Colin began to get a picture, and it was heartbreaking. Not only had Luna denied her sexual side, she’d also denied her wolf nature. “How long has it been since you shifted?”
She glanced away, as if trying to remember.
“That long?”
“I’m afraid so. I’ll bet it’s been at least two years.”
“Do you want to try it tonight? With me?”
She stared at him. “In this penthouse?”
“Why not? You can shift, get used to the sensation for an hour or so, and then shift back if you decide it’s time to use the Jacuzzi again or read some Lady Chatterly.”
A knock sounded at the outside door.
“That’ll be our fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches.” Colin opened a closet and pulled out the hotel bathrobe he knew would be in there. “Think about my suggestion. I’ll be here to help. I won’t let anything happen to you.”
“I know.” She gazed at him. “You’re a blessing, Colin MacDowell.”
And a curse, he thought as he went to answer the door.
Chapter Twenty
Luna thought about Colin’s suggestion as they ate fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches on the floor in the living room next to the window. Gazing out at the lights of the harbor, she felt only a squiggle of uneasiness, even though they sat right beside the glass.
Colin had helped her to grow in so many ways. He’d encouraged her to find her sexual self, and she realized that her werewolf self, while technically functioning, was dormant. Without a pack, without encouragement from other Weres, she’d allowed that side of her to languish.
She’d paid a price for that, too. Sometimes she’d have the overwhelming urge to shift, and repressing it cost her in lost sleep and a troubled mind. But if she didn’t feel safe to embrace her other side, then she wasn’t going to risk it. Colin created a safety net, one that would be available for only a short time.
Licking her fingers, she glanced at the empty plate of sandwiches. “What did y’all think?”
He laughed. “I was hungry enough to eat anything, probably even haggis.”
“These take some getting used to. My mother used to fix them for me.”
“In that case, lass, I’m glad you ordered them. It’s good to remember those things, and I got to try something unusual. But my next dinner will include a rare steak. It’s more suited to a werewolf’s constitution.”
“I totally understand.” She admired him for eating the sandwiches without complaint. “And I’ll join you in that steak dinner.”
“Excellent.” He gazed at her, an unspoken question in his eyes.
She knew without asking that he was waiting for her decision. Her heart rate picked up. “You’ll shift too, right?”
“I will, after you do. I’ve had a lot of practice, so I’m reasonably quick.”
“I’ve had very little practice, and so I’m excruciatingly slow.” She made a face. “Y’all will get sick of waiting for me to manage it.”
“I won’t.”
“Also, I don’t think it’s a very attractive process.”
He smiled. “It’s like birth, Luna. That’s a wee bit weird, too, but we celebrate it every time it happens. Shifting should be like that for us. A rebirth.”
“I hadn’t thought of it that way. It’s always been awkward and…shameful.”
“Ah, no. Never shameful. It’s a gift to be able to shift into a completely different sort of being, with totally different abilities, yet have our mind retain both sets of experiences. Have you experienced telepathy?”
“Like when I can hear thoughts from other Weres? Only a couple of times, by accident. Shifting alone doesn’t lend itself to that.”
“Mm.” His tone was rich with sympathetic understanding. “You’d love that part, if you get a chance to do it with someone you know, like me. Are you willing to try?”
She wiped her hands on a cloth napkin and put it on her empty plate. “Yes, I am.” She glanced around the living room. They’d left most of the lights off so they could enjoy the sparkling view below.
She spotted a dark corner. “I’d like a little privacy. You may think it’s like birth and needs to be celebrated, and someday maybe I’ll have that attitude, but I don’t, yet.”
“Whatever makes you feel comfortable.” He gathered the dishes from their meal. “I’ll put these on the bar and sit here waiting for you. Have you ever watched someone else shift?”
“No.” Her heart raced at the thought, which was both scary and fascinating.
“Would you like to watch me do it?”
She hesitated. “If y’all don’t mind.”
“I’d be honored if I’m the first Were you’ve ever seen shift. As a teenager, we were always watching each other. It was like a game, so I’m not shy about it. But if you didn’t grow up like that, it might take you some time to lose that shyness.”
“I can’t even begin to say how much I envy your upbringing. Envy is a terrible emotion, but I’m feeling it now. I want the childhood you had.”
“But the childhood you had created the amazing and talented Were that you are.” He stood and offered her his hand.
She allowed him to help her up and draw her into his arms. There was nothing sexual in his embrace, and for that she was grateful. She wrapped her arms around his solid warmth and held on.
Apparently he understood that if he distracted her in a sexual way, she would never go through with her shift. She needed a friend more than she needed a lover.
He held her close, his cheek resting on top of her head. “You can do this, Luna. You’re braver than anyone I know.”
“You help me find my courage.”
“Aye, but it’s there waiting when you look.” He hugged her tight and released her. “Go on with you, now.”
With one last glance at him, she started toward the dark corner. The she turned back. “As I said, I could be very slow.”
He smiled. “Take your time. I don’t have any pressing appointments.”
