by Ella Edon
"Miss Elizabeth," Esther cut her short, her breath hitched. She wasn't breathing well any longer. She was once again reminded of what Nicholas had done. And she realized her decision to not share what had happened with anyone was the best. Because people like Miss Elizabeth would keep reminding her of the mistake that she would make in forgiving Nicholas when they were finally back together. And there was no need to tell anyone anything. She and Nicholas would get back together, and all will be well.
"Esther, speak, My Lady." Her round eyes widened.
Esther smiled. "We just didn't fit at that point. It was a little misunderstanding —"
"Look here, My Lady." Miss Elizabeth raised both her brows. "You may tell the lot of them meaningless stories of how nothing really happened, and everyone may meekly nod and not ask. But listen to me, dear. I know that something had happened. You fled the wedding ball in tears."
"Miss Elizabeth..." Stefan's deep voice filled the air. Esther breathed out in relief. She turned immediately to where his voice had come from. He stood by the double Italian doors, white lilies in his grasp. He looked dashing in a black coat and black breeches. It made her smile. He looked from her to Miss Elizabeth and raised the flowers uncertainly.
Esther pulled her hands away from Miss Elizabeth and walked up to Stefan. She smiled brightly as she took the flowers from him. Beside him, by the door, Angus stared ahead. Esther smiled at him and walked over to the side. By the wall sat a golden table, its legs carved in a horse-like manner. She placed the flowers on it and grinned at Stefan.
"I propose we leave now."
Stefan offered her his arm. She placed her hand in the bend of his elbow, and together they walked outside. Miss Elizabeth trailed behind them quietly. Beside her, Stefan creased his brows. "Is everything alright? You look a bit tense."
"I'm alright. Just a bit of fatigue. Nothing that can't leave so quickly I assure you."
She knew it was a bad excuse for her sour attitude. However, there was nothing she could do about it. She couldn't exactly tell him about Nicholas. About what he had done. She questioned herself, wondering if her decision to try to win him back was foolish. Miss Elizabeth would never approve of it. No one would approve of Nicholas if she dared to share what he had done. But it was a mistake, one she knew was...hurtful but still a mistake.
"Stefan?"
Stefan touched her arm, and they stopped walking. She looked behind her for a minute. Miss Elizabeth was in a safe distance from them. Esther kept on walking, and Stefan fell into place.
"Esther, what is it?"
"Do you ever think that anyone can be forgiven, in spite of what they have done to anger you? To hurt you. Do you think that everyone deserves forgiveness?"
Stefan pressed his lips in a thin line before nodding slowly. "Yes. Everyone deserves a chance."
She swallowed hard. "Do you think it's foolish of me to desire someone who has hurt me so badly? Do you think that love is foolish?"
Stefan opened his mouth to speak, but closed it almost immediately. She wasn't sure what ran through his head. She wasn't even sure he was the best person to ask. If she was being honest, she wasn't sure he'd have any good thing to say to her, but she wanted him to have something to say. She wanted his opinion because at that point in time, whatever he had to say would matter. But he remained silent. And she knew why. Stefan still didn't believe in love. It hurt her for some reason, tore her heart into a million pieces. And she looked up to the sky for comfort. But the sky reminded her of the blue eyes watching her quietly.
Chapter Twenty
First, it was the theatre, then it was a stroll two days after. Both times, they had not been given the opportunity to talk freely with Miss Elizabeth walking closely behind. Esther had been thinking too much of late, lost in herself, and he wondered if it was Lord Milway who caused her train of thought to be so active that she easily got lost in their conversations. She was not herself. And he was sure it was something Miss Elizabeth had said.
He wondered if it was pure coincidence that Esther's chaperone of her early debutante years had returned just at the time he wanted to pretend-court her. It must all be a coincidence, but it fell in line. At least with the chaperone openly with them, Esther needn't worry about her reputation being questioned. Of course, her father must have thought it all through.
Warm and tiny hands wrapped around his waist. He staggered a little, startled at the contact. He looked down to see Evangeline, looking up at him. "Your Grace!"
Stefan chuckled. He squatted and hugged the child.
"Evangeline!" Esther shouted from behind him. After a little while, she said. "Oh, there you are. I was wondering why she ran out like that."
Stefan stood upright and turned to stare at Esther. She cast her gaze down before their eyes could meet. Her hair was in a low bun, and she looked beautiful.
He yearned to tease her until she was all red and flustered from his words.
"Excuse me." Esther curtsied and made to walk out after Evangeline. Stefan walked towards her quickly and gripped her hand.
"You didn't greet me properly, My Lady. Pray tell what the matter is?"
Esther smiled tightly. "It's nothing, Stefan."
"Bullocks!" he snapped, his anger rising for a moment. The fact that she would lie to him irked him.
Her eyes widened. "Mind your words! There are children here."
He wriggled his brows. "If you talk to me nicely, then perhaps I would not have a need to utter such words."
