by P. Jameson
She crawled out of Adam’s lap and watched as he stood and brushed the dust off his jeans. He looked at her, and she couldn’t help but marvel at the way he just seemed… easy.
My brave mate is healing.
Healing without her, but healing nonetheless, and that was all that truly mattered.
“I was wondering if you wanted to watch Megan tonight?”
Megan, her fox piped up. Megan is mine.
“She misses the hell out of you too. She’s been asking about you nonstop. Could you come by, maybe five o’clock?”
Barb yipped to let him know she would be there.
Adam gave her one last look and then headed for his truck.
Chapter Thirteen
“Hurry, daddy! She’s gonna be here any minute.”
Adam pulled the lasagna out of the oven minutes before Barb was due to arrive. She’d texted him to make sure he’d be gone before she got here. Gone, meaning in his truck and ready to leave, because Megan couldn’t be left alone.
He’d agreed. But what she didn’t know was he was only going to be gone for about five minutes while he checked the damn mailbox down the street. Then he was coming back, and they were going to set things right.
He didn’t even feel bad that he’d tricked her into coming with a babysitting rouse.
“We still clear?” he asked Megan. She was keeping watch at the window.
“All good.” She gave him a thumbs up.
“Okay. I’m leaving. See you in a few minutes, Nutmeg.”
She grinned, waving him off.
Quickly, he grabbed his keys and headed for his truck. He had it running and in reverse by the time Barb pulled up to his curb. He stared at her through dual windshields. This had to be the longest he’d ever gone without seeing her face. Even when she first rode into town and he was trying to keep his distance, he managed to run into her everywhere.
Maybe he’d never really been trying.
She looked away first but he could see the sadness in her eyes even through two panes of glass and twenty feet away.
Tonight, this would fucking end. She would be his again, no matter what it took.
He pulled away, telling himself nothing could keep him from her. Things weren’t perfect inside his mind, but they were so much better. The weight he’d lived under for too long had lifted. Survivor’s guilt, Dr. Tracey called it. Whatever the fuck it was, he was dealing with it.
It was progress.
And he wanted to share it with Barb.
She was his second chance at perfect.
He even had a theory for why their mating bond had been so painful. He planned to tell her all about it tonight.
Returning home, he parked the truck in its normal spot and all but ran up the front steps.
He heard Barb’s confusion even before he opened the door. “Why in the world are you setting three places, girly?”
“It’s a secret.” Megan giggled and he pushed inside, making his way to the kitchen.
Barb blinked as he appeared in the entryway. “What are you doing here?” she asked. “I thought you had errands to run.”
“I ran ‘em. All done. Who’s ready for dinner?”
“Meeee!” Megan shouted.
Barb pressed her lips together, her eyes glistening with possible tears. She grabbed her jacket. “I should go then.”
“No!” Megan begged. “You have to stay for lasagna. Daddy made it especially for you.”
Barb turned to him. “You did?”
“It is your favorite, right?”
The side of her lips curved up. Damn he missed those lips. “Can’t stand the stuff.” She gave a shake of her head, her eyes squeezing closed as if suffering some internal argument. “We have to keep our distance,” she whispered. “Otherwise the pain might come back. Sure would suck a lot for all this heartbreak to be in vain.” The joke fell flat from her lips.
Adam shook his head. “I don’t think the pain will return. See, I have a theory.”
“What theory?”
Adam opened his mouth to explain, but at that exact moment, a blood curdling scream stopped everything cold. His train of thought, his heart. His very breath.
Fuck.
Megan.
His little girl stood near the table, panic and pain twisting her face into his greatest fears as she held her hand in front of her body, shaking the hell out of it. She’s hurt, she’s hurt, she’s hurt.
Barb spun so fast he didn’t even realize she’d moved, and was crouched in front of Megan, searching out the threat before he could get his feet going.
“What is it, what is it, baby?” she asked.
Megan’s only response was a ragged gasp followed by another scream. She couldn’t find words. Barb looked around, her eyes quickly settling on the lasagna pan.
“Was it this? Did you touch it?”
Megan nodded, her face crumpling with agony that ripped at his heart.
Barb was somehow calm. Their reason in the midst of travesty. How very appropriate since she was the hurricane who blew into their life and changed everything.
“It’s okay,” she said. “It was an accident, sweety. But I need to look. Can I see it?”
Megan nodded once again, and gingerly offered Barb her hand. Adam crowded in to see his daughter’s blistered palm and cursed.
“Okay, Megipoo,” Barb crooned. “It’s going to be all right.” She looked at Adam. Get a towel. Wet it good. Wrap some ice in it.”
He jumped into action, quickly making a wet pack for his daughter’s hand. Megan continued to cry as Barb carefully wrapped it around her injury. And then without another word, she scooped up the girl and headed for the door.
“Hospital. Now,” she said, and he raced ahead to get the truck door for her.
She’s hurt, she’s hurt. The words ricocheted around his skull causing familiar panic to build in his chest.
But the new part of him, the part that was returning from the dead, remembered Barb’s words to Megan, and believed them. It was going to be okay. He focused on that thought as he drove his girl to the emergency room.
