"I understand your anger, Kade. But standing there fuming and destroying every room isn't going to fix anything," Azriel declared.
“Are you sure saying that is gonna do anything?” I asked.
Azriel was the 'straight up' type and didn't care what mood you were in. He'd tell you the truth, as well as remind you of what really mattered. I should know, since he did it to me all the time.
"You think I don't know that?" He glared at me before he approached.
Azriel stood his ground, looking unbothered by Kade's attempt to scare him with his power. We were both Archangels and I knew he was stronger than us, but Azriel clearly didn't give a shit right now.
"You're wasting time," Azriel replied.
"So are you!" Kade countered and he stood before us, his body trembling.
"I can't start what I need to do until Eli or Elias are awake to give us a clear description of what EliaseAnne saw. Till then, we have to rely on the search team and do our best to recover so we’re ready when the time comes," Azriel declared.
"The search team? Don't make me laugh, Azriel! Not once have they been successful at finding my sister, but now we should have hope in them?" Kade snarled.
"It doesn't hurt to hope, Kade. I believe your father taught you that." Azriel spoke calmly, walking past Kade to gaze out the window.
"I can't believe I'm standing here listening to you. YOU and your host should be finding my sister, not trying to lecture me," Kade complained.
Azriel sighed, turning to face him. "Drop the act, Kade. I get why you’re angry. So am I...we all are! You think I don't want to leave this castle right now and search the galaxy for Makoto?" Azriel demanded. It was the first time in a while that Azriel lost his cool. Kade was silent, glancing away.
"We get it. Xavier fucked up! But guess where he is now?" Azriel questioned.
"Probably doing fucking nothing," Kade grumbled.
Azriel rolled his eyes and I felt his patience growing thin. "He's on a fucking ship by himself, getting prepared to start searching. And yet here you are, sobbing and breaking shit like a child. You're mad that we aren't doing anything, that MY host isn't doing shit, but here you are, not any better than the rest of us! Just admit you’re hurting, Kade. Your anger is nothing but a front for how sad and worried you are for Makoto. You're frightened that you may never get to see her smile again, or listen to her ramble about unicorns and how amazing strawberry milk is. You. Miss. Her!" Azriel emphasized each word, his own anger vibrating in his low voice.
I hadn't realized until this moment just how upset Azriel was. He'd hidden his pain and had given me as much support as he could, but I had neglected to think about how worried he must have been for Hopefilinia.
Azriel? I'm sorry.
Kade strode toward us and Azriel prepared for what he assumed would be a punch as Kade raised his bruised hand up, clenching it into a fist aimed to hit us, but then he froze; his eyes flickered on and off and he bit his lip.
We didn't move, just stared into Kade's eyes. Azriel sighed. "You don't think we hurt, Kade? Somewhere out there, Makoto's alone having to deal with another trial without any of us. I'm praying she at least has Nightmare and her spirits, but that would be it. My Hope...is far, far away and I can't reach her. All because we couldn't do our duties as her knights. Some may say it's not our fault. But we take responsibility for what happened. I take responsibility for the pain you're feeling. You and Kane," Azriel admitted as a tear rolled down our cheek.
I was shocked that he knew Kade's angel spirit's name. I had yet to have the privilege of meeting him until this moment, and only because Kade was losing control.
Kade bit his trembling lip and his eyes glistened. His fist was inches from our face, but it quivered. "What if we can't find her?" He choked out the words as a wave of tears began to roll down his cheeks.
I didn't know what Azriel was going to say and was stunned when he went down on bended knee before Kade. "We will find her. I, Azriel Moore along with my host, Daniel Moore, vow it. Just as we vowed to find Makoto in front of your father. We have to hope and believe the Starlight gods will guide and protect Makoto until we can reach her. I know it's a long shot, Kade. But please, have hope in us," Azriel pleaded.
Kade lowered his fist, staring directly into our unwavering eyes. More tears fell, but he slowly nodded. "Fine." He quickly turned and walked to the door. It opened before he reached for the doorknob; King Arthur and our father stood in the doorway.
