by Fiona Lowe
The criticism whipped her so she drew on ingrained manners in an attempt to make amends. ‘Shall we have coffee then?’
‘Um.’ He checked his watch. ‘Sure, but I don’t have long. I’m meeting someone.’
A fire-breathing dragon consumed her, sending green flames licking along her veins. She didn’t want him meeting someone—anyone—but his smart clothing suddenly made devastating sense. He’d moved on. He’d found someone who wasn’t almost related to him and didn’t make his skin crawl. Her throat involuntarily tightened at the thought of him with this unknown woman and she coughed violently.
He frowned. ‘You okay?’
She nodded, still coughing, and walked briskly into the nearest café. The service was blessedly quick and a few minutes later they were both seated with their coffees—an espresso for him and a latte for her.
Ben didn’t beat around the bush. ‘I wanted to give you the heads up that I was interviewed and I’ve accepted the permanent PE position.’
She stared at him, speech deserting her as the ramifications of his news broke over her, spinning and dumping her like a powerful wave. Ben was going to be at school—her school—five days a week. ‘That’s, um …’ She swallowed and tried again. ‘That’s … Congratulations.’ Her flat delivery put paid to the intended sentiment.
‘Thanks.’ Ben’s clear gaze hooked hers with an unrepentant look.
She tapped her teaspoon against the coffee glass, trying to formulate the questions a normal person not having conniptions would ask. ‘When do you start?’
‘Monday.’
Her stomach churned and she set down the spoon. ‘Wow. That soon?’
He shrugged. ‘I’ve been looking for a permanent job for two years. I’d be a fool not to accept it.’
‘I guess. It’s just …’
His dark brows rose in a sardonic arch. ‘What? You didn’t think I’d apply for the perfect job because of you?’
Her gut flinched. ‘Not me. Us. Because of us.’
‘Us?’ There was a sharp edge to his usually melodic tone. ‘There is no us.’
The ache of what they’d lost intensified. ‘But there was.’
He sighed and fiddled with the sugar packet. ‘Yeah. There was.’
‘And now we’re going to be working together.’ Oh, what fun. The universe must seriously hate her. Her brain was frantically making connections and she suddenly sat up straighter. ‘We need to find a way to act normally around each other. I’d die a thousand deaths if anyone at work ever found out about … Well, you know. The whole freaking sideshow.’
‘I’m glad to hear it’s all about you.’
His terse words sliced her. ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’
‘It means exactly how it sounds. Instead of thinking about us as a unit, you’ve totally ignored all my feelings and made it about you.’
Indignation puffed out of her. ‘You can’t sit here and tell me you weren’t grossed out. I mean, first that our parents are having sex and—’
‘Actually, I refuse to think about that.’
‘How very evolved of you.’
‘Hey.’ He scowled. ‘It works better than your approach of thinking about it all the time and driving yourself crazy.’
She wanted to argue that but damn it, maybe he had a point. ‘What about the fact we share a half-sister and we’re step-siblings?’
His mouth twitched into a sad smile. ‘We’re only step-siblings if Dad and Edwina get married.’
She looked at him sharply. ‘Do you know something I don’t?’
He leaned forward, his expression earnest. ‘I know that whatever happens between Dad and Edwina is their affair. You don’t have to let it affect us unless you want to.’
She shivered, only this time the sensation of bugs crawling over her skin was less intense. ‘Aren’t you even a little bit freaked out by all of it?’
‘Sure. It’s a little weird.’
‘Weird?’ Her laugh was weak. ‘All of it makes me itchingly uncomfortable.’
‘Really? I’d never have guessed.’ But a tired smile softened his words. ‘Georgie. Yes, our family connection is unusual, but there’s nothing illegal or immoral about it.’ He glanced at his watch.
Panic skittered through her. He was going to leave and she wasn’t remotely ready for that to happen. ‘I’m sorry.’
His hand paused on his scarf as her blurted words hung in the air between them. ‘What are you sorry for?’