***
Barb paced the empty waiting room at the ER even though a doctor had already told her Megan was going to be fine. She suffered minor burns on her hand from touching the hot lasagna pan. They had given her something for the pain and were bandaging her up, then she’d be free to go home.
Barb blew out a breath, turning to start back the other direction. Seeing her little girl so hurt felt like claws raking her from the inside. Probably because her vixen had nearly lost its shit trying to get out. It was a miracle Barb had managed to control herself. Later, when they were all safe at home, she would probably be pretty damn proud about it.
Control meant she was growing. And growing was always a good thing. Especially when it meant being safe for the ones you loved.
Turning again, she almost ran smack into Adam. She screeched to a halt like the damn roadrunner cartoon, but he didn’t even flinch.
“H-how is Meg?”
He let off a heavy sigh. “They gave her a lollipop and some pain meds, so she’s smiling. Like nothing ever happened.” He shook his head. “She’s going to be just fine.”
“Good, good. Damn, I was so worried.”
“Me too,” he admitted.
“You didn’t panic,” she said, narrowing her gaze.
“Started to. But I focused on the present and the future worked itself out. Funny how that happens.”
Barb raised an eyebrow. Apparently, she wasn’t the only one growing. “Gonna write that one down in my planner,” she joked.
Adam smirked. “Welcome to the new me.”
“I liked the old you just fine.”
“But the new me is better for you.”
She wanted to know what he meant by that, but seconds later, the nurse called him back to sign discharge papers and then he was carrying a sleeping Megan out to the truck.
The drive home took fifteen minutes and neit
her of them spoke a word. Adam carried Megan inside and straight to bed while Barb resumed her pacing in his living room.
When he emerged from the hallway, he stopped cold, frowning at her.
“What are you doing?”
“Huh?” He pointed at her chest and she looked down. “Oh. That. Playing with my boobs. Why?”
He looked like he wanted to laugh but couldn’t because the night had just been too much.
“It calms me down,” she quipped. “Like built in stress balls. One for each hand. I’d offer to let you try it but you’re grounded, mister.” Teasing him again felt natural. Normal. As if they hadn’t spent the last few weeks apart.
“Grounded. Really?”
“You used your daughter to get me over here. You realize that, right?”
“It was her idea.”
Barb rolled her eyes. “She’s six.”
Adam raised an eyebrow. “You think that matters? Hand to heart, it was completely her idea.”
“She’s such a little firecracker. It was hard to see her so hurt.” Barb dropped her boobs and collapsed on the couch. “I damn near shifted, right in front of her. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do to protect her.” Mine. “I probably would have scared the hell out of her.”
Adam dropped to the sofa beside Barb. “One day she will find out anyway. We have too many shifter friends to avoid it. She’ll have to learn to keep a secret first, though.”
Barb stared at him. “You’ve thought about this.”
“Of course I’ve thought about it.” Reaching over, he brushed his fingers across her cheek and she pressed into his hand. His touch felt good. Calmed her inner beast. It was sure as hell better than boob stress balls. “I’ve done nothing but think about it. Should I take her and leave Cedar Valley? Should we stay and just keep everyone at a distance? Should I do this? Or do that…this shit gets old fast. I’ve spent years thinking and thinking, then thinking again. Well, I’ve decided that’s enough. I want to quit thinking and start living.” Adam gave her a lopsided smile. “Some wiseass told me I needed to live in the now. I plan on taking that advice.”
Barb pursed her lips, remembering their conversation outside Red Cap. “Wiseass, huh? This wiseass sounds like she has a level head on her shoulders.” Maybe if she had practiced what she preached they wouldn’t be in this situation.
No. She couldn’t keep blaming herself for what happened to their bond. She acted on instinct to spare her mate. There was no shame in that. She did what any shifter would do.
Adam barked a laugh, pulling her attention back to him. It was a real laugh, from his gut. Just like that day at Game Palace. “Boy, Rod is going to be pissed you called him a she.”
“Rod?”
“Aw, princess. You didn’t think I was talking about you, did ya?”
Barb crossed her arms over her chest. “Well, I did say something similar.”
“You and an entire army of people,” he said softly. “I told you earlier I’d been thinking. I have a theory.”
Barb nodded.
“Like I said, I’ve been working through shit. Figuring out what I want. Been thinking about what life could be like and… well, I want to show you something.”
He leaned over, reaching for his back pocket to pull out a clump of tattered leather that she guessed was supposed to pass for a wallet. Taking a deep breath, he opened the thing and withdrew a photo, holding it gently between his fingers like it was precious. A smiling woman with dark hair spilling over her shoulders. She held a baby in her arms. Megan.
This was a photo of Karly.
“I’ve seen this picture so many times,” he said. “Often, I’ve stared at it trying to remember details about her. How she laughed. The way her smile looked. The softness of her face whenever she stared at our baby. You see, I’ve spent so much time missing her, that I didn’t have time for healing. I buried myself in work and being there for Megan. That was it. That was my life after Karly.”
