Healing Her Heart

by Kimberly Smith

  Tiffany and his mother were not happy with him taking time to do this humanitarian work. They didn’t understand why he felt the need to take the trip. Edwin was blessed, and he knew it. He thought it was his duty and he couldn’t see why they didn’t understand that. They didn’t realize how lucky they were to have so much of everything.

  The trip had been good for him. Not only did it help him appreciate how lucky he was, but it also showed him that he didn’t want to be a doctor just for the prestige of being a doctor or for the vast sums of money he could earn. Edwin realized that he liked the contact with people. He loved knowing that he was doing something worthwhile.

  Initially, he had planned to return home and open a private practice, but that changed, and he’d gotten a job as an emergency room doctor. He didn’t always perform surgeries, but he did save lives every day. “I just might bring Denise,” he answered Ash’s question. “What about you, do you have a date?”

  Ash smiled. “There are a few people I could ask, but none of them are the black-tie party type. That, of course, would make the party more fun for me.”

  Edwin snorted, “That would be interesting, I’m sure. I think you should go stag. It’s going to be crazy enough around here when Grams shows up.”

  **

  Denise sat at the kitchen counter in Renee and Lance’s kitchen with Felicia. Beverly had gone to bed a half hour ago. It had been great to spend time with her again. She was happy and excited about what life might hold for her. Denise enjoyed seeing Felicia with her mother and father. Her thoughts drifted to Edwin. She pictured him as he had looked that afternoon in the shower. Her panties were moist from her desire, and her nipples were straining against her bra, sensitive and almost painful. Denise closed her eyes for a second or two. It almost felt like he was still moving inside her. She toyed with her spoon, in her now empty ice cream bowl.

  She wanted to call him and tell him to meet her at her apartment, but if she did that, she’d be breaking another rule. She never allowed the guy she was fucking to come to her place. She’d already broken that rule with Edwin, but he hadn’t been inside yet, which was a caveat to the rule. Her personal space was just that, personal.

  “Earth to Denise,” Felicia said waving her hand in Denise’s face.

  Denise looked at her friend through dreamy eyes, “What?”

  “What are you thinking about? I asked you if you could go with us to look at wedding dresses Friday afternoon.”

  Renee entered the kitchen, “Ben didn’t want to go to sleep. I gave up and handed him over to Lance. Wouldn’t you know it, he’s now drooling on his father’s chest, knocked out cold.”

  “Um, I have to work, but maybe I can take a long lunch.” She spaced out again fantasizing of a nooner with Edwin in a broom closet at the hospital with his pants down around his ankles and her kneeling in front of him, giving him the blowjob of a lifetime.

  Felicia tossed a towel at her head, and Renee laughed. “She is thinking about a man, honey. She hasn’t heard a word you’ve said.”

  Denise snapped to attention, looking sheepishly at Felicia who scrutinized Denise. “Did you have sex with Edwin?”

  Denise looked at the two women staring at her, “No,” she said trying to keep a straight face. When that failed and a wide grin broke out over her face she said, “But I did have sex with Dr. Sexy.”

  “By the amazed look on her face, I’d say it was pretty damn good too,” Renee said grinning at Felicia.

  Denise didn’t say a word. She just nodded her head. She’d never been shy when it came to talking about her sexual experiences, but this time she wanted to keep the details to herself. Denise told her friends about her date, but not about the intimate details of her romp with Edwin in the shower. Felicia picked up on that little fact, immediately. “Wait, you’re not going to tell us anything?” Denise shook her head. Felicia looked at Renee and then back to Denise. “This is more serious than I thought. You really like him, don’t you?”

  Denise didn’t want to admit it, but she did. She knew that if she voiced it, that something would ruin it. She tried to change the subject. “What are you going to do about missing so much school with all that’s going on right now?”

  Felicia put one hand on her ample hip, “Oh no you don’t. We are talking about you. Have you given up your rules or are you two, just doing the horizontal mambo?”

