by Lisa Becker
This was a few days before our first date. I just told her that work was getting crazy, deadlines were looming and that it just wouldn’t be fair to her to start something that I knew I wouldn’t be able to devote time to.
From: Renee Greene – May 28, 2011 – 3:50 PM
To: Mark Finlay
Subject: Re: Paralegal Update?
Ah, the old “I’m too busy with work” excuse. I’m quite familiar with it.
From: Mark Finlay – May 28, 2011 – 3:52 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Paralegal Update?
Oh, come on now. I was letting her down gently. I never would have said that if we had slept together.
From: Renee Greene – May 28, 2011 – 3:55 PM
To: Mark Finlay
Subject: Re: Paralegal Update?
I know. I’m still just reeling over what a complete ASS Matt turned out to be and what a SUCKER I turned out to be. I know you’re one of the good ones. I’ll call you later.
From: Renee Greene – May 28, 2011 – 4:07 PM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Winner Winner Chicken Dinner
Oh yeah, forgot to tell you, Mark never went out with that paralegal chick. He found some racy photos of her online and that was a deal breaker. So, you win the bet. I’ll buy you a drink tonight at Flint’s? And, please don’t say anything to Mark. He doesn’t want anyone to know about his online dating escapades.
From: Shelley Manning – May 28, 2011 – 4:22 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Winner Winner Chicken Dinner
HA! I KNEW IT! Yes, I will collect a Flint’s special mojito tonight. See you there. Mwah! Mwah!
From: Renee Greene – May 31, 2011 – 4:07 PM
To: Shelley Manning; Mark Finlay
Subject: Tax-adermy
Just giving you the 411 in writing on my upcoming date with Michael – an accountant. Per the subject of my email, let’s hope he’s more LIVELY than one would typically expect from an accountant. We’re going to Bamboo Garden on Friday.
From: Shelley Manning – May 31, 2011 – 5:53 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Tax-adermy
So noted. But, I wouldn’t object to you getting a little stuffed, if you know what I mean. A little stuffing would do you some good.
From: Renee Greene – May 31, 2011 – 6:05 PM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Tax-adermy
Yes, we all know you’re a big fan of both the “stuff” and “stuffing.” I’ll keep you posted.
From: Mark Finlay – May 31, 2011 – 8:29 PM
To: Renee Greene; Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Tax-adermy
Bamboo Garden? Smart man. Get the mu shu chicken for me. Be careful and call me when you get home. I’ll be up.
From: Renee Greene – June 4, 2010 – 12:07 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Home SWEET Home
Hey Shelley. Made it home safely. Michael seems like a really great guy. I met him at Bamboo Garden (his suggestion, so there’s one thing in his favor). We had great conversation at dinner and then ended up taking a drive in his car through Mulholland.
Yes, I know. Broke a cardinal rule of online dating by getting into his car. But, he seemed totally normal, so I thought it would be okay. We parked the car, got in the backseat and made out for an hour like a couple of horny teenagers. (I figured you would approve!)
Then he drove me back to my car, gave me a sweet kiss goodnight and said he hoped we could do it again. Aha! A date that didn’t go horribly awry. I’m proceeding with extreme caution. But trying to be optimistic. I feel like a tightrope walker in the circus. Know what I mean?
From: Shelley Manning – June 4, 2011 – 11:08 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Home SWEET Home
Horny teenager, indeed. That’s so awesome.
I’ve been acting like a horny teenager myself lately with a young gentleman we’ll call Slippery Pete. He’s the “love ‘em and leave ‘em” type, that slips out as fast as he can, unlike the Cuddler who just wants to hang out all night long. Believe me, I love it when they “come” and then go. So, are you going to email this horny teenager or wait to hear from him first?
From: Renee Greene – June 4, 2011 – 1:45 PM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Home SWEET Home
Yes, kick those cuddlers to the curb! (But be gentle; you don’t want to make them cry.) I’m going to wait until Monday to email Michael. Don’t want to come across as desperate or anything.
From: Shelley Manning – June 4, 2011 – 1:48 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Home SWEET Home
Good idea. Keep me posted! Mwah! Mwah!
From: [email protected]/TaxTime2002 – June 6, 2011 – 9:36 AM
To: [email protected]/PRGal1981
Subject: GREAT Time!
Hey there! Had a great time with you Friday night. The conversation was so easy and natural. And, making out in the backseat of the car wasn’t too shabby either. Felt like I was 16 again. You’re a great kisser.
I must say, it is so wonderful to finally meet a generous, warm-hearted, smart, funny and beautiful woman. I can already tell how special you are. Would love to see you again. What does next week look like for you?
From: [email protected]/TaxTime2002 – June 6 – 9:38 AM
To: [email protected]/PRGal1981
Subject: GREAT Time!
Hey there! Had a great time with you Saturday night. The conversation was so easy and natural. And, making out in the backseat of the car wasn’t too shabby either. Felt like I was 16 again. You’re a great kisser.
