by Alisa Adams
"It is indeed," Hugh agreed, "and what have you two little tykes been doing?"
Monique translated, then Jacques and Henri opened the little pouches they carried to show Hugh their shell collection. Hugh dismounted, then they emptied the shells on the ground and he told them what each one was called. He made them repeat the names after him so that they would know each one when they saw them again.
"This one is a cockle, a whelk, a mussel and a limpet," he said patiently, waiting for Monique to translate, "now when I point, tell me the name of each one." He began to point and they told him the names of the shellfish that had once inhabited the shells. Jacques seemed to be the more confident of the two, and he began to ask Hugh in hesitant English and much sign language if he would bring them to the beach to collect some to eat.
"Bien sur," Hugh told him, "of course. We will arrange a time next week when I am less busy."
"Aaah!" Monique clapped her hands, "tu parle Français! You speak French!"
Hugh cast his eyes heavenward.
"About seven words," he confessed, laughing, "hello, goodbye, of course, thank you, please, sorry and excuse me!"
The boys had mounted and ridden on a little way, so she took the opportunity to whisper to him:
"When will I see you again?"
He looked at her with a desperate, loving gaze.
"I wish we did not have to do this," he said tenderly, "I know it is wrong but I cannot keep away from you. Come on Monday."
She sighed.
* * *
"Three more days - I will be counting every minute!" Then she rode off after the boys and Hugh went home, his mind, as usual in a turmoil.
38
Juliette and Monique
Monique got back to the estate and stripped off her clothes. She disliked the maid that Connor had provided for her intensely, and had refused to let Agnes close to her. Connor had offered her the services of another woman, but she had declined, saying she preferred to help herself, which she did. Accordingly, she dressed herself, did her own hair and the myriad other services a lady's maid would perform. She even made her own bed, although the household servants considered her very peculiar and even a little impertinent for doing this. It was, after all, the chambermaid's job. However, doing so gave Monique an additional measure of privacy, and she valued this.
Now she valued it even more, as she stripped down to her underwear and got under the woolen blanket. It was cold at first then warm as she dozed off to sleep dreamlessly for two hours. She got up at midday, dressed, and went down to see Juliette. It was strange, but when Connor was out she felt more relaxed and free, and she wondered if she would always bee like this or if it would change when she got married. She knew that he was going out to dinner that night with a crowd of fellow landlords, and she was glad. It would give her time to read, do some sewing or knitting and play with the children.
They were a burden Connor had been forced to bear, she knew because they came as a package deal. She had insisted on it, even though she knew that he didn't care what happened to them. But she would rather have starved with them than let them starve alone. Still, he could throw her out at any moment, so she had to put up with his moods. Now that she had been in Hugh's expert and loving embrace, she did not enjoy the thought of making love with him, but that too was a cross she would have to bear. It would take him a while to realize that there were never going to be any babies, and by that time she had to make sure he had fallen in love with her. She was going to be the most submissive, attentive, loving wife ever. He was a good man, she knew, so it should not be too hard, since she was genuinely fond of him, his one fault being that he was not Hugh.
When she entered the parlor Juliette was there with the two boys who were wrestling on the floor. She laughed at their antics - they were like little lion cubs from the same litter.
"Ça va?" Juliette asked, "how are you?"
"Ça va bien, merci. Et tu?" she replied, "fine thanks, and you?"
"Bien, merci," Monique replied, "fine, thanks."
They always relapsed into French when Connor was out, speaking English only when he was in the room because he became peevish and sulky when he was left out of a conversation, and would always politely reprimand them whenever it happened.
Monique sat down in a chair opposite her sister and gazed into the fire for a while.
"You look so sad," Juliette observed anxiously. Monique nodded sideways at the boys and her sister, catching on, said:
"Go and find out what is for lunch, boys!"
They gave a combined whoop of delight then scrambled up and sprinted off to the kitchens. They were not allowed to go there but it had never stopped them before.
The two sisters gazed fondly upon them and laughed, then Monique's face changed.
"Oh," Monique said sadly, "Juliette - if only -"
"I know," Juliette put her arms around her sister, "and I wish I could make you a present of a child - but I cannot!"
They sat silently for a moment the Monique laughed softly.
"You know that when he finds out there will be no baby," she said wryly, "even if I had had seven babies before it would still be my fault. No man can ever accept that he is anything less than perfect!"
"What do you mean?" Juliette laughed, "every man is a perfect man - in his own mind!"
Monique frowned.
"I know I must go through with this and I will, but since I met Hugh - it will be very hard."
Juliette caught her sister's hands in her own.
"I am going to tell you something that no-one knows except Maman and Papa," she said steadily, looking into Monique's eyes. "Before I was married to Henri I had a love affair with a married man. He made me pregnant, and after that wanted nothing to do with me. So you see, you and I are not so very different, ma Cherie. Henri had wanted to marry me for a long time, but I refused him, because he was short and not too handsome, although he was clever and funny. But I needed someone to turn to, and he was there.