  “Rules,” Renee questioned?

  “Yeah. She has a list of rules that she follows to keep men at bay.”

  “The rules are still in play, even though I’ve broken most of them,” Denise mumbled the last part, but Felicia heard her.

  “You are breaking the rules, for Edwin? So, you do like him.”

  Denise sighed. Renee grabbed their bowls taking them to the sink. “I get it. You’re using the rules to sabotage any chance of having a relationship. I didn’t have rules, but my self-esteem was so low that I had convinced myself that I would never find someone who could love me as I was.” Renee turned the water on and cleaned the bowls. “I met Lance at Perry’s club. I was there with some friends, checking the place out for an article that I was writing for the magazine I used to work for.” She dried the dishes and silverware as she finished telling her story. “Lance serenaded me and asked me to dance. I thought my friends had put him up to it because my birthday was coming up in a week or two. It was so cliché. I mean, who serenades anyone anymore?

  I knew something was different about him right away. It’s like my flight or fight instincts kicked in and I took flight. Lance chased me all the way to the Bahama’s before I stopped running from him. After I finally could admit that I had feelings for him, I realized that every failed relationship I had was because of my fear of being left, abandoned. My father left my mother when I was a kid, and it screwed me up, and I didn’t even know it until Lance came along. I had to deal with my own issues, and it wasn’t until I found out the real reason he left and talked to him about it that I felt whole. I’m still afraid that someday Lance may walk away from me and our family, but I don’t let that keep me from letting him love me today and every day that we have together.”

  Denise understood what Renee was saying, but she didn’t have daddy issues. She didn’t even know who her birth father was. Maybe she had mommy issues. Her mother had died when she was a child. Denise had been lucky enough to be adopted by Clarence and Wanda. Yeah, Wanda died too, but Clarence had raised her and loved her. “My desire not to get emotionally involved has nothing to do with either of my fathers.”

  “Okay, so why don’t you want to get involved with anyone seriously,” Renee asked curiously?

  Denise sighed, “I just think it’s too much work. Doing things my way means that I don’t have to deal with some of the same crap that you guys probably have to.”

  “All relationships take work.” Renee came over to the counter leaning her palms against the top. “Your relationship with Felicia takes work. I’m sure that you two have disagreed about something and you’re still friends. You talk through it. You make time to show you care about each other. It’s the same thing.”

  She’s got me there, Denise thought to herself. Her relationship with Felicia took work. “Okay, so you have a point. All relationships take work, but it’s not the work that makes me this way.”

  “What is it then,” Felicia asked quietly. She knew they were pushing Denise because her eyes looked a little glassy like she was on the verge of crying.

  Denise tried to pull herself together, but she could see that they weren’t going to let up on their probing. She folded her arms over her chest. “You won’t understand.”

  “Not unless you explain it to us,” Renee said.

  Denise bit her lip as a tear escaped her eyes. She swiped it away. “I wasn’t born to loving parents who wanted children. My birth mother was raped by my father. That’s how I came to be. Her mother wanted her to go to the police, but somehow this man threatened her or talked her out of it. My mother never told my grand
mother who the man was. When my mother found out she was pregnant, she told him about it, and he told her that it wasn’t his problem. He told her to get an abortion. She didn’t. She chose to keep me. Her mother wasn’t happy about her daughter having a baby by this man, but she accepted it until I was born. It was obvious that I was biracial.”

  “And that was a problem?” Felicia asked coming around to sit on the stool next to her friend.

  Denise took a deep breath and continued, “Her mother had a big problem with my being half white and my mother keeping me, cost her. Her mother never accepted the fact that she’d had a child with a white man. She hated me, and because of that, my mother ended her relationship with her family.”

  Felicia rubbed her arm and Renee came closer to them, “Why would she hate you, you were her granddaughter regardless of the circumstances?”

