by Chloe Carley
“Yes, my father is in America,” Rachel replied. “And I would be happy to tell your husband anything he wishes to know. Noah and I have been through a great deal.”
“Noah, is it?” Eileen winked.
“I mean, Mr. Sharpleton.”
“Ah, you don’t need to hide no secrets from me, Miss Faulks. I won’t tell on you.”
Rachel blushed. “Might we go to see him now? Is he awake? Was he injured?”
“Close to the brink of exhaustion, but only a couple of scrapes and burns from hauling that wet rope to get you out of the way of the ship. A brave man indeed, this Noah of yours.”
“He is not mine,” she protested.
“Well, if the way he’s been caterwauling is anything to go by, he thinks as highly of you as you do of him,” Eileen replied with a chuckle. “He’s been asking to see you since he woke up, but we’ve had to keep him at bay. You needed your rest, too. Besides, Dr. Gregory thought it’d be too much strain on his heart of he saw you so soon, so he forced him to stay away for a couple of days.”
Wincing with each movement, Rachel swung her legs out over the edge of the bed. Eileen rushed to her side and helped her to her feet, the ginger-haired woman aiding her to dress in a gown of simple white cotton with a yellow ribbon about the waist. It felt almost strange to Rachel to be wearing a real dress above her petticoats with all the embellishments and finery that she had formerly been accustomed to. There was a lack of freedom in the layers making her miss the liberation of the island. The boat was somewhere she never wished to return to, not even in memory, but she missed the island. There, they might have been free together. There, they might have been gifted a future.
Perhaps, that was the very thing being offered to us, only we did not see it then, she wondered sadly. Glancing at herself in the looking glass, she barely recognized the reflection. Her body was thin and frail, her collarbones protruding above the neckline of her dress. Her cheeks were sunken and her skin appeared drawn while her hair was a mess of strands that reminded her of a bird’s nest. Still, she was alive and that counted for everything. Noah was alive, too. She did not know which meant more.
“Shall we, miss?” Eileen said, gesturing to the door.
“Yes, please show me the way,” Rachel replied. She followed Eileen out of the bedchamber and through a labyrinth of corridors, far nicer than the ones in the belly of the Emerald. They strode down hallways that had paintings and tapestries hanging, depicting great scenes of war and proud members of the Admiralty, the wooden floor covered in a runner of plush, red carpeting.
At the farthest end of the second deck down, they stopped at an innocuous-looking door. Eileen knocked and stood back, waiting for an answer.
“Come in,” a familiar voice replied.
Eileen flashed Rachel a conspiratorial glance. “Go ahead, lass. I’ll wait out here and knock if anyone comes. You deserve a moment alone, after all you’ve been through.”
“Thank you,” Rachel gasped with gratitude, her hands clasping Eileen’s. With that, she turned and opened the door to Noah’s chamber, stepping gingerly into the room beyond. He lay in a clean bed, in a simple, neat bedchamber. It was not as fancy as Rachel’s, but it was pleasant enough. There were books to be read, a desk to write at, and crisp sheets upon which Noah was propped. Pillows stacked up behind him making him look oddly vulnerable. Then again, Rachel reasoned that his sudden innocence might have had something to do with the striped pajamas he was wearing.
He sat bolt upright as his gaze fixed on her. “Rachel! My goodness, you are alive! They told me you were, but I could not believe it until I saw you with my own eyes,” he said rapidly, the words tumbling out. “The last time I saw you, I was certain that you were dead. I was convinced that I had failed you—that I had not been able to save your life. I could not get you to speak or move or breathe and you were so cold, Rachel. My goodness, you were so cold. And yet, here you are, alive and well, standing in front of me.” He shuffled toward the edge of the bed, but Rachel raised her hands.
“Stay in bed,” she urged, drawing a chair up to his bedside. “Please, you must rest. The lady who has been caring for me told me of your wellbeing and I would not have you risk your health any further for me.”
“The ship is heading for America,” he said, after a moment’s silence. “Against all odds, you are going back to your father.”
She nodded, feeling silly tears brim in her eyes. Getting closer to her father meant drawing away from Noah. There was no way that her father would ever agree to an inferior match like this, though she desired it with all her heart. She did not want to wed any man unless it could be Noah. He had proven himself time and time again and there was nobody else she could envision at her side throughout the rest of life’s challenges. Even now, she wanted to lean over and kiss him, but propriety held her back. They were not on their private island now. They were back in the real world where the rules still applied. And, in that world, a sailor without a penny to his name would never be enough to gain her hand in marriage. She would have given it willingly, but her father would not be so easily won.
“Aren’t you glad?” Noah asked softly. His hand moved across the bed and found hers. She did not draw it away, though she knew she ought to.
