More silence.
“Why?” she asked. “What about you?”
“Same. I think,” I said. “When I heard that my assignment had me heading to the middle of Australia, near my dad’s hometown, I almost didn’t want to take the contract. I thought about how barren this land was, how inhospitable. Just the thought of it was enough to give me a headache. But now that I’ve gotten everything out in the open, I’m starting to wonder if it was my emotional association with the place that was making me feel that way. Because right now, I’m thinking that it’s sort of…beautiful.”
I sat up a bit, letting my eyes drift over the vista. The valley curved ahead, terminating in the distance, the sandy earth a silvery shade of blue in the moonlight. The sky seemed boundless, expanding into the infinite. The silhouettes of bits of brush here and there cast in a ghostly glow. It was like some alien land where the air was fresh and the breeze cool and gentle.
“You’re right,” said Delaney. “Lying here, it’s not hard to forget about, you know, everything else that’s going on. It’s so peaceful, so quiet. It feels like the only people on the planet are you—”
“—and me.”
We turned our heads toward each other, our eyes locking for a long moment. The urge to kiss her cried out in me.
But then the moment passed, and I turned my head away.
A long, slow breath moved in and out of my lungs. I tucked my hands back behind my head and turned my eyes back toward the stars.
“How do you feel?” asked Delaney.
“Why do you ask?”
“I don’t know,” she said. “I mean, you just got a lot out. But I can sense something—like you haven’t let everything go—like you’re still holding on to something.”
Was she right? I couldn’t really tell. True, venting had helped, but I felt as though there was some knot in me still tied tight.
At the same time, my eyelids felt heavy. The stresses of the day and the long trek through the desert had finally caught up with me. I don’t think I could’ve gotten up at that moment even if I wanted to. But Delaney’s words rang in my mind like a bell. There was truth to them that I couldn’t shake.
“What do you mean?” I asked, not sure of how else to cut right to the heart of the matter.
“You’re going to have to let go,” she said. “I mean, I know that’s easy for me to say. But I can’t think of how else you’re going to be able to deal with this pain, these lingering emotions. Maybe if things had been different, you’d have had a chance to talk to your dad, for the two of you to work these things out. But he’s gone.”
“The funny thing is,” I said, my eyelids feeling heavier by the moment. “I don’t know what I’d even say to him if he were still here. I don’t know if I’d forgive him.”
“He sure seemed ready to be forgiven,” she said. “He flew to the other side of the planet just for the chance of maybe talking to you.”
Her words cut deep. I’d been so young, so full of anger. Back when I was that young, I had no sense of empathy, no ability to put myself in someone else’s shoes and try to figure out why they might’ve done the things they’d done.
“But how can I ever forgive him? He walked out on my mom and me, all to start a new life with some other woman in another country.”
“You’re right,” said Delaney, her body now even closer to mine. “But maybe it’s not about pretending that everything he did was okay. Maybe it’s about accepting that he’s human and that humans do some screwed-up things sometimes. Don’t we all have moments where we thoughtlessly put our own needs over those of others, just because we’re scared we’re never going to be happy?”
I let her words roll around in my mind for a moment.
“I suppose so,” I said. “But with fathers, you think that they’re unable to make mistakes. Easy to forget that they’re just people like us.”
“Exactly,” said Delaney. “And now that your dad’s gone, all you can do is try to come to terms with the person that he was. I suppose if you want to carry anger in your heart for the rest of your life, then that’s your call, marine.”
She flashed me a winsome smile that I couldn’t help but match. Then, she placed her head on my chest. I knew that I should’ve put some space between the two of us, both physically and emotionally, but the will just wasn’t there. I wanted this closeness.
“Or, you can find a way to leave that weight behind you. I can’t tell you what’s right or wrong, though. That’s for you to decide.”
Another few moments passed.
“Thanks,” I said.
“You’re very, very welcome,” she said. “And thanks for the kangaroo meat.”
With that, I smiled and closed my eyes. I was out like a light.
Chapter 12
Delaney
I woke up that next morning with my arms wrapped around Justin. Shock gripped me as I saw what I’d done. I knew I’d gotten close last night, maybe too close, but putting my head on his chest was just about needing someplace comfortable to rest my head. At least that’s what I’d told myself at the time. What I was doing right then, lying curled up against him with my body tucked tightly against his, the rise and fall of each of his breaths pressing against my chest, it was something I must’ve done during the night.
I glanced over at the fire, a few of the ashes still smoldering a dim orange. Above, the sun was beginning to rise in the sky, though the valley was shrouded in shade, and likely would be for the better part of the morning. The air was still brisk and cool, and as much as I knew that I needed to let go of Justin, I couldn’t help it. In fact, part of me wanted to wake him up by nibbling a little on his ear and making it very clear to him what I was offering for breakfast.
But the rejection the morning after our first night together was still fresh in my mind. I wasn’t hurt by it—well, maybe a little—but I wasn’t about to bark up that tree if I’d already gotten an answer. He’d wanted me for the night, and that was that I supposed.
