He cups my face. “I love you.”
The passion and love I feel from his kiss tells me he feels the same thing I do. He isn’t ready to let go yet either.
“And I love you.”
Chase moves the pillows and guides us down the bed. We lie together in a sweaty, sticky heap, clinging to each other, unwilling to sever the connection.
As I relish in my post-orgasm high, the melodic rhythm of his heartbeat beckons me to sleep. Before I drift away, I wonder if I need to explain my sudden change of heart from last night to today. I think he understands, but as we’re prone to catastrophic misunderstandings, maybe I should say something. I glance at him and see he’s already asleep.
I kiss his cheek and whisper, “Wherever life takes us, it will take us together. I know as long as I have you, everything will be okay.”
Chapter Forty-Nine
Chase
“What about a safari?” Charlie asks as she lays her napkin on her lap.
“Veto,” Spencer says in a firm tone. This one is not up for debate. “You’re pregnant. You will not go traipsing through the African desert with lions and cheetahs and whatever else is big enough to eat you whole.”
The server drops off an array of appetizers. Since we’re sneaking in a meeting in the middle of the day, we’re short on time. Charlie got to the restaurant first and was in charge of ordering. Judging by this spread, it looks as though she ordered the whole menu. “Eating for two” is her new favorite catchphrase.
Charlie puts a slice of duck quesadilla on her plate. “Good point. Plus, Africa is kind of a Henrik thing.”
I slide the container of guacamole over to her, knowing she’s probably going to use the whole thing. “There are no longer Henrik things and me things. There are only me things. If she wants to do something extreme, we’ll do it together. She doesn’t need to run to him.” Henrik’s not the only adventurer in Ari’s life. She and I can climb mountains or go river rafting or whatever—we’ve just never needed that. I get all the adventure I need right between the sheets.
She holds up her hands. “Touchy touchy.”
“Territorial. There’s a difference. Now, back on topic: where are we going to go for Christmas? We’ve got less than three weeks. We have to figure this out now.” I look at my watch. “Coach gave me two hours to ditch practice, so we’ve got work to do.”
Charlie reaches for the oysters, but Spencer snatches them and warningly points at her. “No raw fish.” He scoops a few onto his plate. “Why can’t we just go to the Bahamas? I’d think she’d want to be surrounded by so many good memories of her father.”
Charlie looks at her husband as though he’s just suggested we spend the holiday at a zombie apocalypse survival camp. “Her first holiday without Aiden is going to be hard enough on her as it is. Taking her to the Bahamas, where we went for a million Christmases, would be like pouring salt in the wound. She’s been doing so well lately; we don’t want her to regress. We need to take her somewhere fun where we can keep her mind distracted.”
“That shouldn’t be hard to find. We just need to go somewhere we can keep her busy.” Spencer passes me the plate of Ahi tuna. “Eat this before she does.”
I scrape what’s left of the appetizer onto my plate. “Christmas Eve is on a Sunday, so I can’t leave until that night, then I only have a few days off before I have to be back at practice. I don’t want to spend the whole time traveling, so let’s keep the travel time down.”
Charlie fiddles with her fork. “What about Paris?”
“You really want to take her back to Europe?” I ask.
She wrinkles her nose. “Good point. What about Alaska? We can go see the Northern Lights?”
“After we freeze our ass off looking at the lights for twenty minutes, then what?” I ask. “It’s dark twenty hours a day in Alaska in December. We’d be stuck inside, playing cards or watching movies. That’s not much of a distraction.”
“Australia?” Spencer asks. “We could go surfing.”
“Australia will make her think of her retirement,” Charlie replies. “We want happy places, Spence. Happy.”
“The woman has been a world traveler her whole life. There aren’t too many places she hasn’t been, let alone places that won’t spark some sort of memory.”
“Uganda?” Charlie suggests. “There’s a place there she’s always wanted to go hiking. Moon mountain or something like that. I think there’s an elephant preserve there. She’d like that.”
Spencer raises his hand. “Pregnancy veto again. Wherever we go must have decent health care. We’re not going off into a rainforest with venomous snakes and spiders and God only knows what.”
