by Ella Edon
Katherine pouted. "I wonder what would happen if I flee with Victor and we get married at Gretna Green. That would be better and easier."
"I wager that it would, however, count yourself in trouble because whether you want it or not, I must be a part of your wedding," Anne warned.
Esther laughed and took a seat on the bed. Katherine looked through all the dresses but didn't put any on. With a sigh, she sat between Anne and Esther. Her voice was low when she spoke. "I just hope I'll be a good mother to this babe."
Anne rubbed her shoulders. "You will, Katherine, you will."
"When Victor came to see Papa, I was afraid. Afraid that Papa would know of what I had done, and he'd be disappointed. But Victor made sure he protected me and my reputation."
"Well, my brother is indeed a gentleman," Anne said lightly. Her words made them all chuckle.
"How is the Duke of York, Esther?" Katherine asked with a smile.
Esther's cheeks turned crimson as her mind went back to the kiss.
She cleared her throat and cast her lashes down. "He's well, thank you."
"How is the plan coming along? Do you think it's forthcoming?"
Anne rose, nodding and picking up a white dress. "Yes. I didn't attend his mother's ball. How did it go? — Katherine, you should try this one." Anne tossed a dress at Katherine.
Katherine rose in enthusiasm. With her eyes narrowing in on Esther and her lips moving, speaking, spewing all she saw that night, Esther wasn't so flustered anymore.
"It would look like her plan is working. Lord Milway did approach her. And despite the attitude she gave him, he stood there patiently, eager to have a dance with her."
"And did he?"
"Of course," Katherine smirked. "Esther would surely dance with him."
Esther creased her brows as she watched Katherine speak on about her dance with Nicholas. It was supposed to make her feel happy. Her plan had worked. Nicholas approached her; he was interested. She had seen it in his eyes. Yet everything was wrong. So, so, wrong.
"Aren't you happy, Esther? Nicholas finally sees you." Katherine stood before her, her eyes gloom with worry. “He realizes what he’s lost, Esther!”
Anne came to stand beside Katherine as well. "Esther, is everything alright?"
Esther swallowed hard. Not able to simply nod, she shook her head. Everything was not alright. Nothing was alright. She had for so long said she wanted Nicholas back. But everything had changed. How could one action change everything? How possible was that? Nicholas had arrived at the ball, to her surprise. She was still surprised as to how he had been invited to Sands Castle. He had arrived knowing fully well that he would see her. He had come just to see her. But then, there was Stefan. Stefan and the kiss. The way he had fled. It had been too fast. All of it happened too fast. She wasn't sure what it was that had happened. And there was no way Stefan felt anything for her. Was there? He had only kissed her because he felt like it. He didn't, couldn't possibly have feelings for her. He didn't believe in love. He wouldn't love her. He bedded actresses and had mistresses. He wouldn't want her.
Her heart rate seemed to upsurge. What if he wanted her to be part of his ton of women? What if the kiss had only been a game to him? He had fled, hadn't he? Her heart broke as her mind raced. The reality that the kiss didn't mean to Stefan what it had to her broke her heart. She knew, she just knew that to him, the kiss was simply another one added to many he had experienced before. Stefan could never have even the tiniest of feelings for her.
There was no way she could stay with all of those feelings swirling inside her. She needed to hear from him. It had been days, and he hadn't been at the orphanage, nor come to visit her. She wondered what he had been up to.
Breathing out, Esther rose and nodded to both her friends. "There's something of great importance that I need to do."
Anne and Katherine glanced at each other before nodding meekly. Their eyes were filled with worry and concern. Katherine touched her shoulders. "Esther, no matter what happens, always know that we are here for you. You can always, always talk to us."
Esther, not trusting her words to sound well, simply nodded. Her mind drifted back to Stefan. Five days and he had not come seeking her. Perhaps it was the kiss.
"Esther," Anne called. "Are you listening?"
Esther blinked, sighed, and nodded. "Pardon my manners. There's so much on my mind at this moment. I need to go. I'll talk to you later, and I promise I'll tell you everything."
Esther hugged her friends and hastily walked to the door. As she walked out of the bedchamber and ascended the stairs, she realized that she knew what she wanted to say to Stefan. Perhaps she had known for a long time, perhaps she was uncertain, but she just knew. Her only fear, however, was what and how he felt for her. She wondered if he reminisced about the kiss just like she had, or if it had been another random one that he had experienced. She wondered many things, but above all, she wondered when it had changed so quickly. So easily. How was it that she had wanted Nicholas to be by her side? And when she finally had him, she wasn't so sure what she wanted anymore. And worse was that kiss. It had sent her head reeling and her heart spiraling like the sharpened edge of an arrow spinning in the air and waiting to arrive at its final destination.
Chapter Twenty-Four
“You don't look well, Stefan," the Dowager Duchess said as she breezily walked past him. Stefan turned and with his eyes, followed her. She was walking towards Robert, who was still seated at the dining table, having his breakfast. On seeing her, Robert dabbed the sides of his lips and tossed the napkin down, rising.
