He wanted to say he was sorry, because he was, but at the same time he didn’t like the idea of taking ownership for something he hadn’t caused. The things he’d said could be used against him, sure, fighting fire with anything but fire simply wasn’t in his wiring. They’d come together with a fury and ended up…however this was. The cool, calm comfort of being one with her.
“Yeah,” Raegan agreed at last. “So were you.”
“Real pity, that.”
“Things are different now. And even then…my mind resisted, but it didn’t feel like I thought O’Brien’s spell would feel.” A brief silence settled between them before Raegan swung her leg over his hip and slid a hand between them to seize his persistent erection. “And get that thing back inside me.”
Zeth arched a brow. “That thing?” he echoed.
“Yes. That very big, very…” She threw her head back and whimpered when his cock slipped into her pussy again. “Oh. That’s better.”
He grinned. “I’ll say,” he purred, rubbing soothing circles into her hip. “My warm, sweet girl.”
“How long?”
“Forever, if I get my say.”
Raegan kissed him, whimpering into his mouth. “I meant…” She gasped when their lips parted, when his cock pistoned deeper inside her body. “How long…do you think…the spell?”
“How long will the spell keep us fucking nonstop?”
She nodded.
Zeth pretended to mull it over, then blinked and shrugged. “Hell if I know or care. Now…to much more important matters…” He pulled back until only the head of his cock remained wrapped around her slick flesh. “Do you wanna be on top or on bottom? Or do you wanna try something new?”
“We…need…to talk…”
He frowned. True it might be, but it was the last thing he wanted to do at the present.
“About…spell,” she concluded.
“Best spell in the fucking world.” Zeth rolled onto his back and drove himself deep within her once more. “Throw your leg over my waist, baby. Ohh yeah. Just like that.”
Raegan pressed her hands to his chest. “Wait. Wait.”
“Don’t wanna talk,” he replied peevishly, slipping his thumb over her clit.
Raegan worried a lip between her teeth and shook her head. “Zeth…what happens next?”
“You scream my name while drenching my cock.”
“I…I meant after that.”
“Rinse and repeat.”
“Zeth—”
“Raegan, please.” He gasped and thrust upward sharply. “Need to come.”
She quirked a brow and clenched her vaginal muscles around him, a purely feminine smile on her face. “Again? That’s how many times tonight?”
“Not enough.” He offered a petulant whimper and wiggled his hips. “Raegan…”
“You’re not gonna talk, are you?”
Zeth pinched her clit and smacked his lips together. “Do you really wanna talk?”
She seemed conflicted at that, falling quiet for a long moment. Then, with a deep breath, she lifted herself off his erection and winced at the wet suctioning sound that filled the air when he left her body. “Okay,” she replied, her voice unsteady. “Then I’ll try another way.”
Zeth moaned and tried to grab her. “Raegan, please.”
“Nope. You were being Mr. Stubborn.”
“You coming up here, then?” He licked his lips and flashed her a grin. “Want me to tongue you ’til you can’t walk?”
Raegan snorted ineloquently. “I’m not sure if I can walk now,” she replied, sliding down his body. “Walking isn’t exactly something we’ve tried.”
A very still beat settled through the room. Zeth sat up with a start and propped himself up on his elbows. “Are you?” he breathed. “Raegan, are you…”
She flashed him a grin he knew she’d gotten from him. “Gonna try again?” she replied, her fingers wrapping around his cock. She waited until his panting escalated to a point that would be hyperventilation on a normal guy, then dipped her mouth to caress his silky head with her lips. “I might be moved to.”
His blood burned. “Raegan—”
“I wonder if this is the way we were supposed to kill each other,” she mused thoughtfully, pressing a series of wet kisses along the underside of his cock. “We hated each other just a little while ago, you know.”
Zeth blinked rapidly. “You don’t hate me anymore?”
“No, I’m down here kissing your penis because I can’t stand you.”
He barked a laugh. “You’re something else, Raegan.”
“I keep telling people that, and they don’t seem to get it.”