She turned away quickly so he wouldn’t see her eyes fill up. He was everything she’d never realized she wanted. She was grateful that fate, and perhaps Geraldine, had brought him into her life. If he left and never came back, she would be heartbroken. But she’d rather be heartbroken than to never have known him at all.
Making her way into the dark corner, she stretched out on the carpet. This was the most luxurious surface she’d ever used for shifting, that was for sure. She’d shifted on threadbare carpets, on dirty floors, on the cold ground. This would be a treat.
But it wouldn’t be easy. Lying there with her eyes closed, she conjured up the images that she’d learned would initiate her shift. She imagined deep, cool woods. Her feet, now paws, scattered leaves as she raced through the darkness, and her vision became tuned to the night and the creatures dwelling there.
The images wouldn’t hold. Her concentration was affected by her surroundings, and the male Were sitting on the floor only twenty feet away. He wasn’t looking at her, but he was thinking about her. She knew that even though she couldn’t yet read his mind.
She covered her face with her hands and strained to focus. It had never occurred to her that by not using her gift she might lose it. What if she could no longer shift? Then she’d lose that special link with Colin.
Colin. She imagined him as a magnificent wolf, his coat burnished with starlight. She envisioned the varied colors of chocolate brown and caramel in his ruff. He would be powerfully built, with massive shoulders and a wide, intelligent head. She wanted to know Colin as a wolf, and unless she could shift, she never would.
His eyes would be the same clear blue, but they would be wolf’s eyes as they gazed silently into hers. With a shiver of awareness, she pictured herself as a wolf, looking into Colin’s wolf eyes. And she felt the beginning of her shift.
No wonder she’d thought that an orgasm might trigger this process. The stretching, aching pressure was different, but similar. It built in th
e way that a climax built, except that at the end of sex, she was the same as before.
Not so with shifting. Her muscles contracted, although there was no pain as there had been with her first shift. Her skin began to itch as hair grew where before she’d had only milky white skin.
Her vision changed, giving her a different view of the darkened room. Furniture loomed larger, and scents grew sharper. What had seemed familiar became foreign, because it was an environment for humans, not for a wild creature of the forest.
And then, as if a final switch had been thrown, she became a wolf. Energy flowed through her, giving her a heady feeling of grace and power. Rising to her feet, she padded over to where Colin sat immobile, as if mesmerized by the lights beyond the window.
At her approach, he turned his head. His breath caught. “My God, you’re beautiful. I knew you would be, but my imagination didn’t do you justice.”
Those were words of praise she’d never heard before, words she’d craved without realizing it. Her wolf form was pleasing to him. That meant more than he could know.
He smiled. “It didn’t take so very long, either.”
It hadn’t, and she wondered if he’d beamed his thoughts toward her, boosting her ability. With Colin, she would believe anything was possible.
“Now it’s my turn.” He stretched out on his side and closed his eyes. His muscles relaxed, and he exhaled in a long, heartfelt sigh of total surrender.
He likes this, she realized. For him it was a privilege to shift, not an embarrassing compulsion to be avoided if possible. She had so much to learn.
Although she’d been afraid the transformation would repel her, she watched in complete fascination. As his shift began, he seemed to glow from within. Maybe she did, too. She had no way of knowing.
The glow suffused his entire body as the transformation proceeded far more quickly than hers. But as he’d said, he had a lot of practice. In less than a minute, he rose from the carpet and stood before her.
He was huge, much bigger than any common wolf, with a powerful chest that indicated he could run for miles without tiring. His chocolate and caramel coat gleamed with good health and his blue eyes flashed with intelligence. He was as awe-inspiring as she’d imagined he would be.
Walking toward her, he touched his nose to hers. Welcome to our world, Luna.
She felt his words stream through her mind, and she responded, dazed by the wonder of being able to communicate with him like this. It’s beautiful. You’re beautiful.
He snorted. Would you be willing to say I’m handsome, instead?
She looked into his eyes and saw the twinkle there. This wolf truly was Colin, her Colin. She’d had so little experience interacting with other Weres that she could easily forget that he was the same Were she’d known in human form.
With an elaborate bow, she sent out another thought. Y’all are extremely handsome, Your Much Honoured Laird of Glenbarra.
Saucy wench! He leaped upon her, bowling her over, and they wrestled on the soft carpet, nipping playfully at each other.
But gradually she felt a change in the mood. He licked her face more than he nipped at it, and when he pinned her to the carpet, she became aware of the heat radiating from his powerful body. His scent changed from earthy to a more tantalizing aroma, one she found irresistible.
The ache that began deep in her womb was familiar. She wanted him, wanted this wolf in the same way she’d wanted him in human form. She whined and licked his face.
His voice, rolling through her mind, held a note of urgency…and warning. We must be careful, lass. Keep your mind free of any thoughts of commitment, of permanence, or –
Or we will be mated? She shot the words back at him. See that y’all do the same! Bonding takes two.
Aye. I want you very much. And you deserve to know the joy of coming together as wolves. Just…be careful.
She gazed into his wolf’s eyes, her heart thudding rapidly. I will be. Then, acting on an instinct she didn’t know she possessed, she turned, presenting him with her hindquarters.
With a low growl, he mounted her.