We rose to our feet and watched Kade stare at Arthur, who gave him a sad smile. They didn't exchange words; Arthur just lifted his arms up, gesturing for Kade to give him a hug. Kade walked into his embrace and sobbed while his father reassured him we'd find Makoto.
Azriel retreated, giving me control once more; I met my father's gaze. He gave me a nod and waited for Arthur and Kade to excuse themselves and head down the hall before he entered, closing the door.
He walked up to me and placed a hand on my shoulder. "How are you holding up?"
It was weird to have him inquire about my feelings. I hadn't experienced his affection in cycles. Even back then, our relationship was strained due to all the issues with Claire and our more recent problems with Cecelia and her troublesome mother.
"Could be better. I already cried my eyes out. Don't think there are any tears left now," I admitted, looking at the floor.
Father sighed and gestured for us to move toward the window.
We faced the large window that overlooked the garden, both of us admiring the fireflies and the soft glow of the moonlight that twinkled on the various flowers below.
Father placed his hand on my back, patting me softly. "You'll find her. I have no doubt about that," he declared.
I struggled to keep my composure. To believe cycles ago, I begged for his praise and support, and now I was finally receiving it when I needed it most.
"I'm surprised by your confidence in us," I admitted.
"I know I haven't been the best father, especially when you compare me to Arthur or Alexander, but I never lost confidence in you, son. I was..." He trailed off, appearing to be deep in thought.
He sighed. "There's no excuse that I can give to justify my behavior. I was simply lost in my grief at losing your mother and later upset that I couldn't find a companion to help fill the void made by her disappearance. Nevertheless, I've seen from afar how you've grown from the little boy who set off with his older brother to prove you'd be less of a coward than me, to the man I watched interfere in a royal fight to protect the woman he loved. I couldn't be more proud."
He turned his head to meet my wide eyes and smiled. "Look back at who you used to be, Daniel. Am I wrong?"
I lowered my gaze to think, trying to recall my childhood memories and all of my actions that had led to this moment.
Look back at how I used to be?
"You have changed tremendously," Azriel pointed out, entering my mind.
Have I?
I didn't feel much different. I suppose it was fair to say I'd changed a lot since Makoto entered my life, but for both Father and Azriel to comment on my growth made me consider what I was like back then.
Who was the Daniel Moore from my childhood and what happened to make me strong enough to be worthy of my father's praise? Was it because of the struggles I endured? Or should I give credit to the beautiful blue-eyed Princess who entered my world?
It was time to reminisce about my past, and how one Princess changed my entire future.
LUNAR ROTATION- XI, CYCLE 5012
Hush little baby, don't say a word. Papa's gonna buy you a mockingbird.
And if that mockingbird won't sing, Papa's gonna buy you a diamond ring.
I stare at the back of a woman as her long golden tresses float gently in the breeze. I'm happy because I know who she is, or should I say, who I wanted her to be? I walk forward slowly, step by step. The anticipation of finally meeting the woman I've yearned to have in my life continues to grow with each passing moment.
I'm right behind her now and I can hardly wait to finally see my sweet mother's face.
She slowly turns around to face me, but I'm left in sheer horror. Her face is covered in blood. The baby she holds in her arms is me, with several knives piercing my chest.
A scream escaped as I jolted awake and immediately burst into tears. It was not long before I heard footsteps and my door opened.
"Daniel."
I opened my tear-filled eyes to see Father frowning, which only made me cry harder. He sighed, sliding through the crack in the door, leaving it still slightly open before coming to my side.
I extended my arms and met his gaze, hoping my silent plea for a hug would be answered. Father didn't like giving us much affection, stating we needed to learn to act like men. But I was so afraid and my body quivered from the memory of Mother's bloody appearance and the little baby I somehow knew was me.
He gave me a sad smile before pulling me into his arms and lifting me up, letting me cry into his shoulder as he walked back and forth, rubbing my back soothingly.