“Or you just don’t listen when people agree with you.”
She giggled, but it sounded forced and fake. Yet before he could expand upon the thought, she drew his cock entirely into her mouth and sucked hard, resting her left hand on his inner thigh, her other hand cupping his balls.
“Oh fuck,” he rumbled. “God, your mouth is so perfect. So hot.” He sighed his pleasure, his fingers massaging her scalp. “Raegan… I… If this was the…way…we were supposed to…kill each other…I wouldn’t want it…any other…way.”
She slid her mouth up until her lips kissed just the tip of his cock. “Me either,” she whispered. “But I don’t want to kill you anymore.”
“No?”
“Nope. Found other things to do with you.” She ran her tongue up and down his cock, her hand massaging his sac. “Things that are much more fun than bloodshed.”
“Like what?”
“I like playing with your bits… Not so bitty and a lot more with the big.” Her teeth scaled his velvety head. “And the hard.”
Zeth’s grip on her hair tightened. “I don’t know what we have,” he swore, pulling her head back so that her gaze found his again. “But I know what I want it to be, Raegan. More than anything I’ve ever had. Anything I’ve ever touched. I know what I want.”
“Zeth—”
“I know what I want. Right here. With you.”
She looked close to tears. “Zeth, don’t—”
“I love you.”
Zeth’s heart leapt in his throat in shock, and he couldn’t say he blamed it. Hell, he hadn’t thought before he spoke, hadn’t realized what he was thinking or feeling or anything of the sort. Yet even as an instinctive rush of panic seized his spine, he felt a wave of calm wash over his weary bones, cushioned by a sort of relieved elation.
He loved her. Of course he loved her. Perhaps he had since the beginning. Why else would he have claimed her? The inner wolf had known Raegan was the woman he wanted, and the animal had no problem seizing what the man couldn’t understand.
All his faculties were on the same page now. He knew what he felt. Nothing else mattered.
So he said it again. He’d scream it if she wanted.
And he’d wait with bated breath on the hope she could love him back.
The world froze. Her heart thundered. Her blood ran hot and cold at the same time. Her head felt both light and heavy. And in a blink, everything changed. Everything changed in a way it couldn’t have changed before. Everything changed in a way that tenderness and soft touches couldn’t achieve. Words changed things, and these words meant the world.
I love you.
Raegan fought back tears. “Zeth—”
He reached for her. “Come up here,” he implored softly. “Need to be inside you.”
“Zeth, I—”
He shook his head and offered a gentle smile. “Don’t need to say anything,” he said. “It’s okay. I know you can’t say it. I’m not expecting anything from you. I just wanted you to know that I do know what I have. What you’ve given me in here is more than I’ve ever had.”
He loves me.
Somehow, impossibly, it didn’t surprise her. Raegan trembled hard, prowling up his body, every nerve burning with need. And he loved her. When she’d initially jumped his bones, he’d seemed irritated enough t
o rip her throat out. He’d objected the second the spell made with the whammy, just as she had. He’d been nasty and crude, and he’d said some unflattering things.
But he loved her. And that was the way it stood between them. They argued and they fucked and somehow, they loved.
Only with Zeth, she thought they actually had a chance of being friends as well.
“Zeth,” she whispered against his mouth, sinking onto his cock with a blissful moan. “Zeth…”
“Don’t say anything.” He took her face in his hands and kissed her. And the world that had frozen around her melted away. His kisses could make the stars fall down and weep. He explored her mouth thoroughly, nibbling on her lips, stroking her tongue with his as he undulated beneath her. As his hands mapped her body. He touched her everywhere. He cupped the soft weight of her breasts and rolled her nipples between his fingers. He ran his hands up and down her arms before sliding one between their thrusting bodies to rub her clit. Finally he broke his mouth away from hers and buried his face in her throat. “Don’t say anything.”
Then she lay under him, her breasts pressed to his chest. Zeth covered every inch of her flesh with his lips and tongue. And in all her life, she’d never felt more loved than she did in that moment. More complete. She’d never belonged before. Never belonged. Not until now.
