by Marie Force
“Everything okay with Doctor Kevin?”
“Yeah, it’s all good.”
He leaned in and lowered his voice. “I’ve been told I’m a good listener. If you need a friend, I’m right here.”
Chelsea was tempted. The bar was dead and her emotions were a jumbled mess. What would it hurt to air it out with a guy who’d become a friend over the last few months? “If I tell you, it doesn’t go any further, right?”
He pretended to turn a key over his lips. “I’m a vault. I promise whatever you tell me stays between us.”
Chelsea hesitated, but only for a second. She needed to talk to someone. With her elbows on the bar, she leaned in close enough to Niall that they couldn’t be overheard by the few patrons at the bar.
“I told Kevin today that I’d like to have a baby.”
To his credit, Niall didn’t express surprise or shock or horror—any of the emotions she’d seen in Kevin’s reaction earlier. “What’d he say?”
“He was freaked out, not that he said that, but I could tell.”
“He looks about forty, but I think he’s probably older…”
She nodded. “He’ll be fifty-three in September.”
Niall blew out a low whistle.
“And his sons are twenty-six and twenty-eight.”
“Hmm. So I’ll bet he isn’t exactly walking around pining for another wee one.”
“Not exactly,” Chelsea said, feeling dejected. “Now I’m thinking I probably shouldn’t have said anything.”
“Why would you think that? If you want a baby, you should have a baby.”
“But I want him, too,” she said softly.
Niall reached across the bar to rest his hand on top of hers. “That’s a tough one. I don’t deny it, but if he’s not interested in having a baby, you’ll have to ask yourself which you want more—the baby or him.”
“I can’t imagine having to choose.”
“You may have to, love.”
“I know,” she said, blinking back tears. “That’s what makes this so hard. I really do love him. I didn’t expect to, but that’s what happened. And now…”
Niall raised a brow. “Now what?”
“Now I don’t know where we stand or if we’re over or what. I hate that I’ve put all this uncertainty into a relationship that was going really well before today.” Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Kevin come into the bar. He stopped short at the sight of her talking to Niall. Then he turned and walked out.
“Kevin!”
“Go on after him,” Niall said. “I’ll hold down the fort for you.”
Chelsea didn’t hesitate to take him up on the offer. She bolted from behind the bar and ran through the lobby toward the back door. Outside, she saw him heading for the parking lot. “Kevin! Wait!”
He stopped but didn’t turn around. The hard set of his shoulders told her he was pissed off.
She took hold of his arm and turned him to face her. “Where’re you going?”
“Home.”
“Why?”
“I didn’t like walking in there and seeing you holding hands with another guy, especially after the way we left things earlier.”
“I wasn’t holding hands with him! I was talking to him about you, and he was comforting me.”
He laughed bitterly. “Sure he was.”
“Kevin, look at me.” She waited until his gaze met hers. “He’s my friend. That’s all he is. You…”
“What am I?” he asked, his voice gruff with emotion.
“Everything.”
He sighed, his posture losing some of its rigidness. “I’m sorry. I overreacted. I know Niall is your friend. I’ve just been really…”
“What?”
“Spun up about what you told me earlier.”
“Let’s just forget I said that and go back to the way things were.”
His fingers on her chin forced her to look up at him. “We can’t go back, honey. You were honest about what you want, and I always want you to be honest with me. But I need a little time to wrap my head around this.”
Her stomach ached with worry and regret for having rocked their boat. “How much time?”
“I don’t know. I need to think about this, Chels.”
She shook her head. “I never should’ve said anything.”
“Don’t say that.”
“I don’t want to mess this up.”
“You haven’t messed up anything.”
Though he said what he thought she needed to hear, she could tell by the furrow of his brow and the tension she’d never seen before in his jaw that she’d messed up everything. She took a step back from him. “I have to go back to work.”
“Okay.”
“Will I see you later?”
“I’m gonna go home tonight and get some sleep. I’ll talk to you tomorrow?”
They hadn’t spent a night apart in more than six months. She nodded, determined to remain unemotional until he walked away. The second he was gone, though, tears rolled down her cheeks. He hadn’t kissed her goodbye or told her he’d be back so she wouldn’t have to leave the bar alone at closing.
Chelsea watched him go, feeling like she’d lost something precious.
* * *
Kevin felt like crap for leaving her like that, with so many unanswered questions lingering between them. But he didn’t have any of the answers, and he needed some time and space to figure out how he really felt about her, them, the possibility of more children. His brain was like a whirling pit of thoughts that refused to add up to anything that made sense.
In the kitchen, Riley was making a sandwich of turkey, cheese and white bread, whereas his brother would’ve wanted multigrain bread and every condiment in the fridge. They teased Riley about still eating like a kindergartener.
“Hey,” Kevin said, dropping his keys on the counter.
“What’re you doing here?” Riley asked.
“Um, I thought I lived here?” Kevin took a beer from the fridge and used the opener that was always on the counter to open it. Deb would’ve put it away. He left it out because he could.
Riley laughed. “You keep your clothes here. That’s about it.” Riley took a big bite of his sandwich and helped himself to the beer Kevin had opened.
“Sure, have mine. I’ll get another.”
“Thank you.”
Riley sat at the table and ate the sandwich in four big bites. “You’re not hanging with Chelsea tonight?”
“No, not tonight.”
Riley raised an eyebrow. “You guys have a fight?”
“Nah, nothing like that.”
