by T A. McKay
“Are you ok, Makenzie? You were away for a while and you look a little flushed.” I feel the heat rising into my cheeks again.
I sit back down in my seat and smile, ready to tell him that I’m fine but just as I’m about to, a giggle catches my attention. It sounds like one of those fake kind of giggles that women make when they’re flirting and trying to grab a guy’s attention or something.
My eyes flick over to my left, and that’s when I see it. The sight in front of me has the bile rising in my throat and I can feel my stomach beginning to clench. I feel as though I want to be sick and have to try my hardest to stop myself from heaving.
Sitting at a table on the other side of the room is Rocco and Mason. Rocco is staring directly at me, but that isn't what catches my attention. My eyes land on the very beautiful brunette sitting beside him. She’s draping herself over his arm. She has both of her arms wrapped around Rocco's, and is gently rubbing her breasts up and down him while whispering something into his ear. I continue to watch her and then hear her letting out another loud giggle.
I can't believe that he’s just given me a hard time about being here with Josh. And, more importantly, I can't believe that he just kissed me the way he did when all the time, he’s here with someone else. Okay, I know that I’d kissed him back, but he’s the one who made the first move, not me. It just goes to prove that it’s only me that he’s supposedly not good enough for. He doesn’t seem to have any problems taking anyone else out.
“Makenzie?” I turn my gaze back to Josh, who’s sitting with a confused look over his face now.
“I’m sorry. Listen, I’m really sorry but I’ve a really bad headache coming on. Would you mind if we leave now? I really think I need to get myself to bed and lie down.”
“No, of course. No problem. Let me just go and settle up the bill and then I’ll get you home.” He smiles such a sweet, caring smile at me before he stands and leaves the table.
I feel like a total bitch. Josh has been nothing but incredibly sweet to me all night. I can't believe that I let Rocco kiss me when I came here with him Josh. Okay, let maybe isn't the right word, but I didn't exactly push him off me. No. I pulled him closer.
I stand when I see Josh heading back over to our table. He picks up my shawl from the back of the chair and gently places it around my shoulders. He keeps his arm around me and leads me towards the exit door.
Removing his arm from around my shoulders, he walks ahead of me and opens it up wide, lifting his hand up in front of us and gesturing for me to walk ahead of him. As I’m about to walk out into the street and cool, fresh air, I hear Mason speak. He says something that’s unintelligible to me at first, but then raises his voice slightly and his words become more coherent. “Just leave it.” I turn my head to the side and look over my right shoulder, seeing Mason is now standing right in front of Rocco, with his hands placed solidly on his chest. It’s as though he’s holding Rocco back.
I turn my attention back to Josh when I feel him placing his arm around my shoulders again, I smile up at him. He really is sweet.
Just as the door is about to close behind us, I hear an angry growl from inside the restaurant.
“Fuck!”
I wake up on Sunday morning, but feel as though I haven't slept at all. My head is feeling tight and I pray to myself that I don’t have a migraine coming on.
I spent the entire night tossing and turning. I just couldn't tear my thoughts away from thinking about Rocco. I’m so confused by him, his words and his actions, they never seem to match up.
His words seem to always push me away, but his actions just pull me back to him. It definitely felt as though he enjoyed the kiss as much as I had, but then he told me he was no good.
Ugh! I refuse to think about all of this again.
I jump out of my bed and grab a pair of jogging bottoms and tank top, not overly glamorous I know, but they’re extremely comfortable. Today I plan to go out and explore the area. It has become obvious that I know very little about the place where I live and an added bonus is that it’s a beautiful day outside. I will walk and listen to music. Nothing more!
I tie my hair back in a lose ponytail and grab my phone and earphones from the kitchen table before making my way out of the door. My first stop of the day is the coffee shop so I can get some breakfast. A coffee and a donut. Is there really any better way to start the day? I eat inside but order my coffee to go. With my earphones in and my favourite playlist playing, I head in the opposite direction than I usually go.
It doesn't seem to take long before I notice that I’m leaving the busy streets behind, and all I can see ahead of me is the green grass and trees instead. I had no idea that I’ve been living so close to such a beautiful area. It’s a large open space, and granted it’s a little overgrown, but you can still make out little pathways that have been worn into the ground by the other people who have as walked this way.
I follow one of them through some trees. The shade is cool and most welcome. It’s nice to have a break from the sun sometimes. I keep walking and eventually see a pond ahead of me. It’s not huge or anything, but I decide to just stand and admire the scenery, watching the ducks as they swim around on it.
Over on the other side, there’s a man out walking his dog, though the dog seems to be far more interested in chasing the ducks around than stretching its legs. I smile and think to myself that I must bring some bread with me the next time I come here so I can feed them.
I sit myself down on a small grassy hill beside the pond. It’s so peaceful and relaxing here that it would be easy to stay for hours and just take in the amazing view, unlike the park, the only noise that I hear now is the splashing water from the water in front of me and birds as they sing.