The Dowager Duchess, with her hands, waved rapidly. "Hurry! Ireland is not a day's journey, child."
"Do we have to see Aunt Irene?" Robert whined. He hated going to Ireland.
The Dowager Duchess's sister had just given birth to a baby boy. Upon getting the letter, the Dowager Duchess insisted that everyone would go for a visit to see Aunt Irene in Ireland. All except Stefan. He had lots of work to do. He would have appreciated the getaway, he needed to be away. So much had happened in so short a time and it left him unsettled, disheveled. So much with Esther.
He couldn't look right or left or even speak to anyone without a little reminder of her.
"Stefan, when we return, I'd like to continue my lesson. Although I believe I'm well off now." Alexandra smiled up at him. He looked down at his sister, her smile, the glint in her eyes. Her eagerness. Esther had some hand in how content Alexandra was with things of recent.
"Of course, I would be honored. But you still have a lot to learn," he added, a knowing smile on his face.
"I know that, Stefan —"
"Enough with the talking, run along!" shouted the Duchess. "To the carriage. We leave now! Where is William? Stefan? Find me Will."
Stefan hated it when his mother got restless. Her restlessness meant everyone else would be thrown into her disorientation. She would order more than one person to do a particular job, snap at every little thing, and throw a frenzy when things didn't go her way. Stefan huffed and looked around lazily, hoping that William would appear, somehow. Thank goodness, he did.
He came barreling around the table situated beside the staircase. The sound of his boots echoed through the hallway, alerting everyone to his approach.
"Thank goodness," Stefan muttered his thoughts aloud. He already had enough on his mind. To be part of his mother's confusion was something he didn't want to deal with.
"To the carriage, William!"
William ran along, but not before he made sure to wave at Stefan. Alfred walked outside with two fine boxes, which was the last of their luggage. Stefan was left with his mother, who kept looking around, as though she forgot something.
"Mother, everything is all set. There's no need to worry yourself."
She nodded slowly, but after looking around again, she pulled Stefan in for a hug and ran along as well. Stefan walked down the porch and stood before them as the carriage began to roll away. Robert p
oked his head out of the carriage window and waved at him.
"Sit down," he heard his mother huff, and he chuckled.
The moment they were well far off, he turned and walked inside with Alfred on his heel.
He had a lot that he needed to tend to, so he walked into his study, hoping to work. With his family gone, there seemed to be peace and quiet. He hoped it was enough to get him to work. As he settled behind the desk, everything came rushing back, flooding into his memory like rain falling on the earth. Esther.
Her grey eyes seemed to be everywhere, watching him. He seemed to smell her, as well. His hands hovered over the papers before him on the desk. He was unable to work, not with thoughts of her clouding his mind. He should never have kissed her. That had been a mistake. One he shouldn't have made.
He pushed his hands into the air angrily. He needed to get her out of his mind. Days of not going to the orphanage should have been enough for him to get over her, over that kiss. Over her sensual lips moving over his in perfect sync. But it was not enough.
Clenching his jaws, it seemed that he knew exactly what he needed to get rid of her. Snatching a paper from his desk and dipping his pen into the bowl of red ink by his right hand, he scribbled a quick note to Diane.
* * *
He had sent Alfred to deliver the message and bring Diane back with him. He didn't expect that Diane would agree immediately, but she did. Alfred arrived with Diane, and Stefan was pleased with the sight.
"Welcome to my home." He grinned.
Diane walked majestically, her cloak flying behind her. "Sands Castle is beautiful."
"Indeed, it is."
Diane’s hair was in a chignon, he stared at it strangely, wishing her hair was a mass of brown curls. Esther rarely had her hair in a chignon.
"Your Grace. Tis quite a pleasure that you have brought me here, I suppose we're not simply here to stare around Sands Castle, are we?"
Stefan laughed. He poured her a glass of scotch from the cellar and handed it over to her. Diane didn't want the scotch, but she took the glass from him and held the drink upwards in the air. Stefan watched her as she moved the drink sideways, showing her reluctance before finally sipping. Stefan downed his own scotch and placed the glass down on the table. If he needed to do this with Diane, then perhaps he needed to be drunk. He needed to be barely conscious because, in his right senses, all he saw was Esther. Having downed the scotch, he gestured to the hallway that led to the staircase, raised his hands, and smiled at Diane. "Shall we?"
* * *
His bedchamber was hot, as though the sun was above them. A sheen of sweat beads rolled down his temple. Diane was seated on the bed, in nothing but her corset. He stood away from her, his hands on his hips, his coat long gone, his inner cotton shirt out of place, his feet bare. He had stopped it. Diane was barely done getting ready to make him forget Esther, but all he saw was her. He looked at Diane, and he saw Esther, sitting before him, her lashes cast down, and her hair tumbled around her shoulders. His heart was intensely beating as he watched Diane frown at him.
What had he done? Why had he called her over in the first place? He didn't want her. He wanted Esther.
"Your Grace, is there a problem?" Diane forced a smile, trying to hide the venom in her voice. He heard it, however. He heard it. He didn't blame her; she had a right to be angry.