“Zeth,” she whispered, teasing his ear with her teeth. “You…”
“Shhh…” He licked at the pulse point on her throat then gently ran his incisors over her skin. Raegan hadn’t even noticed his fangs emerge—or maybe she had but hadn’t noticed. “I want you to remember this,” he murmured, hissing when her muscles clenched and squeezed his cock. “I want you to remember right now. When this is over, I want you to remember everything. How good I make you feel.”
Understatement of the year. “Can’t forget,” she said, hugging him close to her. “Never.”
“Promise me.”
Hadn’t she told him that this wouldn’t be over? Had she? The past few hours were such a blur. She’d had so many conversations with him—both in her head and aloud—but she felt sure she’d made that point clear. He’d done things to her mind and body that she’d only read about. And if he thought that he could walk away once the guise of a spell no longer protected them, he had another think coming.
Zeth split her in two. Every drive into her pussy, every stroke of his mouth against her skin, every gentle caress of his surprisingly loving hands. She felt divided and burning. He set her on fire and eased her with his cold body, and she shuddered with ecstasy.
“Tell me again,” Raegan gasped as her orgasm washed over her. “Tell me.”
He didn’t even hesitate. “I love you,” he whispered, trembling hard as he came. “I love you, Raegan. I love you so much.”
Now. Now she should tell him he wasn’t alone. That the night had changed her too. She needed him to know.
“Zeth,” she gasped as he collapsed against her, panting harshly. “Zeth, I—”
Words lingered on the tip of her tongue, held back by fear and encouraged by something she didn’t realize she had. She wanted to tell him what he’d done to her, what he’d given her. She wanted to tell him everything he deserved to hear, for things had changed since they entered this room, and they could never change back.
Only the burn sizzling her skin began to fade. The need, the drive, the sense of absolute isolation—of timelessness—fell to the quiet. Her gut knotted and a gasp seized her chest. Just as quickly as it had started, the world around them fell silent.
Raegan didn’t know how she knew the spell had ended in that moment. Ostensibly, there was no difference. She didn’t burn any less for him, her body didn’t suddenly unwind and demand his eviction. If anything, her muscles tightened around him, desperate to hold on.
She didn’t feel any different—didn’t feel any more or less in control of herself. Nothing triggered except a keen awareness that the power of choice and decision had been restored. And just as quickly, the realities she’d decided to check at the door began pounding against her temples, demanding reentry. Things she’d fought to remember, the things that made up her armor, began patching together again.
A cold rush of panic flushed her burning body. Raegan knew Zeth sensed it, as well. Their eyes remained locked, their bodies rocking, and even as they approached orgasm in each other’s arms, no further words breached the silence.
The world belonged to them again.
For the first time in hours, she didn’t know what to say. She hated it. She hated the drop in her stomach, the sink in her heart, the steady sense of awareness creeping through her veins and seizing her better senses.
The spell had ended, and Zeth loved her.
She knew nothing anymore.
Chapter Nine
She couldn’t find her shoe.
“I think you threw it somewhere over here,” Raegan said, not meeting Zeth’s imploring gaze, waving at a pile of what she assumed were dirty clothes. “I… It’s all kind of blurry, you know?”
Damn shoe. She’d found her pants, which were torn on one side, her panties, or what was left of them, and her blouse had been balled in a wad beside her bra, both of which were completely useless. She’d have to wrap the torn fabric around herself and hope no one saw her between the hobble to her car and the walk of shame to her apartment door.
Though in truth, she didn’t need her shoe. She was stalling, trying to take Zeth’s temperature regarding…well, anything. His feelings. His mood. Whatever happened to be going through his head, she wanted to know. But Zeth apparently didn’t feel like sharing. She couldn’t blame him, but likewise couldn’t help herself from babbling. Needing to hear his voice, his thoughts. Needing to hear anything.
