“I know that,” she said, undaunted. “Give him some water. Please.”
Noel was staring dreamily at the sunset. He roused though at the taste of water and gulped it eagerly until Leon took the canteen away.
Lisa-Marie wiped the mouth of the canteen and limited herself to small, careful sips. Then it was Leon’s turn. He drank, feeling the coolness but not the taste, and hated both of the others for what they had.
“I’ll carry it,” said Lisa-Marie. “You help him up.”
Leon wanted to argue, but he recognized the futility of that. Handing over the canteen, he pulled Noel to his feet. Noel’s skin was burning hot, even through the cloth of his shirt. His eyes were so dilated, they looked black. For a moment he stared deep into Leon’s eyes.
Feeling vulnerable and exposed in that scrutiny, Leon shuddered. He stepped away quickly, but Noel sagged and would have fallen had Leon not caught him.
For a moment they clung together, and Leon felt something akin to pity stir within him. He thrust that emotion away, reminding himself that Noel had all the advantages. Noel didn’t need pity. He needed taking down a peg.
But Leon didn’t release his grip on his double. Putting his arm around Noel, he steadied him. With a muted groan, Noel managed to straighten at last. He set his teeth, biting off a gasp.
Touching this way, it was almost impossible to mute the empathic link between them. Leon felt fresh sweat break out across his forehead. He couldn’t maintain this physical contact much longer.
Perhaps Noel sensed this, for he pulled away. “I’m fine now,” he said, still gritting his teeth. “Thanks.”
Relieved, Leon released him. He knew Noel was lying, but it didn’t matter.
“Still trying to prove you’re better than everyone else?” he murmured savagely. “Still showing off for the girl?”
Noel ignored him. They started walking, their pace so slow it would take them weeks to finish the journey before them. Noel seemed to be concentrating solely on placing his feet and keeping his balance, but he said, “Did the Indian who captured you—”
“Yotavo.”
“Did Yotavo knock you out when he first caught you?”
“Yes,” said Leon in surprise. “How did you—did you feel it?”
“Yes.”
“But the link doesn’t work both ways!” said Leon before he realized he was giving too much away.
A ghost of a smile played upon Noel’s clamped lips. “Not usually, no. For a moment I thought you were dead.”
“You won’t get rid of me that easily.”
“No.”
Leon wrestled a moment with his own stubborn pride, but his curiosity was too strong. “What happened to us? I thought you were going back to—uh—back to—”
“Chicago,” said Noel with a warning glance at Lisa-Marie’s back that Leon didn’t need.
“Yeah. You promised to leave me where I was. Damn you, why didn’t you do it?”
“I didn’t have any choice. I warned you there was a seventy-eight percent chance that you would be brought through with me.”
Leon grunted. He had no interest in percentages. “So why here?”
“It wasn’t my idea,” said Noel sharply. “The saboteur closed the time loop. We can’t get back.”
Leon started laughing. The sound rolled across the plain and echoed off the ridges behind them.
“It’s not funny,” said Noel. “You—” He winced and pressed a hand to his side, shutting his eyes a moment.
Leon went on chuckling. “I think it’s marvelous. Just think, for the rest of eternity you’re trapped. And wherever you go, there I’ll be. A perpetual thorn in your side. Believe me, I intend to cause trouble everywhere I go, just for the joy of watching you try to clean it up.”
“We could work together,” said Noel. “Try to pool our resources and get back. We don’t have to be enemies.”
“Why shouldn’t we be enemies?” asked Leon furiously. “Every second of your existence reminds me of what I’m not, of what I can’t have.”
Noel scowled. “Are you going to whine about that forever? You exist, don’t you?”
“Finally you admit it!”
“I’ve never denied you. How could I?”
“You’d like to,” accused Leon.
“Sure I would. You shouldn’t be here. You cause trouble at every chance. This mess, for instance. None of it would have happened if you hadn’t interfered.”
“I didn’t urge El Raton to attack Trask’s ranch.”
