by P. Jameson
The truth was on the tip of his tongue. Words that could put both of their hearts in jeopardy. They sat there, teetering on the edge, and he didn’t know if they would fall or stay put.
Until they exploded from him.
Whatever hold he’d had on the valve that contained his tangled feelings for Barb, was annihilated in one breath. In one touch.
“I hate the way those foxes look at you, the way every man looks at you.” Yeah, that felt good to say. He crowded her until they were breathing the same air. “I hate that they see how funny and sweet and beautiful you are. I hate that any single one of them could treat you better than I ever could. And I hate that they know it. Hate that I know it. I think I hate that the most.”
Every word from his mouth was like a new weight lifted. What had she done? He couldn’t stop.
“I hate that my shitty, broken heart wants you when it shouldn’t want another woman for the rest of eternity. That’s what I promised her, but here I am falling for you. I hate that you’re perfect for me and that Megan loves you and that you invade my dreams whether I’m awake or asleep. And I hate… I hate that I don’t fucking hate you. Not even close.” He backed her against the wall, his fists on either side of her head, looking her dead in the eyes. “I don’t hate you, princess. And I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at myself. I… I hate myself,” he croaked. “For not dying along with her. For not healing the right way when I didn’t. For needing anyone that damn badly again… and in case it was lost in all those words, it’s you. I need you.” So much weight lifted, that he felt weak from it. He pressed his forehead to hers. “I need you,” he gasped.
Relief so sharp speared him in the chest. Breathe, breathe. For the first time, it wasn’t hard to do. The weight had been lifted from his chest and it was so exhilarating, he wanted to shout.
Barb’s fingers threaded through his hair and the sensation zinged to his heart before fracturing off to hit him in the groin. “I’m here. And I won’t hurt you,” she promised, and he pulled back to see her sweet eyes.
“I swore I wouldn’t. I swore I’d never need anyone again…”
“So that you’d never lose again.”
He nodded.
“But I’m here now. You’re here now. And you can’t live your life afraid of what comes next. You just can’t. You have to live in the present. In every second as it happens. Otherwise, you’re just borrowing time. Living on another person’s moments.”
That was fact. He was living on Karly’s memory, and the truth was, she would never want this for him. He was doing a shit job of honoring her life by continuing to fuck up his. She would hate to see the bitter person he’d become, hate to see him suffering. Tears pricked his eyes, but another fiercer emotion gripped him too.
Hope.
Desire to feel something new with Barb. To purge the blame he carried from the past. He was ready.
“Live for you now,” Barb whispered, and the last bit of his reserve melted away under touch. “Because being stuck in the past means giving up your future.”
No one had ever painted such a clear picture for him. The question was, could he do something about it? He was going to damn well try.
He was going to try with Barb.
His mouth descended on hers and he was lost in her kiss once again.
Chapter Nine
Barb felt the weight lifting from Adam as he confessed everything he’d been holding in for far too long. She felt the conflict inside him, and she felt the moment he decided to trust her with his darkness. She wanted to cry with relief as he kissed her hard enough to leave her lips bruised. Mark me.
I need you, he’d said. And he had no idea how much she’d needed to hear it. One of these days she would tell him her feelings too. For now, she was going to relish every moment of this freedom.
Adam broke their kiss, leaving her reeling from his absence. “Come home with me,” he breathed. As close as they were, she could feel every hard ridge of his erection where it pressed against the front of his jeans. But she had to ask, had to know he was choosing this…
“Are you sure?”
His hand curved around her cheek, tipping her head back until their gazes locked. “Never been so sure of anything in my life. You either come home with me, or we’re doing this right here, with all our friends just steps away.”
Holy crap. He was serious.
And why did that threat sound so hot coming from his normally buttoned-up lips.
He kissed her jaw, sucking hard at her skin. “Decide fast,” he warned as his hips pressed into hers, making her writhe for more delicious friction.
“Okay,” she said. “Okay, let’s go.”
With a guttural groan, he pushed off of her, took her hand in his and headed for his truck. Once inside, he pulled her across the bench seat so she was right beside him. At every stop sign, he kissed her again. As if he couldn’t keep his hands off of her. Like the dam had busted and there was no containing the longing now.
Yessss, her vixen rumbled inside.
She half expected him to change his mind on the drive across town, but he never let go of her hand the entire way. This was unbelievable. She’d wanted this for so long, but now she couldn’t help wondering if the timing was right. She watched him in the dim glow of the streetlights. His jaw was set and determined, but that same pain she felt radiating from him before was still there.
Uncomfortable. But he swore he wanted to feel it. Needed to.
How could freedom and pain mix together so thoroughly inside him?
She swallowed hard as despair licked at her throat. Why did this have to hurt him? Why couldn’t it be like the other matings, and she could be what healed him?
Pulling into the driveway, he hit the brakes so the truck screeched to a stop. He said nothing as he got out and turned to help her down. Except he didn’t let her feet hit the ground. Instead, he held her close so she had no choice but to wrap her legs around his waist. And then his mouth was on her again, kissing and consuming as he walked them toward the door.