She gave him a look as he smirked, then shook her head and sighed. "Alright, give me a minute. I have to feed the little ones."
He raised his index finger to remind her of her request for a minute. She shook her head and walked along. He paced the empty hallway as he waited for her return. He was worried about her. She had been behaving off, and it bothered him. He stopped pacing when he heard the door behind him open. He turned abruptly and saw her walking through the door and shutting it firmly. Then approached him with her hands clasped, and nodded to him. "You've requested to see me."
He held her forearm and led her to the private room at the end of the hallway. Surprisingly, she didn't resist him as she always did. He shut the door once they were inside.
"Alright, tell me. What has been bothering you for the past few days? I haven't had the luxury of time to ask, not with your chaperone two feet away from us."
Esther shrugged. "It's nothing."
"Is this about that question? Forgiving someone who has hurt you? Was it about Lord Milway?"
Esther shook her head carefully and did what he knew she would do. She denied that she had been referring to Lord Milway.
"Bullocks! Pray tell then, whom you were referring to?"
Esther's grey eyes went a shade darker before she snapped. "Who I refer to, is no business of yours!"
He flinched at the sound of her voice. She blinked, her hands shook slightly, and she backed away a bit. Her once cold eyes clouded with regret. Stefan dashed to her side, he touched both her shoulders and queried her desperately. "You can talk to me if anything bothers you so, Esther. What is it?"
With glossy eyes, she met his gaze. "I just wonder if I'm doing everything right. I wonder if trying to get Nicholas back is the right choice."
"Is that what you truly want? Because nothing else matters more than what you want."
Esther laughed a little, giving him a pleasing smile, one that was not forced, but satisfactory. "I know, but what if your decision, your choice to chase happiness hurts some people?"
Stefan took her hands in his. "Esther, perhaps it might help if you’d come outright about what may be bothering you. What exactly is this about?"
Esther sighed. She shrugged and glanced around. "Stefan, I just — I just wonder if my decision to want Nicholas back in my life is foolish. Do you think it is foolish? Do you think that a past love would — burn, destroy?"
Stefan clenched his teeth. He thought all of those things about love. Of course, it was fooli
sh, and of course, it could destroy, burn. Agnes had been burnt, destroyed, and then died and was buried. He never wanted that for anyone ever again. He never wanted to witness another Agnes. Never again. Maybe Agnes could not be saved, but he could save another lady who was in the same situation.
He had learned a lot from Esther in the past few weeks. Maybe love was everything that she assumed it was, but it was more as well. If it was true, genuine, and mutual, then perhaps it would be more enjoyable. He couldn't be so sure. However, he didn't really know what that felt like.
He let his hands drop to his sides. "Esther, love is many things: foolish, unkind, it burns, it destroys. But I believe when one loves the right person, then all will be well. True love is perhaps, more enjoyable."
Esther narrowed her eyes at him. Her mien changing, she raised a brow. "And how would you know this, Your Grace? You don't believe in love."
Stefan chuckled. "You'd be stunned by how much a gentleman's beliefs change."
She smiled as she eyed him for a second. Something flickered in her eyes. Pride perhaps? Or assurance? He couldn't tell which. But to see that she was delighted at his response made him feel warm inside. "Very well, then."
Returning back to seriousness, he tilted his head to the side and said. "If you're willing to return to Lord Milway after everything, then your love for him is genuine and strong and ready to fight against all the odds. That kind of love is what is true. It may be foolish, perhaps. But what matters is your genuineness. If you truly want Lord Milway back, then what matters is that you know in your heart that you love him. And maybe, just maybe it is worth fighting for."
Esther let out a small laugh, and then a smile. "Thank you, Stefan. It truly means a lot to hear you say those words out loud."
And it had hurt too. He didn't know why, but it hit him hard. Suddenly he felt the need to escape, to run. Because he felt like he was suffocating, talking about her love for Lord Milway. He shoved his hands in the pockets of his jacket, retrieved the invitation letter to a ball his mother was throwing and handed it to Esther.
"My mother will be holding a ball at Sands Castle."
Esther took the invitation from him and eyed it slowly. Stefan smiled. "I've sent one to your parents. I expect to see all of you there."
Esther smiled. "Of course, you will."
With one nod, Stefan turned and walked out of the room. He needed to flee. He needed to escape her presence because strangely, it felt like his heart was breaking into little pieces. And even though she was near, somehow, in spite of it all, she was too far away to reach.
* * *
"I need wine from the cellar as well as scotch, whiskey and that Italian one the late Duke liked," the Dowager Duchess said to Alfred.
Alfred nodded slowly like he was still trying to understand her order. In his process of assimilating, the Dowager Duchess launched into another command. Stefan bit back his chuckle as he watched the exchange. His mother seemed to be stressing over her balance in the evening, and he didn't quite know why.
When Alfred walked away, he rose from where he sat and walked beside his mother. "Mama, you should sit for a bit. You look stressed."
