Must I Repeat Myself...?

by Iain Hollingshead

Just to put a perspective on this – and so that Kate doesn’t get too complacent – we are now into the “Frustrating Fifties” and still trying to cope.

  John Davison

  Farnborough, Kent

  Unrelated news

  SIR – We were astounded to see a photo of a woman called Pippa Middleton on the front page of your paper this morning. I am assuming this is Mrs Matthews, who is of absolutely no interest to us, nor to anyone of our acquaintance.

  Patricia Canneva

  Epping, Essex

  Trooping the colour

  SIR – My wife really likes the colourful dresses of the Duchess of Cambridge.

  Perhaps you could find out the charity shop to which she sends them when she has finished with them.

  John Mallinson

  Deal, Kent

  SIR – Was the Queen offered any protocol advice on how to dress when meeting the important Anna Wintour?

  Charlotte Joseph

  Lawford, Essex

  SIR – I already own the M&S jumper which Ms Markle has worn and also have the dress your fashion department is suggesting. As a fast approaching 80-year-old, this has made my day.

  Patricia Corbett-Reakes

  Edinburgh

  Sauvez le date

  SIR – Knowing how obsessed many of our continental friends are about our Royal Family, perhaps we could offer tickets for the forthcoming Royal Wedding ceremony in return for a preferable trade deal.

  Gillian Lurie

  Westgate-on-Sea, Kent

  SIR – Should I look out for an invitation to the Royal Wedding or will the modern young couple be sending out what seems to have replaced it – an invite?

  Bob Shute

  Bradford-on-Avon, Wiltshire

  SIR – There is an easy way to resolve the problem of the Royal Wedding and the Cup Final being held on the same day. Hold the ceremony in Wembley Stadium, on the hallowed turf, at half time.

  Geoffrey Bernstein

  Harrow, Middlesex

  SIR – It is fortuitous that Prince Harry’s fiancée, Meghan Markle, is joining the Royal Family at this time. This means that while the Duchess of Cambridge is on maternity leave, she will have an ideal replacement for her job of going around the country smiling charmingly at people and asking them how they are.

  Ted Shorter

  Hildenborough, Kent

  SIR – Do we know whether the new Duchess of Sussex has ever been to Sussex?

  Robert J. Smith

  Worcester

  SIR – As the government seems to be encountering some difficulty at the moment, perhaps it should consider taking advice from the Royal Family’s PR people.

  Roy Guy

  Harrogate, North Yorkshire

  Father of the brides

  SIR – As the father of three daughters I can understand why Meghan Markle’s father may be having second thoughts about his involvement in the wedding; he has probably become aware of the tradition that the bride’s father foots the bill.

  K.C. Holt

  Horwich, Lancashire

  SIR – Meghan’s father sounds just the type to carry on the Royal Family’s tradition of scandal and should fit in well.

  Raymond Bright

  West Wick, Somerset

  Meghan the feminist

  SIR – I see that Meghan is to “fight for feminism”. I would point out that our Head of State is female, our Prime Minister is female, the Head of the Metropolitan Police is female, the Head of the London Fire Brigade is female and the Bishop of London is female.

  What chance has a chap got?

  Ken Turner

  Little Shelford, Cambridgeshire

  SIR – When my wife and I were married almost 65 years ago, my bride decided after the formal speeches that she, like Meghan Markle, would like to offer a few words of thanks. As she tried to stand, however, she was impeded by the voluminous skirt of her bridal gown. Being the attentive new husband I moved her chair back a little.

  Having had her slightly flustered say, my newly gained wife sat down hurriedly – on the floor. I had moved the chair too far back.

  Fortunately only her pride was hurt. As for me, it was simply the first occasion of getting it wrong.

  Peter Hindes

  Chelmsford, Essex

  Crowded aisle

  SIR – As I left for the shop my wife Tanya said, “I bet half the country is watching the wedding.”

  Having got to the supermarket, I discovered where the other half were.

  Patrick Smith

  Gorleston, Norfolk

  SIR – For those of your readers who, somehow, missed the fact during the BBC television coverage of Harry and Meghan’s wedding, I can confirm that David and Victoria Beckham were indeed there.

  Owen Hay

  Stanway, Essex

  SIR – While I was attempting to pre-record the Royal Wedding, the caption asked: “record once or the series”?

  Are we to expect more than the one marriage for either or both in the future?

  Judith Dickinson

  Saham Hills, Norfolk

  SIR – Eat your heart out, Donald Trump – now that was a real mammoth crowd, especially when compared with the vast areas of empty space at the President’s inauguration.

  John Fingleton

  London W1

  SIR – I wonder if the Most Revd Michael Curry should be told the three golden rules of public speaking: be sincere; be brief; be seated.

  Anne Parmley

  Blackpool

  Standing on ceremony

  SIR – Although I wish Harry and Meghan every happiness in their marriage I was relieved that I was not invited to their wedding. I wonder how many reception guests suffer from indigestion if they eat while standing up.