She looked up. “I am. In truth, I am still wondering how I have come to be here. Not so long ago, I feared that death was upon me. And now… I am faced with my future. It is hard to force the two to collaborate for I still feel as though I am back on the boat and all of this is an illusion of some kind—a cruel mirage.”
“You are alive,” he promised.
“All thanks to you,” she replied. “Eileen told me what you did. She said you pulled the boat to safety to get us out of the way of this ship. Had you not, we would have been crushed.”
“I had to. It is my duty, remember?” A hint of a smile turned up the corners of his still-cracked lips. He looked much the same as she did with his body worn away by hunger, his skin pale and sallow, his eyes bloodshot and ringed with red, and his hair sticking up at all angles. And yet, he had never seemed more handsome than he did at that moment for there was blood rushing in his veins and his heart still beat with the vigor of life.
“It is fortunate that I did not release you then, is it not?”
He chuckled. “It is.”
“Did you know that we are on a British ship?”
“I did, Miss Faulks.”
She longed for him to call her Rachel but lacked the boldness to ask. “And we are headed for Brunswick, Georgia.”
“So I hear.”
“And the animals are well,” she said brightly. “I am to be taken to them after I am finished here. Apparently, Dandelion has become quite the favorite below decks, though I hope she will not become too accustomed to this vessel. I would like her to join me on land—the others, too.”
“They will not abandon you, Miss Faulks. We are all bound to you, it would seem.”
She looked at him. “I cannot express to you how pleased I am that you are alive.”
“Nor I,” he said softly. “And now, you must permit me a moment to express something else. I did not breathe a word of this to you before when we were on the boat, but it was all I could think about when I held your hand in mine and thought you had left this world behind. I will not make the mistake of keeping this secret any longer, even if you do not share in what I have to say.”
“Noah, you cannot.” Her voice caught in her throat. Please, tell me… tell me what I long to hear. Her head said one thing and her heart said another.
“I must, even if you do not feel the same. I cannot leave this world without saying these words, for that would be a life unfulfilled and I will not live one of those,” he said firmly. “I love you, Rachel. With each day that has passed, I have fallen more deeply in love with you. Your bravery, your intelligence, your determination, your beauty, and your compassion have all inspired love in me. I know that it will be difficult, if not impossible, for you
and I to be together, but I cannot envision another woman as my wife. If it cannot be you, then it will be no-one. I have come to terms with that, for even if I only have the ghost of you to see me through the rest of my years on this Earth, that will be enough—the ghost of the island and the ghost of our time aboard the boat with you wrapped in my arms and close to my side.”
Rachel felt her heart crack, the sensation bittersweet. She did not realize just how much she had hoped to hear those words fall from his lips and yet… what change could they possibly make? She could not marry as she pleased nor could she offer him any display of returned affection. Yes, she wanted to, but she could not hurt him so. She would not give him false hope, only to snatch it away again upon their arrival at her father’s house.
I love you, too, she said silently. I love you with all of my heart. I love you with every fiber of my being. I will have no other if it cannot be you. I want to say every single word of this to you, please forgive me. I share in your feelings, please believe that I do. And Lord, I know you have already done so much for me, but if you may find a way for us to be together then I shall be forever grateful. Until then, I shall do my best to remain silent.
She cleared her throat. “And you will accompany me to my father’s house in Oregon County?” she pressed. “To get there, I will have to travel through treacherous land, owned by the Spanish. It would not feel right if you were not there beside me to see me safely home.”
His expression darkened. “That is all you have to say?”
“What else can I say?” Her eyes pleaded with him to understand.
He nodded slowly. “I understand.” His voice was thick with emotion, his tone wounded.
She squeezed his hand tightly. “Please, say that you will come to my father’s house with me? Do not abandon me as you promised me you would not. Remember? You were the one who would not have the ties severed. You were the one who wished to fulfil their duty. Please, do not leave me now. Do not have a change of heart.”
“I shall endeavor to do what I can, once we reach Brunswick,” he said flatly. “It may be that there is a Naval ship that can offer me employment. If that is the case, then I will have no choice but to make alternative arrangements for you.”
She shook her head. “You must come.”
“I will contemplate my options, once we are on dry land,” he replied, his voice tinged with sadness. She wanted to look deep into his eyes and tell him that she loved him, too, but now was not the time. It would only lead to further heartbreak when her father refused to accept the match. She would not put her heart through that nor would she put Noah’s heart through it.
“Do not hate me, Noah,” she whispered.
“I could never hate you, Rachel. It is society that I loathe.” He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it softly. Sparks ignited within her at the touch of his kiss against her skin, so gentle and sweet. It reminded her of all the secret kisses that she had placed upon his arm as they had slept side-by-side. How is it possible that I can miss the lifeboat? Even now, she did not know how she would sleep in her bed without feeling his absence. Being alone seemed alien to her.
“May I stay awhile?” she asked.