I dunk a mussel into the garlic butter sauce. “My ribs still aren’t totally healed. I can’t do that kind of hiking. Plus, if I get hurt mountain climbing on an off week, there’ll be a lynch mob when I get home.”
Spencer polishes off the rest of the shrimp. “Can I ask a question I’m sure you’re going to think is stupid? Why don’t we just ask Ari where she wants to go?”
Charlie looks as though she wants to strangle him. “Because she’ll say the Bahamas and torture herself. It’s our job to save her from herself. If we have it all planned, she’ll just go along with it.”
Spencer snorts. “Yes, because Ari often just goes along with things. I’m always saying she needs to get a mind of her own. ‘Go with the flow Aldrich’—that’s what we call her. Oh wait, no, we don’t.”
She tries to sneak a piece of tuna from his plate, but he slaps her hand. Rubbing the red mark, she says, “Trust me. As long as it isn’t Chase’s idea, she’ll be fine with it.”
Sad but true. We’re getting better, but out of reflex, if I say X, she says Y. Some habits die hard. That’s us, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
After going round and round for an hour, we settle on Hawaii. I’d hoped for something a little more original, but Kauai will offer privacy. It’s a frequent getaway for the rich and famous because the local community places a high value on respecting the privacy of its tourists. And there’s plenty to do: surfing, swimming, golfing, and hiking. With my ribs being as they are, I have to take it easy and stay taped up, but for Ari, the days will be packed. She won’t have too much time to sit and get caught up in memories. I hope after the trip is over, she’ll be more focused on her future than the past.
The next few weeks fly by. With only one loss this season, my team is motivated. Everyone wants to get back to the Super Bowl so badly they can taste it. Unfortunately, we’re riddled with injuries. We’ve picked up a few players here and there to fill in gaps, but they’re new and still have to learn the system. The ever-rotating roster makes it hard to utilize a consistent approach. I constantly feel as though we’re scrambling to come up with a strategy to use our ragtag crew this week. All the changes translate into a lot of long hours. I’ve barely been home.
As a result, Ari and I hardly see each other. She’s moved out of Charlie’s and back into her condo. With Charlie traveling more and my long hours, Ari’s picked up more volunteer time. By the time her days are over, she doesn’t want to make the drive to my place, so she stays in the city. I hate it, but what can I do? It’s not fair to ask her to sit around my place and wait for me to come home at whatever ungodly hour I leave the field. If it were our place, it would be a different story. She wouldn’t be waiting around for me, she’d be home. I’m still working on that.
I started toying again with the idea of proposing after she opened up to me about her feelings about the miscarriage, but I’d thought I might be rushing it. Then Thanksgiving clinched it. We played Detroit on Thanksgiving afternoon. A snowstorm was expected, but the league said the game should go on. By end of the game, the snowfall had surpassed the six to twelve inches expected. The airports closed, so we all went back to the hotel.
By morning, two feet had come down, and the snow was still falling. We weren’t going anywhere. It was the wrong time of the month for Ari
and I to spend forty-eight hours fucking our brains out. The hotel’s network was down, so no television and no internet. Every time we tried to leave the room, we were bombarded by hotel guests, so we stayed in. It was just the two of us, and when the roads were finally cleared, I wasn’t ready to leave. I loved every second of just spending time together.
Once we returned from Detroit, I called Spencer’s diamond guy. Three days later, he met me at the stadium, and we designed a ring. It came in two weeks later, and it’s perfect. I know she’ll love it. I’m keeping the ring at Charlie’s since I’m so damn excited to ask her I know if I had the ring here, I’d drop to one knee the next time she came over. She deserves better than that. She deserves a fairytale moment, and I’m going to give it to her.
When Henrik popped the question, he did it at halftime of a soccer game. So cliché. Back when I was in denial about my feelings toward her, I may have watched the replay once or twice, and I could tell she wasn’t happy. Anyone who really knows Ari would know she’d hate something that public. Hawaii will give me the chance to do it right. I’ve got a few places mapped out, so just in case the moment isn’t right at one of them, I have a backup. I know exactly what I’m going to say. It’ll be perfect.
