by A. C. James
“What?”
“Are you really over her?”
“Holly…it’s been a long time since I’ve taken a chance on anyone. I wasn’t ready for you because you reminded me of so many things that I’ve tried to forget. You make me want to remember every minute that I’m with you—every curve of your body. I won’t ever forget the way you make me feel.”
My breath hitched in my throat. Now that was nice to hear.
And I knew he meant every word of it. It was the same for me. I wasn’t looking for a relationship the day Arie walked into the Coffee Grind. He’d been intrigued because I looked so much like Katarina. He was still learning just how different I was from her—or at least I hoped so. It touched me to see the warmth in his eyes when he said he never expected what had changed both of our lives for better or worse.
Still, it stung that I knew he compared me on some level to Katarina. I bit my lower lip. I wanted to ask him how he felt about her being gone, if he really knew I wasn’t like her, but damn it if I could get the words out.
“I know you feel that way now,” I said. I just hoped it stayed that way.
“Holly, when are you going to understand that I’m not the same? You changed me. You reached a part of me that I thought was dead. I don’t want you going anywhere. You can’t run away. I won’t let you.”
And that was the right thing to say too.
“I know I said we should slow down, but it’s not because I’m trying to run away. I’m sorry.” I rubbed my temples.
Arie’s brows furrowed together. “Are you okay? Do you want to go home? We don’t have to do this tonight.”
“No, it’s fine. I want to be here.” I gave his hand another reassuring squeeze.
Without knowing why, I felt anxious. Uneasy. I was probably just overwhelmed.
“Just don’t ever lie to me. I want to spend the rest of my life getting to know everything about you. I can’t handle secrets. I’ve had to hide who I am, having the Sight, my whole life. And I don’t want there to be any secrets between us. Not now, not ever. It wouldn’t be fair to expect you not to have had others in your life, any more than you could expect that from me. I just feel like we never got to know one another because we were caught up in finding…”
I didn’t want to say her name.
She’d been the one thing standing between us. If I went the rest of my life without hearing her name, I couldn’t be happier. I looked down at the promise ring on my finger. Its diamonds sparkled even in the dim club lighting. His gift both scared me shitless and made me happier than I’d ever imagined was possible. I’d had to move the bloodstone ring that protected me from the sun to my other hand.
“Holly, I won’t. I’m with you. And the past—”
“It doesn’t matter anymore. I want to be with you, too, and I want to know everything about you—the good and the bad,” I said.
“You will always know the truth with me, and we have all the time in the world to learn each other’s quirks.” His smile relieved the niggling doubt in the back of my mind. At least for now.
Not having to hide who I was with Arie was part of our connection. For the first time in my life I felt like someone understood me. I understood his past and accepted him as a vampire long before I understood what that meant—he felt that connection too. I knew he needed me. He needed someone to ground him and remind him that even if opening your heart was dangerous, it was the only way to love.
And even if you were dead, it was the only way to live. It was okay to let someone in, even if it meant getting your heart broken a thousand times over. Love can’t survive the past if you let it get in the way of the present. That was just as true for us as it was true for any human. Somehow he forgot that, and I had to remind him that we have to fight for what we love and hang on to it with each breath. Eternity was filled with a lot of breaths. How we chose to fill them would decide our fates. I wanted a fate filled with Arie.
He brushed a chestnut strand back from my face and bent across the table to whisper in my ear. “The only bad thing would be losing you. It scared the shit out of me when I thought I’d lost you. After this we can go home. I need to hang on to you for a while.”
His vulnerability tugged at my heart. “And I need to be held.”
I needed that more than anything right now. My emotions were all over the map. The redhead dancing in the cage didn’t help my insecurity.
We’d been waiting for someone to take our drink order for a long time. The air felt thick, and I couldn’t brush off the anxious feeling that made me want to jump out of my skin. It didn’t seem very crowded, but it looked like there were only two waitresses taking care of everyone. I looked for the familiar silvery trail that followed Luna, a moon faerie, but she was nowhere in sight.
“Hey, is Luna here tonight? I thought for sure she would be.”
Arie’s mouth set into a firm line. “No, she has some family issues going on. Tessa gave her some time off.”
Luna ended up working at the club to settle a feud between the vampires and the Chicago Crew that dated back to Prohibition. Her father had visited the club before; I didn’t think very much of a man that would sell out his daughter to settle his debts. He was a fire faerie, who ran the Chicago Crew. I still had a hard time wrapping my head around the idea that faeries ran the mob. Or at least that’s how things were done here in Chicago.
“I can understand that—family is complicated. But I was really hoping she’d be here. I wanted to tell her my decision about…”
Being human again.
“You’re sure? I know that we’ve been talking about it all week but you can take all the time you need. There’s no pressure. Are you sure you want life…as a vampire?” he asked so softly I almost didn’t hear him over the pounding music below. It really sounded like he was asking whether I wanted a life with him.