Damn, though, did his body feel nice. My arms tight around him, I could feel the hard lines of his muscles through his shirt. I had a moment of daring, letting my fingertips trail over his chest and letting myself become very turned on as I dragged my touch over the outlines of his chest. I wanted to move my hand down further, to go end up at the bulge of morning wood I could spot tenting against his jeans.
A pleased smile spread across my lips as I silently caressed him. I felt myself drift into a state of almost animal lust. I needed him, and I needed him right then and there. Closing my eyes and imagining, just as I’d done the previous morning, I let images of our lovemaking flash through my mind. I pictured his naked body, sculpted and perfect, his member hanging long and thick between his legs.
The call of some animal off in the distance snapped me from my waking dream. My body tightened in alertness, and I became acutely aware of the fact that I was still in the middle of the desert, that there was a very good chance that, from either the environment or the men pursuing us, I wouldn’t make it to the end of the day.
My stomach rumbled, and my mouth felt parched. Taking one hand from Justin’s body, I grabbed a nearby water bottle, opened the cap, and brought it to my mouth. Justin’s words about preserving water in mind, I let a small splash of warm water run over my mouth before forcing myself to pull the bottle away and replace the cap.
“You hear that?”
Justin’s voice sent a shock of surprise through my body. I became very aware of my arm being wrapped around his body and pulled it away, a blush spreading across my face.
“Of course I do,” I said. “Sounds scary as hell. What is it?”
“Not sure,” said Justin, placing his palms on the ground and sitting up.
Right at that moment, a horrible snarling sound moved across the desert. It was eerie and startling all at once.
“And what about that?” I asked, hoping Justin could put a name to the horrible sound.
“Definitely animals figh
ting,” he said. “You ever hear a pair of raccoons get into a tussle over some garbage? Sounds like a pair of demons trying to rip one another’s throat out.”
The snarling echoed out again, the noise bouncing through the valley. This time I could hear two distinct animals. It sounded like Justin was right.
“Imagine being a native to these lands, way back before we were as advanced as we are now,” he said. “You’re half-asleep and you hear a noise like that. Makes it clear where stories about evil spirits living out in nature come from.”
My stomach rumbled again.
“I think on the list of ‘things I’m worried about killing me,’ ancient outback spirits are pretty far down,” I said.
Justin smirked.
“Yeah,” he said. “Our concerns are a little more prosaic at the moment.”
He stood up and looked around, his body backlit by the rising sun, orange and brilliant around him.
“Well,” he said, “if it’s any consolation, I think those thugs must’ve lost the trail.”
“What makes you think that?”
“Because if they’d been following us close behind, we probably would’ve woken up to guns pointed at our faces.”
“Does that mean we’re safe?”
“Not out of the woods yet, he said. “Or in this case, the outback. We’ve still gotta make our way back to Longbridge.”
“How far do you think it is back to town?”
“If we start off soon and make good time, we might be able to make it back by the end of the day. At least, we’d better make it back before the end of the day. We’ve probably got it in us for one more stretch of trekking through the desert before the heat takes us out.”
I stood up, feeling a blend of both fear and determination.
“Then we should get moving,” I said.
My stomach rumbled again, this time loudly enough to attract Justin’s attention.
“You need some food in that belly again,” he said.
“What about the meat from last night?”
“Unless you want warmed over kangaroo meat, I’d suggest something else off of the menu. Come with me.”
Curious as to what Justin had in mind, I followed him close behind as he started off. We stuck to the shade of the valley, but I could feel the air growing warmer by the minute. It was only a matter of time before the sun was blasting down on us with full intensity, and I made sure to savor the mild air while I could.
After a few minutes of walking, Justin stopped at a small scrub bush.
“Here we go,” he said, squatting down and squinting his eyes.
“What is it?” I asked.
He didn’t say anything. Instead, he began darting his hands into the bush.
“Berries,” he said, plucking them with one hand and piling them in the other.
The berries were small and purple, like irregularly-shaped marbles. Once he’d gathered a handful, he stood up and offered them to me.
“Eat up,” he said.
My hunger taking over, I popped berry after berry into my mouth. They were a little too tart for my liking, but I was too hungry to care. Once I’d eaten about half of them, I stopped and extended my hand with the rest to Justin. But he waved and shook his head.
“That’s a breakfast for one,” he said. “Eat up.”
“Are you serious?” I asked. “You need something.”
“I really don’t. Back in SEAL training, we did plenty of outdoor exercises, getting us used to operating in conditions like this. And one of the first things you learn is how to function without food. After a half a day like this, it’s more about ignoring your appetite than anything else.”
“Well,” I said, taking down the rest of the berries with a hard swallow. “Thanks for having some sympathy for this soft civvy.”
“My pleasure,” he said with a wink. “Can’t all be SEALs.”
Despite his insistence that he was fine with going hungry, I was more than grateful. Justin, despite how distant he could be toward me, clearly cared about looking out for others and making sure that those he was responsible for were taken care of before him. My admiration for him was growing by the hour, it seemed—to say nothing of my attraction.
