by Raye Morgan
“You’re lucky,” Kelly said softly. “She’s asleep. I’ll bet you can carry her in without waking her.”
“Good.”
“Do you have a bed for her?”
He turned off the engine and looked back. “Of course I have a bed for her. I’ve got a whole room ready.”
“Oh. Good.”
He got out and held the rear door open. He was still avoiding taking a look at Mei. Instead, he studied Kelly, noting that she’d pulled her curly blonde hair back and tied it with a band, though strands were escaping and making a halo effect around her face. She had a sweet, pretty face. She looked nice. His baby needed somebody nice. What if he asked her to stay and…
Grimacing, he turned and looked into the fog that surrounded his house. What was he thinking? He didn’t need a woman like this hanging around, distracting him from the work he had to do creating a family for this baby. He should tell Kelly to take a hike. She had no business being here with them. He didn’t know her. And she was all wrong for this job. The last thing he wanted for a nanny was a woman this appealing to the senses. She had to go.
Still, the thought of being alone with Mei struck a certain level of terror in his heart. He needed help. Who was he going to get to come at this time of night?
“What are you going to do?” Kelly asked softly, standing in front of him.
He shrugged. “Try to hire a nanny, I guess,” he said gruffly.
“You won’t be able to do that until morning.”
He nodded.
“I’ll stay,” she said. It was less an offer than a firm statement of intent.
“You?” He looked at her with a scowl. Suspicions flooded back. He may have just been considering asking her to stay, but why was she offering? “Why would you do that? You’re not going to get a story out of me.”
She threw up her hands in exasperation. “I told you, I’m not looking for a story. I’m not a writer.”
She’d said that again and again. But if she wasn’t trying to get a story, what was her angle? Everybody had one. “Then what do you want, Kelly?” he asked.
She gazed up into his troubled eyes. She wasn’t sure why this was all so upsetting to him, but she could see that it was. He was fairly bristling with tension. Was it just that he didn’t know how to take care of a baby and was nervous about it?
No, she was pretty sure it was something more. Something deeper and more painful. Everything in her yearned to help him, human to human. This had nothing to do with her quest for his real identity.
“What I want is to help you. To help the baby.”
She saw the doubt in his face, and reached out and touched his arm. “Seriously, Joe. Right now that’s all I care about.”
He searched her eyes. “I’m telling you straight out, I don’t trust you,” he said gruffly. “But at the moment, I feel I don’t really have a choice. With the nanny gone…” He shrugged, not needing to complete the sentence. His blue eyes were clouded. “You’ve seen the way Mei reacts to me.”
Kelly bit her lip and nodded. She’d been wondering if he’d really noticed, wondering if that was what was hurting him. An unexpected feeling of tenderness toward him flooded her. There was no way she was going to leave him alone with his baby until…well, she didn’t know. But not yet.
He looked at her and saw the softening in her face. Suddenly he was breathless. That halo effect her hair had was working again. She looked like an angel.
He didn’t want to need her. He wanted to pick up his little girl and carry her into the house and live happily ever after, without Kelly Vrosis being involved in any way. But that wasn’t going to happen.
He didn’t want to need this woman, but he did.
“Do you have any real experience?” he asked, as though interviewing her for the job. “Any children?”
She shook her head. “I’m not married,” she told him. “But I do have two brothers, and they both have kids. I’ve spent plenty of time caring for my nieces and nephews. I’ll be okay.”
He stared at her a moment longer, then shrugged.
“You want to bring in her stuff?” he asked shortly, nodding toward the baggage that had come across the Pacific with Mei as he leaned in to unbuckle the baby seat from the car.
“Sure,” Kelly said, working hard on looking nonthreatening, efficient and cheerful as she gathered the things together. “Lead the way.”
