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"Behind what, Melissa?"
"They want you to stay here, with us, indefinitely."
"Melissa—"
"Hear me out," she said. "My brothers are both away at college. They only come home for a week now and then, and you can see how big our house is. I'll be gone in the fall, so my mom and dad aren't worried that we're going to become secret lovers or anything like that. You could go to Shoreline Community College. My parents will pay the tuition. After a couple of years, you could transfer to the University of Washington or wherever you want to go."
I shook my head. "I can't do that, Melissa."
"Why not?"
"I just can't."
"At least think about it, OK? Do that much."
***
After dinner, her mother and father took me out into the living room and said basically the same things to me, only in a different way. "Your father and I were best friends once," Melissa's dad said. "He'd look after Melissa if anything happened to me. You know he would. So let me look after you."
I started to object, but Melissa's mother gently put her hand over my mouth. "Don't say anything now, Chance," she said softly. "Think about it. Think about it for as long as you want. Everything has been happening so fast. There's no hurry at all."
I spent most of last night wide awake, staring at the ceiling. Melissa's parents meant every word they said; I knew that. They wanted me to stay. And it made sense, in a fairy-tale sort of way. They would take me into their magic house and make me a part of their magic family. I could go to college, maybe become a lawyer, be like a third son to them. They would give me Thanksgivings and Christmases and birthdays, and they wouldn't even notice all that they were giving me. It was just the way they lived.
But that was what stopped me. It was the way they lived. It wasn't the way I lived. If I moved into Melissa's house, their life would become my life. The Tiny Dancer, my dad, my mom—all that had happened might become unreal—like a story a stranger tells you about something that happened to someone else. But it hadn't happened to someone else—it had happened to me. It was my life—both good and bad—and nothing was going to take it away from me.
I cried for my dad then. For the first time ever, I cried for him. Because rocking back and forth on a boat headed nowhere wasn't the life he'd wanted. Now he was dead, and he'd never get to live that life. I don't know whether the drinking took it from him, or whether he drank because his life had gotten away from him. I'll never know, just like I'll never know why my mother hasn't come back to be with me, not even now, with my dad dead. But I do know my life isn't getting away from me.
It's just before seven in the morning. I'm sitting in Melissa's solarium looking out over Puget Sound. The sunlight is on the Olympic Mountains; some early sailors are out on the water. I can hear Melissa downstairs talking to her mother and father. They're probably talking about me.
In a few minutes I'll have to tell them. After that, I'll go to the bus stop and take the number 75 out to Northgate and enlist in the army.
Maybe enlisting is a big mistake, just like Melissa and her parents and Kim Lawton and everyone else thinks. Maybe it isn't. In a way it doesn't matter. Because if it is a mistake, when the time comes I'll do something else. One thing I'm sure of—I am going somewhere someday. I'm going for myself, and I'm going for my dad, too.
Table of Contents
Title Page
Front
PART ONE
CHAPTER ONE
CHAPTER TWO
CHAPTER THREE
CHAPTER FOUR
CHAPTER FIVE
CHAPTER SIX
CHAPTER SEVEN
CHAPTER EIGHT
CHAPTER NINE
CHAPTER TEN
CHAPTER ELEVEN
CHAPTER TWELVE
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
PART TWO
CHAPTER ONE
CHAPTER TWO
CHAPTER THREE
CHAPTER FOUR
CHAPTER FIVE
CHAPTER SIX
CHAPTER SEVEN
CHAPTER EIGHT
CHAPTER NINE
CHAPTER TEN
CHAPTER ELEVEN
CHAPTER TWELVE
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
PART THREE
CHAPTER ONE
CHAPTER TWO
CHAPTER THREE
CHAPTER FOUR
CHAPTER FIVE
CHAPTER SIX
CHAPTER SEVEN
CHAPTER EIGHT
CHAPTER NINE
CHAPTER TEN
CHAPTER ELEVEN
CHAPTER TWELVE
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
CHAPTER NINETEEN
CHAPTER TWENTY
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO