by Raye Morgan
“If any did,” he reminded her.
“Of course. Remnants of the old ruling order do exist, but none of them know for sure what happened to the royal children. There are refugee communities of Ambrians in many parts of Europe and the U.S.A. Reunions are held periodically in the old Roman town of Piasa, high in the northern mountains, where they say the oldsters talk and drink and dream about what might have been.” She paused for a moment, her eyes dreamy as she pictured the scene. “Meanwhile, most of the younger generation have gone on with their lives and are modern, integrated Europeans and Americans, many quite successful in international trade and commerce.”
He nodded, taking it all in with a faraway look in his eyes, just as she had—almost as though he was sharing her vision.
“So what about these lost princes?” he ventured. “What’s happened to them?”
“Lately, rumors have surfaced that some of them did survive. These rumors have become all the rage. They’ve really ignited the memories of the oldsters and put a spark in the speculative ideas of the younger generation. Ambria has been a dark place, shrouded in mystery and set apart from modern life, for twenty-five years. It’s a tragedy for history and for our people. Ambrians burn to get their nation back.”
He laughed shortly. “Sure, the older ones want a return to the old ways, no doubt, and the younger ones want the romance of a revolution. Human nature.”
She frowned. She didn’t much like his reducing it to something so ordinary.
“Every Ambrian I know is passionately devoted to getting rid of the usurper regime,” she said stoutly.
He grunted. “Mainly the oldsters, I’ll bet.”
“Sure. Don’t they count?”
He shrugged. “Go on.”
“Different factions have been vying for power and followers, each with their own ideas of how an invasion might be launched. The conviction has grown that this can only happen if we can find one of the lost royals still alive. Believe me, the ex-pat community is buzzing with speculation.”
“Like honeybees,” he murmured.
That put her back up a little. “You can make fun of it if you want to, but people are ready to move. The Granvillis have ruled the country badly. They’re really considered terrible despots. They’ve got to go.”
Her voice rose a bit as she tried to convince him, and he turned and grinned. “A regular Joan of Arc, aren’t you?” he commented.
She colored. “No, of course not. But I don’t think you understand how passionate a lot of exiled Ambrians are about this.”
He sat up straighter and looked cynical. “Yeah, sure. People are totally passionate in the talking and threatening phase. It’s when you put a gun in their hand and say, ‘Okay, go do it,’ that they suddenly remember something they have to take care of at home.”
She swallowed back her first response. After all, he’d actually been one of the ones doing the fighting. He knew a whole heck of a lot more about that than she did.
“Maybe so,” she said. “But something has happened that is threatening to put a lot of Ambrians in one place at one time, and if one of the princes shows up…” She shrugged.
He looked up at that, curious in spite of himself. “What are you talking about?”
“Here’s what’s going on.” She leaned forward almost conspiratorially. “The old duke, Nathanilius, has died. He was the brother of the king who was killed during the invasion, and was considered the titular head of the family. The funeral is being planned in Piasa, and it threatens to be chaotic—no one knows who will show up, but they expect a lot of people who haven’t been seen in years.” Kelly gazed at Joe significantly. “The question is, who will try to seize the mantle of the old regime? Will the Granvillis try to disrupt the ceremony or even assassinate any of the DeAngelis loyaltists who will come out of hiding for the event? It’s a pretty exciting time.” She smiled. “Dangerous, too.”
Some of his cynicism melted away. “Wow. Interesting.”
“Yes.”
He frowned, thinking. “Twenty-five years ago.”
“You would have been about four, right?”
He merely nodded, looking out at the ocean. Memories—yeah, he had a few. He wasn’t about to tell her, but he did have some pictures in his head from when he was very young. He remembered a fire. He remembered fear. He remembered being in a boat in the dark. The sound of oars splashing in inky water.
But were they really his own memories? That was the trouble with these things. How much was from tales he’d been told and how much from stories he’d made up himself when he was a boy? He had a feeling he knew what she would say about them. But he wasn’t ready to surrender to her royal dreams.