"You should leave. We're done here."
"Your Grace, we've barely even begun —"
"Enough! We are done here, Diane."
Diane clenched her fists, snapped inaudibly, and began to dress in her gown. She dressed quickly, rose from the bed and with her head held high, she walked out of his bedchamber and slammed the door loudly. He cursed, damning his foolishness, and walked after her. The least he could do was walk her to the door. She bounded down the staircase furiously, her shoes echoing in the hallway.
All the while, he wanted to apologize to her. He could tell how humiliating the whole situation was. He had, after all, been the one who summoned her. It was all his fault. He stared after her helplessly. She looked nothing like Esther. He wanted Esther, not Diane, not anyone else.
That kiss had made him feel differently than he had ever felt in his entire life. What did it mean when a simple kiss sent his head reeling over and over again? And all he had thought about in the past few days was her and each time, his memory of their kiss was clouded by a darker memory, one that sent chills down his spine and made him snarl. The memory of her in Lord Milway's arms.
Diane raised both her hands and pulled open the door. He was relieved that she would soon be far away from Sands Castle. He didn't want her staying long for the whole household to see. If the maids saw her, he was sure they were going to tell this mother on her return. Stefan didn't want her to know he had made a stupid decision while she was away.
As the double doors pulled open, Stefan froze at the scene before him. In front of Diane, stood Esther, whose eyes widened at the display before her. He was very aware of how it had already played out in her head, and looking at it all, it didn't look very good. What a disaster!
Chapter Twenty-Five
Her chest seemed to burn as she stood there, hands in the air raised to knock, and her eyes widened in horror. The woman who stood before her was not properly dressed. Her dress was made from fine silk, curving rightly at her bosom and pushing her cleavage into view. With the way her hair was in a chignon that was loose at all sides, her lipstick smeared, Esther immediately knew what type of woman this was, and it dawned on her clearly what she had been doing in Sands Castle. The woman shoved past her and hurried off. Esther barely had a proper look at her as she quickly walked away, and then she was left facing Stefan.
His inner cotton shirt was untucked, the button of his breeches was left open, his hair was a mess, and his boots were nowhere in sight.
Esther closed her eyes and began to mutter inaudibly. "No. No. Stefan has changed. He wouldn't do such a thing." She tried to comfort herself at what she had just witnessed upon her arrival. But there was no comfort.
Angrily, she walked into the house. Stefan stood unmoving, his hands in fists and his jaws clenched.
"You haven't changed at all!" she said. "You called one of your mistresses to your home? To Sands Castle! Stefan, how could you do this? How could you lay with her?" Her next words came out in a whisper as her eyes clouded. "Did the kiss mean anything to you?"
Stefan was blank, he said nothing, only clenching his jaws and still unmoving. It infuriated her, drove her mad that he would stand there looking unaffected.
"How could you do this? I thought you had changed. I thought you no longer had mistresses! And that kiss. The kiss we shared. It meant nothing to you?! All you've always wanted was to use me. Wasn't it? Now you kiss me and run back to lay with your mistresses. You've gone back to your old life. I should have known that this is really who you were. I was wrong to think that you'd change at all!"
It was then he snapped. After her words hit him hard, he snapped. He raised his index finger in the air and spoke. "Just because I decided to help you win Lord Milway back, gives you no right to interfere in my life, Esther. You know nothing about me. So do not come here and feel that you can judge me as it pleases you!"
Esther willed her eyes shut, willing herself not to break down before Stefan. When she opened her eyes, he was not done speaking. His hands were still raised, and her eyes opened just in time for his words to hit home.
"The only reason I wanted to help you was because you remind me of my sister Agnes, Esther."
"What?" She creased her brows.
"Agnes, my dear sister. You reminded me of her, being left vulnerable after someone you love betrayed you. Agnes committed suicide when that bloody fool, Lord Marsden, had left her and chosen to court some other lady." Stefan swallowed hard, lowered his gaze. "When I met you, you reminded me of the days before her death. She had been sad, unable to talk to anyone, and then, one morning, William had woken up. He peered out his window and
saw her, laying on the ground, her neck cracked, her legs sprawled and her eyes, tear-filled, open wide, staring back at him. He had screamed. And I had been the next person to see my sister like that. Agnes had thrown herself from her window. She had killed herself because of love."
Esther's heart broke for him. His sister had died. Lady Agnes. She didn't know what she was to say. Perhaps he needed some sort of comfort. No one should ever have to see a loved one die so cruelly. Now she understood why Stefan never wanted to fall in love.
"Stefan —"
"I saw you, and I took pity on you, Esther." He spat and she froze. "I saw you, and saw Agnes. Weaker, but Agnes, nonetheless. Whereas Agnes may have been able to hide the deepness of her sadness even in her silence and quiet smiles, with promises that she would be alright, you were unable to do so. You were weaker when I saw you, when I saved and kissed you down by the river. And I simply didn't want to have to see anyone relive what I, Agnes, and William had lived. Death, and seeing a loved one die. It was why I took pity on you. Why I wanted to help you. Do not think that there is anything more to it."