  “I don’t know. I never found out why. I overheard her on many occasions fighting with my birth mother. That’s how I know the things that I just told you. She told her repeatedly that she should put me up for adoption. That I was a burden they didn’t need. When my mother died, the social worker found my grandmother and asked her if I could live with her. She apparently said no because I was sent to a foster home and luckily Clarence and Wanda wanted me. So, you see, I don’t believe in love because love doesn’t exist, not in my world.” She looked at her friends who were shaking their heads. “I told you, you wouldn’t understand.”

  Renee wrapped her arms around Denise and Felicia did the same. “We do understand,” Felicia said. “We get that it seems like love is evil to you, but it’s not. I love you and don’t’ care how you came to be. Clarence loves you, my mother, my children, we all love you.” Denise knew that but how could she believe that it was really true. The people who were supposed to love her no matter what, didn’t. Her father hadn’t loved her, and her grandmother hadn’t. No matter what they told her, she felt unworthy of love and she didn’t know how to change that. So, she refused to let people into her heart, for her own safety and peace of mind.

  Denise lay in her bed staring at the ceiling hours later, thinking about Edwin, her fathers, her mothers, and her grandmother. She was afraid to let herself love and be loved because of her life’s circumstances. Denise had grown accustomed to pushing people away from her. She’d been doing it for so long that it came naturally to her. While Denise did like Edwin, she knew in her heart that she shouldn’t let him get too close. That eventually she’d find out that he didn’t have feelings for her either.

  9

  Wednesday had been a busy day in the ER. Edwin had performed three emergency surgeries along with handling several other emergency room patients. It was past his regular quitting time, and he was exhausted. He cleaned up and changed his clothes. He checked his phone. There were no messages from Denise even though he’d sent a couple to her. He knew that having sex with her Sunday had changed things. He hoped that it would bring them closer, but he was starting to think that it had done the opposite.

  As he drove home, he went over each detail of their time, and Edwin knew that he wouldn’t change anything. He knew that Denise would probably change things and that’s what was bothering him. She had made it clear that she didn’t do relationships, yet she had opened herself to him a little more each time they spoke or saw each other. Had they taken things as far as she was willing to go?

  Edwin parked the car in the garage and entered through the back of the house. Ms. Mendoza greeted him. “Good evening Dr. McAlister. You are to join your sister in the den. She has a surprise for you.”

  “A surprise,” Edwin said with a strange look.

  “Yes, and that’s all I can say,” Mrs. Mendoza said looking as if she wanted to grin.

  Edwin gave her a sideways glance, and he walked away. As he got nearer to the den, he could hear laughter. He stepped over the threshold to find Ash roaring with laughter and his Gram’s sitting next to a handsome younger man. “Well as I live and breathe,” his grandmother Lily said getting off the leather sofa and walking to hug him. “You get better looking every time I see you.”

  “Hi Grams, “Edwin said being pulled down into the tiny woman’s arms. “When did you get here?”

  “An hour ago,” Lily said pulling away from her grandson. She took his hand and pulled him over to the man she’d been sitting beside. “Edwin, this is Mitch, my boyfriend.” Mitch stood and shook Edwin’s hand.

  Edwin couldn’t help but smile. His grandmother’s boyfriend was at least twenty years younger than she was. “Nice to meet you,” Mitch said before sitting down again.

  Edwin and Ashley sat and listened as their Grams told them how she and Mitch had met in the Caribbean and all the places they had been to. “Have you seen mother yet,” Edwin was curious? Grams and her daughter had a relationship like the one between Ash and his mother.

  They were nothing alike and constantly at each other’s throats. Grams was fun and a little wild. After Edwin’s grandfather had passed from this world, his Grams made a bucket list and was meticulously checking items off it. She was also adding things to the list as fast as she marked out others.

  “Not yet,” Grams said with a smile. “I thought it would be nice to be here for the anniversary party. Mitch and I are going upstairs to rest for a bit before dinner. We’ll see you two later,” Lily said rising along with Mitch.