"It's my first ball in ages, Your Grace. My very first. You see, it must be perfect. When Robert was alive, I threw grand balls so often. Nearly every season, and at least two in the summer, but after his death I declined." Stefan was thrilled when his mother turned to him with her eyes glimmering with hope. "But you've made me joyous and the season is approaching its end. I think we need to celebrate."
Stefan liked that his mother looked so happy. For a long time, after his father's death, she had been sad. Sunken deep in sadness. He had never seen her like that in his entire life. His father's death took something away from her. Something that could never be replaced. He was starting to understand now, or so he thought. Perhaps, just perhaps, love may have something more to it than he had known all his life.
"Stefan!" Robert called as he walked into the room. The children had just returned from their lessons.
"Robert, how do you do?"
"I'm splendid! Alex is practicing her walk. I've been watching her and Lady Castleroy, but it gets boring." Robert sighed.
The Duchess looked at her youngest child and shook her head. "Go on, go take off your boots and put on clean ones. Those seem to be muddied. Where did you go to?"
Robert winced and stepped back a bit to look at his boots. His mother had both her brows raised and Stefan suspected an outburst. Quietly, he led Robert out of the salon, and they both headed to where Alex was having her lessons with Lady Castleroy. She seemed eager, with her head kept straight and her shoulders high. She was getting it.
He watched from the door as she walked to a seat, poured herself some tea and sipped. Stefan creased his brows. Alex hadn't really been good with holding a teacup in the proper way, but now she was. Lady Castleroy stood by, watching with eagerness and astonishment. Perhaps she was waiting for Alex to do something that would make her snap. When Alex raised her head and looked over to where he stood, across the courtyard, she grinned and waved. Lady Castleroy had her chance then.
"Irrespective of whatever distractions come, do not slouch. Do not wave so madly. You wave as a lady should, gently, slowly, gradually," Lady Castleroy hissed. "You must be perfect before you debut, Lady Alexandra."
Stefan sighed. He was prepared for Alex's angry outburst. But she surprised him. She simply nodded and raised her hand again to wave at him.
Stefan stood there, watching her lesson for the next few minutes. When Lady Castleroy finally said, "I'll take my leave, Lady Alexandra. You've impressed me today, and I hope this impression lasts for long."
Alex rose and curtsied to the lady. "My gratitude goes out to you for always, always exercising your patience with me, Lady Castleroy."
The lady gave her a look of stern approval, and made her way out.
Stefan, with Robert by his side giggling, advanced towards the courtyard. Alex clapped her hands together and laughed. "I did it!"
"Did what? You seem eager to learn by Lady Castleroy now. Pray tell what inspired such change?" He took a seat opposite her and watched her intently. Her new attitude towards her lessons reminded him of something. He couldn't tell, but it did.
"Lady Esther already taught me the basics. However, I need to learn more from Lady Castleroy. Lady Esther asked that I behave properly, and I promised her that I would. So that's what I'm doing. Also, she —" Alex winced. "She said she'd talk to you about teaching me some other skills. I wonder if she did. She said if I behaved well then perhaps you would listen. Also, I've started liking the lessons. They are not so hard and quite exciting when I'm not angry."
Stefan watched her in amusement. Of course, Esther had told her to take everything calmly. It was how she took situations. He wasn't surprised that her impact had touched Alexandra. He was thrilled. And he recalled his promise to think about her proposal. He rubbed his jaws and sat up. It wouldn't hurt to teach Alex a few things or two. If Alex could fulfill her promise to Esther, then surely he could, also.
"If you want to shoot arrows at the targets hung on trees then I propose you wear breeches."
It took a moment, but she understood. And when she did, she rose and screamed gleefully. Her smile faded. "What if mama sees me?"
Stefan smirked. "Make sure she doesn't."
Alex nodded once, stood up, and ran into the house.
* * *
Alexandra seemed to have her way with the arrow. He had barely shown her anything, but had let her stand before the target after her persistence and asked her to shoot. Raising the bow whilst smirking, she shot towards the target. The arrow hit the bull’s eye, and he was left stunned.
He stared at it in shock. "Where did you learn to do that?"
Alex placed one hand on her hip and smirked. "Instinct."
He shook his head a bit. Esther was indeed right about Alex. She was eager to learn it all at once. And learning it all didn't mean she cou
ldn't still be herself anymore.
He showed her a few more tricks and let her shoot as he did. Alex had confidence that shielded her from fear. So that even when she didn't do things right, she had faith that there was something better for her. Her confidence was bold and striking, and he admired it. She was just like Agnes. Agnes was just like this until she was broken.
"You see Stefan, I'm good at this," Alex said as they walked towards the horses. He nodded, agreeing to what she said.
"You indeed are."
"So, Lady Esther did convince you to let me learn archery?"
Stefan smiled at the mention of her name. "She's quite persuasive."