“No, but you helped, didn’t you? And you kidnapped Lisa-Marie.”
Leon tucked in his chin, his mouth clamping down tight with resentment. “She’s pretty,” he muttered.
“Is that license to grab her?”
“Shut up,” said Leon.
Ahead of them, walking along in her squaw dress and moccasins, Lisa-Marie had to be hearing every word, but she never glanced back. He could feel her listening, however. He could feel the anger and resentment building inside her like an imminent explosion. Every word Noel said just made it worse.
Leon snaked his head around at Noel and said, “Just shut up.”
“Why didn’t you hypnotize those Apaches and get yourself out?” muttered Noel. “Why didn’t you rescue yourself?”
If his hands hadn’t been so stiff and painful, Leon would have curled them into fists and pummeled Noel. Rage seethed in his throat like scalding acid. He glared, but said nothing. He wasn’t about to let Noel know that his powers didn’t always work.
“Feeling sorry for yourself?” he said finally to Noel. “She thinks you’re some kind of hero now. If you expect me to be grateful, don’t waste your time.”
Noel’s thin nostrils flared. His face looked ghostly in the lavender hue of twilight. Ahead, the sky blazed with magnificent jewel tones of color. The wind had ceased, and the air felt cool and hushed. False peace, thought Leon. Death waits for the weak here at every turn.
“You,” said Noel hoarsely, “can’t exist without me. You need me. But I don’t need you in return. Remember that when the time comes.”
“What time?” said Leon irritably. “What kind of threat is that?”
But Noel didn’t answer.
Chapter 9
Less than an hour later, as they were trudging along the sandy bottom of a draw, Noel made a faint sound and collapsed in a heap. He did it so quietly that at first Leon thought he had sunk down to rest.
But when Leon turned back and set a hand on Noel’s shoulder, he could not rouse him. The fever in his double rushed across that bridge of physical contact, filling Leon with sweating torment.
With a gasp, he jerked his hand away and knelt in the sand, shuddering in an effort to clear Noel’s pain from his system. The link, however, was always there, no matter how much he tried to shake it. Feeling clammy and ill, Leon stared at the dark shape of his twin.
“You need me,” Noel had just said. “You can’t exist without me.”
It was true. No matter how much Leon tried to deny it, he knew it was true.
Lisa-Marie turned back to join them. She knelt on the other side of Noel with a sigh. “I’m surprised he went this far,” she said.
Her voice reminded Leon of a muffled bell. She was holding herself back, making her tone flat and disinterested, in an effort at self-protection, but now and then the rich, melodious timbre of her voice came through. Leon shivered.
He looked at her, hair glinting pale in the moonlight’s cold sheen, the rest of her in shadow. To him, she was a crystal holding all the reflected beauty of starlight. The tough fiber of her mind and the fierceness of her emotions—made even stronger for being held in check—combined like a volcanic force beneath an outward grace and beauty as delicate as porcelain.
He ached to tell her what he felt, but he dared not make himself more vulnerable to her contempt.
Instead, he pressed his knuckles deep into the sand while she bent over Noel. He could touch the edges of her mind as he dar
ed not touch her body. He sensed the concern flow from her to his double. Jealousy burned at his core.
“Leave him be,” he said. “We have to keep going.”
“Aren’t you going to help him?” she asked. “We can’t just let him lie here.”
“If he can’t keep up, we’ll have to leave him behind.”
“No!” she cried sharply. “You ungrateful good-for-nothing! He saved your life.”
“And now he could put us at risk again,” said Leon. “We have to keep going. We’re not safe yet.”
“The Apaches let us go. Kansana won’t go back on his word.”
“He might.”
“Apaches are honest,” she said in exasperation. “Unlike some people I could name, they never lie.”
Leon snorted. “Everyone lies.”
“How stupid you are! Are you going to argue with me forever? Make a camp. Find some sort of shelter. Hunt us something to eat. He’s burning with fever. He needs to be kept warm. At least build a fire.”
Leon got to his feet. “I’m not your slave.”