I met his eyes. “Yes. I don’t want Luna to lose her magic. Not when it’s connected to her life. It would be selfish of me. Who knows how many years she’d lose? And I don’t think she should go home, considering her father is a total prick. That’s not something I can decide for her, but I can decide this. Then Tessa won’t let her out of their arrangement.” I sighed. “I know that’s not right either, but lately I’ve had to get used to varying degrees of right and wrong.”
The intent expression on Arie’s face as he studied me made me melt. “I just want you to be sure. In my experience it’s a pretty big decision, and I won’t influence you one way or the other. Only you can decide. That’s how it works.” His expression shifted into a scowl. “I’ve seen a lot of damage done when the decision is taken from the person being turned. You need to figure out what’s best for you.”
I assumed he simply meant Katarina. “Believe me, I’ve thought about it, and this is the way it has to be. This is my life now.”
As a moon faerie, Luna’s blood was the only thing that could reverse vampirism. It would make me human again, but it would bleed her of more than just blood. It would deplete her magic, which was tied to her life. Moon faeries were very rare, and without them we wouldn’t have a moon.
I was also worried about taking too much from her. It took tremendous effort not to drain the human tonight. Part of me had wanted to take his life. The primal instinct kicking in scared me. I didn’t want to accidentally drain Luna, and who knows what would happen on earth with one less moon faerie. It would take time to get used to being a vampire.
“You’re right. It is your life, and I’ll support whatever you decide. Luna didn’t come tonight because her father is giving her a hard time.”
“What do you mean?”
Arie looked away. “He heard about her negotiating with Tessa, and that if you decide to go back to being human, that his score is finally settled and she can go back to doing his dirty work instead of serving Tessa. Or at least that’s how he sees it. He want
s her back, Holly. Moon faeries are very powerful. Their rare bloodline may be the only thing that can cure vampires, but they rule the night and anything that happens then is within their control. I’m sure you can see how that would be important to her father.”
“Yeah, men like him only want one thing. It means…”
It meant power and control. Nothing could be more important when it came to the mob—I did understand. Although, it was hard to imagine Luna as being as powerful as Arie described. I saw Luna as someone who traipsed around mooning after Victoria, softhearted and unsure of herself. She seemed confident in her flirting, but sometimes I wondered if she did it to fill the empty void of her unreturned love for Victoria.
Besides, I wanted to be with Arie even if he never wanted this for me. It had been an accident, but it had saved my life. With Luna’s magic being tied to her life span, I just didn’t feel right about it. Not when no one knew how much magic she’d have to expend. It wasn’t worth the risk, despite the small part of me that never considered what it meant to be human until I wasn’t anymore.
My decision to remain a vampire was even more solidified when I heard that Luna’s father wanted to get his hands on her. Whatever his end game was, I knew it couldn’t be good.
I frowned. “I can never go back. It’ll get easier once I get used to it. And I think Luna’s father only wants to use her, and we can’t let him. You say she’s strong, but she’s weak-minded.”
Arie smiled. “Then we won’t.”
A brawl broke out by the elevators, drawing my attention. Security shoved a man with brown hair back toward its metal doors, which were beginning to close. I gripped the edge of my barstool. Suddenly, I wasn’t tired anymore.
Chapter 4
It was going to get ugly in here. The bouncer looked like he was about to pummel the guy, and I winced just thinking about it. His arms were as big around as the circumference of my head. Shit. It was going to hurt like hell if his fist made contact with that guy’s jaw. And it didn’t look like either one of them was ready to back down.
“You don’t have a key card. You can’t be up here just because you came up with her,” the bouncer shouted, waving his fist in the direction of a scantily-clad female.
The woman—a human—stood off to the side. A rhinestone collar encircled her neck, a sign of ownership. She was property of the club, and wore the same collar that marked all of our donors. Crimson Dusk. I still didn’t understand why they would want to be a meal, but I couldn’t complain when their willingness was so convenient. The man must have seen her use a key card to access the elevator and followed her. He was going to be in deep shit once Tessa got a hold of him. She wouldn’t take kindly to someone barging in uninvited to her private club.
“I told him that if he’s not a member, then he’s not allowed up here,” the woman said as she waved her hands in defense before crossing them over her chest. “But he shoved me onto the elevator and there was nothing that I could do.” She was glaring at both the bouncer and the intruder.
Both men were staring each other down and didn’t bother to acknowledge her.
“I’m here to see an old friend,” the man said, his lip curling upward in a snarl.
“No, you’re not,” said the bouncer. “You’re coming with me.”
The bouncer lunged toward the man and I never noticed Arie get up, but he was halfway across the black marble floor, heading toward the brawling men. The man fighting with the bouncer turned in his direction and his eyes lit up with recognition.
“Arie, am I glad to see you. Tell freaking fang-face over here to take his goddamn hands off of me.”
Arie clapped a hand on the bouncer’s shoulder. “Relax. He’s with me.”
He scowled at Arie but stepped away from the man, releasing his arm. “Next time put him on the list or get him a temp card,” the bouncer grumbled. “You should know the rules. All visitors must be accounted for.”
“I’ll vouch for him. If you have an issue with it—then by all means report it to Tessa, and she can take it up with me.”