He wasn’t sure he wanted to be a prince.
Besides, he had other things on his mind, the most important of which was finding a way to get his daughter to like him. He was getting better at looking at her without feeling Angie’s tragic presence. That should help. He had no doubt she’d sensed that from the beginning, and that had helped fuel her reaction to him.
In some ways he was torn. Anything that reminded him of Angie should be good, shouldn’t it? And yet it didn’t quite work out that way. He’d loved her so much. Losing her had been hard. But that was hardly Mei’s problem.
When you came right down to it, he himself was probably the roadblock to happiness there. He was pretty sure Kelly thought so. The baby was getting vibes from him, a sense of his pain, and she didn’t like it. Who could blame her? The thing was, how to get it to stop before it became a habit she wouldn’t ever shake? She couldn’t distrust him forever.
They walked slowly home, enjoying the adorable things Mei did. People stopped them to say how cute she was. Dogs came up wagging their tails. Even the seagulls that swooped overhead seemed to be screaming her name. When one came especially close, then wheeled and almost lost its balance, Joe and Kelly looked at each other and laughed.
This was real life. This was pretty good.
But Joe’s smile faded as he thought of Angie and how she’d never had a chance to live this way with her baby. On impulse, he reached for Mei’s hand, hoping she would curl it around his finger. For just a second, she seemed about to try.
But then she realized it was his, and she pulled back and began to cry. Huge, rolling tears sprang instantly into her eyes. Kelly bent over to quiet her, but nothing was going to work this time.
“She’s tired.” Kelly looked up at Joe apologetically as she lifted Mei out of the stroller. “Don’t take it to heart.”
“Don’t take it to heart?” Had she really said that? A dark sense of despair filled him and he turned away. How could he not take it to heart?
“Joe, I need to give her a bath. Then I’ll read her a book and let her play before I put her down for a nap. Maybe you could come in and watch her play? Or maybe even read to her?”
“Yeah, sure,” he said. “Maybe.”
Kelly watched Joe walk away, and knew he had no intention of doing either of those things. Her heart ached for him, but she went ahead with her plans. Mei loved her bath and liked pointing out the animals in her books while Kelly read to her. She was ready for sleep by the time Kelly put her down. And just as she’d foreseen, Joe never showed up.
She searched until she found him in the garage, waxing down his surfboard.
“You didn’t come in to see Mei playing,” she said, trying not to make it come out like an accusation, but failing utterly.
He glanced up at her with haunted eyes and looked completely guilty. “I know. What’s she doing right now?”
“She’s asleep.”
He threw down his cloth. “Okay. I’ll go in and watch her for awhile a bit later.”
Kelly frowned, not convinced he really meant it. This did not bode well. But she had no hold over him. She couldn’t make him do something he didn’t want to do, could she?
“I’m going to take this opportunity, while she’s asleep, to run over to my motel and get a few things. O
kay?”
“Sure.” He took another swipe at his board. “Do you need my car?”
“No. It’s only a couple of blocks away. And anyway, I’ve got my rental car there. I guess I might as well drive back in it.”
Kelly hesitated for a moment, then pulled one of the items she’d found in the room out of a shopping bag she’d brought along. It was the framed photograph of a lovely young woman.
“Is this Angie?” she asked bluntly, holding up the picture.
His head snapped back and his eyes narrowed. “Where did you find that?” he demanded gruffly.
“In Mei’s room, packed away on a shelf.”
He stared at it, nodding slowly. “Yes. That’s Angie.”
“I thought so. When I showed it to Mei, she said, ‘Mama.’ And she smiled. So she obviously knew who it was.”
Joe grunted. He didn’t have to ask what her point was. He knew.
“She’s lovely,” Kelly said, looking at the photo. “She looks like a wonderful person.”
He nodded. “She was,” he said softly.
Kelly looked into his face with real determination. “She deserves to be talked about and treated like a real woman, not an icon on a pedestal. Can’t you see that, Joe?”
He nodded again, clearly a little surprised by her vehemence. “Of course.”
She drew in a deep breath, then stepped closer.
“You know, Joe, I’ve had bad things happen. I’ve had periods of unhappiness when I wondered ‘Why me?’ I’ve spent some time drowning in depression.”
She looked up to see if he was listening. He seemed to be.
“But I began to read about a psychologist who has a theory that we very much make our own happiness and our own unhappiness. One thing he suggests doing is to act like you’re happy, even when you’re not. Go through the motions. Pretend. It can seem awkward at first, but the more you do it, the more it begins to come true. Reality follows the form. In a way, you’re teaching yourself happiness. And if you work hard enough at it, it can become a part of you, a part of your being.”
He was looking skeptical, but he was listening.
“I’m sure it doesn’t always work, but it worked pretty well for me.”
He peered into her eyes for a moment, then went back to rubbing the surface of his board. “That sounds like a lot of new age garbage.”
“Fine. Call it names if it makes you feel better. But it made a real difference in my life.” Kelly started toward the door and said flippantly, over her shoulder, “Just sayin’.”
Joe kept pretending to work until he heard her go out the front door, then he slumped against the wall and closed his eyes. Why the hell had he let this woman into his life to challenge all his attitudes and assumptions? He’d been thinking about almost nothing else since she’d made her crazy suggestion that morning in the kitchen that he talk about Angie.
He’d been angry with Kelly at first, but deep down, he knew it was inevitable that he do it at some point. After all, he had Angie’s baby here. Someday she would want to know all about her mother. Was he going to be able to tell her everything?
Kelly wanted him to get started right away, but she didn’t know about what had happened in that jungle. How did you explain to a little girl about how her mother had died and why? Would Mei learn to blame him?
He blamed himself, so why not?
But of course Kelly was right. What was he thinking? It wasn’t all about death. It wasn’t all about pain and unhappy endings. He’d had many full, rich, happy experiences with Angie that had had nothing to do with the painful part. There’d been love and affection and music and flowers and boat rides on the lake and swimming to the waterfall. It was way past time he let himself dwell on that part of the past, not the horror at the end.
He finished up his work on the surfboard whistling a tune he didn’t recognize at first. He knew it was an old song, but where had it come from? And then the words spilled out in his head. “Pretend you’re happy when you’re blue,” it began. Then something about it not being hard to do. He groaned. Even his own brain was against him.
Kelly wasn’t gone long, though she stopped at the market for some baby supplies. But when she got back, something felt wrong. She stopped and listened. Nothing. At least Mei wasn’t awake and crying.
She started toward the bedroom, but something stopped her. There was a rustling. There, she heard it again. The sound was coming from a room she assumed was a den, and something about it seemed downright furtive.
Setting down the bags she’d brought, Kelly walked toward the room as quietly as she could and gave the unlatched door a little push. It opened without a creak, and she saw a tall, curvaceous, platinum-blonde woman with a superstar tan going through a large wooden file cabinet. She had her cell phone to her ear at the same time and was talking softly.
“I’m telling you, there’s not even a picture book about Ambria around here. Nothing. I can’t find one little hint that he even knows what the country is.”
Suddenly the woman realized someone was in the doorway, and she whirled to face Kelly, staring into her astonished eyes.
“Uh, talk to you later,” she said into the phone. “I’ve gotta go.” She snapped it shut.
“What are you doing?” Kelly demanded.
“Well, hello.” The woman said with a smile. She was quite attractive in a tight-bodiced, bleached-blonde, fire-engine-red lipstick sort of way. But somehow, Kelly missed the appeal.
“Why are you going through Joe’s things?” she demanded. She was pretty sure she already knew who this was, but it would be nice to have confirmation.