I told him about the babies so that he could perhaps give me money to procure an abortion since I did not want to tell our parents. He thought for a moment, then said that he could not do it, but he could marry me and bring up the baby as his own, and that is when I began to love him, so a shallow little girl became a mature and happily married woman. I adored him till the day he died. We never had children of our own, to my eternal sorrow, but he loved those boys as if they were his natural children."
"So they are another man's sons?" Monique asked incredulously.
"Yes, but you never guessed, did you?" Juliette smiled, "and they must never know, Monique. But what I wanted to say was that you may not go into this venture loving him - although I was fortunate - but it may still be a very happy marriage."
Monique nodded and smiled.
"You may be right. I will do the best I can," they embraced each other then Connor came in. He had been touring his land with one of the managers, and he looked tired but strangely happy. Juliette smiled and greeted him, then excused herself, tactful as always.
"Pardon me, Connor - the boys are in the kitchen - I must see if they are driving cook mad!"
They laughed and Connor sank down on a padded couch beside Monique. He gazed at her, a faint smile playing around his lips. In November sunset began early in the afternoon, and the first hint of it began to show in the gloomy clouds, which were beginning to shade into the color of charcoal. There would be no scarlet splendor tonight.
Connor leaned over to kiss her and she responded gently, smiling when she drew away.
"You look tired," she said worriedly, "and you are still going out this evening."
Connor passed his hand over his eyes.
"I'll get some coffee," he said, looking deeply into her eyes. He rang the little bell beside him and ordered it without taking his gaze off her face. "I am so glad we're alone," he whispered.
"Why?" she traced the outline of his lips with her forefinger.
"Because I want
ed to talk to you," he took her hand in his and touched her engagement ring with his thumb. It was gold with a huge ruby in the middle with a small diamond on each side.
"You know, I thought I loved Rosina," he became pensive, his thoughts turning inward, "I loved her since she was fourteen before she even became womanly. I waited for her to grow up. I saw her every chance I could - every event, every horse race, every party. But as I was about to ask Hugh if I could court her she met my brother - you know all this already, of course." He frowned and gathered his thoughts. "They met and someone killed him on their wedding night. I have to tell you that though I loved my brother when we were children, I hated him just before he died. I was more unhappy about how upset Rosina was than about my own brother's murder." He sighed.
I asked her father permission to court her then but she rejected me - for reasons I won't go into now - then you came along. I know our marriage was arranged by your aunt, but the first time I saw you - I could not believe how beautiful you were. But beauty isn't everything, as I'm sure you know, but piece by piece I began to fall in love with you, and now I can say with my hand on my heart that I am yours."
Monique's eyes filled with tears, but not of joy, as he thought, but of sadness, because she was betraying this wonderful man.
39
Letters
"You look happy," Hugh said, smiling at Connor as they stood together at the whiskey decanter. Connor sighed in contentment.
"Hugh, I have every reason to be happy," he replied, "I have riches enough, warmth, shelter, enough to eat and I am marrying the most beautiful woman in the world in two months. What reason do I have not to be happy?"
Hugh felt like a worm. This man was going to be deceived and disappointed and he, Hugh Buchanan, was going to be part of the duplicity. Suddenly he hated himself. He had to end it with Monique, and to do that he would simply not let himself be in her presence again till after the marriage.
The fact that she could not have children was a matter between her and Connor and he had no inclination and no need to be involved in it. But when he thought of Monique's nephews - how he would love to have children running around the castle again, getting under his feet, climbing trees, playing by the river's edge and collecting shells. Perhaps he could even take them fishing. He knew that Connor regarded the boys as something of a nuisance, but to him, they would be a joy. But that was wishful thinking. Tonight he would have to pen a letter to Monique telling her that they would never be lovers again. He knew it would break her heart - it had already broken his.
He ate the magnificent meal his host had prepared for his guests, even though he had to force down the little bit he could manage, and it took all his willpower not to overdose on the generous amounts of whiskey, wine, and ale on offer.
Even so, he was a little tipsy as he mounted his horse to go home. The butler opened the front door for him and after that, he went into an empty house that was as silent as the grave. The lanterns were lit everywhere in his wing of the castle, but they were not necessary. As he got into bed and looked at the empty pillow beside him, he thought of Monique and a tremendous wave of self-pity washed over him. He should be holding her here beside him. He began to weep silently, but after a while exhaustion claimed him and he fell asleep, weeping silent tears.
When Hugh woke up next morning he was surprisingly lucid, without a headache or any other unpleasant symptoms of a hangover, then he suddenly remembered with a leaden thump of depression that he had to write a letter to Monique. He decided to do it right there and then to get it over and done with because thinking about it all day would make the whole feeling of utter dread worse. He sat down at his writing desk, dipped his quill in ink and thought for a moment, then he wrote:
"My Dear Monique,
This is a very difficult letter for me to write, and no doubt it will be equally difficult for you to read, but I must write it because I feel that it is very dishonest to all of us to let things go on as they are. We are both deceiving Connor, a decent man who does not deserve to be so badly treated. I might have been able to live with myself had I not met him last night when he told me how much he loved you and was looking forward to your wedding. It is not the kind of subject gentlemen usually discuss. So, my Sweetheart, I must let you go for both of our sakes and for Connor's, and believe me when I tell you that it is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my whole life. I will love you forever and always,
Your Devoted Hugh."
