‘Let’s see how things go now that you’re aware of the situation,’ Bob suggested. ‘And, please, keep in touch and let us know if you need any support.’ He opened a drawer in his desk and extracted a pink mobile phone. ‘I’ll give this to you,’ he said to Pip. ‘It might be a good idea if Alice restricts its use to out-of-school hours.’
‘Can I have my phone back?’
‘Not right now. I want to talk to you.’
‘It’s my phone!’ ‘
Alice.’ Pip’s tone was a warning. She had no intention of being deflected from having a proper discussion with Alice on the drive home. ‘This isn’t like you. What is your problem?’
‘School sucks,’ Alice declared. ‘Nona’s sick and you’ve got a boyfriend. It’s boring.’
The confrontational tone angered Pip, which made it easy to override the warning bell that suggested she should investigate any effect her relationship with Toni might be having.
‘So you thought you’d make life more interesting by getting into trouble at school?’
‘It’s not as though I’ve been suspended or anything. It’s no big deal.’
‘It felt like a big deal to me.’
‘Dayna’s mother gets called into school all the time. For nothing!’
Bob Henley was hardly likely to waste his time like that. Pip listened to that warning bell this time. She had ignored it when Toni had jokingly suggested that Alice’s new friend might be ‘cool’ in the way Catherine had been ‘cool’. Trouble. ‘I’ve never met Dayna, have I?’
‘Why should you?’
‘You get to meet my friends.’
‘You mean Toni? Like he’d be hard to miss! He practically lives at our house.’
Pip bit back a defensive comment about how much help Toni had been in the last few weeks. Making him seem more important to her than Alice at the moment wasn’t going to help.
‘Why don’t you ask Dayna round one day? For dinner, perhaps. You could both get some homework done and make your teachers a lot happier.’
Alice snorted. ‘Yeah…like that would be fun.’
Pip had had enough. ‘None of us are having much “fun” at the moment, Alice. Especially Nona. You might like to start thinking about someone other than yourself for a change.’
‘Are you saying I’m selfish?’
‘I’m saying that it would be nice if you tried helping, instead of trying to make things harder. I’m trying to do everything right now, Alice. My job, the housework, looking after Nona, looking after you, and you’re not exactly helping. It’s hard enough, OK? Too hard, even.’
‘It’s not my fault Nona’s sick.’
‘I’m not saying it is.’
‘And it’s not as if she’s going to die or anything.’
Pip steered the car to the side of the road and pulled to a halt. She sat there, aware of Alice’s surprised silence, her hands gripping the top of the steering-wheel.
‘Actually,’ she said, very quietly, turning her head to make eye contact with her daughter, ‘she is.’
The look in Alice’s eyes was awful. Shock. Mistrust. The silence ticked on and on and then Alice gave a strange sort of hiccup.
‘But…but she’s just had an operation. Like last time.’
‘Not like last time.’ Pip steeled herself to maintain the eye contact. ‘That’s what Nona wanted you to think but she’s a lot sicker this time. She’s got cancer, Alice. Of her pancreas.’
‘Her pancreas!’ Pip could see the pupils in Alice’s eyes dilating. ‘But I might have to have an operation, too. Is that what I’ve really got? Cancer?’
‘No.’ She couldn’t blame Alice for instantly relating this news to herself. Or for being so afraid. Shona had been right in thinking she would. Had Toni been wrong in advising that she needed to hear the truth? ‘You definitely don’t have cancer, Alice,’ Pip said firmly. ‘That’s one of the first things they looked for in all those tests you had.’
Alice’s eyes were swimming with tears. ‘Is Nona really going to die?’
The tears were contagious. ‘I’m afraid so, hon.’
‘When?’
‘We don’t know. I hope she’ll still be here when you start high school next year, but there are no guarantees. It’ll depend on how well the treatment she’s getting at the moment works.’
Pip undid her safety belt so she could lean over and hug Alice. ‘We need to be as brave as we can,’ she said brokenly, ‘for Nona’s sake. She doesn’t want us to be sad. She’s wants us all to make the most of whatever time we’ve got left together. And I…I need your help, hon.’