He shook his head. “It is better that you don’t, for we don’t know who may be watching. It will be strange for a time, but we must learn to adapt to our new existence. We must forget everything that happened on the boat as you have already asked me to. I will keep it to memory along with my love for you. They will never fade or change, but I understand why I must keep them to myself from now on.”
“Noah…”
“At least I got to tell you how I feel,” he said. “If I had not spoken my truth, I would have regretted it for the rest of my days. Indeed, as I have said, that was all I could think about when you lay, unmoving, in the bottom of the boat. I wanted you to know then and now you do. I cannot take it back, or withdraw the sentiment nor do I wish to. I only wish that things were different.” He took his hand away from hers.
“Noah, please…”
He smiled. “You should go, before the physician returns. We do not want rumor to follow us into Brunswick Harbor. I would not see your reputation destroyed before you have even set foot in the New World.”
“Forgive me,” Rachel murmured, as she stood to leave.
“There is nothing to forgive you for.”
“Nevertheless… forgive me.”
A stilted silence stretched between them, neither knowing what else to say. Rachel felt the words dancing on the tip of her tongue, but she reined them in. Before they could burst forth of their own accord, she turned on her heel and walked out of the room, unable to even glance back for fear of what she might say.
I love you, Noah… Oh, how I love you. Forgive me for being too cowardly to say it out loud.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
On the dawn of their sixth day on the Joan of Arc, land finally came into view. Noah was on the top deck, taking in some of the fresh sea air with Dandelion at his side when he spotted the first glimpse of it in the soft, hazy glow of the new day. He had kept to his chambers for most of the previous two days, avoiding Rachel as much as he could. It was not that he resented her for rejecting him because he did not, it was more that he could not look at her without feeling sorrow. They would soon be parted and he would have to continue on with his life without her beside him. Joining the Navy seemed like the easiest option, though his perspective on warfare had not changed. He would find a merchant crew instead if they would take him.
“Ah, there you are,” an unfamiliar voice spoke. “Mr. Sharpleton, isn’t it? And this is the dog everyone keeps chattering about—Dandelion, right?”
Noah turned, coming face-to-face with a portly man with ruddy cheeks and graying hair. “That is me, sir, and this is, indeed, the fabled dog.”
“Captain James O’Rourke, pleased to finally make your acquaintance.” He stuck out an equally plump hand which Noah shook politely. “My wife has been telling me tales of your handsomeness.”
Heat flooded Noah’s cheeks. “I should hate to call your wife a liar, captain, but she is mistaken on this occasion.”
“Nonsense. With some rest and some good, hearty food in your belly, you’ll be right as rain in no time,” he said, clapping Noah on the back. “Now, tell me, how is it that you came to be bobbing about in the middle of the Atlantic with a fine young lady at your side?”
“We were sailing onboard a ship called the Emerald of the Empire,” he replied, seeing no reason to lie to this man. Captain Benjamin Frodsham was no friend of the British Navy. Indeed, Noah reasoned that James O’Rourke may be the perfect person to speak to, about the matter of Benjamin’s underhanded dealings. The only trouble was, Noah did not want to bring Rachel’s father into any potential disputes. Although, he figured that Rachel’s father could always claim he did not know what type of man Benjamin was if he was ever called in to defend himself. Perhaps, he truly did not know, for Benjamin has fooled a great many gentlemen over the years. Truly, Noah did not think that her father would have put her in such unsavory hands if he had known what kind of a man Benjamin was.
“I can’t say I know it,” Captain O’Rourke said, tapping his bearded chin in thought.
“Do you know of Benjamin Frodsham?”
O’Rourke’s eyes narrowed. “Aye, I know of the devil.”
“He was the captain. He had some dealings in Cape Verde which went awry and we altered course to avoid a man named Thomas St. Vincent and his minions—at least, that is who he claimed he was avoiding. I saw no evidence that St. Vincent was even chasing us once we left the harbor,” he explained. “Anyway, we hit a storm and the ship went down. Benjamin escaped in one of the lifeboats and myself, Miss Faulks, her chaperone, a boy named Onions, and several animals escaped on the other one.”
O’Rourke arched an amused eyebrow. “The bat, the monkey, this here dog, and the birds?”
“Yes, captain.”
“We didn’t find another woma
n or a boy on that boat before we hauled you up. Did they perish?”
Noah nodded. “A wave crashed over us and it swept Onions and Nan away.” His heart gripped in a vise of remorse as he remembered the terrible incident. The roar of that huge tower of water as it had broken upon them, taking the lives of their dear friends. He missed Nan’s quick wit and barbed humor, the absence of her so piercing and strange, even now.
“I’m sorry for your loss.”
“As am I.”
“So, you and the young lady are not wed?”
He shook his head. “She was in my duty of care aboard the Emerald, that is all. I continued in my role after we abandoned ship.”