He took her through a nice, ordinary living room, down a hallway and into an enchanting little girl’s paradise. Kelly gazed around in wonder. The carpet was like walking on marshmallows and it was shiny clean. A beautiful wooden crib stood against one wall, an elaborate changing table beside it. A large, overstuffed recliner sat in one corner. The closet doors opened to reveal exquisitely organized baby clothes on shelves and hangers, along with row upon row of adorable toys.
“Joe, this is perfect. I can’t believe you did this on your own.”
“I didn’t. I hired a consultant to help me.”
She almost laughed at the thought. “A consultant?”
“From Dory’s Baby Boutique in the village. The woman who runs it knows someone who does these things, and she set me up with a meeting.” He put the car seat down and picked up a business card left on top of the changing table. “Sonja Smith, Baby Decorator,” he read.
Kelly looked around the room in admiration, her gaze caught by the framed pictures of cartoon elephants in tutus and walruses in tights. “She does a great job.”
Standing in the middle of the room, looming over a sleeping Mei in her car seat, he raised one dark eyebrow and looked at Kelly speculatively. “Maybe you know her?”
She glanced at him in surprise. “No. Why would I know her?”
He shrugged again. “She was sort of pushing me about this whole Ambrian thing, too.”
Kelly’s eyes widened and her heart lurched in her chest. “What?”
“So you thought you were my first?” he said, showing amusement at her reaction.
Kelly’s imagination began to churn out crisis scenarios like ravioli out of a pasta machine, but she held back. She knew better than to pursue it now. The focus had to be on Mei.
Joe moved the car seat closer to the bed, obviously wondering how he was going to make the transfer to the crib without waking his little girl. Kelly started to give him some suggestions, but he did a great job on his own, laying her gently on the mattress. Kelly pulled a soft blanket over her and they both stood looking down at her.
“She’s adorable,” Kelly said softly.
He closed his eyes and leaned on the rail, his knuckles white. His reaction worried her.
“Joe, what is it?”
He turned toward her, his eyes dark and haunted. He stared at her for a moment, then shook his head. “Nothing,” he said gruffly. “But listen, I really appreciate that you offered to stay. I’m going to need the help.”
“Of course you are.”
And then she realized he didn’t only mean with the care and feeding of a small girl. There was something else tearing him apart. For a man like this, one usually so strong and so confident, to admit he needed help was a big step. She wasn’t even thinking about the whole prince thing any longer. She was thinking about the man standing here, looking so lost, racked with some kind of pain that she couldn’t begin to analyze.
“I’ll sleep right here in the room,” Kelly said quickly.
He looked around. “There’s no bed.”
“The chair reclines. With a pillow and a blanket, I’ll be fine.”
He frowned. “You won’t be comfortable there.”
“Sure I will. And I want to be right here in case she wakes up. She’ll be scared. She’ll need someone at least a little bit familiar.”
He moved restlessly, then looked at Kelly sideways. “Okay. I don’t have any women’s clothes hanging around, but I can give you a T-shirt to sleep in.”
She smiled at him. Despite everything, he looked very appealing with his hair tousled and fa
lling over his forehead, and his eyes heavy and sleepy and his mouth so wide and inviting….
Whoa. She pulled herself up short. Where the heck did she think she was going with that thought?
“Uh…a T-shirt would be perfect,” she said quickly, her cheeks heating as she turned away.
“Okay.”
He didn’t seem to notice her embarrassment. Without another word, he left the room.
She let her breath out slowly, fanning her cheeks. She had to remember who he was. Or at least, who she thought he was. She wasn’t getting very far on that project—but there would be time. Hopefully.
Joe returned with pillows, a comforter and a bright blue T-shirt that looked big enough to be a small dress on Kelly. She began to set up the chair for sleeping.
He frowned, watching her. “I should be the one to do that. I should sleep in here tonight.”
“No,” she said firmly. “If she wakes up, you might scare her.”
For just a moment, he looked stricken, and Kelly regretted her quick words.