She also stood, facing him with her hands on her hips. “No, but he is your brother. You owe him—”
“I owe him nothing!”
“Just your life!” she retorted. “Or would you rather be still hanging by your thumbs in that canyon? Are you dead to all decency? Have you no conscience left, no shred of—”
He gripped her wrist and yanked her close. “You think he’s a hero. Let me tell you this: He’s nothing! All he does is meddle and interfere—”
“In this case I’m glad he did,” she said, breathless but still defiant.
He could hear her heartbeat thudding fast. He could feel the hot shift of her thoughts as she desperately tried to think of a way to escape him. His grip dug deeper into her flesh, crushing her, hurting her to make her fear him.
“I saw you first,” he said in a low, guttural voice.
She shoved at him with her free hand. “Get away from me!”
He laughed, feeding on her fury and fear, and twisted his fingers in her hair with a harshness that made her cry out. He kissed her, but her lips were wood and gave him nothing.
Her humiliation and disgust flooded his senses so overwhelmingly he released her. She staggered off balance and fell to her knees. Leon touched his mouth, raging that there was nothing for him in that caress. Why was he sentenced forever to be this half creature, this ghost who was real enough for others to see and touch yet was incomplete inside? Why could he only taste and feel and crave through the emotions of others? Why was there only hatred in him, when he wanted so much to love her and be loved?
Noel stirred and tried to push himself upright. “Leon, no,” he gasped.
“Shut up. You’re weak. You’re worthless.”
Lisa-Marie crawled between them. “No, you’re the one who is worthless,” she said. “He saved us, and you would have gotten us killed.”
Leon bent toward her and hissed. She retaliated by throwing a fistful of sand in his face.
“Get out of here! Go on! We’ll make do without you. Tuck your yellow tail between your legs and run.”
“We’ll stick together,” said Noel. His voice was like a thread, yet it held enough determination to make both Leon and Lisa-Marie look at him. “Don Emilio and Cody are nearby. Should be. Find them. We’ll be safe.”
“Cody?” she said with a gasp and pressed her hands to her face. She was crying now. “Cody’s alive?”
Noel reached his hand out to Leon. “Help me…up.”
Leon hesitated a moment, then the temptations to desert them both faded within him. He gripped Noel’s hand in his, his own flesh shrinking from physical contact with his twin, and dragged Noel upright. He tucked his shoulder under Noel’s arm, and heard Noel’s sharp intake of breath.
“Walk, damn you,” muttered Leon.
Together they staggered down the draw. Noel took a few steps, then sagged again. Feeling the sick ebb of energy within his own limbs, Leon cursed Noel for doing this to him. If Noel would only try, they could probably break the link. But Noel was as stubborn as he was stupid.
You can’t exist without me.
The threat reverberated in Leon’s head, making it throb.
Still manhandling Noel’s limp weight, he reached a spot where the bank rose at a steep angle. Its base had been cut away by erosion, making a slight overhang. Panting, Leon eased Noel to the ground and rested a moment before dragging him under the scant shelter.
Lisa-Marie had fallen behind. Leon glanced around wildly in the darkness, afraid he’d lost her. Then she appeared, a blurred shadow in the darkness, and kicked two dried tumbleweeds against his feet.
“These will help get a fire started,” she said. She dropped the scant collection of twigs and twisted mesquite roots that she’d gathered. “If you can find some dried cow patties, they burn the best.”
Eventually they collected enough fuel to make a meager fire inside a ring of stones. It was a fitful, smoky little blaze, but it created an illusion of warmth against the dropping desert temperature. It also cast a small circle of light, making the darkness a wall surrounding them. He felt as though he sat inside a room with her.
Across the fire, with her tangled hair hanging over her shoulder and dirt streaked across her face, she was more beautiful than ever. She unscrewed the top from the canteen and allowed herself a few careful sips, then passed it to him.
He gulped recklessly to assuage his thirst, until she jerked it away.
