*****
There’s no doubt that the kiss had been powerful, for so many reasons. It had been my first kiss. It had been the one and only time I'd taken a chance on something I'd been feeling. With the way he pulled away and insisted again that he get me home before I passed out, slammed the door on me ever wanting to do it again. So I hadn't.
Graham pushed me away that night for a reason he never did get to explain to me and I just sucked up the pain and hurt I felt and moved on with my life. I made a promise that night that no matter how close I came to being in a situation like that one again, I wouldn't act on my impulses and I never have. Not in the years that passed have I ever been near a situation quite like that one.
Until Ryan.
“Serenity! Earth to Serenity.”
Emma. Shit. I'd gotten so caught up in my own thoughts I'd completely forgotten that she was here and we'd been talking.
“Sorry Ems. Just thinking about what happened today.” I said, lying through my teeth.
“What did happen? What did he do and why are you back in the room alone and not off making out with him somewhere?”
“I don't want to be off making out with him.”
“Fine, but you don't want to be here either. So what the hell happened?”
“He pushed me away after. He got up, stammered off something about needing to be somewhere and he left. Well, he said sorry and then he left.”
I can tell by the look on her face she’s shocked. Emma hadn't been expecting that to be the way it played itself out. She’d been hoping for a much better ending and I didn't blame her because I was too.
“That son of a bitch. The next time I see him, I'm totally going to rip him apart.”
“Ems, don't. It's alright. I thought he wanted to kiss me and that he was as into it as I was, but he wasn't. He regrets it. It's okay.”
“No Ser, it's not okay. Good guys don't do that when they kiss a girl. They don't get up and leave.”
“Well, maybe they don't for most girls because those girls are worth it. I'm just not.”
Ryan
Son of a bitch.
When I took this assignment, it seemed so damn cut and dry. Go topside, find the girl and befriend her. In doing so, I would be preparing her for the destiny of which at this point she was blissfully unaware. It’s made easier when I learn she’s a medium. She’s able to hear and speak with the dead, something we have in common. It would make bonding so much simpler.
Despite claims to the contrary I’m not a demon. Well, not a full one anyway. I’m a half breed.
The story goes that before I was born my mother screwed around with Lucifer’s most trusted confidant and in turn she’d given birth to me. When I turned four, she went ahead and made a deal with the devil. Literally. By the time I was five I was able to communicate with the dead the same as Serenity could. Of course because half of my blood is demon, I have powers that other humans can't even imagine.
I went through life being different, but also at the same time being groomed for a much larger destiny. So for every minute I spent on the outskirts of social groups, I was making up for in rewards with the only man I've ever known as my father. Up until recently, it had been a more than willing trade off. Being human is overrated anyway.
By the time my fifteenth birthday rolled around, I was able to say that I had officially met the devil. Lucifer made his first appearance in my life that I could actually remember. It is around then that he told me of my destiny. I would be a main player in the falling of Heaven. That when the time was right, he would call for me and we would begin. Of course back then, I had no idea what he meant, but I couldn't deny I was thrilled with the idea. I could finally break away from my mother, go out on my own and create my own path.
So I put up with the voices, the visions and my ability to read minds, all of which had kept me on the sidelines of what could’ve been a normal life. I spent every day looking at the calendar, seeing each day for what it was, just a number in a countdown that would eventually end.
My mom hated me. She made sure I knew every single day what an abomination I was. There is no love lost between us. I didn't care if she up and died and honestly I think she felt the same way. We never came right out and said it, but it’s something well known. The fighting between us the older I became just got worse, neither one of us wanting to back down. I may have gotten my looks from my father, which caused no shortness of distress for her, but I'd also gotten her stubbornness.
Given my enhanced features and skills, I really do have the world at my fingertips. There’s nothing I could want for, other than love, but given what I am, love never played a part in my life. I could pretty well talk myself out of any situation I wanted, be given anything I craved without batting so much as an eyelash. Most people would have overdosed on that, but that is where I differed from the populace. My mom may have accused me of being the spitting image of my father, but this is one of the parts of him I didn't want to share.
There had been a lot of girls over the years and then women as I got older. They’d thrown themselves in my direction looking for any scrap of attention, but I never gave it. They never interested me. I hadn't met one that wasn't into getting something from me and those types did nothing for me. I’m much better off on my own if all I was going to get was those kind of women.
I couldn’t be like my father and binge on the humans. I may have been blessed with my looks and easygoing temperament away from home, but that didn't mean I had to use it. I didn’t have a sweet tooth and the world was not my candy store. I wasn't going to binge eat until I made myself sick. I suppose that’s another win for my mom. I’m less like my father then she believes me to be.
Two years ago, when I turned twenty there was another visit from Lucifer. He made a few visits over the years to witness my progress, but it was this visit where I was informed that I would be his right hand man. There is no one that showed the promise I had and I would serve him better than those before me. He also informed me that on my twenty-first birthday I would begin the steps in his master plan. Up until that point, he had only given me small details of what was to come, but it was then he told me everything.
He finally found the woman that would be his bride. It’s not traditional in the way Lilith was. No, this one is different. She’s human and she’s young, my age in fact. He learned of her accidentally and after spending time watching her or in his way, having her watched, he knew she was the one. Which is where I come in. I was supposed to go to her and put the plan that until now, had been working brilliantly, into action. I jumped at the chance. This was my time to show him what I could really do and make him proud.
Being half human was a risk, one that he made sure I was aware of. I could not let the normal human way of being override the ultimate goal. If that happened, he warned that he would wipe me both from the world and from my ultimate high ranking spot in hell.
I would cease to exist.
Which leads me to now. I've just kissed Lucifer’s bride. To an outsider, it could easily be explained as me doing whatever’s necessary to gain her trust. Feeding her information the way I am and then kissing her the way I did, would keep her from figuring me out before the time was right. I know differently. I hadn't kissed Serenity because I need to continue some game. I did it because I wanted to.
She is irresistible to me, which explains why Lucifer wants her so badly for himself. Her power is unparalleled. Her abilities are strong and growing stronger with each passing day. The way she carries herself, even though she’s as horribly inept socially as I am, captivated me enough to pull me right in. Add all of that to the way she looks, even while lounging on the world’s ugliest blanket and there’s no denying it.
I’m hooked.
I shouldn't have kissed her, not when the very thing Lucifer warned me about is happening right before my eyes, but I couldn't help myself. I wasn’t lying when I told her that as a child I prayed for someone to come along like
me so I wouldn't be alone anymore. I had done it more than once and now here she is.
Nothing I said to her had been a lie.
I was told to use whatever means necessary to get her to grow close to me and I fully planned on doing that. At least until I walked into the classroom with her friend and met her, come face to face with her. Once that happened, all bets were off. There’s no way I could bring myself to lie to her.
As it is, I’m so affected just being in her presence that I want to tell her everything about me, including just what I’ve been sent here to do. I can't do that though. Even when she inevitably became Lucifer's wife, I could never admit who and what I am and the part I played in changing her life forever. She would never forgive me and I’m not entirely sure I can live with that.
Right now, I have more serious things to concern myself with. Things that caused me to pull away from her and the kiss all together. Life and death things.
I’m going to be in some serious shit when Lucifer finds out.
Holding On To Heaven Page 29