I must say, it is so wonderful to finally meet a generous, warm-hearted, smart, funny and beautiful woman. I can already tell how special you are. Would love to see you again. What does next week look like for you?
From: Renee Greene – June 6 – 9:56 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Fwd: GREAT Time! – Email One of Two
See below…and await my next forwarded message
From: Renee Greene – June 6 – 9:56 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Fwd: GREAT Time! – Email Two of Two
What the #$@%? Are you kidding me?!?!
Okay, so we went on ONE date. I get that I can’t expect that he would not be seeing anyone else. But, to send the EXACT same email to two DIFFERENT women from the SAME weekend. EW! That’s just gross.
From: Shelley Manning – June 6 – 11:56 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Fwd: GREAT Time! – Email Two of Two
I’m totally with you. What a douche bag! What are you going to do? Email back? Ignore him?
From: [email protected]/PRGal1981 – June 6 – 12:25 PM
To: [email protected]/TaxTime2002
Bcc: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: GREAT Time!
Hi Michael. I must say, I was so flattered to see your email. I felt so LUCKY to have met such a NICE, DECENT and HONEST guy. It truly made ME feel special until…
From: [email protected]/PRGal1981 – June 6 – 12:32 PM
To: [email protected]/TaxTime2002
Bcc: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: GREAT Time!
…I got your next email.
Then I realized how lucky YOU are to have met two “generous, warm-hearted, smart, funny and beautiful women” – and on the SAME WEEKEND! I can’t imagine how difficult this must be for YOU to juggle two such amazing gals who are BOTH great kissers. So, being the “generous” woman that I am, I will make this very easy for you. Buh-by!
From: Shelley Manning – June 6 – 12:54 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: GREAT Time!
Love it! Love it! Love it! You are my new hero and getting great at this whole online rejection thing.
From: Renee Greene �
� June 6 – 12:58 PM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: GREAT Time!
What, I’m getting good at being rejected by losers, lame-ohs, cheaters and scumbags I’ve met online?
From: Shelley Manning – June 6 – 1:26 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: GREAT Time!
No. You know what I mean. You are getting great at telling people off. I’ve said for a long time that you need to stand up for yourself more. And, I think being able to say it like it is without having to say it to their faces is making you the brave woman I’ve always known was lurking in that chocolate chip cookie-baking, non-confrontational, big-hearted gal. You know I’m your biggest fan!
From: [email protected]/PartyPete – June 9, 2011 – 2:38 PM
To: [email protected]/PRGal1981
Subject: You sound fun
Hi there. I just saw your profile and think you sound fun. I’m Pete – an outgoing, energetic guy who works in sales. My motto is work hard/play hard and nothing is more important to me than my friends and family. I would love to meet up for a drink sometime and get to know one another. Let me know what you think.
From: [email protected]/PRGal1981 – June 10, 2011 – 9:18 AM
To: [email protected]/PartyPete
Subject: Re: You sound fun
Hi Pete. I’m all about family and friends too. A drink sounds fun. What did you have in mind?
From: [email protected]/PartyPete – June 10, 2011 – 10:31 AM
To: [email protected]/PRGal1981
Subject: Re: You sound fun
Do you know Rachel’s in Santa Monica? They have GREAT margaritas (if that’s your thing). Maybe Thursday after work – say 7:00? I’ll be able to find you. Those dimples in your photo are hard to miss.
From: [email protected]/PRGal1981 – June 10, 2011 – 11:12 AM
To: [email protected]/PartyPete
Subject: Re: You sound fun
I haven’t been to Rachel’s before, but I do love a good margarita. Thursday at 7:00 sounds perfect. See you then.
From: Renee Greene – June 16, 2011 – 9:45 AM
To: Shelley Manning; Mark Finlay
Subject: Margaritas with Pete
I’m meeting a guy named Pete at Rachel’s tonight for a margarita at 7:00. I’ll call or email when I get home.
From: Renee Greene – June 16, 2011 – 10:42 PM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: I need a drink!
UGH! Pete Greenwald is NOT the man for me. Every story started with, “My buddies and I were out drinking one night…” And when I say every story, I mean EVERY story. So, when you start talking about the good ol’ college days, you expect there to be a few anecdotes where you and your “buddies” are out knocking back a few cold ones.
But, something came up about parents and he confided that his mom was killed in a car accident a few years ago. I responded with a genuine and sympathetic “I’m so sorry. That’s just horrible.” And he said, “Yeah. It really sucked. My buddies and I were out drinking one night…” and I just tuned out from there. UGH! UGH! UGH!
From: Shelley Manning – June 17, 2011 – 8:12 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: I need a drink!
Perhaps his buddies have to drink all the time because they need something to get them through a night of Pete’s stories? Don’t despair, sweetie! Your dream man is out there. I promise.