“This is ridiculous,” he said, his voice gravelly with emotion. “She’s my baby. I’ve got to find a way…”
“Joe.” Kelly felt the ache in him and could hardly stand it. Reaching out, she took his hand, as though to convey by touch what her words couldn’t really express. “Joe, it’s not time yet. Don’t you see? She’s probably been raised by only women so far, and to her, you’re big and male and scary. She’s not sure what to do with you yet. You’ve barely met at this point. You’ve got to give her a little time.”
“Time,” he echoed softly, staring down at Kelly, his gaze hooded. He didn’t seem receptive, but he wasn’t pulling away from her grip on his hand.
“Yes. She’s clueless right now. The one person she depended on, the nanny, deserted her. Mei doesn’t know what you might do. Let her get to know you gradually.”
“You’re probably right.” He said it reluctantly, but turned the tables so that he was holding her hand, and slowly raised it to his lips, kissing her fingers softly.
Kelly held her breath. She hadn’t expected anything like that. But he didn’t look into her eyes as he did it, and he didn’t say anything more, so when he dropped her hand again, she felt almost as though he’d done it anonymously. Or maybe it was a sort of thank-you for her assistance.
Maybe she’d imagined the whole thing. Or maybe he was just distracted. He was definitely confusing her.
“Uh…thanks, Kelly,” Joe said as he turned to go. “Thanks for staying.”
She sent a radiant smile his way. “No problem. See you in the morning.”
He stared back at her for a long moment, then nodded and left the room.
She shivered. What was it about haunted handsome men that was so compelling?
Sighing, she turned back to the crib. Looking down at the sleeping child, she wanted to brush the hair off her forehead, but was afraid that would waken her. What a beautiful little girl!
“Well,” Kelly murmured to herself, “what have you gotten yourself involved in now?”
And then she remembered what he’d said about the designer and Ambria. Alarm bells were still ringing in her head over that one. She wanted to know more. She had to know more. But right now he wasn’t going to be interested in anything that had to do with the obscure island nation, not until things were a bit more settled in his life.
Kelly only hoped they had the time to wait.
Sleeping in a recliner quickly lost its charm, but she got in a few dozing sessions before Mei stirred. When she heard her, she got up quickly and went to the crib, talking to the baby softly and patting her back until she fell asleep again.
By then Kelly was wide awake and thinking about what she might need the next time Mei woke up. Moving quietly, she opened the door and went silently through the darkened house to the kitchen, to see what Joe had done with the baby bottles and other supplies they had brought from the airport.
The layout of the house was simple, but she’d never been there before, so she was feeling her way when a movement caught her eye, stopping her cold. Someone was on the deck. She could see a dark form through the French doors. Her heart jumped into her throat and she shrank back against the wall, where she wouldn’t be seen.
But even as she did so, she realized it had to be Joe. Kelly breathed a sigh of relief and went to the doors. Yes, there he was, leaning on the railing and gazing out toward the ocean—and looking like a man going through hell. Compassion flooded her and she sighed, wishing she knew what she could do to help him.
Joe tried to pull himself together. “Hell” had been watching the woman he loved die. This wasn’t fun, but it was a piece of cake compared to that.
Not to say that it was easy. Seeing Mei reminded him of losing Angie, and that had opened up the past in a bad way. He had earned his agony, but he didn’t have a right to take it out on anyone else. He’d gone through a lot a year ago. He’d hated life for awhile, hated his fate, his luck and everything else he could think of. But that was over.
He thought he’d mostly taken care of this already, during all the hours of therapy in the veterans hospital, the long nights of soul searching. He’d finally come to terms with what had happened, and said goodbye to Angie. Hadn’t he?
But that was before he’d seen Mei.
That same old deadly agony was lurking. If he let it all flood back over him, he was going to drown. He couldn’t go through that again. His eyes were stinging, and suddenly he realized why. Tears. What the hell? He never cried. This was ridiculous. Now, twice in one night… Leaning against the railing, he swore at himself, softly and obscenely. No more tears.