“I mean, we weren’t ourselves,” she prattled on, plucking up random pieces of clothing and tossing them every which direction. “The spell…we, ahh… That really wasn’t what I expected. It was…umm… I guess. It kinda…”
Sucks.
No words. She had no words for the look on Zeth’s face when she felt brave enough to glance in his direction, remained stoic. He wouldn’t speak, and she couldn’t blame him. Not when she chickened out in a big old way. For a few hours, a few blissful hours, she’d forgotten everything about being who she was.
Zeth loves you.
The knowledge made her blood rush, but not nearly as much as the knowledge that she had been so close to saying the words back. To admitting… What? If she loved a werewolf, the same sort of creature that had butchered her best friend, what did that say about her? What did it say for her if she could just forget everything she’d been through?
God, everything hurt. Promises she’d made him, made herself, swarmed around her head, teasing her, mocking her, shoving her toward him when her first instinct screamed to bolt out the door. The heat of the moment differed entirely from the weight of reality. Everything she’d felt still seemed real to her, and she feared if she stayed too long she’d wind up leaping into Zeth’s arms and demanding he take the world away.
But she couldn’t do that. The spell no longer influenced her. She’d reverted to form, a woman of her own making again, and one that didn’t get involved with werewolves.
No matter how involved she already was.
“Need my shoe,” she murmured again. And she finally spotted it, tossed into a far corner. “Oh.”
“You promised,” Zeth said roughly.
Raegan froze, every muscle in her body wrought with tension. “I…”
“You promised me.”
“I know.” The words left her lips before she could stop them. And why not? The truth seemed the best bet in these situations.
“You’re running now. Don’t think I don’t see it.” She glanced up again just as he looked away, rolling his eyes. He hadn’t bothered putting on more than his jeans, which did little to help her resolve. His smooth, sculptured chest could tempt a nun. “You’re running scared.”
“Of course I am.”
Zeth’s jaw tightened, and the hurt on his face nearly did her in. “Raegan…”
“Do you have any idea what happened here?”
“Do you?” he fired back. “I was here the entire time. The entire fucking time. You can’t hide from me.”
“I’m not trying to hide.”
“Bullshit.”
“I just…” Raegan sighed heavily and shook her head, doing her best to conceal how hard she trembled. “Things change, don’t they?”
“Yeah,” Zeth agreed. “And they don’t change back. Nothing goes back to being the way it was.”
He looked up then, and Raegan held his gaze as long as she could before the storm brewing in his eyes became too heavy to bear. She sighed and turned her attention back to her shoe, hating the conflict wringing her nerves. Hating the fact that she couldn’t do what she truly wanted. She’d told him things she couldn’t have meant, not the way he wanted.
She couldn’t be his when she belonged to the world—when he embodied everything she felt she hated. Zeth had to remain where he always had, regardless of what had happened between them.
“Zeth…”
“Point of fact, I claimed you.”
They had already covered this. “I know.”
“I fucking claimed you, Raegan. That’s not… You don’t go back from that. You can’t.” Zeth stopped short, laughed, and ran a hand through his dark hair. “I thought we already touched on this.”
Raegan shivered, words dancing in her head, all dragging her back to the moment he’d whispered something that had changed everything. She could argue until blue in the face, but it wouldn’t matter with Zeth. She knew him well enough, and he’d told her he loved her. It didn’t seem possible now, standing a room apart without his hands on her skin or his cock inside her, to confuse things. She’d wanted it so richly, but now…
Now she’d returned to herself. And Zeth thought he loved her.
It was the spell. Nothing else.
And that was the kicker. How could Zeth love her? He didn’t know her, not really. He didn’t know how the fear of never finding Razor kept her up at night. He didn’t know she often fell asleep crying for thinking of things she could have done to save Natalie’s life. He didn’t know she rarely had guests at her apartment, that his invitation was an exception she had since deemed a mistake, all because of her crippling fear of letting anyone close. She didn’t ever want to suffer losing someone again. Natalie had been more than a friend—she’d been her goddamn sister, if only in spirit.
InsatiableNeed Page 8
