I gape at her. I love this woman, but I swear she’s going to be the death of me. “Seriously? That’s what you had to tell me? You start the conversation with ‘I’ve been lying to you’ because that’s the first logical step to get to ‘I love you’? Here I am thinking you’re working your way up to leaving me. Again. Just once, I’d like to have a serious conversation with you that doesn’t put me on an emotional roller coaster. Are you morally opposed to just saying what you mean? I need a freaking decoder ring to talk to you! I swear to God, we have the worst communication of any two people in the history of relationships. You’d think after all this time, we’d figure it out!”
“I’m sorry,” she shouts back. “I’m nervous, okay? It’s not easy for me to admit that I was wrong about yet another thing!”
“If you thought you were fooling anyone with the ‘I want you to have a life’ charade, you were dead wrong. We’ve all just been waiting for you to wake up and realize it.”
She looks down, her cheeks flushing with embarrassment. “This isn’t easy! There are no right or wrong answers here. I really thought I was doing what was best for both of us.”
Feeling like an ass, I soften my voice. “I know you did, which is why I went along with it. If doing this dance helped ease some of your guilt so you could make peace with everything, then it was the least I could do.”
She rests her head on my shoulder. “You’re right. I’ve been playing games. Trying to keep you in a box tucked high on the shelf for the day when I could finally prove I deserve you. So I’ve been lying to myself and lying to you about how I really feel. I still don’t feel like I deserve you. I’ve tried to do the right thing and let you go, but I can’t. I’m too selfish to give you up.”
“Then don’t.” I lean forward to kiss her when a flash of light catches my eye. I turn to see a car coming down the road. “Come on. We need to get up before we get run over.”
Lifting her as I stand, I carry her to the side of the road. When I set her down, she tries to stand, but the heel of her left shoe is broken, snapped right off.
She pulls the shoe off of her foot to examine it. “Damn. Valentino doesn’t make these anymore, and I doubt they’re fixable. But if finally getting on the same page with you only cost me a pair of shoes, I’d say it was well worth it.” She pulls off the other shoe then walks to the curb and tosses them in a trash can. “Shall we keep walking?”
“In bare feet?”
“Sure. We’re going to the beach. Shoes are stupid at the beach anyway.”
I look at my watch and see it’s almost two. I really should go to bed, but when the girl of your dreams wants to go to the beach, you take her to the beach. I turn my back to her. “We can go for a little while. Hop on.”
“Are you sure? I’m pretty heavy.”
“I think I can handle it. Hop on.” She jumps on my back and gets comfortable as I say, “That’s a pretty short dress you’re wearing. Are you flashing your ass to my neighborhood?”
She laughs. “I think there’s just enough material to keep me decent.”
“This was a big step for you,” I say as I walk toward Bayfront Park. “Driving. A club? That’s a lot for one night.”
“It was easier than I thought it would be,” she replies. There’s joy in her voice. I can practically feel her smiling as she talks. “When I got there, I honestly didn’t know how I’d feel, but now that I’ve done it and proved to myself I can handle it, I feel freer. Stronger.”
This is the first time in a long time I’ve heard her talk about herself with anything other than disdain. That has to be a sign she’s starting to forgive herself. Hopefully a sign that she’s putting some of this behind her.
When we get to the beach, I set her down. We walk along the shore, holding hands and letting the soft waves lap over our feet.
“So will you tell me what sparked all this tonight?” I ask.
She softly chuckles. “Charlie kicked me in the ass, told me I’ve allowed myself to get stuck in a cozy therapy cocoon. She challenged me to push myself. To stop hiding from life and go live it.”
My sister is a genius. I wish I’d thought of that. “And?”
The wind picks up and blows her hair around. She gathers it and ties it in a knot. “As usual, she was right. I realized that in my efforts to put my life back together, I was just making a bigger mess of things. Instead of seeing the simplest answer right in front of my eyes.” She squeezes my hand. “I ran as fast I could to find you.”