  Ron Kirby

  Dorchester, Dorset

  SIR – Oh, it’s bowl food they will be having: and there was me thinking it was bowel food. Still, I suppose it comes to the same thing.

  Bruce Proctor

  Stonehaven, Aberdeenshire

  Organ grinder

  SIR – In the Order of Service for that wedding, and in many others across the country year after year, we read that: “The organ will play …”

  What a clever organ!

  Jeremy Thorn (Church Organist)

  Fairburn, North Yorkshire

  Into the sunset

  SIR – Prince Harry has confirmed the old maxim that a man who opens a car door for his wife either has a new car or a new wife.

  Dr Dora Henry

  Stratford-upon-Avon, Warwickshire

  SIR – No more Royal Wedding. Life returns to empty and meaningless normality.

  Trelawney Ffrench

  London NW3

  Common vacancy

  SIR – I am thrilled for Prince Charles at his appointment to be the next head of the Commonwealth.

  I must admit to being a little disappointed that the post was not advertised; I think I would have made a reasonable candidate, and can be available at short notice for formal dinners and foreign travel.

  Lee Smith

  Haywards Heath, West Sussex

  Narrow escape

  SIR – I suppose your reference to “Nuckingham Palace” in today’s paper is better than the alternative typo.

  Angela Hayes

  Wetheral, Cumbria

  DEAR DAILY TELEGRAPH

  Dead Tree Media

  SIR – The future of The Daily Telegraph is in jeopardy: today’s published announcements number one birth and 33 deaths. A typical recent ratio.

  Darrin Henderson

  Tunbridge Wells, Kent

  SIR – As a secondary school teacher, I have nine registers to call throughout the week, which represent 254 students. Since qualifying in 1997, I have enjoyed observing the fashionable names that ebb and flow with the times and almost nothing surprises me – until today, when I read in your Announcements that two parents have “produced a son, Ivo, a brother to Compost and Maggot”.

  V. Thomas

&nbs
p; Woking, Surrey

  OutRage!

  SIR – I was outraged when I saw the picture shown here of your paper captioned, “Melanie Rickey, with Mary Portas, left, who she married in 2010”.

  It should be whom. Otherwise, good luck to them.

  Roger W.G. Curtis

  Presteigne, Powys

  You only live once

  SIR – As your Obituaries column is often a celebration of lives lived, surely it befits a more uplifting title?

  I’ll kick suggestions off with “You Only Live Once”.

  Harry Leeming

  Heysham, Lancashire

  SIR – I note that nowadays very few people actually “die”. In today’s paper a proportion of an aquarium’s fish were described as having passed away. Surely this is a euphemism too far.

  Dr Peter Nuttall

  Chipping Norton, Oxfordshire

  SIR – There have been rather too many recent obituaries of people in their sixties and seventies. It would be of comfort to some of us if you would please print some of more elderly people.

  Group Captain Terry Holloway (age 73)

  Great Wratting, Suffolk

  SIR – If anyone is in any doubt why Britain remains the greatest country on earth, I refer them to the Professor Stephen Hawking and Jim Bowen obituaries, side-by-side in The Daily Telegraph.

  Barney Schofield

  Worsley, Lancashire

  From our own correspondent

  SIR – I learn today in your paper that Willand is rising by 2cm a year and is “in the middle of nowhere”.

  Well, yours truly, who is one of your crossword setters, was baptised there in 1945 and went through the village daily in his teenage years, travelling to school from nearby Cullompton to Tiverton. I am delighted to have come from nowhere so as to be able to tell you that nowhere is somewhere.

  Don Manley

  Oxford

  Puzzled readership

  SIR – I can’t help wondering where your crossword compiler hails from. The only word I can think of to fit in for the clue “seasonal food” is horseflesh.

  Les Sharp

  Hersham, Surrey

  SIR – Is the pub quiz featured in the Saturday supplement every week becoming more difficult or am I just getting thicker?

  Dr Neil Rhys Thomas

  Northwich, Cheshire

  Dear Picture Editor

  SIR – Freudian slip or intentional pun? The front page of the paper showed a picture of Bryony Gordon in a bra. Below the picture was the word “Features”.

  Harry Sharp

  Bournville, West Midlands

  SIR – I find it extraordinary that Poldark’s trivial torso should be thrust upon us from the front pages of newspapers.

  However, if we are to descend to such banalities, speaking personally I find a man in a suit (ideally three-piece) far more appealing than one so nakedly displayed. After all, there is always the exquisitely tantalising chance that he might remove his jacket.

  Suzette Hill

  Ledbury, Herefordshire

  SIR – From recent events and discussions it is evident that women feel they have been hard done by, but, pause and consider for a moment what a man has to go through to get his photograph on the front page of The Daily Telegraph.

  John Robinson

  Andover, Hampshire

  SIR – Why, in every Monday’s edition of The Daily Telegraph, do we have to have a photograph of Theresa May and her husband leaving church the previous day?

  We’ve got the general idea now.

