by Greyson Mann
Well, I said, NO problem. I’d take half now and half later. That’s the kind of friend I am.
And you know what he said? He said he didn’t have half. And when I got up in his face about it, he said he didn’t have ANY emeralds to pay me.
Then Ziggy said HE hadn’t been able to come up with the emeralds either. He moaned something about how hungry he’d been since his family gave up rotten flesh for the holidays. He said he MIGHT have spent all his emeralds in the school vending machine.
GREAT.
And Willow? Turns out, she never even TALKED to her friend with all the little sisters. “I thought you had enough business without me!” she said. Then she mumbled something about having to get home because she’d left a potion brewing and was afraid it would bubble over.
That means I have exactly ZERO emeralds coming my way for this Santa gig. And I’ve decided I have zero FRIENDS too.
So you know what I’m doing? I’m calling off Christmas. I can do that, you know. A creeper doesn’t work for free—not when he has presents to buy for his OWN family.
My 30-day plan just turned into a 7-day plan. I’m going to FORGET Christmas and focus on Creeper’s Eve.
From now on, it’s every mob for himself.
Ho, ho, ho . . .
DAY 24: SUNDAY (NIGHT)—STILL . . .
After my “friends” left, I marched right back to my room. And managed to trip over one of Cammy’s dumb creeper dolls. And broke its leg off. Which felt kind of good for a second, but I knew I had to fix it or Cammy would blow her top.
So while I was sticking that leg back where it belonged, I decided something. I decided that Cammy has the right idea, playing with baby dolls. They do WHATEVER you want them to do. They don’t talk back. And they’re always smiling.
Not like friends. Or pet SQUIDs, for that matter.
Sticky’s been staring at me all night, which is really creeping me out. And he’s definitely NOT smiling. “WHAT?” I kept asking him. Part of me wishes he could talk. The other part wishes he’d just shut up already.
I finally stopped looking at him. I have this great ignoring trick where I ALMOST look at him, but I’m really looking just to the right of him. Or to the left of him. Or at the table under his aquarium. Or at the wall above his aquarium.
I’ve been working on that trick during lunchtime, when I sit next to Ziggy and want to NOT see the food falling out of his mouth. And I have to say, it comes in handy a lot of other times too.
Except tonight, when I looked above Sticky’s aquarium, my eyes ran smack into a drawing of a baby zombie and Santa. And then I remembered something.
ZOE.
She thinks Santa IS coming this year! She’s probably waiting in her crib with her eyes wide open. Because of Ziggy’s big mouth. GREAT.
Well, I am NOT going to feel guilty for something Ziggy did. The sun is going to come up any minute now, and I’m going to sleep like a baby—a baby CREEPER, not a baby zombie.
Because everyone knows baby zombies don’t sleep.
Especially ones who are waiting for Santa.
DAY 25: MONDAY (YEAH, CHRISTMAS)
I wish I’d never HEARD of this dumb thing called Christmas. Because if I hadn’t, I would have gone to bed at dawn instead of getting up and heading out into the cold.
I wouldn’t have walked to school wearing a girl’s robe and high-heeled boots. And Eddy Enderman never would have SEEN me wearing a girl’s robe and high-heeled boots. And he never would have seen the DOLL that fell out of my pocket, where I’d stuffed it after fixing that bum leg.
I really appreciate that Eddy didn’t mention any of that. He just pretended he didn’t see it.
And it was nice of him to give me extra lessons with Pearl, because that wolf-dog still wasn’t loving me. Maybe it was because Eddy made her wear skeleton-bone antlers so she’d look like a real reindeer, and she blamed ME for that.
Just like I blamed Ziggy for this whole Santa thing. If he hadn’t gone and blabbed to Zoe about Santa coming, I wouldn’t even BE in this mess.
Anyway, as soon as it started to rain, Eddy was all like, “I’m out of here, dude.”
And then it was just me and the moody wolf-dog wearing antlers. At first, she sat on her butt and refused to go anywhere. But finally, after giving her like THREE bones, I got her to trot toward Ziggy’s house, pulling me along in that rusty old minecart.
We were halfway there before I thought of something. Pearl LOOKED like a reindeer, but she couldn’t fly like one. How in the Overworld was I supposed to get up on Ziggy’s roof so I could slide down his chimney?
I was madder than ever at Ziggy by the time I got to his house, but then I saw something bright and shiny in his front yard. It was a very big, very green slime butt. And I’d know that slime butt anywhere.
Sam the Slime was crawling on the ground under a window. He was wearing that ginormous Santa suit and a long white beard. Was he trying to steal my gig?
I was mad at first, but when Sam saw me, he started blubbering and said he was sorry and was just trying to help. I was afraid he was going to wake up the whole neighborhood, so I accepted his apology.
When he offered me his Santa beard, I put it on. And when he handed me a bottle of fire resistance potion, I took that too. (Thank Golem Willow had sent it with him. I’d totally forgotten about that!)