This is it. Don’t screw it up. ‘For giving in to panic, shame and embarrassment. For not returning your calls. For making this whole mess more about me than you.’ She opened her hands, palm up. ‘For everything. I don’t quite know why I reacted this way. I’m usually the person who sees both sides of a situation but this sideswiped me, coming on top of just being told I had a half-sister. When I discovered Doug was your father, all I could think was we were related. I totally freaked out.’
‘You don’t say.’ He was silent for a moment, his jaw tight and his expression defensive. ‘That day at Glenora …’ He rubbed his cheeks as if he didn’t want to remember. ‘You leaped away from me like I was a leper. Every time I went to touch you, you dodged me. When I tried to kiss you goodbye, you shuddered.’
Her heart tore at his anguish and hurt. She wrapped her fingers around his wide forearm. ‘I’m so sorry. I spent two weeks in shock, replaying everything over and over in my head before it started fading. All I’ve wanted to do for the last fortnight is call you.’
‘Why didn’t you?’
‘I was so humiliated and mortified about everything that each time I tried, I got cold feet. If I’m honest, I was petrified you’d reject me.’
He sighed. ‘So you rejected me first?’
She thought about it. ‘Not consciously. But I guess that’s true.’ Her lips suddenly felt dry and she licked them nervously. ‘I’ve handled this all wrong.’
‘Yeah.’ He stared at his hands. ‘If you had your time over, how would you handle it?’
Oh, for a do-over. This academic process was probably as close as she’d get to one. ‘I’d put us first. I’d work on caring less about what other people might think of our complicated and unusual family situation.’
‘Even if people teased you about marrying your stepbrother? If they said stuff like your stepfather’s your father-in-law?’ he asked quietly, scanning her face intently.
‘Oh God, is that a scenario?’ Her chest tightened a touch, thinking about the hillbilly song and then she blew a breath out. ‘What does it matter? Perhaps I could turn it into a party piece and dine out on it. You know, satisfy people’s morbid curiosity.’
His phone buzzed loudly with a message and her heart ached. ‘You’re meeting someone so I’m guessing all this is just semantics.’
Confusion crossed his face. ‘You think I’m meeting someone? As in another woman?’
‘In those clothes and wearing that cologne? What else am I going to think?’ She heard herself laugh tightly.
‘Well, you’re half right.’
‘Oh?’ She failed at feigning nonchalance.
‘Actually, I’m meeting three women.’
‘That’s a little bit excessive.’
‘I’m meeting my sisters.’
Relief reeled so fast she felt dizzy. ‘That’s nice,’ she managed weakly.
‘Oh, Georgie.’ A faint smile was enough to generate a dimple. ‘You have no idea how gratifying it is to see jealousy bright on your face.’
Hope flared but it was doused as soon as he spoke again. ‘My sisters have come down for the weekend. They want to talk. They’re still spinning out about Dad, Edwina and Michelle.’
‘I don’t blame them,’ she said. ‘It’s what women do.’
‘So I’m learning.’
‘Poor Ben,’ she said sincerely. ‘Surrounded by emotional women on all fronts.’
‘I’ve had more fun at the dentist.’ He looked straight at her. ‘Georgie, I don’t fall out of l
ove in six weeks.’
‘No,’ she said, returning his gaze with her heart in her mouth. ‘Neither do I.’
Relief flared in his eyes then faded and the pain she’d inflicted on him was evident in the shadows that remained. ‘It doesn’t mean I’m not angry with you. If I’m honest, I’ve never felt so hurt and heartsick in my life.’
‘I’m so sorry. I know it’s no consolation but I’ve been gutted and miserable too.’
He pressed his lips together and gave her a quick nod. ‘Perhaps I’m a fool but despite the hurt, despite everything, I still love you.’
The promise of a reprieve collided with the hope of possibilities. ‘Oh, Ben. I love you too.’
‘What worries me is how we got to this point. That future we talked about exploring … How can it happen if you shut down and won’t talk to me?’