I kiss the top of her head. “I’m so happy you did.”
She bites her lip. “Charlie told me if I didn’t act quickly, I’d lose you. When I got to the club, you were coming around the corner and laughing with this beautiful woman. I thought…” The fear in her voice is unmistakable. “I can’t lose you again. It’ll break me. I won’t recover.”
I wrap my arms around her. “You never lost me. You just forgot where I was for a little while, but I was always here, and I always will be.”
“I know, but I all but told you to start sleeping around,” she says into my shoulder.
Putting my finger under her chin, I tilt her head up and look into her eyes. “You don’t have to run back to me because you’re afraid I’m going to find someone else. You’re it for me. There’s no one else. There never has been, and there never will be. I want you to come back because you’re ready, not because you’re scared.”
“I’m ready.” She leans forward and kisses me.
I feel her resolve the moment her lips touch mine. The wind picks up, and she shivers, breaking our kiss. I rub my hands up and down her arms to warm her.
I know I may regret this later, but I need whatever we are to have a definition, if only to temper my expectations. “What does this mean exactly?”
She nudges my shoulder. “It means you’re not going out trolling for chicks anymore.”
I nudge her back. “I was never doing that to begin with. I just let you think I was. But I’m being serious here. I need to know what this is. I know what I want, but I need to know where your head is so I don’t expect too much.”
She digs her toes into the sand. “Are you looking for a label?”
“I guess. Are we together? Are we secretly together? Are we ‘changing our status on Facebook’ together? Give me some parameters here.”
“We’re together. No more secrets. No more lies. But I don’t want to send out a press release either. I want us to work this time. Even though I’m doing better, I don’t want to rush things in case I have some sort of relapse. I think we need to take this slow.”
“Honestly, we won’t have a choice but to take it slow. Camp starts in the morning, then I go straight into the season. You know what that schedule is like. I’ll be lucky if I get to talk to you once a day most days.” I bring her hand to my lips and give her a soft kiss. “I hope when I’m free, I’ll get to see you.”
“So much of me you’ll be sick of me.”
I shake my head. “Not possible.”
Her teeth chatter as the wind blows harder.
I turn around, offering her my back. “Hop on. Let’s get you home.”
She jumps on and rests her head on my shoulder. “I like the sound of that.”
Chapter Forty-Two
Arianna
Since this year seems to be about making up for the rebellious teenage years I never had, I can cross sneaking in at dawn off the list. After unlocking the door, I pad across the marble floor to turn the alarm off before it wakes anyone. I can’t help but smile at the ridiculousness of a twenty-six-year-old woman sneaking around, but it’s far better than the same twenty-six-year-old who, until yesterday, allowed everyone to treat her like a child.
“Where have you been all night, young lady?”
I jump out of my skin at the sound of her voice. Turning on the light, I see Charlie sitting in her robe on the family room sofa. She looks as though she hasn’t slept at all.
“Out,” I reply. “Someone told me I
needed to start living so I’d have more exciting things to talk about in therapy.”
She slaps her hand on the sofa. “That’s what you got out of that message? Those drugs really did fry your brain cells.”
I gape at her. “Ouch. Can we tone down the harsh-meter a little?”
Closing her eyes, she sighs. “Sorry. I’ve been up all night, paranoid that I gave it to you too hard.” She bites her lip. “Did I? Seriously, where were you? I’ve been thinking the worst.”
I smile. “You gave it just right.”
She smirks. “Yeah, that’s what Spencer says too.” Her eyes narrow in on my hand. “Is that a stamp? You went to a club? A club? What were you thinking?” Her head falls into her hands. “This is my fault. I pushed you too hard, and now… did you take something?”
“No. I was actually with Chase.”
Her eyes narrow. “And I’m just supposed to believe you?”
She really doesn’t trust me.