Once I was done, we headed back to the makeshift camp and gathered our things.
“Back to it,” said Justin. “Sun’s gonna be beating down on you, so get ready to work on that tan of yours. But like I said, if we make good time, we should make it to Longbridge before the day’s out. Ready?”
“Ready,” I said, feeling scared and eager all at once.
Justin gave me a nod, and we were off. It took us about a half-hour to trek through the valley. Stepping over the threshold of the shade into the sun was like walking into an oven. The sun resumed its merciless beating down right away, and after the first few steps, I was already wondering if I was going to get through the day.
We trudged on anyhow; I knew that complaining or thinking about how hard it all was wouldn’t make the trek any faster.
After about an hour of walking, however, my hunger and soreness began to catch up with me.
“You hanging in there all right?” asked Justin, his eyes fixed forward as always.
“Doing my best,” I said. “The most stress I’m used to putting on my body is the last five minutes of cycling class, so this is, ah, a little much.”
“Just think of it this way: all of us have ancestors who lived like this all their lives. So, somewhere in that blood of yours, you’ve got men and women for whom this’d be just another day out.”
He flashed me a smile, letting me know that he wasn’t being entirely serious.
“Interesting anthropology lesson,” I said with a smirk. “But that doesn’t make me any less of a baby who’s used to spending all day in air-conditioned offices.”
“Haven’t you dealt with remote locations with your job?”
“Sure,” I said. “But nothing quite like this. And not with anyone trying to kidnap or kill me.”
“Think of it as a character-builder,” he said.
“Now you sound like my dad.”
We continued on. Soon, the last traces of the morning cool faded, replaced by the onslaught of the boiling sun above us. I could tell from its position that it had to be around noon. This meant that the heat was probably as bad as it was going to get, which was pretty damned bad.
Then, out of nowhere, my legs gave out from under me. I fell to my knees, hitting the ground hard enough to graze the skin. Justin immediately ran to my side and placed his hand on my back.
“You okay?” he asked, his voice heavy with concern.
“I’m fine,” I said, panting, the pain of the impact screaming through my body.
“Just breathe,” he said. “You took a spill.”
I stayed on my hands and knees like that for a time, trying to catch my breath as the sun relentlessly beat down on me. I knew I needed to move. I needed to get up and go, but I couldn’t. My body wanted rest, and despite the horrible heat, the idea of just lying there, only for a little while, began to sound more and more appealing…
“Wait a minute,” said Justin. “What’s that up there?”
“What? What’s what up where?” I asked, feeling dazed and lightheaded.
“Stand up and look.”
I wasn’t sure if this was a trick to get me back on my feet, but I did it anyway. With just about every drop of strength I had, I forced myself to my feet and squinted my eyes in the direction that Justin pointed.
Sure enough, off in the distance was a strange shimmering. It was unlike anything else in the landscape that surrounded us.
“What the hell is that?” I asked.
“I’ve got an idea, but we need to get closer. Come on.”
He took me by the upper arm, and we went on at a brisk pace. My eyes fixed on the shimmering, I watched as whatever it was grew clearer and clearer. Soon I could make out the shapes of tall, hanging trees. More minutes passed, and eventually, I co
uld see a smear of green among the rust of the desert.
“Is that…?” I asked, afraid to say the word.
“I think it is. Come on!”
Justin went off at a brisk pace, and I hurried behind him, the possibility of relief giving my muscles an extra push. My feet crunched into the dry sand as I ran, and with each step, it became more and more certain what we were running toward.
It was an oasis.
There was grass, there were trees, there was fresh water glittering in the midday sun. The large pool of water was lined with rocks like a grotto, and a small waterfall trickled from a ledge above.
“Is this a mirage?” I asked as I ran, afraid that it would disappear at any moment.
“Nope!” said Justin. “Mirages are only visible in the distance. They sure as hell don’t look like this.”
I knew it was real when I stepped onto the dark green grass. The oasis was a large, oblong pool of water surrounded by hanging trees and other verdant foliage. A small rock outcropping hung over part of the pool, providing shade from the sun above.
I kicked off my shoes as soon as we reached the grass and made a mad dash for the water. Once I reached it, I dropped to my knees, cupped my hands, and splashed my face in it. My skin cooled instantly, and I didn’t waste any time in drinking handful after handful.
“Careful,” said Justin, stepping to my side and dropping into an Indian-style sitting position. “Don’t put stress on your stomach by drinking too much too fast.”
After about five handfuls, my body continued to cry out for more water. But I knew Justin was right. Using every bit of restraint I had, I sat back from the pool and let the water I’d just had sit in my stomach. Looking around, I took in the beautiful sight of the place, feeling relief for the first time since this whole mess started.
I sat back in the grass and stuck my feet into the water, the feeling of the cool liquid on my skin beyond compare. For a brief moment, I was totally content.
But my body wanted more. I was desperate to wash off all the dust and grime from our journey.
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