"It's just a dream, Daniel," he reminded, but his voice didn't give the reassurance my heart desperately needed. Maybe my gift was taking effect and making him feel just as fearful as I currently did.
With my gift, my emotions could affect those around me if I didn't maintain control. I'd been training alongside my brother, Michael, to learn to control it, but it was hard.
"I want Mommy!" I cried. I wasn't referring to our new mom, but my biological mom. Father said she disappeared right after I was born. He always told me it wasn't my fault that she vanished and they were still searching for her, but our new mom begged to differ.
She claimed my mother abandoned us because she couldn't handle having two Archangel children as badly behaved as Michael and I were.
"I know, Daniel. It's okay," Father soothed as he sat on my bed.
I heard the door creak and soft footsteps enter the room.
"Did Daniel have a nightmare again?" Michael's curious voice asked.
"Yes. Did he wake you?" Father wondered.
"No," Michael replied.
I turned from Father to look at Michael. "Sorry!" I sobbed, staring at my older brother.
He smiled and opened his arms for a hug. "Why don't I sleep here tonight so Father can go back to bed?" I outstretched my arms and Father handed me over to Michael who gave me a tight hug.
"Claire said you can't sleep in the same room as me," I reminded, sniffing.
"Why not?" Father questioned.
I heard a hint of anger in his voice, but I didn't want him getting upset with our new mom. If he did, we'd be the ones to face the consequences later on.
"Claire said it's not manly and we should sleep in our own beds. Don't tell her about this, please," Michael mumbled as he sat me down on my bed.
I looked hesitantly at Father who frowned at Michael's admission, glancing from him to me. Michael was going through what Claire called a 'stage,’ just because he was interested in both males and females. She said if Michael stayed in the same bed as me, he'd continue his wicked behavior and begin thinking that sleeping in the same bed as another male was okay.
Marissa, our family’s maid, said there was nothing wrong with liking the same gender and there was no Starlight law against it, but it was still something not fully accepted in all realms. ArchAilennia was one of the realms that frowned upon such things.
I shook my head and gave him a pleading look. "Don't tell her, please?"
Father took a deep breath, letting the air out slowly before he nodded. "Fine. I won't tell her. Michael, you can sleep here tonight and I'll inform Marissa that I gave you permission, just in case. Neither of you stay up too late," Father instructed, before getting to his feet.
We both nodded and Father came and ruffled our blond locks before wishing us goodnight. He checked to make sure my nightlight was on before closing the door, leaving Michael and me alone.
"You want me to read you some stories?" Michael suggested.
"Okay!" I rubbed my eyes and watched as Michael hopped off the bed and grabbed a few books from the small bookshelf in the corner of my bedroom.
I climbed back between the sheets, leaving enough space for Michael to sit next to me. He returned with a few books; some were fairy tales and others showed different hairstyles for men and women.
"You think Mommy would like this style?" I wondered, pointing to the crown braid the model wore on the front cover.
Michael met my hopeful gaze and used the sleeve of his pajamas to wipe the tear stains from my cheeks.
"Dad said she loved to do her hair in different styles. This was one of her favorites," he explained.
I smiled, sitting up patiently and listening as Michael read me the instructions on how to do that kind of style.
Father thought it was strange that Michael and I were into styling hair. Claire thought it was girly and said it only made us more 'gay' as she liked to say when Father wasn't present, but as long as Father approved of it, she couldn't do anything about it openly.
Marissa had even bought us something called a mannequin so we could play around with different hairstyles and she'd help us learn all the steps.
We went through the different books and I rested my head on Michael's shoulder as he read the instructions and tried to demonstrate each braiding technique with his hands. Before long, I was struggling to keep my eyes open.
"Daniel?"
"I'm awake," I mumbled with my eyes closed. I heard him chuckle and felt my head being lifted slightly and then lowered gently to rest on my pillow. I could hear the shuffling of books, followed by the bed squeaking. The warmth of the blanket made me happy and I finally relaxed.
