Chapter Twenty
Serenity
When Ryan told me he wanted to talk to me and that what he had to say would impact me in ways I might not understand, I didn’t know what to make of it. First I thought he was here because he wanted to talk about the kiss. Now that I’ve heard everything he has to say, I can safely say the kiss we shared was the least of his concerns and now of mine.
I want to believe he’s lying to me. That this farfetched story he told me is just that. A story. A lovely little nightmare he thought up on the fly because in actuality he didn't much like me and this is his way of dealing with it. Simply ignoring me would have been enough, but hell maybe he’s inventive that way. The thing is, I looked in his eyes as he told me how conflicted he is and I know he’s not lying. The truth is there. He wears it clear as the daylight.
He'd been wearing it when he kissed me. I knew yesterday that the expression he wore after the kiss meant something and now that I know what it is, I find myself believing in it. Wanting to know more about what’s in store for me and inevitably for Ryan.
Silence has filled the room since I mentioned not having to go through this alone. I guess I should’ve expected that considering he just admitted to being a demon sent here to control me into becoming Lucifer's wife. He’s conflicted though, and if he really is willing to go against the only way of life he’s ever known, the least I can do is help to make sure he didn't have to do it alone.
All of those times my grandmother called my ability a gift came flooding back to me. I begin to wonder if she’d known about me. What I am and what I would mean to the world and if in her own way, she'd been warning me of it. The way Ryan spoke of me, the real me, it makes me think that maybe she had.
“Are you saying what I think you're saying, Serenity?”
“If you think that what I'm saying is I would fight with you, using all of this so called power to help you change the path you’re on and doing the right thing, or at least what we believe to be the right thing, then yes.”
“I can't ask you to do that.”
“Well it's a good thing you're not asking, huh?”
“Why? Given what I am and what my purpose so far has been, how can you offer to fight beside me knowing that at any moment I can revert back on course?”
I hadn't really thought about it, him turning his back on me. Obviously it was a possibility, but one I found myself not as concerned about as I should be. For some reason I just knew it wouldn't happen.
“Honestly, I'm not sure. I mean, despite the fact that everything you've told me sounds bat shit crazy, I believe you. I know you aren't lying to me. I also know the risk you're taking in telling me what you did. I don't suppose the devil enjoys having his plans given away, especially to someone like me. So, if you're willing to risk everything by telling me, the least I can do, is do the same and help you.”
“You have no idea the tremendous danger this puts you in, despite your level of power. This isn't a book Serenity. This is real life.”
“You don't think I know that? Okay granted, I'm still processing all of this, but if you're telling me that you're having doubts about seeing this through, or at least your part in it, than even with as confused as I still am, I want to help you. We don't have to go it alone either.”
“What does that mean?”
“You said it yourself. Heaven wants me right? Well if that’s true then it means for the past month or so I've had a powerful angel visiting me. One that by his own admission has been with me every step of the way. You may have him blocked out right now, but if we really need it, I'm sure he’ll help us.”
“Gabriel would never help me.”
“Maybe not, but he would help me. If I'm supposed to do what you said, then he needs me just as much as you do. He's been a pretty big pain in the ass lately and I'm not entirely sure I believe him when he tells me things, but there’s only one way to find out for sure.”
“How do you suppose we do that?”
“Easy.” I state matter of fact. “Lower your guards and I'll call him. If he is what you say he is, he'll show up and if he doesn't, then I know once and for all that he's the asshole spirit I believe him to be. What do we have to lose?”
I have no experience whatsoever with the power Ryan controlled, or even the extent of my own so while I thought the idea was pretty sound, I couldn't be sure. If Ryan lowered his guards and let Gabriel through would he also signal Lucifer at the same time? Would doing this put us even more at risk or could we really pull it off?
“If you do this, will Lucifer feel it?” I ask, my concern at remaining hidden from the King of Hell more important in the moment than anything else I’m about to do.
“No. At least I don't think so, but Serenity, you need to realize what doing this will mean. Gabriel would like nothing more than to see me dead. There’s nothing stopping him from killing me the minute you call.”
“I get that, but what other choice do we have? Besides, I think I know him well enough to know that he won't do that, not as long as I'm here. If Gabriel needs me to save the world then I hold a lot of leverage and I'm not above using it.”
It all seemed so cut and dry in my mind. I would call Gabriel, we would discuss this, find a way around both sides and their apparent destinies for me. Gabriel would stand with us and we would fight. I can't afford to look at it any other way. I have to get myself out of this as much as I have to free Ryan. It’s the single driving force in me now. I have to save him from his destiny, then and only then can I really focus on my own.
There’s only one problem though. One aspect I haven't really considered as all of this has been dropped in my lap.
How the hell am I going to explain it to Graham?
Holding On To Heaven Page 35