I, on the other hand, could use a drink. I hooked up last night with a guy we will refer to as “Wee Man.” And no, this isn’t a joke about the size of his junk. This has to do with the fact he was turned on by the thought of being urinated on. YUCK! Maybe it’s time for me to settle down.
From: Renee Greene – June 17, 2011 – 8:26 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: I need a drink!
What?!? You settle down? Blasphemy. You’re “pissing” me off with talk like that.
From: Shelley Manning – June 17, 2011 – 8:29 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: I need a drink!
HA! A “Wee Man” pun. Nice! Not as good as all of the Cuddler jokes, but good nonetheless. Can always count on you for a laugh.
From: Renee Greene – June 19, 2011 – 9:09 AM
To: Ashley Price
Subject: Everything Okay
Hey there. Just wanted to email to see if everything was okay. I left you a message a few days ago and haven’t heard back. I know you were going to Chicago for work, but I thought you would be back by now. Just worried and miss you friend.
From: Ashley Price – June 21, 2011 – 1:13 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Everything Okay
Sorry. Yes, I got back from Chicago on Saturday morning. Meant to call you back but got wrapped up in things with Evan. We had a really great Saturday night and then got in a stupid argument about him getting a haircut on Sunday. It started out with an innocent question by me about why he always cuts it so short and wouldn’t it look better if he let it grow out a bit. From there it escalated into World War III about how I never support him in anything. It was pretty awful. So, I’ve just spent the past few days wallowing in self pity and drowning my sorrows in cupcakes.
From: Renee Greene – June 21, 2011 – 2:02 PM
To: Ashley Price
Subject: Re: Everything Okay
I’m so sorry. I know you’re probably not up for meeting at Flint’s. Want to just grab a quiet dinner and talk?
From: Ashley Price – June 21, 2011 – 2:05 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Everything Okay
That would be great. I’ll call you tomorrow and we’ll set something up.
From: [email protected]/AdMan922 – June 22, 2011 – 9:02 AM
To: [email protected]/PRGal1981
Subject: Adorable
I love how you modestly acknowledged in your profile how other people would describe you. I would say…adorable!
From: Renee Greene – June 22, 2011 – 9:32 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Fwd: Adorable
From: Shelley Manning – June 22, 2011 – 9:51 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Fwd: Adorable
That is very sweet. What’s his story? Is he cute? Are you going to go out with him?
From: Renee Greene – June 22, 2011 – 9:58 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Fwd: Adorable
Honestly, I haven’t logged in to his profile yet. But, unless he’s got a massive facial deformity or lists his profession as serial killer, I have to meet this guy. He sounds adorable.
From: Shelley Manning – June 22, 2011 – 10:02 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Fwd: Adorable
Well, stop emailing me and email him. Sheesh!
From: [email protected]/PRGal1981 – June 22, 2011 – 10:15 AM
To: [email protected]/AdMan922
Bcc: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Adorable
Thank you for that sweet introduction. I must confess, I blushed a bit. I hope you don’t think this is too forward, but would you like to meet for a drink or something?
From: [email protected]/AdMan922 – June 22, 2011 – 7:35 PM
To: [email protected]/PRGal1981
Bcc: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Adorable
Are you up for dinner? I noticed from your profile that you like Italian food. Have you ever been to Emilio’s on Pico? What about Sunday night at 8:00?
From: Shelley Manning – June 22, 2011 – 8:15 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Fwd: Re: Adorable
He read your profile. That’s a good sign. Not only is he interested in you, but he reads too. ;)
From: Renee Greene – June 22, 2011 – 8:15 PM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Fwd: Re:
Adorable
HA!
From: [email protected]/PRGal1981 – June 23, 2011 – 9:01 AM
To: [email protected]/AdMan922
Bcc: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Adorable
Sunday at 8:00 at Emilio’s sounds great. I will see you there.
From: Renee Greene – June 23, 2011 – 9:03 AM
To: Mark Finlay
Subject: Date Alert!
I have a date on Sunday with Mike at Emilio’s at 8:00. I’ll call you when I get home.
From: Mark Finlay – June 23, 2011 – 10:12 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Date Alert!
Mmmmm! Love Emilio’s. Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy.
From: Renee Greene – June 26, 2011 – 11:02 PM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Honey? Snap, snap!
You know I’ve always said you can tell a lot about a person on how they treat other people. This guy could not have been nicer…to me. But, he could not have been more of a – excuse my language, here – dick to the waitress. Anytime he needing something, he kept snapping his fingers at her and calling her honey – or just hon. I was so embarrassed. I just kept looking at her with these sympathetic eyes and she kept looking at me in horror. It was just awful.
From: Shelley Manning – June 27, 2011 – 8:52 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Honey? Snap, snap!
I hate, hate, hate when guys call you honey. You know what honey is? It’s bee excretion.
From: Renee Greene – June 27, 2011 – 9:47 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Honey? Snap, snap!
Ha! Ha! Thank you for taking a crap evening and making it so that I can laugh about it at the end of the day. I’ll call you later, hon.