“Good night, Charlie.” I take the stairs up to my room and peel out of my dress, then I hop in the shower. When I get out, Charlie’s lying on my bed. Tucking my towel in to keep it up, I lean against the doorjamb. “Did you come for a urine sample so I can prove I didn’t take anything?”
She sits up and pulls her knees to her chest. “I’m sorry. I may have overreacted a little. I spent the whole night petrified I was going to get a call that you’d ODed, and I let my imagination get away from me. I don’t need you to take a drug test. If you tell me you didn’t take anything, I’ll believe you.” Her expression tells me she’s hiding something.
“You called Chase?”
“Yes. Don’t hate me.” She covers her face with a pillow. “I was worried, and now I feel like a total ass. I’m sorry.”
I sit next to her. “It’s okay. If I had taken something tonight, you would have realized and made me get help. Don’t feel bad. You did the right thing.”
Pulling the pillow off her head, she tosses it across the room. “This was my first taste of what parents go through. I’m not sure I’m cut out for this shit. Seriously, I was pacing and looking out the window every five minutes. I could have called you, but I didn’t think you’d answer. I was kind of a bitch yesterday afternoon.”
“No. You were right. What you said really opened my eyes.” I tell her about the club, my time with Chase, and the change in our relationship status.
When I’m done, she hugs me. “I’m so proud of you.” She rests her head on my shoulder. “And I’m so relieved you two are getting back together. He’s been a rock star these last few months, and you keeping him at a distance was killing him, which was killing me. It was hard for me to bite my tongue as long as I did. I know you had your reasons, but they were stupid.”
I snort. “I would say, ‘Tell me how you really feel,’ but I’m not sure I can handle any more honesty today. Maybe after I’ve had some sleep.”
She kisses my cheek. “You did good, kid.”
“Well, you sparked a whole revolution. On the drive back here, I started plotting out some things I’ve been putting off dealing with. You were absolutely right. It’s time to stop talking about what I’m going to do with my life and actually do something.” I give her a brief rundown of my agenda.
“Wow, that’s a lot,” she replies. “I’ll help you however I can.”
I point at the door. “You can help by getting out of here and getting some sleep. Cranky Charlie isn’t fun for anyone.”
“Okay, okay. I only have one more question. Where have you been hiding this dress?” She points at the dress hanging on the closet door.
I pull back the sheets then slide under the covers. “Good night, Charlie.”
Since coming back from Sweden, my prime focus has been taking life one day at a time and not putting anything on my plate, because I wasn’t in any shape to deal with it. But there’re issues that need to be resolved, and the longer I wait to deal with them, the more complex the solutions required to fix them. I’ve kept my head in the sand long enough.
My first call is to Dr. Clawson. She’s resistant but ultimately accepts that I’m scaling back to twice a week.
Next I call Wallace and set up a meeting for this afternoon. On my drive to his office, I go over the list of things we must discuss, and it’s long. I hope he’s blocked a solid chunk of time for this. He meets me in reception with a hug then leads me back to his office.
Once he takes a seat in his high-backed leather chair, he says, “So what can I do for you today?”
Setting my purse on the side table, I sit in the chair across from his desk. “Well, I thought we should talk about my father’s estate. I’m sure there are a million outstanding things that need to be addressed. As you know, I’ve had a hard time since his death and then all of the book stuff. I’ve let my personal issues get in the way of my responsibilities, but I’m trying to catch up now.”
“Actually, everything with the estate is moving along smoothly. Chase has taken care of everything.”
“What? How?” I love Chase, but taking care of things isn’t his strong suit. Not because he couldn’t, but he’s lazy and there’s always someone like Katie, Charlie, or even me to do it for him. Wallace must have it wrong. I’m sure Katie took care of things and Chase took credit.