Everything inside her ached with the knowledge she’d jeopardised something wonderful. ‘I see that. I understand it’s hard for you to believe me when I say I won’t do it again. Especially when the evidence is so clear that’s exactly what I did do, but it was the shame. To be honest, it would have been easier talking to you about you cheating on me.’ She pushed her hair off her face. ‘I’m not new to relationships, Ben. I’ve lost a child. I’ve had the hard conversations and dealt with faded love. All I can do is promise you that I won’t cut you out again.’
Doubt lingered in his eyes—doubt she’d put there. ‘Georgie …’ He blew out a breath. ‘I want to believe you.’
‘I want you to believe me too. I want you to know I’ve been desperately miserable without you.’ All she wanted to do was reach out and touch him but the fear of rejection kept her fingers tightly laced. ‘I haven’t been able to talk to anyone about it. Harry and Xara didn’t know about us and the only person who had an inkling we were a couple was Mum. I’ve been too furious with her for putting us in this situation to talk to her.’
With nothing left to lose, she threw all her cards on the table of their tattered relationship. ‘Please, Ben. Let me show you I’m capable of a mature relationship. I know I have to earn your trust again but surely we can go slowly and …’ Her voice trailed off at the wariness of his expression.
He was silent and everything inside her sank under the weight of what she’d lost. The time stretched out between them, the silence thick and foreboding, muting the clattering and chattering background noise of the café. What had she expected? For him to just forgive her for all the pain she’d caused him? She was about to rise and leave when he finally spoke.
‘I guess if I don’t let you show me then we’re going to be forever faced with the awkwardness of being connected through our parents.’
Oh God, how she’d missed his sense of humour. Missed him. ‘There’d be embarrassing Christmas lunches.’
‘Actually, I was thinking more along the lines of excruciating Easters.’ He grinned at her—the mischievous smile she’d missed so much dancing across his cheeks. ‘Oh wait, we’ve already done that.’
A laugh bubbled up in her throat, but as it broke over her lips it became a sob. He stood and pulled her to her feet. She threw her arms around him tightly, not caring they were in the middle of a busy café. She was too intent on breathing him in and pressing her cheek onto his shoulder, still not quite able to believe his arms were wrapped tightly around her.
He cradled her against him, his cheek resting on her hair and his hand patting her back. ‘Hey, you’re not making a mess of my meet-the-sisters jumper, are you?’
She raised her tear-stained face and studied the wet spot on his shoulder. ‘I think I am.’
His finger lightly traced a line of moisture down her cheek. ‘Why the hell are we standing here? I know a much better way to make up than having you cry. And it protects my clothes.’
This time her laugh was half hiccough as he ushered her out of the café and into a nearby delivery alcove. As soon as they were out of sight of passers-by, his warm lips came down onto hers in a kiss that was both gentle and deliciously erotic.
‘You’ll get us arrested,’ she said, coming up for air. ‘Besides, don’t you have to meet your sisters?’
He gave a good-natured grimace. ‘That’d be right. I have a beautiful woman in my arms and yet again my sisters are getting in the way of my love life.’ He kissed her again. ‘Come with me.’
She blinked in surprise. ‘To meet your sisters?’
‘Yeah. This bloody family mess affects all of us. You might have something to offer them. And vice versa.’
She’d been so selfishly preoccupied with her own feelings and those of her sisters, she hadn’t really considered the Pedersons’ reactions. ‘How do you feel about Doug, Mum and Michelle?’
His cheeks puffed out and then deflated like a balloon. ‘It was a hell of a shock. But it’s all pretty sad, really. They obviously loved each other.’
With a sigh, she dropped her forehead onto his chest. ‘It answers a lot of questions about my mother.’
He rubbed her back. ‘I think Edwina’s had it harder than Dad. I can honestly say that he loved my mum so I don’t feel any anger about him and Edwina. I might have felt differently if Mum was still alive.’
‘A need to protect her?’
‘Yeah.’ He was quiet for a moment. ‘I’ve spent the last month doing a lot of thinking. If Edwina and Dad hadn’t been separated back in the day, you and I wouldn’t even be here. I think that’s part of what’s freaking out my sisters. The thing is, it’s not like Dad hid Michelle’s existence—he didn’t even know about her until Easter. I guess I’m interested to meet Michelle if she wants to be met, although according to Dad, that’s not looking hopeful.’