“Oh!” The woman looked stunned that she might be suspected of doing anything wrong. Her eyes widened in faux innocence. “I’m not. Not really. I just wanted to see how Joe had his files set up, because I’m going to be giving him a bid on renovating this den, doing a little decorating, and I wanted to see—” she waved a hand majestically “—I wanted to see how he works.”
Kelly didn’t buy it for a minute. Frowning, she balanced on the balls of her feet, feeling fierce and protective. “You were going through his files.”
The woman was beginning to lose some of that overweening self-confidence she exuded. She actually looked a little worried.
“No. Oh no. I was checking things over so that…”
“Hey, Kelly. You made it back.”
It was probably a good thing that Joe appeared at this point. Kelly was not in a forgiving mood. He came into the room carrying a large screwdriver and looking from one woman to the other.
“I was just putting up a growth chart for Mei in the bathroom,” he explained, then frowned. “What’s the problem?”
Kelly pointed accusingly in the woman’s direction. “She was going through your files.”
Joe appeared bemused. “Was she? But Kelly, I basically told her to.” He gave her an indulgent smile, as though she were a little kid who just didn’t get it. “This is Sonja. The woman who did such a great job on Mei’s room. She’s just looking around, trying to get the lay of the land in case I hire her to redecorate my living areas.”
Oh no, she wasn’t. Joe hadn’t seen what Kelly had seen, heard what she’d heard. She had caught Sonja going through the files, and now she wanted to know exactly what she’d been looking for.
“This was a lot more than merely surveying the work space,” she began.
He didn’t want to hear it. “Listen, I’m sure it’s a misunderstanding. She’s okay. I knew she was going to be snooping around, getting ideas.”
Sonja sensed victory and she smiled like the Cheshire cat. Kelly bit her lip in frustration. She couldn’t understand why Joe didn’t see that.
“Sonja, this is Kelly,” he was saying, as though introducing two women he was sure would be fast friends. “She’s helping me out with Mei, since the nanny didn’t show up.”
“I’m so glad you got someone.” The tall, beautiful woman tossed her hair back and turned her dazzling smile on Joe.
“I’d volunteer myself, but you know how it is. I’m good at kiddy decorating but I don’t know a thing about actually taking care of the little darlings.” She glanced Kelly’s way. “I leave that to nannies like your friend here.”
“I’m not a nanny,” Kelly stated.
“Well, you’re doing nanny work, aren’t you?” she noted, never taking her eyes off Joe.
“What’s wrong with child care?” Kelly asked, at a loss as to why the woman would be saying that with just a hint of disdain. “Every mother on earth does it.”
Sonja had obviously grown bored with the conversation. She rolled her eyes in Joe’s direction, then sighed. “Well, I’m going to have to get going. Places to go, promises to keep. You know how it is.” Her slick smile was all for Joe. “But don’t forget, we need to get together and go over my ideas. And talk about my tour plans—plans I’m hoping to rope you into.” She gave him a flirtatious smile. “In the meantime, don’t forget you owe me a dinner.” She tapped her index finger on his chest. “You promised.”
Joe was grinning back, basking in all this obvious admiration. It made Kelly’s blood boil to see how easily he seemed to fall for it.
“Sure,” he said happily. “We’ll have to see what we can do to keep that promise.”
“I’m looking forward to it.”
To Kelly’s shock, the woman leaned close and gave Joe a kiss on the cheek, then turned and winked insolently in Kelly’s direction. Her attitude very plainly said, Don’t think you’ve got this one on the line yet, sister. I’ve got skills you can only dream of.
She started out, and Joe gave Kelly a happy shrug, then turned back to his carpentry job in the bathroom. Kelly hesitated a moment, then decided to go after Sonja. That woman had some explaining to do.
CHAPTER SEVEN
“WAIT A MINUTE,” Kelly said from the curb as Sonja reached for her car door.
The woman turned back with a frown, and Kelly hesitated again. She wanted to accuse her, wanted to question her, but didn’t want to do anything that would make Sonja think she was right to suspect Joe had a connection to Ambria. Kelly had to be very careful here.