He sealed the letter then gave it to a manservant with instructions to deliver it straight into Monique's hands. Failing that, she was to give it to her sister. Then he ate a hurried breakfast and left in case he crossed paths with her.
Monique received the letter, read it and nodded slowly. She had been half-expecting something like this to happen and now it had. She was almost relieved that the decision to break things off had been taken out of her hands, even though she was heartbroken to know that they would never lie together again. She hoped her English was good enough to express how she felt, but she knew Hugh would realise that it came from the heart. She wrote:
"Mon Chèr Hugh
Thank you for your letter, which I read with deep sadness. I realize that you are right in everything you say and that we must part, even though it breaks my heart to do so. I will remember our time together with great joy and affection, and you will be in my heart and soul forever.
Farewell, My Dearest Love
Monique.
She decided that the only person she could trust with the letter was Juliette, who asked her what was making her so sad.
"Hugh has ended things between us," she said softly, "he sent me a letter. He is right, it had to end, but it does not make it hurt any less."
"For him too, I expect," Juliette said, as she read Hugh's letter. "Oh, Monique - I am so, so sorry!"
"The fault is mine," Monique said, shrugging, "as soon as I saw him I knew. I knew he was the only man I could ever love. I used to laugh at the notion of 'love at first sight,' but now it has happened to me - and it is not funny." She turned on her heel to pour herself a large glass of whiskey. "Go Juliette, before the rain comes."
"You will be all right?" Juliette asked anxiously.
"I'll be fine. Just go."
Monique watched her sister riding away from the castle as the first drops of rain began to fall and she began to weep.
40
The Restless Logan
Annie's wedding was at the end of November. It was a small, intimate service to which only Annie's and Callum's families, Rosina, Logan, and Annie had been invited. Afterward, they had a little reception with a meal at Rosina's house, then the newly-weds were sent off to spend their wedding night at the best inn in the village. The morning after the marriage Rosina and Logan packed Annie and Callum off for a surprise week-long honeymoon in Inverness with a generous allowance to spend entirely on themselves. Annie was speechless when she saw the pouch full of silver coins and Scots Pound notes and there were tears in both her and Callum's eyes as they thanked them both profusely.
* * *
"I have never seen so much money, Rosina!" Annie put her hand on her chest, almost overcome with emotion.
* * *
"I hope you will spend it wisely," Rosina smiled, "on fine food, whiskey, good wine and new clothes. And you must stay at the best establishment in the whole of Inverness or I will want to know why!"
"As will I!" Logan chimed in, "and I want no presents bought for anyone but yourselves!"
"You are both so good - thank you!" Callum's voice was breaking as he shook Logan's hand and kissed Rosina's.
"What about the housework?" Annie suddenly remembered. Her face was panic-stricken.
* * *
Rosina laughed heartily.
"Trust you to worry about a thing like that at a time like this!" she shooed Annie into the waiting carriage, which they had hired for the occasion. "I spoke to your niece and she is sending a 'mature and sober lady' - her own words
- from the village. Happy now?"
* * *
"Aye, lass," Annie smiled then Callum and she waved as they drove away. Rosina wiped a tear from her eye.
After all the preparations and the wedding itself were over, Logan found himself fretful and bored. Rosina and Maisie amused themselves with chess, sewing, knitting, reading, and cards, in which they gambled light-heartedly for buttons instead of coins. They often tried to include him in their conversations but he had very little knowledge of the things women talked about. When Annie had once offered to teach him to knit, he had thrown back his head and laughed uproariously. It wasn't unheard of for men to knit, but he held out his hands, almost twice the size of Annie's, and said:
* * *
"Mistress Annie, do you think these fingers could hold a needle without breaking it?" Rosina and Maisie had been in hysterics.
Malcolm was happy when Annie and Rosina read aloud to him, and he often spent his time carving pieces of driftwood into beautiful figurines. This enchanted Rosina and Maisie, and was a talent which he had possessed his whole life, he told them. Logan sometimes went fishing with Malcolm when weather permitted, which was not often.
But one day, when the weather was unexpectedly dry and sunny Logan decided that the time was right to go to his castle in Fort Augustus. It was a long time since he had been there so he had no idea what state of repair it was in, even though he had had regular messages from the Chief Steward and Estate Manager. No-one had actually been living there since Logan's father's death ten years previously, and Logan was eager to see his boyhood home again, as was Malcolm, who had never been there.
"Would anyone like to come with us to Fort Augustus?" he enquired the following morning, already knowing the answer. Rosina looked up eagerly.