“Whatever. Just see that it doesn’t happen again,” the bouncer said and frowned at both of them. “He’s your problem.”
The bouncer shook his head as he walked away from them.
The man burst out laughing. “How the hell are you, man?”
“Not too bad.” Arie grinned. “Come join us for a drink and we’ll catch up. There’s someone I want you to meet.”
They made their way over to the table. Arie slid onto the barstool next to me and the man took a seat across from us. His smile was friendly. Open. I could tell right away that I would like him, and if he was a friend of Arie’s, that was fine by me.
“Julian, this is Holly.”
“Hey,” I said, a genuine smile curving my mouth. “It’s nice to meet a friend of Arie’s.”
A musky, animalistic smell emanated from Julian. I’d never smelled anything like it in my life. He was handsome, but not nearly as drop-dead gorgeous as Arie. Julian had dark brown hair with flecks of blonde, while Arie’s curls were dark, and his eyes were brown instead of gray. But his eyes had a hint of amber in them that made them look almost canine. His skin had a warm glow to it, unlike the pale luminosity of Arie’s.
Still, there was something uncanny about him that I couldn’t put my finger on. There was a wildness about him. If it wasn’t for his casual charm and the fact that he was friends with Arie, he’d seem just a little bit dangerous.
Julian smiled in my direction, a warm smile that went all the way to his eyes. “It’s a pleasure to meet you too. You know, you look just like—ow! What the hell, man?”
The table shifted with the distinct thud, and I knew that Arie had kicked him. I knew exactly who I looked like. Katarina. The Ancient I’d killed, Arie’s ex-lover, and the huge elephant in the room—even from beyond the grave. I wondered how long Julian and Arie had known one another. It must have been a pretty long time if he’d picked up on my resemblance to the woman he’d turned sometime in the 1600s. Unless there was something that Arie wasn’t telling me… I pushed the niggling mistrust to the background.
“Subtlety never was your strong suit,” Arie said.
Julian laughed. “Subtlety never gets you anywhere. It’s been too long. I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen you. How’ve you been?”
“I can. New York. Eight years ago. I seem to remember bailing you out of jail after another bar brawl—kind of like this one.” There was a crinkle around Arie’s eyes that reminded me of crow’s feet set in marble. It made him look incredibly sexy. I could tell from the playful tone in their banter that he was pleased but puzzled to see an old friend. “But I guess I’ve been all right. How’ve you been?”
“I can’t complain—business as usual.” Julian grinned. “Oh, yeah. I remember now. I guess it has been about eight years. Yeah, that place was a dive. But even if you hadn’t bailed me out, it’s not like I would have sat there for long, and it certainly wouldn’t have stuck…not in my city.”
“So what brings you to Chicago?” Arie asked, grinning back at his friend.
Julian’s grin faded and his expression turned serious. “Unfortunately, I’m the one bailing someone else out. I’m looking for my cousin Ty. He took off and I hear he headed out here and shacked up with some half-faerie.”
“I can see how that’s a problem. Your people won’t approve,” Arie said.
“You think I’m bad. He’s always been the black sheep of the family. Keeping him out of trouble is almost a full-time job. I’ve got enough shit to deal with without having to come all the way out here just because he can’t keep it in his pants.”
Arie arched an eyebrow. “I never understood your customs. Don’t you think the Old Ways are outdated? It is the twenty-first century. Shack up with whoever you damn well please. I certainly wouldn’t let some archaic custom determ
ine who I should and shouldn’t fuck.”
I had no clue what Arie was talking about. “What do you mean? Why shouldn’t you be with whoever you want to be with?” I said with a shrug. “That’s the way it’s supposed to be, isn’t it?”
“I wish it were that simple, Holly.” Julian frowned, running a hand through his hair. “According to the Old Ways, werewolves can’t mate outside of our own race, let alone species. It’s punishable by death.”
Werewolf. That explains the animalistic smell.
Of course now I could see the hint of a predatory gleam in his eyes. When he grinned, his eyes lit up and covered the animal instincts running just beneath the surface. After learning about the existence of vampires and faeries, it was easy to accept Julian as just another supernatural being, and it didn’t seem shocking considering the circumstances.
After all, I’d died.
If I’d learned anything, it was that everything I thought I knew didn’t even touch the surface of what was really out there. Reality was determined by experience, and the one thing that I was certain of was how quickly reality could change from one moment to the next. If you stopped long enough to analyze it or absorb the shock, something else would take its place. Although, I thought that it was wrong that in their world you could die just for loving someone. It was hard enough to find love without limiting your options.
I frowned. “And what about love?”
“Love doesn’t matter,” Julian said. He looked lost for a moment before his customary grin returned. “And it certainly doesn’t cause anything but trouble.”
Arie grinned. “Hey, I’d agree with that. These days it’s been keeping me on my toes.”
I knew Arie was trying to cover his friend’s shift in mood. Still, those seemed like the words someone would say to avoid dealing with how they really felt. I’d only just met Julian, but it seemed like he was full of it and his happy-go-lucky grin was a bunch of bullshit. I still liked him, but it seemed like he was holding something back.
