reached for the remote to turn off the television. She didn’t need any more reminders of her own heartache.
A knock sounded at the door, and Syd, still clutching the tub of ice cream, jumped out of bed and headed downstairs.
“Who is it?”
“Room service,” an oddly accented high-pitched voice answered.
Syd stuck another spoonful of ice cream into her mouth and, the silverware still dangling from her lips, opened the door.
The spoon promptly fell to the ground.
“Caleb? What the hell are you doing here?” she asked, her voice strangled and somewhat panicked.
He nodded his h
ead toward the cart of food in front of him. “It’s not obvious? I’m bringing you your food.” He pushed her out of the way with the little table on wheels and moved into the room. He turned and shut the door behind him, bending to pick up the spoon she had dropped.
He motioned for her to hand him the near empty tub of ice cream she had in a death grip, and she mutely complied. He peered into the carton and raised an eyebrow, grabbing a fresh spoon off the cart and digging in. He stared at Syd while he licked the spoon, his head cocked to the side.
“So,” he said quietly.
She turned away from him and covered her face, shaking her head. She couldn’t look at him. It hurt too much. “What are you doing here, CJ? You shouldn’t be here. You’re not supposed to be here.”
His hands were on her shoulders, gently turning her to face him again. He pulled her hands away from her face and stroked her gently along the jaw. Her vision blurred and he trailed his thumb to swipe at the tears that fell.
“If you want to get rid of me you’ll have to try harder than that, Syd. I don’t care what you said—we’re not over. We’re connected, you and I, and I love you too damn much to give you up so easily,” he whispered.
He loves me.
Her face crumbled and she collapsed against his chest, her body shaking as she cried. He wrapped his arms around her protectively, smoothing the hair off her face, rubbing her back, murmuring that everything was going to be okay.
Syd pushed away from him, sniffling and rubbing her nose. “No. No, CJ, you can’t be here. I told you, it’s over.”
He hooked an arm behind her legs and carried her up to the bedroom. “Look,” he said as he climbed the stairs. “Maybe I’m stupid, or a glutton for punishment. Maybe I’m delusional and irrational. Hell, maybe I’m just a silly lovesick pup. But,” he said, depositing her on the bed in a flourish, “there are a couple things I do know.”
He sat beside her and took her hand in his, tracing circles on the inside of her wrist. “First off, I know that, unequivocally, without a doubt, I love you. I’m also willing to bet everything I own that you love me too. And that if you didn’t love me, then you wouldn’t be sitting here, crying and letting me hold you.” He leaned in close and brushed his lips on hers. “Letting me kiss you.”
Little White Lie Page 18