Since I play the late game on Sunday, Pop charters a jet to take us to Kauai first thing on Christmas morning. We’re all going to spend the night at my parents’ house then go to the airport after opening a few presents. By New Year’s, my ring will be on her finger.
We win the game by the skin of our teeth—a fourth quarter pick-six saved my ass. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t keep my head in the game. My head’s already in Hawaii.
The next morning, I wake up, and Ari’s already out of bed. After searching the house for her, I realize she probably went on a run. I throw on some sweats and take off for the trails. My body is still battered from last night, and my joints groan in the cold morning air. When I get down by Aiden’s house, I notice the lights are on. I cut across the yard to the front door. The empty hide-a-key rock sits on the front steps.
I’m guessing Ari’s in here, but since I have no idea how long this door has been open, I enter with my guard up. I’d set the thermostat to fifty since no one would be here, but it feels colder than that. Everything looks just as it should, but I search room by room just in case. I find her upstairs in the guest room, sitting on the floor in front of the closet, surrounded by presents.
She looks up when she hears me walk in. “He forgot my presents last year when we went to the Bahamas. We were going to do a Christmas mulligan when we got home, but everything went so crazy I completely forgot about it.” She looks at the wrapped gifts. “He always hid stuff in this cubby hole in the closet, but he’d always forget and buy more. Some of these have got to be more than fifteen years old.” She holds up a square box. “I think this one is a My Little Pony. It has that plastic crinkle sound when you shake it and smells like fake strawberries.”
I sit next to her on the floor. “Do you want to open them?”
She holds the box so gingerly, as though she fears it may break. “No. These are the last presents I’ll ever get from him. I’m not ready for that yet. Having them here, unopened, is like a promise of more of him to come.”
We sit on the floor telling Aiden Christmas stories for over an hour until I realize we’re going to be late for the airport. Ari places each present back in the cubby hole, handling them like glass.
Sadly, this sets the tone for the entire trip. Aiden is everywhere. On the plane ride out, she doesn’t sit with me but between my parents, asking about Aiden when he was a kid. When we go golfing, Ari and I were supposed to play an extra nine by ourselves so I could propose at one of the overlooks that has a spectacular view. But we spend the whole eighteen holes telling Aiden golf stories. She’s somber by the end of the round—definitely not the time to propose. On one afternoon, Charlie plans a picnic hike to Waimea Canyon. She and Spencer were going to disappear while I proposed. It was a great plan until Spencer, the proposal cockblocker, brings up the time we hiked the Grand Canyon and Aiden fought off a rattlesnake. No matter what we do—snorkeling, surfing, swimming—she’s reminded of Aiden. With all of our minds on the past, it’s impossible to think about the future.
On the morning of the last day, while Ari’s in the shower after our morning run, I join Charlie on the balcony.
“I did not eat the last malasada. That was all Spencer,” she says as she stuffs the rest of the pastry in her mouth. She offers me a bagel instead, but it looks more like a tan hockey puck. Hawaiians aren’t known for the bagels.
I shake my head. “I’ll pass. How many does that make today?”
Her cheeks flush. “Six. But I’m going to skip lunch.” She swallows, then a huge smile spreads across her face. “Unless I can have more malasada for lunch.”
My sister can put away more food than a lineman when she wants to. I hand her a napkin then gesture to my entire face. “You’ve got something right there.”
She wipes away gobs of chocolate cream and sugar. “Stop judging. We leave tomorrow. I have to get them while I can.” She throws her napkin in my face. “Speaking of leaving tomorrow, you’re on the clock if you want the perfect Hawaiian proposal.”
I pop a few grapes in my mouth. “I’ve been trying, but it’s never the right time. It feels as though Aiden’s ghost is with us everywhere. Yesterday, for example, when we went for that hike at Ho’opi’i Falls. It was breathtaking. She was in a great mood, the happiest she’s been the whole trip. She hadn’t mentioned Aiden once for the whole hike. I put my hand in my pocket to get the ring out, and then a group comes up and one of the guys is wearing an Aldrich jersey! Who the hell still has one of those? She sees it and gets teary-eyed. Then he recognized us and wanted to take a million pictures. The moment was totally ruined.”