He pressed a kiss into her hair. ‘How did you feel about Dad, Edwina and Michelle?’
Her laugh was rueful. ‘That changes on an hourly basis. The first time I met Doug was the day after we’d seduced each other. I was on a lust high and wanted everyone to be just as happy. While Xara and Harry were up in arms over Mum having a lover, I was smugly pleased they’d rediscovered each other.’
He winced. ‘You know I don’t think about my father getting any.’
She tilted her head back to look at him. ‘Makes you itchingly uncomfortable?’
‘A bit.’ Comprehension dawned. ‘Okay, I see your point but—’
‘But I should have talked to you. Yes, you’re right. You will always be right about that.’ She pressed a kiss to his chin. ‘I only found out about Michelle an hour before you did. At the time, I wasn’t angry either. I was sorry Mum had been forced to go through such an ordeal.’ She laced her fingers through his. ‘I kept thinking about Eliza. I’d lost her to death but Mum had lost Michelle to life. To another family. Is that harder?’
It was a rhetorical question but he answered it anyway. ‘I dunno. It all sounds pretty tough to me.’
‘True but death is final. Michelle’s alive and Mum’s known that—or at least she’s suspected—for forty-eight years. I think it means she lurches between hope and despair.’
She raised their linked fingers to her mouth and pressed a kiss to his knuckles. ‘I’ve been so angry with her for keeping it all a secret. My faulty reasoning was that if I’d known about Doug and Michelle I would have known about you and … well … you know. But when I think about Michelle, I don’t feel anything really except some curiosity. I guess if we ever meet her it may answer the whole nature versus nurture question. Or not. I was raised in the same house as my eldest sister and we don’t have all that much in common.’
‘I’m curious too but my sisters are anxious about their inheritance. Dad’s done okay but we’re not talking tens of millions.’
‘Is it really about money? They might be feeling a bit abandoned too?’
‘Why would they feel abandoned? They’re adults.’
She laughed at his naiveté. ‘I’m an adult too and I went a bit crazy. Think about it. They lost their mother. Now your dad’s met someone else and on top of that he’s disco
vered there’s a daughter he didn’t know existed. Some of his attention is bound to have shifted away from them. From you.’
Ben rubbed the back of his neck. ‘Dad’s still in Mildura a couple of times a month. I suppose in the future that might change.’ A pleading look entered his eyes. ‘Please come and help me talk them off the ledge.’
Her heart went out to him. ‘I’d love to come and believe me, I really want to meet your sisters—’
He sighed. ‘I’m sensing a but.’
‘I just wonder if we should give them a bit more time to get used to the idea of Michelle before we hit them with us? You know, emotional women and all that.’
He brushed her hair behind her ears. ‘You’ve probably got a point. But I want a commitment from you that when we tell our siblings we’re dating the kid of our parent’s lover, we do it together. And I want a date when we’re doing it.’
‘Are you okay if we keep us on the down-low until the end of term? That way we can grab some late June winter sunshine in Mildura and tell your sisters before freezing our bums off in Billawarre and telling mine.’
He grinned at her. ‘Too easy. I like the idea of focusing just on us for a couple of months before we open our relationship up to public scrutiny.’
‘I can’t promise my sisters will be happy about us.’
‘I can’t promise mine will be either but I’ll tell you what I’ve learned so far about family.’
‘What?’
‘Everyone’s reaction is unpredictable. Josie’s always been the calm one in the family and she’s lost the plot about Michelle. Perhaps your sisters will surprise you.’
She thought about Harriet. ‘And pigs might fly.’
‘We’ll take wine.’
‘Oh yeah,’ she said, rising on her toes to kiss him again. ‘Lots and lots of wine.’
CHAPTER
26
Hi Xara,
Sorry I’ve been mostly off the air and I could only stop for a quick drink when you were in Melbourne. It’s been a huge term but holidays in six sleeps. I’m coming down to Billawarre. Any chance of a family lunch at the farm? I’ve got some news