Would appealing to Alice in a more mature way make any difference?
‘Can you do that? Try and help?’
Alice was sobbing now, her face buried against Pip’s shoulder.
‘I’ll…try…’
‘Good girl.’ Pip kissed the top of her head. ‘Love you.’
‘You did the right thing.’
‘I’m not so sure. She’s been so quiet for the last couple of days and she’s avoiding spending much time with Mum.’
‘Has she been in any more trouble at school?’
‘Not that I’m aware of.’
‘And she’s doing her homework?’ Toni could see that some of the tension was leaving Pip’s body. She took another sip of her wine and nodded.
‘Seems to be.’
‘And helping?’
‘She did the dishes last night without even being asked.’
‘That’s better.’ Toni traced the outline of Pip’s cheek with the back of his index finger. ‘You almost smiled then, bella.’
‘Oh-h.’
Toni loved the way that line of consternation appeared between Pip’s eyes. A line he could almost always smooth away.
‘Do I seem that miserable?’ Pip asked anxiously. ‘I’m not, really. Mum’s feeling so much better at the moment.’
‘That’s good.’ And it was, but Toni hadn’t seen Pip for three days and he had some other things on his mind. Like getting her to relax. Taking her to his bed, finding that magic place where they were so close—body and soul—that he couldn’t imagine ever wanting to be anywhere else.
‘She’s wondering why Alice is so quiet, though.’
‘Shona doesn’t know that Alice knows the truth?’
‘No. I’ve been scared to tell her. I didn’t exactly promise not to but I think Mum assumes I did.’
‘You still did the right thing.’ Toni picked up Pip’s hand and pressed his lips to her palm. ‘The only thing you could do as a responsible parent.’
‘I wish I felt more like a parent. Like I knew that I was doing the right thing.’
‘No parent knows that for sure. You just have to do the best you can. What feels right.’
As he would. How many times in the years to come would he sit with Pip like this and reassure her that she had done the right thing? That they were doing their best as parents? It would depend entirely on how many children they had, of course.
Toni wanted a lot. At least four. Even six. A happy, noisy tribe of youngsters like some of his schoolmates had had. Theirs would be lucky enough to have a much older and probably adored sister in Alice. Increasingly, Toni had felt the empty space around him in his house and garden. He had imagined it filled with the sound of children’s voices and laughter. Had imagined coming home each night knowing that Pip would be there.
Waiting for him.
Loving him.
Not that he was about to rush into proposing marriage or anything. It was enough, for now, to know his trust in Pip had not been misplaced. That the recent weeks, while hardly romantic in the way he would like them to have been, had cemented the depth of how he felt about this woman.
How much he loved her.
It wasn’t the right time to talk about their own future. To make plans for a wedding or their own bambinos. Not while Pip had to deal with such a crisis in her life. Toni knew he had no right to feel impatient or to put any pressure o
n Pip, but he couldn’t prevent the smile that crept onto his face or resist the need to hold eye contact with the woman he loved and communicate the deep emotion warming his heart.
Pip smiled back. ‘You look happy, anyway. Did you have a good day?’
‘No, it was terrible! Far too busy. A case of meningitis, two cases of gastroenteritis, one of whom was severely dehydrated. And a little girl with periorbital cellulitis who couldn’t even open her eyes, poor thing, so everything was even more terrifying.’
‘Staphylococcus aureus infection?’
‘Yes. And I got called in because my registrar couldn’t get near her to get an IV line in. The mother was just as distressed as the child by then.’
‘I’m sure you sorted it out.’ The way Pip was looking at him made Toni feel on top of the world. Capable of achieving anything and being damn proud of it.
‘We gave her some sedation,’ he admitted.
Pip’s smile broadened. ‘Who—the child or the mother?’
‘Are you suggesting I need to sedate the relatives in order to treat my patients?’ It was so good to see Pip smiling properly. To make her happy. Maybe she was finally in a mental space where he could ease her away from her family responsibilities, at least temporarily.