"Michael?" I whispered, trying my best to stay awake.
"Yes, Daniel?"
"Do you think if I learn all those hairstyles, Mommy will come back? Maybe she'd let us braid her hair and we can show her we're good," I wondered.
"Maybe. Father's having a hard time finding her. But we can still hope," Michael reassured.
"She'd be better than Claire, right?" I had no memory of her since she disappeared right after I was born, but Michael remembered bits and pieces.
"A lot better. She would sing to us and let us braid her hair whenever we wanted," Michael whispered.
I smiled and moved closer so I could snuggle next to Michael. "Michael?"
"Hmm?" He sounded like he was half asleep.
"You won't leave me too, right? I'll be good, I promise." I reluctantly opened my eyes to see his gold ones looking back at me.
He ruffled my hair. "I won't leave you. No matter how bad it gets. I'll always be your big brother and never abandon you." I gave him a wide smile before yawning and resting my head on the pillow we shared.
"I love you, big brother."
"I love you more, Daniel. I'll be here to fight the nightmares, so you can sleep. Don’t worry," Michael reassured me.
I relaxed and finally nodded off to sleep.
I was standing again in the same white room. The woman was wearing a pure white dress and stood on the balcony. Her long blonde locks wafted in the passing breeze and her wondrous melodic voice sang hymns and lullabies that spoke to something deep within my soul.
I wanted to approach her, but I remained frozen in place and worry sparked inside me. This could be another nightmare and I was too afraid to face it.
I looked to my left to see Father, whose ash blond hair fluttered as he approached the woman who I believed to be my mother. She turned to face him and this time her face was visible and free of the blood from my last nightmare. She had pale skin and bright gold eyes that reminded me of mine.
When Father met her gaze, his smile widened; his usual hard expression was soft and full of happiness. I wanted to be a part of their joy, but again my fear took over and I didn’t move.
They both turned to face me and my mother reached out for me to take her hand.
"Daniel?" The sweet melody of my name rolling
off her tongue made me realize how much I longed to have her in my life for real.
Why did the Starlight gods let my mom disappear? Was it truly because she didn't love me? If so, couldn’t I see her just once? Why couldn’t I have the chance to tell her how thankful I was for her and have her hug me so I could cherish her warmth and scent?
I whimpered; tears began to pool in my eyes as I stared at my parents. I wished so badly for us to be a real family. I bet my real mom would love us and accept Michael for who he was, unlike Claire. It hurt to see what I’d dreamt of for years and know it was unattainable.
"Daniel."
I felt a hand grasp mine and squeeze gently. I looked up to see Michael who smiled down at me. "Didn't I say I'd fight off the nightmares? Don't cry."
"Is this a nightmare?" I questioned.
"No. It's a good dream. See? Mother and Father are right there and they're happy. They aren't mad at you. Neither am I. You should be happy," he reassured.
"Will you come with me? I'm scared to meet Mommy. What if she disappears again?" I asked worriedly. He knelt down and used his free hand to ruffle my shoulder-length hair.
"Of course. I'll stay with you the entire time. I promise."
I grinned and quickly hugged Michael with all my might. He didn't know how much I admired him and his reassurance always calmed me down.
He got back up and looked toward Father and Mother who eyed us with happy expressions. "Let's go."
I looked up to Michael one last time and nodded happily. I knew that I wouldn't be able to escape all my nightmares, but if Michael was here, he'd fight off every one of them and make sure I was safe.
With him by my side, I knew I could conquer my fears, because Michael was the best big brother I could ever ask for.
"Marissa? When will Father be back?" I asked, staring down at my bowl of cereal. Michael had asked for a different cereal for breakfast but it looked weird to me. It apparently was from Earthala and came in different colors. I was more curious as to why the milk started to change color when the cereal stayed in it too long.
DANIEL (The Starlight Gods Series Book 6) Page 2
