Chapter Thirty-One
Gabriel
I lost her.
I know what Father and Michael are attempting to do showing me this and I do not fault them for it. They want to show me the error of my ways. That in stepping away from the main objective the way I did, instead choosing to embrace the jealousy and fear that had overpowered me during my time on Earth, I am at fault for what is about to take place.
Watching her with Graham the way she had been was not easy. I fully expected to see the two of them finally give into the history that surrounds them, a culmination of all their lifetimes and become one. What I had been privy to though had been the exact opposite of that, proving my brother’s earlier words to be correct.
I am an Angel first and foremost and somewhere along the way, I lost sight of that and become immersed in the very darkness that had been attempting to take her. I have become a casualty in the war that Lucifer wanted to wage against Father and the rest of Heaven. I played right into his hands.
When I saw her meet up with Ryan, I knew what would come of their time together. They would give in to one another, faced with a destiny neither of them could fight. So when Ryan said the three words that normally would have broken my already damaged heart, I had been prepared. I should have been more upset, but with what followed, all I could do is feel sorry for myself for the horrible position I put her in.
It begins and ends with me. Father made that crystal clear upon my arrival back home. Lucifer knew I was the guardian for his bride and he used that to his advantage, overriding my basic instincts and making me believe in something that was not true. I am not becoming human the way I assumed. Instead, I am very much the same entity I have always been, but one with a clouded sense of self. He preyed on the fact that I am the weaker of the archangels and easily twisted me up inside by using my doubts. I had been the perfect target. In trying to protect Serenity the way I have been sworn to, I put myself on a platter and he used it.
Instead of making things right, I only pushed her further from me to the point that now, as I watch, she is prepared to choose a fate that does not suit her. She is meant to save the world, not be the very thing that brought it to its knees.
I have to do something. I have to make sure this didn't happen. Lucifer cannot win. It is only now I realize that whatever I felt for her; what we are to each other could not come to fruition if she died in the process. Something that I had no doubt Lucifer has planned. Once he has her power he will no longer need her, which means she would make her home in Heaven far sooner than Father wants her to. I am already having a hard time living with myself for having let it get this far, if she dies, I would not be able to live at all.
Coming home to Heaven would make her available to me but she wouldn’t the same ball of light that I have come to love during this time on Earth. She would be something entirely different and I do not want it that way. It has to happen naturally or not at all.
Why didn't I just agree to help her and the demon? If I had done that instead of focusing all my energy on the soul-mate, this may not be where we were now. I would have her trust again and we would fight alongside one another instead of on opposite sides.
“Tell me what I have to do to fix this, Father. I will do anything.”
“Gabriel, the time for you to fix this has long passed. As a warrior of Heaven you are expected to resist temptations and remain guarded not only with your charge, but within yourself so that what has taken place is not a possibility. In choosing to answer to the darkest instincts, you have not only put your beloved on a path of destruction, but you have also put Heaven and Earth at risk.”
“No! I refuse to believe that! There has to be something. You cannot let it end this way. I will not let you.”
“Michael took pity on you before bringing you home. Where he was charged with draining you of your power and position, he chose to bring you home and let me hear you out. I have no doubt of his love and admiration for you, a sentiment that you are unable to return given the monster you have turned into.”
I am not a monster. I am Gabriel, Archangel of Heaven, fighter of all things right. My soul purpose for being is to protect and nurture all things on Earth as they should be in Heaven. I may have made some bad choices, but deep down I am still that person. I can fix this if I am just given a chance.
“I know what I have caused Father, but I beg of you to please let me continue on. Let me try and fix this to the best of my remaining ability. Do not let it end this way knowing that I may be able to stop it.”
He stood now, his eyes locked on mine, his face betraying nothing about how he really feels. I know he is disappointed in me and that I have a lot I need to make up for, but is it so wrong that I want him to show his feelings rather than just stand there robotic the way he is?
Michael, in his rightful position beside my father, turned to face me, his urge to question written all over his face.
“How do you propose we fix this?”
“She is choosing this course because of what happened minutes before. Graham Hudson, without realizing it broke something within her. As much as I believe she does care for the demon, she cares more for him and having him turn on her the way he has, inspired her need to want to give in, when every part of her made of Heaven wants her to fight. I propose that we use that.”
“Use the soul-mate? Gabriel, your time on Earth has obviously messed with your brain. What good can that human be to us now?”
“On his own, he will be of no use, but if you give me one more chance, and allow me to join with him, I may be able to turn this around. She has been in love with Graham from the very first moment she saw him in this lifetime. Her soul speaking to his clearly. Let me use that and win her back. Let me change her destiny to the one that is right.”
It is obvious that what I suggested interests them. For the first time since my return home, Father's face seemed to betray him. I could see light in his eyes, the one he often got when faced with a solution to a long standing problem. While he may not trust me with how easily I had been led astray, he cannot deny my plan held a great deal of merit. It could work and work well if executed correctly.
“You may be on to something, but how can you be sure that it will work?”
“One can never be sure of anything. As I think this entire undertaking has taught us. I just know her. I have spent the last twenty years guarding her, paying particular attention during her teenage years. She loves Graham Hudson with a passion that even the darkest of demons can never match. I do believe her love for him will override what she is about to do. It will change the course of everything, but that can only happen if you allow me to prove it to you.”
“The soul mate bond is one of the strongest in existence. I believe you can use that to your advantage, but Gabriel you're still weakened from everything Lucifer put you through. There is no guarantee that you will be strong enough, even with the human host to stop what is already put in motion.”