My favourite song begins to play through my earphones and I decide to lay back on the grass and listen to the words while staring up at the bright blue sky above. The songs about being broken and left in pain. I wonder if Rocco really is broken, and if he is, I wonder if it would ever be possible to fix him, make him complete again. Once the song has finished, I check the time and see that it’s going on for almost four o’clock. I really should start thinking about getting home. I make my way back up the path and follow the same trail I used when I came down here. I think it’s most likely that I’ll be visiting a lot more from now, especially when I want to be alone. But for now, I need to get home and get some laundry done.
I’m about to hit the steps that lead up to my apartment when I see something lying at the very top of them. As I reach the entrance doors, I see a single red rose lying on the ground. I pick it up and look for a name or card, but there isn’t one.
Opening my door, I make my way inside and wonder who it’s for, but then come to the conclusion that it must have been left there by mistake. I mean, who leaves a flower without so much as a card?
Placing it in a small vase on my kitchen windowsill, I smile before going in search for my dirty clothes. Once I’ve located them and my arms are full, I'm just returning back through to the kitchen when I hear a knock on the front door.
Dropping the clothes in front of the washing machine, I make my way over to answer it and when I open it up, there’s no one on the other side. Strange. Just as I’m about to close it back up again, I glance down and there, sitting on the top step is another single red rose.
I pick it up, inhale its scent and then walk down the stairs to follow whoever it was who left it here. If someone’s leaving these at the wrong door then I really should tell them. I look around but there’s no one in sight.
I go back up to my apartment and place the new rose with the other one in the vase. I love roses, so they’re a very welcome addition to my kitchen.
Once I’ve put a load of clothes in the washing machine and after I’ve cleaned the bathroom, I’m returning back to the kitchen when there’s yet another knock at the door. I move quicker this time to answer it. I really want to catch who is doing this, but again when I open it up, there
’s no one there. This time though there’s a difference. Instead of a single rose sitting on the ground, there’s what looks to be a dozen red roses. I pick them up and move back into the apartment, walking to place them on the kitchen table. My eyes land on the bouquet and I notice that this time there is a card, and it has my name written on the front. My hands begin to shake as I take the card and open it.
There, on a simple white card, is one word written with an elegant scrawl.
‘Sorry’
I hold the card close to my chest, finally realising who has been sending them. There’s only one person who would feel the need to say sorry to me.
Rocco.
Before I can even stop myself from doing it, a huge smile spreads over my face. Oh, I really am in trouble.
No matter what he says to me, his actions are what I’m going to be reading from now on. And what’s more, these actions say that he wants to be something to me. Now, though, I’ve just got to figure out what.
Chapter Eight
I arrive to work with both a coffee in my hand, and a plan in my mind. I’ve decided that I really need to have a talk with Rocco. I need to try and understand what’s going on in that head of his because only then will I be able to work out what’s going on in my own.
I walk behind the reception desk and place my bag into the staff drawer before locking it closed. I’m always getting here early these days because I like to take a walk through the building before I actually start my shift. I like to make sure the swimming team have everything they need.
As I’m walking through the spectator’s area, I look over to watch the swimmers as they train. There are two swimmers and they’re standing at the side of the pool, chatting with each other.
I actually stop myself from walking any further when my eyes land on one of them. Well, it’s not really him who catches my eye, it’s the tattoo he has over his skin. Thick black patterns cover his back. They seem to start just below his swimming trunks and continue up his spine, disappearing over the right side of his shoulders. It looks like a tribal design to me, but I can’t be sure. All I know is that it looks amazing. As he turns slightly, I can see that it continues over his shoulder and runs down his right arm. As I follow the pattern with my eyes, a feeling of recognition begins to stir. I’m almost one hundred percent sure that I’ve seen this tattoo before, or at least some of it. And that’s when it hits me.
It’s Rocco.
I recognise the tattoo from the night we went out to the club together. I haven't seen the rest before now because they’re usually all in the water when I do my regular morning walk through.
Almost as though he can feel my stare burning into his back, he turns around and his eyes land directly on mine. We stare into each other’s eyes and I swear I lose the breath that was trying to leave my lungs when I notice the heat entering his eyes.
The guy next to him continues to speak, but then turns to see where Rocco is looking. It’s Josh. He raises his hand and waves at me while throwing a smile. I return his wave with one of my own and when I look back to Rocco, I see that he’s masked his emotions again. His eyes are now guarded. He turns, briefly speaks with Josh and then walks away from him. Okay, so I think that talking with him today may be harder than I’d originally thought.
I follow my usual route for my walk through, checking the towels in the men’s changing area first and then making sure the steam room is all in full working order. I check the back doors to make sure they’re locked, and then make my way to the function suites to make sure that they’re clean and tidy.
I head back to the male changing rooms to make sure the swim team haven't used up all of the towels. The team usually take to the pool in two different shifts because there isn't enough room for them to all practice at one time. My return journey is usually well timed in between the two shifts when they switch over, and so I’m usually free to walk through without seeing anything that may traumatise me too badly.