Somehow, they made it inside and Adam set her on her feet, pulling apart long enough to lock door behind them.
“Hey…” She needed to slow this down. He was a hurricane right now, barreling forward with no concern about the destruction he could leave in his path.
“Hey,” he said, pulling her close again.
“We should talk it through.”
“No talking. We need this now.”
Why was he in such a hurry? Was he afraid he’d lose his nerve? Was he doing this just to prove a point?
What the hell was happening.
He had her tank top over her head and on the floor in the next breath. And damn. The way his eyes devoured her, she wanted to let him keep going. She reeeeally wanted to let him.
But…
“Adam, wait. We have to talk.”
When he found her eyes, a deep scowl filtered through his lust. “What is there to talk about? Don’t you want this?”
Barb swallowed hard. She couldn’t answer his question without croaking, and if there was one thing she was pretty sure wasn’t sexy, it was croaking. The truth was she wanted this more than anything. But she also wanted him to be okay. She wanted them both to be okay.
Adam pulled away, looking like he’d just been sprayed with cold water. “Is it the foxes? You’d rather be with one of them?”
Barb’s eyes practically popped from her head. “No! God, no. Those two were probably suckled by jackals. That’s the last thing I want. It’s just…”
The relief in his expression was almost comical. “What is it, princess?”
“Why are we moving so fast? Why are you in a hurry?” She couldn’t help it, she was skeptical. She wouldn’t do this with him for the wrong reasons no matter how much she wanted it, and no matter how raw he’d been in the parking lot.
His eyebrows shot into his forehead. “That’s what you’re worried about?”
“Well, a little. Yeah.”
/> Hooking his hand around her hip, he pulled her close until they were chest to chest.
“I just made one of the biggest decisions of my life, and you want to know why I’m in a hurry.” He laughed, dropping a kiss to her forehead. “I’m in a hurry because I haven’t been with a woman in five years and I’m kinda fucking excited.”
“What if…” She swallowed the lump in her throat and whispered her biggest fear. “What if we regret it?”
“Knowing us? You probably will. As for me, I only know one thing. I will definitely regret it if we don’t.”
She knew this was being said tongue-in-cheek, because he’d been so bothered that she regretted their kiss. But he was also warning her. This was going to hurt. Just like his confession did. He was giving her something he’d only ever given his wife, and it couldn’t happen without consequences. Tiny nicks on both of their hearts that she could only hope would heal with time.
She could either accept him as is, or deny him altogether.
Be with mate, her fox begged.
For better or worse, she’d already chosen him. Take the risk or lose the chance. Adam was worth it.
Bitch up, Barbilicious.
Barb tried not to purr as she reached for the button of his jeans. “I’m convinced,” she said. “I guess the only thing left to say is… show me whatcha got, big guy.”
Adam gave an exasperated shake of his head. “Woman, what am I going to do with you?”
“Very, very good things, I hope.” She’d just managed to get his zipper down when he stopped her.
“I’ve been thinking of this for far too long. Now you’re here. I don’t think good is what we’re going to be tonight.”
With that, he lifted her into his arms and swiftly carried her to his room.
***
Adam laid Barb on his bed and stood back to take her in. He didn’t want to go fast. He didn’t want to go slow either. He wanted to do it all.
Fast, slow, hard, soft. All at once.
Damn, he didn’t realize how this desire had been building up over time. How it piled up, in the corner of his mind, needing a way out.
Peeling her jeans down her legs, he revealed inch after inch of creamy flesh until she was in nothing but a pale pink bra and panties. That was when he realized how not naked he was. Shit, did he forget how to make love?
Barb reached up to help him out of his shirt, and when she had it off, she brought the fabric to her nose. Her eyes fluttered closed as she inhaled deep. Scenting. He’d heard the others talk about how important scenting was. Apparently, the vixens could smell boners. Which meant she would know every time he got aroused.
Fine. He could live with that.
In fact, maybe he even liked the idea.
When she tossed his shirt aside and went for his pants, he’d already beat her to it. Freeing his erection, he kicked his jeans away and knelt on the bed.
But she had other plans.
He hissed with blinding pleasure as her hand wrapped around his thickness and pumped slowly. Except that was nothing because in the next breath, she moved her mouth to him. Holding his gaze, she gave him a long lick, from root to tip, swirling her tongue around the rim at the top before taking his length into her hot, hot mouth.
“Fuck,” he barked. His hand shook as he reached to take down her hair. He wanted to thread his fingers in that honey gold while she moved up and down his cock. Closing his eyes, he let pleasure overtake him. Let her rewrite what he thought passion was.
When he was losing himself and about to stop her, her mouth popped free and she whispered, “Mine,” under her breath.
Mine, mine, mine. The word settled in his mind like a new title. He was a father, son, friend… and mine.
Hers.
It felt new and exhilarating. It also felt terrifying and unreal.
Pushing Barb back to the bed, he growled, “My turn.” He dragged his fingers over her throat and across her sternum until he reached the sweet curves that disappeared under her bra. Freeing them was like unwrapping something forbidden. His mouth watered at the prospect of a taste.