‘I’m sure it would make life a lot easier.’
‘My life is exactly the way I want it.’ The moment Toni had been waiting for ever since Pip had arrived at his house that evening was finally here. He could lean close enough to kiss her still smiling lips. And he did. Slowly. Tenderly.
The need to say something else was an unwanted distraction so he barely pulled back. He could still feel the softness of Pip’s mouth beneath his as he spoke.
‘Exactly the way I want it,’ he whispered.
With a sigh of pure contentment Toni focused completely on making love to the first woman who had ever captured his soul as well as his mind and body. Minutes later, with no protest from Pip, he scooped her into his arms and carried her away to his bedroom.
‘Are you seeing Toni again tonight?’
‘He’s coming round soon. He said something about a challenge you’d issued regarding Scrabble?’ Pip eyed her mother suspiciously. ‘Since when did you become a Scrabble fanatic?’
‘Since I found what a good distraction it is,’ Shona responded. She grinned. ‘I’m such a good speller. I can cane everybody.’
‘Hmm. Do you need another cushion?’
‘No.’ Shona was stretched out on the couch in the living room. ‘This is perfect.’
‘Are you warm enough?’
‘I’m fine. Stop fussing, love.’
‘Have you taken all your pills?’
‘It’s a wonder I had room for any dinner after that lot.’
‘You didn’t have room for much.’ Pip glanced at her watch. It was only 6.30 p.m. They had eaten earlier than usual because Alice had been hungry. ‘It’s about time for your insulin.’
‘Bring me the box. I’d like to do it for myself tonight.’
‘You’ll need to test your blood-glucose level first so we can check the dose.’
‘I can do that.’ Shona sounded irritated now. ‘I’m not stupid, Philippa.’
‘I know that.’ Pip backed off. ‘You wouldn’t cane everybody at Scrabble if that were the case.’ She went to the kitchen, returning with the container of drugs, syringes and the testing kit. ‘You might even beat Toni later.’
‘As long as he doesn’t claim international privilege and throw in Italian words, like he did last time.’ Shona took the container. ‘Where’s Alice?’ She didn’t like her granddaughter having to see her have injections.
‘She’s in her room, doing her homework.’
‘She seems to be working very hard lately. She didn’t even argue much when you said she couldn’t go to the mall with Dayna.’
‘There’s no way I’d let her wander around the mall for no reason on a school night. It’s just asking for trouble.’
‘I agree, but it does seem to be what most teenagers want to do these days. Especially on late-shopping nights. And Alice has seemed very keen to spend as much time as possible with her friends lately.’
‘Maybe getting into trouble at school was just what she needed to pull her socks up.’
‘Hmm.’ Shona wasn’t convinced. ‘So why am I getting the impression it’s a good excuse to avoid me?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘Yes, you do.’
The tone was one well remembered from childhood and with a small, defeated sigh Pip lowered herself to sit on the arm of the couch. ‘I had to tell her the truth, Mum. I’m sorry. Things were just getting out of hand.’
Shona was silent for a long moment. ‘I suppose she had to know,’ she said eventually.
‘Yes. Toni thought it was the right thing to do.’
‘A shame it had to be this soon, though. When I’m starting to feel a bit better. Like I might even win this battle for a while, anyway.’
‘I know. But she asked, kind of, and I couldn’t lie.’
‘No.’ Shona leaned back on her cushions, her eyes closed. ‘I’ll talk to her so it’s all out in the open. I knew there something going on that I didn’t know about.’
‘I should have told you. I’m not dealing with any this particularly well, am I?’
‘You’re doing just fine. None of it is easy—for any of us. We’ll get used to it.’
‘I’m not so sure about that. About managing this parenting bit by myself. I just don’t feel, you know, maternal enough, I guess.’
Shona smiled. ‘It takes practice.’
‘I’m not sure I can do any of it without you to back me up,’ Pip said sadly. ‘I was a complete failure as a parent right from the start with Alice, wasn’t I?’
‘You were sixteen,’ Shona said, as though that explained everything.