As I walk by the showers, I can hear the sound of water running., I walk towards the shower room, thinking that one of the guys has left one of the showers on by mistake, making sure to mention it to them tomorrow so it won’t happen again in the future.
As I turn the corner, there he is. He’s standing under the running water with both hands placed against the tile wall. His head is dropped forward and the water is hitting his shoulders and running down his back. I take a moment and watch as the water flows over his muscles and over his tattoo. His muscles appear tight and I notice them flexing slightly when he moves some more until he’s back under the spray. He is all carved muscle, there is not an inch of fat anywhere. I should walk away and leave him to his peace, but I just can't seem to be able to move. I need to keep watching him because I don't honestly think that I’ve ever seen anything quite as beautiful as him in this very moment. I’m so engrossed in watching that I don't even notice him turning the water off. Before I can move, he’s already turned around and is looking directly at me.
“Oh … em … I’m sorry. I thought someone had left a shower on … I just came in to switch it off and ...” He walks slowly towards me and reaches over my right shoulder, making my breath hitch. I feel stupid as soon as I realise that he’s reaching behind me for a towel from the rack I’m standing in front of, and not for me. He roughly dries his hair before wrapping the towel around his waist. His hair is messy and my fingers are itching to run through it again the memory of what it feels like in-between my fingers is still fresh in my mind.
“Is that all you were in here for?” He’s standing so close to me now that I can feel the coolness from his chest working its way through my top. His shower doesn’t seem to have done anything to heat his body back up after being in the cool water of the pool.
“No. I wanted to say thank you for the flowers as well. And, to let you know that there was really no need to apologise to me.” There’s a reason to apologise, of course there is, but I couldn’t just stay standing here, staring at him and saying nothing at all. I don't want to come across as a bitch when I want this to go well.
“I needed to say sorry, Mackenzie because I should never have kissed you.”
“But, why, Rocco? I wanted you to kiss me and if I’m to be completely truthful with you, I want you to kiss me again. So, why shouldn't you?” I ask in a soft voice. I’m feeling a little embarrassed asking, but I really want to know why he thinks that what happened between us was a mistake.
He inhales a deep breath and closes his eyes firmly shut for a few moments. When he reopens them, all I can see inside them is pain. He looks … broken. My breath catches but it’s for a completely different reason this time. I want to hold him. I want to take away the pain I can see washing over him away.
He lifts his hand and gently cups the side of my face, running a thumb over my cheek as he looks down to my lips. He shakes his head and says in a rough voice, a voice that sounds like he is holding so much emotion back.
“I’m no good for you, Makenzie. I can't give you anything and you deserve everything. I’m broken. I’m not a complete man. I’m, I’m … useless.” He whispers the last word and releases my cheek before walking away from me with his head hanging down low.
I feel a tiny piece of my heart beginning to break. I don't understand what he means. Broken and useless? How is that possible?
All I know is that the pain he just showed me is a deep pain. A pain that’s tearing him apart inside. With tears burning my eyes, I return back to the reception desk and attempt to try and get on with what I’m being paid to do.
Rocco must have left while I wasn’t at the reception desk. I didn’t see him again at all after we spoke in the showers and now that I’m leaving work for the day, I know that he’s avoiding me again. I need to find out what's happening because I can't leave things the way they are. Something is really wrong and I want, no, I need to know what it is so I can decide if it’s me or not.
I know that what I’m about to do is lame, but it’s the only
thing I can think to do, and so long as it works, I really don't care. I hold my cell to my ear as I sit down on the bench in the park, with my after work coffee in my other hand
“Hello?”
“Mason? Hi, it’s Makenzie.” I hold my breath, hoping that I haven't made a mistake calling him.
“Hi Makenzie. And to what do I owe this pleasure?” I can hear the smile in his voice and feel my shoulders beginning to relax.
“I was wondering if you could possibly meet with me? There’s something that I really want to chat with you about.”
“Why is it that what you just said is starting to scare me a little?” He laughs down the phone at me.
“I swear it’s nothing scary. It’s just something you can maybe help me with. I’ll even buy the coffee.”
“Ok, but I’m busy just now. Could you give me maybe an hour?”
“Thanks, Mason. I’ll meet you in the coffee shop just by the park. I’ll grab us a table.” I really am thankful to him because maybe I’ll be able to get some answers from him about Rocco, well, if Mason is willing to share them with me.
“No worries. I’ll see you then.” We say our goodbyes and then I press the end button on my mobile. I stay in the park for a little while longer, having decided that’s it’s not really worth my while going home.
I see Mason before he notices me, so I wave over to him to catch his attention. He smiles when he sees me, and I have to admit that if I wasn't falling hard for Rocco, then I’d most likely be trying to get his attention.
These thought are actually starting to shock me. I’m falling for Rocco? It’s the first time I’ve actually admitted even to myself that I really do have feelings for him. Arriving at the table, Mason pulls me right out from my thoughts as he sits down heavily on the chair across from me.
“You will not even believe the day I’ve had. I was so glad when you called so I had an excuse to leave.” He states without even so much as a hello.