His hand trembled and Barb reached out to cover it with her own. “It’s ok. You don’t have to tell me anything. I know it’s not easy to—”
“No. You need to hear this. It’s all part of my theory. You see, I never thought I could be happy again. I’ve told you before. I had perfect once. I didn’t deserve it a second time.”
Shit. They were going there again. Only this time, he knew what she’d already come to realize.
There wasn’t room in his heart for a second love story.
“I understand.” She forced her voice past a throat raw with emotion. “You don’t need to explain. I’ve felt the pain. Watched you torture yourself trying to do something, be something you weren’t ready for.”
“You’re right. I wasn’t ready. With you, things felt good again. I could breathe again. Laugh again. Feel again. But all those good things also pained me. Felt like I was betraying her, letting her down, by trying to move on. That building a life with you, somehow negated the one I had with her.”
Barb shook her head. “I never wanted that. I just wanted to love you. Even if there wasn’t room in your heart for anyone else. I never wanted to see you struggle over me. That’s why I had to do something...” Her voice broke on the last syllable and Adam pulled her close to wrap his arm around her.
“Karly had stashed this in my wallet shortly before she died,” he said, and she could hear the unshed tears in his voice. “In all the years I’ve had this picture, not once did I ever pull it out of its protective little casing. Like everything that had to do with her, it was cordoned off from the world. Kept hidden, so nothing could ever change. I focused all my attention on what we had then, what was lost, that I never took the time to see what I had right in front of me.”
Adam flipped the picture over to reveal something handwritten on the back. Barb couldn’t read it through her tears.
“The day you severed our bond, I sat in my truck screaming at this photo for answers to how to fix us. Because babe…” He tipped her chin up so their eyes met. “I don’t even want to breathe if you’re not in my life, if I’m not sharing oxygen with you. You, Barb. No one else owns me like this. Bond or not. Fucking shifter mojo or not, you’re mine. I can’t help it, and I don’t want to.”
His beautiful words cut straight to her heart as they tripped over reality… over what she’d done.
“But I ruined what we had,” she cried, wishing she could turn back time.
That was the point of life wasn’t it? You couldn’t get time back, you couldn’t change it, and you couldn’t live in what was already gone.
“You think cutting the bond did anything? I still smell you on my pillows,” he growled, his hand around her neck, bringing their foreheads together. “I still remember what your skin feels like slipping against mine. I still have your taste on my lips. You invade my dreams, my every waking thought, until I want you more than air.”
Hope bloomed in her chest. Maybe it wasn’t too late for them.
Adam pulled back to pass the photo to Barb. “As I folded it back into my wallet, I noticed the writing. Read it.”
Dashing her tears away, she focused on the message.
If you fear the future because of what has happened in your past, you’ll end up losing what you have in the present.
Holy shit.
“Did she write this?” Barb asked.
“Yes. Five years ago, and I found it at the perfect moment in time.”
“Amazing.” Never had she believed in fate as strongly as she did now.
“See, I haven’t been honoring Karly’s memory. I’ve been locking it down. She’s not supposed to take up all the space in my heart. She was only supposed to make room for what was coming. You. You’re my present, Barb. You and Megan and whatever happiness we make for ourselves. I’m done living with guilt and regret. I’m going to honor Karley’s life by finally living mine. I’m gonna live it the best damn way I know how. I’m gonna make happy memories and love my people fucking hard. I’m gonna do it for her, but especially
… especially for you.”
His words were taking the place of all the despair she’d harbored since her trip to the Ouachitas. All the sadness she thought she’d have to live with was replaced with hope for their future. Dirty, messy, tragic hope.
Adam took the picture and set it aside before curving his palm around her cheek and finding her eyes. “I want you back. I want it all. Don’t tell me no. Don’t walk away. Just put us back together, and I swear you will never regret it. You won’t. Do it, before you break me for good. Or break me. I don’t care. But you won’t get rid of me. I’m here. Right here. I’m not quitting you. Not ever.”
Fierce, determined mate. She loved him so damn much.
“I… I don’t know how to fix the bond.”
“I don’t care. All you have to do is say yes, and I know the future will work itself out.”
She saw the faith in his eyes, and the barest hints of a new bond pressing into the space between them, and somehow, she knew he was right.
Nothing was ruined. As long as they were alive, there was hope.
“Yes,” she whispered. “Yes.”
“Thank fuck.” Before she could utter another word, Adam surged forward, slamming his lips on hers and pressing in to own her mouth once more. His urgent hands dragged her body across his until she straddled his waist.
Heat started in the center of her chest, growing until it became painful. She gasped, pulling away as she realized what was happening. The bond was returning, and along with it… the pain.
No, no. Not again.
Frantic eyes found his as he took her face between his hands. “Kiss me,” he demanded. “And don’t you dare stop until it’s better.”
Barb nodded, unable to argue. Bending to close the distance, she pressed her lips softly to his, putting all her love into the kiss. Adam’s response was just as tender.
Love. He loved her.
She felt it in the furious ball of heat in her center. Love pounding through them like a brand new heartbeat. A rhythm that belonged to them, and only them.
With a powerful jolt, the once lost mating bond locked into place, exchanging the pain of growth with something sweet and warm. And completely fucking permanent.