“That’s enough,” she said angrily. “This one canteen has to last for days maybe. I don’t know where the water holes are anymore. We have to ration this carefully.”
Leon said nothing, just licked the few remaining drops of moisture from his chapped lips. Maybe distance would break the link and free him from Noel. He didn’t think Noel was going to die from a whipping. Not really die. Leon thought about controlling Lisa-Marie’s mind and making her go with him, leaving Noel behind.
But in Greece, when he had touched a vibrant young girl’s mind and put her under his control it had changed her. She had lost the spark that made her so vital, and she had not regained it.
He hesitated now to do the same thing to Lisa-Marie. Even if she went on scorning him, it was better than seeing her turn into a soulless husk.
Noel moaned and tried to move. At once Lisa-Marie flew to his side and quieted him.
“He’s bled through his shirt. We should get it off and wash these cuts before they become infected.”
Leon did not move from his place by the fire. “You just said we had to conserve our water. Leave him be.”
“Bring the canteen here.”
He met her imperious eyes and shook his head.
“Don’t be stupid!” she snapped. “He has fever. He needs a drink.”
Leon met her eyes a moment longer, then looked away and refused to move.
She huffed past him, snatched the canteen off the ground with such force he could hear the water sloshing inside it, and returned to Noel. With soft murmurs of encouragement she coaxed Noel to drink, and Leon closed his eyes as he felt the relief go through his twin.
Leon drew up his knees and rested his face on them. He did not look up until Lisa-Marie came back to the dying fire.
She stared at him a long while. “Don’t you care?” she finally asked. “He’s your brother, your twin. Now he’s hurt bad and you don’t even want to help him. Why do you hate him so much?”
“You wouldn’t understand.”
“I have a twin brother,” she said proudly. “Sometimes it used to be almost like we could tell what the other one was thinking. He’s like my own heartbeat, even though we’ve been apart for years. I couldn’t just turn my back on him if he was hurt and needed me.”
“You need me,” Noel had said. Leon looked down at his clenched fists. Why had Noel taunted him like that?
“I guess you’re just rotten all the way through,” said Lisa-Marie. “I’m going to get some s
leep. You keep watch. And don’t you come near me, you hear?”
Her words sent his rage boiling over the top. Glaring at her, Leon hit her hard with his mind, using a single punch of mental force. Her eyes lost focus and rolled up, then she crumpled.
He let her lie on the ground in a heap. He glared at her a long while, breathing hard, his hands clenching and unclenching. She had no right to accuse him. She had no right to distrust him. He’d never done anything to her until now. But when she woke up, she’d think twice before she insulted him again.
The loneliness of the night closed around him like a fist. He let the fire die and shivered there, hugging himself with his sore arms. Beyond the chirping song of crickets, coyotes howled. Overhead a hawk sailed in silhouette across the moon.
He sensed only Noel and Lisa-Marie near him. Nothing else. And the emptiness inside him grew into a yawning chasm of black loneliness. He realized he needed people around him, hordes of people. He needed towns. He needed life. Out here, in the vast empty reaches of the desert, he had only himself. Without other life forces overlapping his, he could see too clearly the shadowy thinness of his own essence.
You need me…
He clapped his hands over his ears, but the words lingered in his mind.
He was a freak, an anomaly. He wasn’t supposed to exist. His creation had been an accident in a warped time stream.
Well, accident or not, he did exist and he wasn’t giving that up.
The moon was going down. The breeze died, and the earth held its breath. He could feel prickles along his spine, primitive reactions on an instinctual, subconscious level to the darkness, to the night, to this savage land.
For a moment he toyed with the temptation to steal the canteen and walk away into the night.
But where would he go? He did not want to stay in this era. He did not want to stay in this horrible country.
Most of all, he feared that if he cut himself off from these two people and struck out alone, he would cease to exist. Each passing second seemed to diminish him. He imagined that if he lifted his hand now, he would be able to see right through it.
A jolt of alarm pulled his wits together. He raised his head, aware of something different. Something was happening, not just to him but to…Noel.
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