“Then do the one thing you speak off so freely here. The one thing you wish all of your followers on Earth would do. Have faith. I can do this. but not without your faith and trust in me. Believe in me.”
Serenity
There's a sense of calm that comes over your body when you make a decision. Especially one that determines the life or death of a particular being. The world goes from being on your shoulders, wearing you down to the point where you don't think you can take anymore, to being carried away where all that you’re left with is peace. At least that's how I felt after I chose my path.
Where I expected to feel torn, ripped apart from the very best parts of me, I am anything but. I’m completely centered and happy, both with myself and the decision I’ve made. While I’m embracing a destiny born of darkness, I can still feel the light burning its way through me. I don't fear what comes next, instead choosing to embrace it, knowing that in doing so I’m embracing a life with a being that wants nothing more than to treasure me for t
he rest of my days.
When Ryan said he would end up dead or a fate much worse than death there was this moment when my breath caught in my throat that I knew what I had to do. I’d seen it with such clarity that I knew it was my true path. The very thing I had been sent here to do.
Heaven might believe I’ve been sent to save the entire human race, but I know better. I was sent here to save him. To redeem him in the eyes of those more powerful and bring him into the light, where he belongs.
That's what no one from the good side seems to get. He deserves to be in the light. I hadn't seen it right away, but when I saw him on the quad, the white light surrounding him, a force in its own right pulling me in, I knew it as fact. He’s made of the light just like I am.
He is my destiny.
Ryan
“She is a gem, Ryan. There is no finer specimen to stand side by side with me then her.”
The sound of his voice, smooth like a viper, made my stomach turn over in disgust. When I called on him when Serenity asked, he’d been more than happy to oblige her, unable to mask his excitement. For Lucifer it’s all coming up roses. His plan to capture the very essence of the woman I love is now complete and she came to the decision all on her own, no manipulation from him required.
The last remaining part of me that is joined to him is jubilant with the reward we have been given, but the rest of me is fighting against it. This is not something to be happy about. Serenity isn’t made for this life, for the fate she would soon meet and time is running out on me being able to do anything to free her.
“Don't you mean stand side by side with me, Father? That is still your ultimate plan is it not?”
The grin on his face only magnifies his evil. He is genuinely happy about what he has planned for us and unless I earn a miracle somehow, there would be no wiping the grin off his face permanently, the way I wanted to.
“Of course it is. I can think of no better punishment for you than to take the life force of the woman you love while I watch. It causes me no shortness of happiness knowing the pain you must be feeling in this moment.”
So this is a punishment. He didn’t believe me when I said I would deliver her, and he didn’t believe me when I said my feelings for her were a means to an end. He knew everything and now he’s basking in the glow of victory, not only by securing Serenity's place by his side and therefore her power, but also in winning over me.
He is using her as a means of torture for me. This was never meant to be a rising of the ranks for me. It was meant to destroy me to the point where all that was left is the shell Lucifer himself would inhabit. I really would be the perfect vessel, he maneuvered it quite nicely.
“You knew how I felt about her the entire time.”
“Ryan, where do you think the power you have comes from? They are the parts of me I deem fit to share with certain demonic individuals I believe worthy of them. In trying to hide from me, all you did was lead me straight to you and the ridiculous notion that a being of your type could ever love. You gave yourself away.”
Of course I did. The only one I truly blocked out had been the one being that could have helped me. Son of a bitch. Knowing this now, it stings.
“The way things happened, you gotta know that it wasn't my intent. I didn't go into this believing I would fall for the very person I had been sent to destroy.”
“I am aware, which is why you are the vessel I plan to take and you’re not completely obliterated where you stand. I understand what happened between the two of you. It all goes back to the very reason I am doing this. Human nature is an abomination and it must be stopped. You and the way this situation was handled are perfect examples of that. Before this day, my son, you were the perfect specimen, a demon worthy of succeeding me in Hell when the time came for me to take a lesser role. Human emotion and the nature I have come to despise so deeply changed you.”
“My punishment.”
“Indeed. Think of all the ways the human side of you will suffer when you drain the life and light successfully from your lovers’ body. Think of yourself as a test subject. If you survive and that is a strong if, then I will know just how much damage I will need to inflict over time on the other humans to eventually make it destroy itself. You will be helping me through your own personal torture.”
How did I not see this before? How deeply disturbed he is and how wrong his plans are? I’m beginning to see as we stand here just why he’d been cast from Heaven. With an end result as dark as the one he’s planning for human kind, it’s no surprise he’d been ousted the way he was.
How can a dark entity such as himself exist in a place purely built on love and acceptance? If he had stayed, with his level of darkness, I’ve got no doubt he would’ve destroyed the very light that made him.
“It is not enough that you've won, must you proceed to rub salt in the wound? Why not just drain her in front of me, the damage would surely be the same and your end result would be reached.”
“Oh Ryan, how naive you are to the ways of the world. You love her. I know you have no experience with love given your upbringing and those that you surrounded yourself with, but there is no greater torture to a person in love then to be the very thing that kills them. While the end result may be the same, the agony between them is significantly greater. Your pain at having killed the only woman you will ever love will destroy you from the inside out.”
I don't know what possessed me to say it, or even how I’m going to go about making it reality, but I know I can't sit here and listen to any more of this without doing something. Anything is better than just laying down and accepting.
“I won't let you do this.”
“Spoken like a man deeply in love. Accept what is happening around you Ryan, because in only a few short hours, I will have achieved the unthinkable. Life as you know it will cease to exist and all you will have left is the knowledge that you failed in saving the only thing that ever truly meant anything to you.”
Holding On To Heaven Page 48