She pours a glass of pineapple juice, hands it to me, then pours another for herself. “Fans are part of the deal. You know that. In order to get all those zeros on your paycheck, you have to accept zero privacy. Plus, you won the Super Bowl last year. You’re hot shit right now.”
“He wanted pictures with her. The guy didn’t even recognize me. He shoved his camera in my hands and asked me to take the picture of the two of them. Some Niners fan he is,” I grumble.
Charlie laughs so hard she spits out her juice. She covers her mouth. “Sorry, that’s just really funny.”
I tear off pieces of the hockey-puck bagel and throw them at her. “Screw you. It’s not funny. The guy hung around for like twenty minutes asking her questions about her dad. I’m telling you, I feel like Aiden’s trying to sabotage this proposal from the grave. Which makes no sense! He gave me his blessing before he died. Said he wished he could live to see us get married. Threatened my manhood if I didn’t promise to take care of her for the rest of her life. So why is he getting in the way?”
“Maybe he’s telling you now isn’t the time, and he’s trying to prevent you from making a mistake?”
“It’s more like he’s an attention whore and wants to make sure we’re not forgetting about him.”
She laughs. “Yeah, probably.” She takes a sip of her pineapple juice. “It’s hard though. I miss him. It’s so strange not having him around. Sometimes we’ll all be together, and I’ll keep looking for him to show up. I’ll think of something that I want to tell him and pick up the phone to call him, then I remember he’s gone. If it’s this hard for me, I can’t imagine how hard it is for her. She’s doing pretty good considering.”
“You’re right. And I don’t want to lose sight of that. She’s doing amazing considering how emotional this trip has been. We’ve had some deep conversations about life and death, and our childhoods and legacies. I feel even closer to her now, which just makes me want to propose even more.”
“Just because you want it to be the right time doesn’t make it so. At least you’ve been smart enough to hold back when the moment wasn’t right. You have tonight. Maybe tonight’
s the night.”
Mom sticks her head out and lets us know everyone’s waiting on us to go snorkeling.
Charlie grabs her stomach. “I have twelve pounds of pastry sitting in my stomach. I’m going to sink to the bottom of the ocean.”
I put my arm around her shoulders. “If you see me get down on one knee, can you hold off drowning until I ask her?”
My parents have chartered a dinner cruise for our last night in Hawaii. At the last minute, everyone feigns food poisoning from the fish tacos they had at lunch to give Ari and I a little privacy on the boat. Ari, of course, is in the clear, but she thinks we should cancel in case I get sick when we’re out on the water. I swear up and down I had chicken for lunch and I’m perfectly fine to go. With a little help from Mom and Charlie, we convince her to go.
The cruise is spectacular, but the crew is a little more hands-on than I’d like. They highlight the sights. When we see dolphins and humpbacks, they tell us everything we could ever want to know about marine life in Kauai. When dinner arrives, the crew gives us space, but Ari talks nonstop about the dolphins. Finally, after dinner, I slip the crew a hundred each if they promise to leave us alone for the rest of the trip. When I return, I find her leaning against the railing, watching the sunset with a dreamy look in her eye. This is it. This is the moment.
Sliding my hand into my pocket, I open mouth to start my speech, but she says, “Do you think he was proud of me? I didn’t accomplish what they had planned for me. I was supposed to win more Grand Slams than any other player in history before I was thirty, and that didn’t happen. I really haven’t become much of anything other than a pretty face. He and mom were gladiators, and I never even graduated from high school. I wonder if he looked at me as a disappointment.”
I let the box go then put my arm around her. “You were his pride and joy. Even if you’d never won a single match, you would have been the highlight of his life. He was proud of the amazing woman you’ve become. Playing tennis was just one very small part of that. And don’t sell yourself short. You’ve been a huge success in everything you’ve done.”
Love To Hate You Page 43