Wonder surged through her veins at the intensity of that moment when he entered her. Sex with him in human form had been incredible, but this…this touched her in a deeper, more primitive way, as if he claimed her with each powerful thrust.
But he was not claiming her. And she would not claim him. She forced those dangerous thoughts from her mind and concentrated instead on the pleasure. It rose within her, a fountain of hot passion. The sensuous slide of his penis gave her reason enough to join with this virile wolf.
His wolf self was as accomplished as his human self. He seemed to know exactly what she needed, and as the pressure built, he pumped faster, and faster yet. Her climax rocketed through her with a force that made her stagger.
He growled again, pushed home once more, and slumped against her, his massive body shuddering as he poured his hot seed into her. Amazingly, his weight did not topple her. She trembled in the aftermath of their joining, but her legs remained strong.
Now she understood why he’d warned her. Having sex as humans was an added bonus, but this…this was the truest connection a male and a female Were could have. And if she yearned for that bonding he’d tried so hard to avoid tonight, she’d have to get over it.
With regret a heavy weight on his heart, Colin eased away from Luna. He’d fought hard not to bond with her and hoped he’d succeeded, but the fight had seemed wrong. Avoiding that ultimate connection went against everything he felt for her.
But it was for the best. At least he hoped so. His judgment didn’t feel particularly reliable at the moment. Once he returned to Glenbarra, he’d be able to think more clearly, and no doubt he’d see that they must always remain…friends.
Walking up beside her, he licked her face. Are you all right, lass?
Her green eyes held a curious mixture of joy and sorrow. Yes. Very much so. I liked that, Colin.
So did I. You were wonderful. And you’ve worn me out. He hated admitting that, but weariness settled over him, and he would need sleep soon. Considering what they’d been through in the past twenty-four hours, she must be as exhausted as he was.
We both need sleep. But we should shift first.
All right. He understood her reluctance to go to sleep in wolf form. She wasn’t used to being that vulnerable, and although he thought they were perfectly safe up here, he wouldn’t try to talk her out of it.
She gazed at him intently. When you shifted, your body glowed.
Aye. That’s the way of it.
And when you shift back?
The same.
She blinked, as if not quite believing it. Would I glow, too?
You would. He was amazed that she didn’t know that, but why would she? She’d never had anyone guide her through the process. But if you doubt it, you can go first and I’ll confirm that you glow.
I would like that, Colin. She settled down on the carpet and rolled to her side. Then she closed her eyes and heaved a sigh.
He wondered if she had the energy to shift back, or if she’d fall asleep like that. If she did, he’d simply curl up beside her. They could always shift in the morning.
But she wasn’t asleep. Her luxurious dark coat grew luminescent, and the process began. He watched over her tenderly.
She was so delicate, and yet so strong. He’d never met such a combination of feminine sweetness and iron will. He’d heard of steel magnolias, women raised in the American South, and perhaps that described her nature as much as anything.
She was quicker at shifting this time, and soon she lay before him in human form, white-skinned and blushing under his scrutiny. “Did I glow? Oh, wait, I forgot. Y’all can’t speak.” She sat up and made a flapping motion with both hands. “Go ahead and shift.”
She was a bossy wee thing when she chose to be, and he found that endearing, too. Like an obedient dog, he dropped down beside her, rolled to his side, and began his shift. He
did it very quickly because if he stayed in that position too long, he’d nod off. If she was in human form, he wanted to be, too.
Once he accomplished that, he sat up and gazed at her. “Yes, you glowed. It was magical.”
She clapped her hands together. “Magical. I don’t have to worry about being ugly when I shift! It’s magical.”
“And so are you.” He stood and held out both hands. “Come with me. We’re going to bed, and we’re only going to sleep in that bed.”
She grasped his hands and allowed him to pull her to her feet. “Amen to that.” But she glanced up at him, a twinkle in her eye. “But come morning, all bets are off.”
He laughed and walked with her hand-in-hand back to their oversized bed. They turned off all the lights, leaving the room bathed in an amber sparkle from the city spread below the window.
“It’s too bad we’re both so tired.” She stood next to the window and looked out. “It would be lovely to have sex right here, with the lights shining on us.”
“No more acrophobia?”
“A little.” She glanced over at him. “But that would make it all the more exciting, to be sort of scared and aroused at the same time.”
“Dear God, I’ve created a monster. Now you’ll turn into a thrill-seeker.” His cock twitched. “Do you want to do that? I could probably manage one more—”
“No, I don’t want to.” She smiled and walked over to the bed. “Well, I do, but I’m ready to fall asleep standing up. Let’s go to bed.”
“You talked me into it.” They settled naturally into a sleeping position as if they’d been sharing a bed for years. She turned her back to him and he curved his body against hers, spoon fashion, with his arm tucked around her waist.
She sighed with obvious contentment. “This is nice. I feel as if I could sleep for a week.”
“Me, too.” But they couldn’t even sleep in tomorrow. In the morning they had to be up and moving if they hoped to pay a visit to her grandparents. How interesting that her grandmother had turned out to be George Trevelyan’s aunt…His eyes snapped open.
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