  J.E. Hutt

  Leeds

  SIR – Are photo editors on a mission to find the most awkward looking facial expressions of our Prime Minister? This seems unkind and even unpatriotic.

  Cassandra Hawker

  Witchampton, Dorset

  SIR – If you must publish disturbing photographs, could you please carry a front-page warning? The picture of Ben Fogle and his wife Marina in front of their bookcase, in which the books were shelved according to the colour of the spines, upset my wife (a librarian) so much that she had to lie in a darkened room for the rest of the day.

  Martyn Bedford

  Ilkley, West Yorkshire

  SIR – Years ago, it was customary to be photographed, cigarette in hand or pipe in mouth.

  Now, it is de rigueur to be photographed fondling some mutt or, preferably, three.

  How times have changed: not necessarily for the better.

  Charles Hopkins

  London W10

  SIR – Did anyone other than Cate Blanchett attend the Cannes Film Festival?

  David Rogers

  London SW6

  SIR – Seeing your photograph of the actress Daisy Ridley in a “space-inspired black gown” reminded me of a summer’s day some 35 years ago when we dressed our seven-year-old daughter in a dustbin bag, stuck on some further items of adornment and entered her into the local Cornish village August bank holiday fancy-dress competition.

  She won the top prize.

  John Heward

  Godalming, Surrey

  Dedicated deniers of fashion

  SIR – Oh, no: more grim-faced girls dressed by sadists in unwearable clothes. Yes, it’s London Fashion Week again. Perhaps next time you could publish a separate fashion supplement. This would make it so much easier to throw it straight into the bin.

  Jenny Mowatt

  Smarden, Kent

  SIR – Hooray! A model on the front page wearing clothes that I, an ordinary 73-year-old, would love to be seen in without appearing I’d lost my marbles. Keep up the good work, Mr Armani.

  Jane Avery

  Coleford, Gloucestershire

  I’m sorry, I’ll read that again

  SIR – “After ten years of painstaking restoration, Boudicca Fox-Leonard takes an exclusive tour of one of Britain’s finest stately homes.”

  She must look wonderful.

  After ten years of that, I think I’d be ready for a day out myself.

  M.W.

  London SE22

  SIR – Not sure how appropriate it was to suggest that the manufacturers of Viagra faced stiff competition.

  Robert Mitchell

  Poulton-le-Fylde, Lancashire

  SIR – I was very impressed to read in the Monday edition, in an article on erosion of coastal defences, that “honeycombed concrete blokes” were installed in the sand dunes as a method of sea defence.

  These chaps sound sweet, but are they really up to the task?

  Desmond Johnston

  Coleraine, County Londonderry, Northern Ireland

  SIR – I read that Picasso painted Le Matador before he died. Might I enquire as to the paintings he painted after he died?

  Roy Endersby

  Shirley, Surrey

  Breakfast broadside

  SIR – I am conflicted. Over breakfast my wife made a throw-away remark that “it’s a pity the Telegraph isn’t printed in tabloid form”. And yet I still love her.

  Shaun Errington

  Macclesfield, Cheshire

  SIR – It is with great frustration that I write to tell you that I am spending more time trying to fold your paper than actually reading it. I now understand why butlers were employed to iron papers daily. Could you please consider employing one for me?

  Helen Boxall

  Dursley, Gloucestershire

  Quality newspaper

  SIR – I really must congratulate The Daily Telegraph on the quality of its paper. Twice this week I have used the local evening paper to light the kindling and have failed, whereas the Telegraph has never yet let me down.

  John Stevenson

  Newport, Shropshire

  SIR – Nothing comes close to the Telegraph for lining my puppy pens when I have a litter.

  Elizabeth Harrington

  Higham, Suffolk

  SIR – A copy of the Telegraph stuffed down the back of trousers proved an effective barrier when the headmaster of my prep school in Scotland was about to administer corporal p
unishment.

  In gratitude, I have been reading the Telegraph ever since.

  Sandy Pratt

  Storrington, West Sussex

  Hard sell

  SIR – The advertisement in Saturday’s newspaper states: “Pensioners snap up new invisible hearing aid.”

  May I ask: how?

  Robert Ward

  Loughborough, Leicestershire

  SIR – Why do all the advertisements for retirement homes, particularly in your weekend supplements, show happy women with a glass of wine in hand and not a man in sight?

  Rich widows?

  Dr Paul G. Williams

  St Keverne, Cornwall

  SIR – We are urged in your paper to “bin the bucket list” – yet on the preceding page there is an advert by a prestigious airline persuading us to “Enjoy more Once-in-a-Lifetimes”.

  C. J. Wright

  Grange-over-Sands, Cumbria

  The doctor won’t see you yet

  SIR – Some years ago, when I was a rural family doctor, I walked into the waiting room and found my next patient reading the Daily Mail. I remonstrated with him and suggested that he take both himself and the offending newspaper off the premises. This he duly did and returned shortly with The Times.

  Despite this, I agreed to see him.

  Dr Paddy Fielder

  Brandeston, Suffolk

  30 years of Matt