When the scrap of fabric was gone and her rose tipped breasts were bare before him, he kissed his way from her mouth, down the column of her neck, to her chest that gasped for breath beneath his attention, until he could take her hardened nipple between his lips.
“Adam… god…”
Her skin was sweet. Hot and cool at the same time, blushing pink under his attention. He couldn’t get enough. His hands roamed her body, memorizing every curve and plane, learning how they played off each other and what made her moan and arch her back and dig her nails into his skin. Her sounds were sweet music in his ears and his cock throbbed in time to her every breath.
Fuck. He was done for.
If the foreplay was this explosive, he was all the way fucking done for.
His hand dipped beneath her panties, needing to feel her. The wetness he discovered there made him melt from the inside out. He’d caused this, and the power that created in him made him feel invincible.
When was the last time he felt this powerful? Had to be before his life spun out and he lost himself.
Barb’s hips thrust up to meet his touch, and the only thing he could think about was tasting her. Getting that sweet honey on his lips, down his throat.
Shit, he was feeling wild for her.
He yanked her panties over hips to expose the rest of her. “Goddamn,” he whispered, his eyes landing on her slick and swollen opening. She was so ready for this. “Beautiful.” Nudging her legs wider, his mouth was drawn to her as if her pussy was a siren singing its deadly song to lure him in.
He didn’t care. He was here for it.
The first taste of her slick folds was a shock straight to his groin. And then he ate her like he was a starved man.
And damn it, he was. He’d missed this. The intimacy. The carnality. The way it felt as a man to bring pleasure to his woman… In a way, he’d forgotten who he was. Forgotten he could make someone else feel so good.
“Yes, yesss,” she hissed beneath him, her head thrashing from side to side on his pillows.
When she was ready to shatter apart, fingers in his hair, thighs quivering, he forced himself to stop. Hovering above her, he found her pleasure-frenzied gaze and lined up his cock at her opening. This was it. This was where he never thought he’d be. Going this far, with someone he cared for.
Someone he cared for just as much as Karly.
Never breaking eye contact, he pushed into Barb’s tight body, breathing shallow as she squeezed every inch of him like a strong fist. In his chest, he could feel something building. Something new and powerful.
A mythical force like Aaron talked about?
Adam swallowed hard at the weight of what was happening between them. How could it be this strong, this serious, the first time? But he already knew the answer. It was the same with Karly. He was the kind of man who fell hard and fast, and he’d always known it. When he found what he was looking for, there was no looking anywhere else.
Barb was what he was looking for.
And yes, it hurt.
The reminders of a life past, the new sensations filling him now, rebuilding who he was. All if it fucking hurt, but he wouldn’t give it up for anything.
His hips thrust a steady rhythm as his heart adjusted to a new normal. Barb’s hands came to his cheeks and she leaned up to quickly kiss him. He realized she could feel this too. Just like Aaron said. She could feel what he was experiencing now. He only hoped she wasn’t hurt.
With more strength than he realized, she surged up, forcing him to his back so she could straddle his waist.
“Oh, fuck yes,” he breathed.
She slid along his length, grinding on him like the wild woman she was. And he loved every minute of it.
“Adam,” she moaned.
He was so close to exploding. Even her voice was like a stroke on his cock.
“Ride me, vixen,” he rasped. “Don�
��t stop until you come on me.”
She leaned back, bracing her hands on his thighs as she continued to move on him. Like this, his hands had free access to her lithe little body, and he took advantage of it, tweaking her nipples, dragging his fingertips across her smooth stomach, until he found her swollen clit with his thumb.
Barb cried out, and the moment she did, he felt her lock down on him in a shattering orgasm. With a roar of his own, his hips came off the bed and he exploded inside her, coming so hard it seemed he’d never stop.
Barb collapsed on his chest, her breath churning. With a shaky hand, he pressed her close, trying and failing to catch his breath. It could have been moments later, it could have been hours, time had no meaning, she slid off of him, curling into his side like a satisfied cat.
Neither of them said a word. Neither of them dared. But the weight of what they’d done settled on them anyway, and he couldn’t help wondering if she regretted it. He wanted to ask how much she’d felt. The turmoil, the pleasure. Which stood out the most? He wanted to know if the pressure in his chest was his own or hers too.
Was this the wonderful mating bond everyone talked about? Because if he was honest… it sort of hurt. Similar to the weight he’d felt before his confession at Red Cap, it made it hard to breathe. Except this was different. If something could be beautiful in a heartbreaking way, that’s how he’d describe it.
Barb lifted her head from his shoulder, a frown furrowing her brow. “What’s wrong?”
Adam rubbed at his chest where the new ache lay. “I don’t know.”
“Pain,” she said, and he nodded before he realized she wasn’t asking a question. “The mating bond…”
He found her eyes. “Are we mates then, you and me?”
She nodded solemnly. “The forever kind.”
Forever. Or until something awful happened to take her away.
“My forever, or yours.”
Barb dropped a kiss on his shoulder before answering. “If fate is a dependable bastard, then both. The bond is forever. It can’t be broken. It can be hurt. It can weaken. It can grow stronger. But it will always be there.”