Then I thought of a way Sam could REALLY help. Bones used to call him “Sampoline” because he’s bouncy, like a trampoline. And I needed a trampoline right about then. So I asked Sam to lie on his bouncy belly, and I climbed onto his back.
After a few bounces, I actually made it up onto the chimney.
And you can imagine my surprise when I saw a whole lot of NO SMOKE coming out of that chimney. Had Ziggy forgotten to light a lava fire? I KNEW I couldn’t count on that worthless zombie!
I was probably going to run into one of Leggy’s sticky spider webs in that chimney. And I really didn’t have TIME for that right now.
When I peeked down the chimney, I didn’t see Leggy, which was a relief. So I finally took a deep breath and climbed in. Actually, I kind of JUMPED in, because I needed some speed to break through any cobwebs. Which meant I slid down that chimney so fast, I ended up skidding out into the middle of the living room floor.
The first thing I heard was a CLUCK. And Zoe’s pet chicken strutted into the room. Well, I didn’t see THAT coming. How do you keep a watch-chicken quiet?
I tried petting her, which only made her cluck louder.
Finally, in a moment of panic, I picked up a piece of rotten flesh from the plate on the table and tossed it to the chicken. And she gobbled it right up. GROSS.
Then I saw the note by the plate of flesh. It said, “For Santa.” GREAT. Why can’t zombies leave cookies and hot cocoa like everyone else? At least there was a carrot too, which looked pretty delicious next to that rotten flesh.
I ate the carrot in about two bites. Then I tossed the chicken a few more scraps of meat so it would look like Santa had eaten some of that too. And that’s when I heard a sound coming from the next room. SINGING.
Yup, Zoe the Baby Zombie was wide awake in her bed. And she was singing a song about jingling bells. And riding through the snow in a sleigh. She was singing a CHRISTMAS song.
Well, I knew right then that I had to step it up. I had to get out of that living room before her song ended and she came out to see what all the clucking was about. So I grabbed the apples out of my sweater sack and stuffed them in the socks hanging by the fireplace.
I don’t even want to TELL you how old and gross those socks were. They were green. They were stinky. They were crusty. I had to close my eyes AND my nose to get anywhere near them. Not even an enchanted apple could have made those socks smell better.
But I did my job.
And then I saw the tree. The dead tree. The one that Santa is supposed to put BIG gifts under. How could I have forgotten that???
Something poked my side, and I pulled Cammy’s creeper
doll out of my pocket. Before I could even think about it, I put that green doll under the tree. Because Zoe needed SOMETHING. I’d just have to figure out how to deal with Cammy’s unhappy explosions later.
Then I headed back into the fireplace. But going UP is always harder than going down. I probably would have learned that if I’d taken a Santa class at school or something. But since I was kind of learning on the fly here, I just had to start climbing.
Inch by inch, I worked my way up that chimney. And then, all of a sudden, I couldn’t move my feet. Not even an inch.
I was STUCK.
In a spider web.
With no one to cut me out.
You know those nightmares where you have to MAKE yourself open your eyes to wake up out of it? Well, I kept shutting my eyes and opening them. And nothing happened.
Because it wasn’t a nightmare.
It was REAL.
I was actually STUCK in the middle of a zombie fireplace on Christmas. That’s not something I could have seen coming if you’d asked me 25 days ago.
So I did what any creeper would do.
I freaked out.
I hissed. I shook. I bubbled. And I blew.
A few bricks tumbled out of the fireplace with me, and a cloud of gunpowder filled the room. But I was FREE.
Until I realized there were four zombies staring at me. Two of them were moaning and rubbing their eyes, looking really confused. One of them was dancing around. He was covering his mouth, trying not to say, “Hey, Gerald! I know it’s you!” Yup, that was Ziggy.
And the littlest zombie? She looked right at me through all that gunpowder.
Well, I’d already pretty much blown my gig as Santa, so I didn’t want to overstay my welcome. I got out of there ASAP. Through the front door. And I hopped into that minecart faster than you can say, “Ho, ho, ho.”
I don’t know where Sam was. I didn’t even look. I just let Pearl take right turns all the way back to the school. And when she stopped by a tree to rub those dumb antlers off her head, I couldn’t blame her. I pulled off my purse hat too. And that white beard, which was probably full of slime snot.
By the time I got home, I’d taken off that robe and those high-heeled boots too. And I crawled into bed with the covers over my head.
Now, while I write all this, a squid is staring at me. And a wolf-dog too.
I’ll have to get her back to Eddy later. Right now, all this Santa wants to do is sleep—and forget about the total Christ-MESS he just made.
Wake me up when it’s all over, would ya?
DAY 27: WEDNESDAY
Well, let’s face it. I’m three days away from Creeper’s Eve. And I might as well just call it quits on my 30-day plan.
Why? Because here’s what I’ve accomplished:
Ziggy keeps trying to tell me that I did real good on that last one. He says Zoe was so happy, she hasn’t shut up about Santa all week.