  As soon as they left the room, Ash grinned at Edwin, “I can’t wait to see mom’s face when she finds out that Gram’s boyfriend is her age. You know that them going upstairs to rest means that Grams is getting laid right now.”

  “Eww,” Edwin said. “Really Ash?” Edwin didn’t want to envision his grandmother having sex.

  **

  The look on his mother’s face was priceless as Lilly and Mitch entered the dining room. She had been smiling as she told her husband what she had gotten accomplished that day. She had just sat down when Lily entered dressed in a red Maxi dress on the arm of Mitch who wore a brightly colored Hawaiian shirt and khaki pants. The smile dropped and was replaced with a look of dismay and then anger.

  “Good Evening,” Lily said as she stopped beside the table.

  Meredith recovered, standing and holding her arms out to her mother for a hug, “Mother, what a surprise. When did you get here?”

  Lily hugged her daughter briefly, “Mitch, this is my daughter Meredith and her husband, Oliver. Mitch is my lover, and we got in this afternoon.”

  Edwin tried to hide the amusement on his face while Ash grinned from ear to ear. She was happy to have an ally in the house. Ash was more like her grandmother, and the two of them got along well. Oliver tried to break the tension with a little polite conversation. “Lily where have you been traveling to in the past few months?”

  Lily and Mitch took a seat across the table from her daughter and son in law. While they ate dinner, she told them about her recent trips to Spain, England, and the Bahamas. His mother’s frustration was written all over her face when Lily made it clear that she planned to stay in Dallas for a while. “What do you plan to do while you’re here?”

  Lily smiled, “Mitch and I don’t make plans, we just go with the flow. Who knows what we’ll get into while we’re here? Enough talk about me, I’d like to know more about this woman that my grandson has been seeing?”

  Meredith smiled, “Tiffany is a beautiful, accomplished young lady.”

  “That’s not the one I want to know about. My understanding is that Tiffany is who you like. I want to know about the other one. The one that Edwin likes. The one Ash was telling me about.”

  Meredith’s jaw locked, and she grabbed her glass sipping from it as she looked at her son. Edwin lay his fork down and wiped his mouth. “Grams there’s not much to tell. I just met her recently, and we’ve gone out twice.”

  “What’s her name? Where did you meet her?

  Edwin smiled, “Her name is Denise, I met her at the hospital.”

  “Is she a doctor,” Mitch asked? It was the first t
hing he’d said so far.

  “No. She was a patient of another doctor.” Edwin explained that Perry’s girlfriend was there to visit her and introduced them. “I think you would like her Grams. She’s…different.”

  “What was she in the hospital for,” his father asked quietly.

  “They thought she might have a concussion. So, they were keeping her there for observation.”

  Ash grinned and spoke, “She’d been abducted and tortured for information.” Edwin was sure she’d given out that tidbit of information to aggravate and shock his mother. It worked.

  Meredith’s utensil clanged against the fine china as she gawked at Ash and then Edwin. “What on earth? Edwin, is this true? Who is this woman?

  “Meredith shut the hell up,” Lilly said interrupting her tirade. “Sometimes I wonder if they didn’t switch babies on me in the hospital because I don’t see how you came from my loins. You are so uptight, and you have been your whole life. I used to think that once you got laid, you’d loosen up.”

  “How dare you!” Meredith’s face was flushed with color and embarrassment.

  “Get over yourself already. I have never understood why you think that everything has to be so perfect. If it isn’t your way, then something must be wrong with it. Mitch and I have been doing this tantric meditation. I think you and Oliver should try it. It will loosen you up, and maybe you’ll finally be able to have an orgasm. I really do believe that if you just come hard once, that you’ll relax, No offense, Oliver.”

  All eyes were on Meredith as her color darkened to that of a ripe beet. She didn’t say a word. She merely tossed her napkin on the table as she pushed her chair back and stormed out of the dining room. Oliver took a deep breath and followed his wife out. As soon as they left, Ash burst, “Priceless Grams.”