“Right before his death, your father added Chase as an executor to his estate. He believed the two of you would be marrying soon, and he thought it would be easier on you if you had some help. Chase has handled everything. He called me about the book situation, and since then, he and I have addressed any estate issues that have come up. Taxes, some property-related issues, nothing major. I know there were some issues with a few of your corporate holdings, but from what I remember, Chase and your accountant worked through them.” Wallace opens a folder on his desk. “The next major thing you and Chase will have to decide is in about eight months when you’ll have to evaluate the way your charitable donations have been used and if you’d like to continue giving to those philanthropies or if you’ll choose new organizations. Chase has everything else handled. If I may overstep for a moment, I’ve been very impressed with him. I think your father would be overjoyed to see how well he’s been taking care of you.”
Shocked, I fold my hands in my lap. It sounds like Chase really did take care of everything. “Oh. I had no idea about any of this. He never mentioned it.”
Wallace smiles. “I think he wanted you to focus on you.”
“Going back to the book situation, Chase said that it was resolved. Can you explain that for me?”
He opens another folder. “The judge ruled the NDA prohibited Ms. Benson from discussing any relationship she may or may not have had with your father. The NDA did not extend to her son. The ruling stated if, in fact, Mr. Benson is Aiden’s biological child, he is free to write a book. Chase hired a private investigator and tracked the son down. Mr. Benson stated he was estranged from his mother, that he had no idea about a book deal, and wanted nothing to do with it. He didn’t believe Aiden was his father and wasn’t interested in taking a paternity test. He signed an NDA, and the matter is resolved. I don’t think we’ll hear from either of them again.”
Nervously, I tap my foot as I let that soak in. “But we don’t know for sure if he’s my brother.”
Wallace holds up a packet of papers. “He signed papers stating that he is not.”
Lawyers! You can’t get a freaking straight answer out of them. “We know he’s not interested in being my brother, but we don’t know if we share DNA. If I needed a kidney, we don’t know if we could go to him.”
He places the packet on the stack of folders then steeples his hands. “No. But I really think you should just let this lie. Mr. Benson was quite clear that he wanted this matter resolved permanently so that he wouldn’t be bothered with it again. If you pursue this matter, it could be considered harassment.”
“I’ll have to think about it. The next matter is Sven Lundberg.”
Wallace scribbles dow
n notes as I explain everything that transpired in the spring and Sven’s blackmail threat.
“He hasn’t been in touch, but I suspect that he will at some point,” I say. “I’m not paying him a dollar, and he very well may expose me. But that doesn’t mean I have to sit here and take it. The man’s a con artist. If he’s set up a company, it must be shady. How do I get the FBI or SEC to look into him? I know for a fact he’s been coming to the area to pitch to venture capitalists, looking for investors. I would hate for anyone else to lose money to him.”
Wallace writes a few more notes. “Let me do a little research into this character, then I’ll contact a few people I know at the SEC. They’ll put me in touch with the right people. In the meantime, if he comes to you demanding money or threatening you at all, we can go to the FBI. The only risk with that approach is that in the process of the investigation, the info may get leaked anyway. You’ll have to decide if it’s worth it.”
Fantastic. I’m screwed either way. But as much as I’d like to play the victim here, this mess is entirely my doing.
“You don’t need to settle on a course of action today,” he says before I have the chance to reply. “If you decide this is an avenue you’d like to go down, we’ll contact the FBI and they’ll open a case. In the meantime, if he contacts you, let me know.”
His secretary buzzes that his next appointment is waiting. Wallace and I say a quick good-bye, and I leave his office lost in thought. I came here with the intention of getting a better handle on my affairs, but I feel more confused than ever. Somewhere along the way, Chase became Mr. Responsible, my sibling status is still up in the air, and I have to decide if nailing Sven to the wall is worth public humiliation.
Chapter Forty-Three
Arianna
I stew over my meeting with Wallace as I make the drive to Pat and Katie’s to meet Charlie. The 49ers are having their first ever open training camp practice, so the three of us are going to go cheer on Chase.
“Hello,” I shout as I walk in.
“We’re in the kitchen,” Katie calls back. “You’ll never guess what we have for you.”
Love To Hate You Page 36