I didn’t really believe him, so he brought me a new picture she’d made. It shows her next to Santa, just like the other picture she drew. And Santa is standing next to a Christmas tree—Zoe glued a chicken feather to the paper for that and decorated it with sparkles. The feather was already kind of coming unglued, but I still thought that was pretty creative of her.
But here’s the biggest thing. In this new picture, Santa is tall and skinny. And very GREEN.
So, I don’t know. Maybe I did ONE thing right. But it’s not going to help me score points for my family on Creeper’s Eve.
I’ve pretty much given up on earning emeralds to buy gifts, so I’m going to have to make them myself. (I think Zoe’s picture gave me that idea.)
I’m sure Chloe will be so disgusted by a handmade gift from me, she’ll open her mouth and blab to my parents about everything I did wrong. But if she does, that’s okay.
Being Chloe’s slave is kind of like being stuck in a spider web. Sometimes you just have to bust out, let the gunpowder fall, and then move on.
DAY 31: SUNDAY (CREEPER’S EVE)
Well, huh. That didn’t go NEARLY as badly as I thought it would.
I spent all day yesterday working on making gifts for my family. I stayed in my room, and no one bugged me—maybe because they were working on Creeper’s Eve stuff too.
When I told Mom I had to use the kitchen for a secret project, that made her really happy. She stayed out of my way—I mean, except for when I set off the smoke alarm. Then she came running back in, but she promised not to look at what came out of the oven as long as I took it out RIGHT AWAY.
When the sun came up, Dad hollered, “Bedtime! Creepers need their sleepers!” He just LOVES sneaking around and hiding gifts.
I tried to stay awake. I sat in bed, listening to my family’s footsteps as they tiptoed around hiding gifts. But I guess making presents is exhausting stuff, because I ended up falling asleep. When I woke up, it was still daytime, thank goodness. So I got up and quickly hid my presents too.
I didn’t put a lot of thought into hiding places. I just picked out my five oldest socks—the ones that didn’t have holes in them. And I hung them by the fireplace. Then I stuck the presents inside.
Tonight, when we all got up, Mom let us eat our fried eggs and roasted potatoes in the living room. And then we opened presents.
Well, my family was sure surprised by those socks I gave them (or STOCKINGS, as Ziggy would say).
Mom really liked the potion of fire resistance I put inside hers.
It was the bottle Willow gave me, but I figured it would help Mom deal with all of Cammy’s explosions. I wrote a note telling her she was a good mom and deserved a little help, and I think she got kind of weepy-eyed when she read that.
I wrote a rap song and put that inside Dad’s stocking. I promised to perform it for him after dinner, and he thought that was pretty cool.
I gave Cate the white Santa beard from Sam, because he said I could keep it. (I didn’t tell her about the slime snot that had gotten all over it during his emotional breakdown on Christmas.) At first, she didn’t know why I was giving her a beard. Then I showed her how she could turn it upside down like a wig. So now she has a white wig like the one she cut up to make into my Santa suit!
I gave Cammy the little feather Christmas tree that Zoe tried to glue to her picture. It was so pretty, with all those sprinkles. And Cammy really liked it. I could tell, because she ALMOST exploded.
Well, I saved Chloe for last, because she was the HARDEST one. I hadn’t really wanted to give her anything, but then I’d gotten an idea. A pretty creative idea.
Her present was too big to put in a stocking, so I put some clues in her stocking instead. The clues led her through the house and out to the garage. And THERE was my green sled with a big red bow on it. Sam helped me clean it up so it looked brand new.
I sure was gonna miss that sled. But I figured if I gave it to Chloe, she couldn’t tell Mom and Dad that I’d blown my emeralds on it. Genius, right?
Except my twin had a surprise for me too. She said I should open my present from her and Dad right away, which was hiding under my bed.
I don’t know HOW they got it under there while I was sleeping. But it doesn’t really matter. Because you want to know what the present was?
A SLED. Just as shiny and green as the one I’d given Chloe.
I didn’t know if my twin was trying to trick me or what. Did she think I’d start to sweat when I saw that sled? Did she think I’d blow sky high?
I stared at her, trying to figure it out. But she just smiled sweetly and said, “Merry Creeper’s Eve.” Maybe my gift to her had softened her up. Maybe she was happy now that SHE had a sled too. Anyway, I’m not going to question her niceness—at least not until the new year.
After we opened all the presents, I served up my last surprise: an apple-carrot cake. I didn’t used to be big on carrots, but now they kind of remind me of Zoe and her plate of treats for Santa. And while we snacked on the cake, I told my family all about Christmas.
Mom s
aid it didn’t sound all that different from Creeper’s Eve—that most holidays were about giving things up (like rotten flesh and stinky old socks) and doing nice things for family and friends.
She might be right about that.
But I reminded her that holidays are ALSO about miracles. Because right in the middle of performing my rap for Dad, I looked up and saw something falling outside the window.
Something white. Something wet. Something wonderful.
It was SNOWING again.
Just in time.