But it didn’t. Plenty of sixteen-year-olds had babies and felt the kind of instant bond you were supposed to feel with your baby, didn’t they? They wouldn’t have been so relieved that someone more maternal was there to fill the breach and gradually take full responsibility.
‘It’ll be different next time,’ Shona said. ‘You’ll see.’
‘No, I won’t,’ Pip said fervently. ‘There’s not going to be a “next time”.’ Even now, the terror of those long, pain-filled hours of labour was a memory clear enough to make the hairs on the back of Pip’s neck prickle. And that had only been the start. The feeling of inadequacy—of failing to be a good parent—had been unpleasant and ongoing. It seemed to be surfacing with a new regularity all over again now—like during that interview with Alice’s headmaster.
‘Doesn’t Toni want children?’
‘He’s never mentioned it.’
‘He seems very happy to include Alice in your relationship.’
‘Yes. He’s great with children, which is partly why he’s such a brilliant paediatrician. Plus, he’s Italian. They all seem to adore kids and realise how important families are.’ Pip felt a familiar wave of gratitude. How many women in her position would be lucky enough to find a lover who would take on board an older child and a sick mother they weren’t related to?
‘So don’t you think he’s going to want a family of his own?’
‘Maybe not. He didn’t have a very happy childhood himself. That can be enough to stop people wanting to have their own children.’
‘And it can make others want to undo the damage by making sure it doesn’t happen to the next generation.’ Shona was watching Pip now, her expression anxious. ‘You’re still so young, darling. You could easily have more children.’
‘But I don’t want to.’
And she didn’t want to talk about it any more. It wasn’t just the thought of being expected to have more children that was disturbing, it was that the thought hadn’t occurred to her prior to this. Maybe it was an issue she should have discussed with Toni right at the start of their relationship. But then, how could she have known how intense things wer
e going to get? On her part, at any rate. She still didn’t know how Toni really felt. Whether he was considering a real commitment to a future together. This wasn’t the time to be thinking about it, anyway. She had far too much else going on in her life.
‘Sometimes you have to be prepared to compromise if you want a relationship to work,’ Shona said.
‘Hmm.’ The sound was noncommittal but it wasn’t an area that was up for negotiation as far as Pip was concerned. She wasn’t about to prove herself a failure all over again. It was time to change the subject. ‘Are you sure you don’t want some help with that insulin?’
‘I’m sure.’ But Shona wasn’t about to let Pip close the subject quite yet. ‘Talk to him about it, won’t you, Pip?’
‘Of course I will. Sometime. It’s early days, Mum.’
‘Not for me,’ Shona said quietly. She summoned a smile for her daughter. ‘Don’t take this the wrong way, love. It’s just that I’d like to think I’m going to be around long enough to help plan a wedding rather than a funeral.’
Why couldn’t life be simple?
The information contained in the article Pip was reading in an emergency medicine journal on the management of secondary deterioration in level of consciousness wasn’t really sinking in.
She had declined another game of Scrabble, having been soundly beaten by both Toni and Shona, who were happily engaged in another epic battle. The Scrabble board sat on a small table beside the couch and Toni’s long frame was lounging on the floor on its other side. Pip could see he had way too many vowels on his letter rack but he seemed undaunted.
‘Axe,’ he said aloud. ‘Ten points.’
How homely was this? All it needed to complete the picture of happy domesticity would be to have Alice doing her homework on the dining table in the corner of the room, instead of being shut away in her bedroom at the other end of the house.
Inclusion couldn’t be forced, though, and the niggling worry that Alice resented Toni’s inclusion in her mother’s life was just one of the underlying tensions that made the happy picture only superficial.
Pip tried to return her attention to the article. Constant reassessment of level of consciousness was mandatory, she read, as changes in the Glasgow coma score were more important than any static assessment. Faced with deterioration, the first objective was to confirm oxygenation and ventilatory adequacy. Then to ensure adequate volume status and haemoglobin. And to check BGL.
The Italian Doctor's Perfect Family Page 10