His head jerked up as he heard the door to the deck open. There Kelly stood, lighting up the gloom with her wild golden hair. How could this be hell if he had his own personal angel?
“Hi,” she said. “You can’t sleep, either?”
He turned slowly to face her, and she peered at him. It was too dark for her to see if his expression was welcoming, or if he wished she’d just go away. That wouldn’t be so unusual. He usually seemed to want her gone.
But she wasn’t going to go. She had a feeling he was out here brooding, and she didn’t think that was a good thing.
“Are you okay?” she asked as she approached.
He didn’t answer. He was dressed in jeans and a huge, baggy dark blue sweatshirt with a hood pulled up over his head, while she stood before him in nothing but his bright blue T-shirt. A cool breeze brought in a touch of chill, reminding her of her skimpy nightgown, and she hugged herself, giving thanks that the slip of a moon wasn’t giving much light.
Looking up at him for a moment, she still couldn’t read his eyes. In fact, she could barely make out the features of his face, hiding there in the shadows of his hoodie. Her heart was beginning to thump again. Why didn’t he say anything? Was he angry? Did he think she was meddling? She couldn’t tell and she was getting nervous.
She stepped past him and leaned on the rail next to him, looking out at what moonlight there was shimmering on the distant ocean. She could hear the waves, but couldn’t see them. Too many houses blocked the view.
“I can tell you’re upset,” she said tentatively. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“Talk about it!” He coughed and cleared his throat. “You like guys who spill their guts, do you?”
Kelly was glad he’d finally spoken. Still, she could tell that something was bothering him. She could see it, feel it. And if talking it out could soften that sense of turmoil in him, it would be best to do it.
And not just for his sake. If he wasn’t careful, his vibes were going to scare the baby. He needed to grapple with it, get rid of it, before he attempted to deal with the new little girl in his life. Kelly sighed, hardly believing what she was thinking. What made her so sure of these things, anyway? She didn’t usually walk around claiming to have all the answers, and she knew very well she was groping in the dark as much as anyone.
But t
here was a child at stake here. For the sake of the baby, she had to do what she could.
“I know you don’t really know me,” she told him earnestly, “but that might make it easier. In a few days, I’ll be gone and you’ll never see me again.” She gave him an apologetic smile. “Honest. I don’t plan to stay in California any longer than that. So if you want to…I don’t know…vent or something, feel free.”
He looked at her and didn’t know whether to laugh or hang his head. So this was what he’d come to—women volunteering to let him cry on their shoulders. How pathetic was that?
Well, he wasn’t ready to open his heart to her, probably never would be. But he wouldn’t mind another perspective on what he was torturing himself with at the moment. For some unknown reason, he felt as though he could talk to Kelly in ways he seldom did with other women.
Maybe, he thought cynically, it was the same quality in her that made Mei think she was a safe harbor in a scary world. Whatever it was, he supposed it wouldn’t hurt to try.
“Okay, Kelly, you asked for it.” He turned toward her. “Here’s what I’m thinking.” He hesitated, taking a deep breath before going on. “I’m thinking this whole thing was a very bad idea.”
Just hearing that said out loud made him cringe inside.
She frowned at him, confused. “What was a bad idea?”
“To bring Mei here.”
She gasped. “What are you talking about? She’s your baby.”
“Yeah.” He turned and leaned on the railing. “But it was selfish. I was thinking about having an adorable little girl of my own, like she was a doll or something.” He looked at her, despising himself a little. “A pet. A kitten.”
“Oh, Joe.”
“I know better, of course. She’s a real human being.” He shook his head. Thinking of Mei and her cute little face, he couldn’t help but smile. “A beautiful, perfect little human being. And she…she deserves the best of everything.”
Turning from Kelly, he began to pace the wooden deck, his hands shoved deep into his pockets. “I didn’t think…I didn’t realize… I can’t really give her what she deserves. Maybe I should have left her with Angie’s family. Maybe she would have been better off.”