“Something’s up.”
Kevin opened another beer and took it with him to sit at the table with his son. “Chelsea wants to have a baby.”
Riley choked on a mouthful of beer. He coughed so hard, his eyes watered. When he could speak again, he said, “What the hell did you just say?”
Kevin scowled at him. “You heard me.”
“You’re seriously thinking about having another kid at your age?”
“You say that like I’m eighty.”
“Dad, come on… Is this really what you want, or would you be doing something huge for her that doesn’t work at all for you?”
“I don’t know. I told her I need to think about it.”
Riley sat back in his chair, but his gaze never wavered as he took a good long look at Kevin. “I know you really like her.”
“I love her, Riley. Despite what you and your brother might think, this is in no way a rebound for me.”
“Okay… But a baby? Really?”
“Your uncle Frank said it’s a baby, not a bomb.”
“At your age, it would be like a bomb going off in your life. Are you prepared to go through that again?”
“Not even kinda, but I completely understand that it’s an experience she wants to have.”
“Fair enough, but does it have to be with you?”
“I don’t know, son. I don’t want to lose her, and
I want her to be happy. I’m trying to figure out where we go from here.”
Riley started to say something but appeared to think better of it.
“Whatever it is, just say it,” Kevin said. “I value your opinion.”
“It’s just that sometimes I wish you and Mom were still together and nothing had changed. That makes me sound like a big baby, but that’s how I feel.”
“I understand. Change is difficult, especially when it’s your parents who you always pictured a certain way. But there’s no going back. We can only go forward.”
“I know that, and I want you both to be happy. I really do.”
“That means a lot.”
“Are you leaning in one direction or the other on the baby?”
“Not really. I’m still stuck firmly in the shock zone. She’s never given the slightest inkling that this is something she wants until today.”
“What brought it on all of a sudden?”
“Her thirty-seventh birthday and a teasing comment from her sister-in-law about now or never.”
“So maybe this is just a moment of panic on her part, and in a week or two, she might rethink it.”
“I suppose that’s possible.”
“Nothing has to be decided immediately, Dad. Take a breath and see what happens.”
“That’s good advice. Thank you.”
Riley smiled, and Kevin was again struck by what a handsome man his son had grown up to be. His hair was a little longer than it had ever been, he hadn’t shaved in days, and he had tattoos on both arms. He bore no resemblance whatsoever to the little boy he’d once been, but Kevin loved him as fiercely as he ever had. “Least I can do for the shrink who’s been giving me good advice all my life.”
The boys often joked about being the sons of a psychiatrist who had all the answers. Their cross to bear, they would say.
“I gotta get to bed,” Riley said, standing. “We’re starting early tomorrow on a new house.”
“Where’s your brother gone off to?”
“Who knows? He’s gotta work early, too, so I’m sure he’ll be home soon.” Riley tossed his beer bottle in the recycling. “Night.”
“Night, bud.”
Kevin went to bed and was still awake when Finn came home at one. He watched one become two and two become two thirty. He rarely had trouble sleeping, but he also rarely had so many thoughts keeping his mind awake when he should be sleeping. Reaching for his phone on the bedside table, he texted Chelsea.
Are you awake?
She wrote right back. Yeah.
Can I come over?
I wish you would.
Her response filled him with elation. Be there in ten.
Kevin put on a T-shirt and basketball shorts, grabbed his wallet, phone and keys and crept from the house as quietly as he could, feeling like a teenager sneaking out of his parents’ home. He decided to walk the short distance to her house, through the silent, sleeping downtown where the foghorn was the only sound he heard. From a few blocks away, he saw her front light go on. He picked up the pace, eager to get to her, to talk to her, to be with her.
As he went up the front stairs, the inside door opened. She wore a white nightgown that fell to mid-thigh, and her long blonde hair was loose around her shoulders.
Gorgeous, he thought. Stunningly beautiful and all mine. Mine, mine, mine. The thought of her with any other guy drove him crazy. He was so happy to see her that she could ask him for anything, even a baby, and he’d happily give it to her.
He stepped inside, wrapped his arms around her and breathed in the alluring scent of her skin.
This was love. It wasn’t a rebound or a midlife crisis or anything other than love, as pure and as simple as anything he’d ever felt. Lifting her into his embrace, he kicked the door closed and carried her into the bedroom where they’d spent so many nights together. She’d lit one of the candles she kept on the bedside table, filling the room with the scent of lavender.
Chelsea had introduced him to candles in the bedroom, and he’d become a fan of the romantic glow the flame cast over the cozy room.
With her arms looped around his neck, she kissed his face and lips. “I’m sorry to have dropped something so huge on you like that. It wasn’t fair.”
“I’m sorry I freaked out.”
“I don’t blame you for freaking out. Anyone would.”
He dropped his keys on the floor and laid her on the bed, coming down on top of her. “How is it possible that you’ve made it so I can’t sleep unless you’re with me?”
She raised her hands to his face. “I seem to have the same problem. I missed you tonight.”
“I missed you, too.”
“Have I ruined everything for us?” she asked in a small voice that was so unlike her that it made his heart ache.
“No, honey. Not at all.”
“If it’s a choice between you and a baby, I pick you, Kevin. I never expected this to be so…”
He gazed down at her, heartened by her words and the emotion behind them. “Important?”
“Yes. It’s become the most important thing in my life.”
“Mine, too,” he said, kissing her. “Right up there with my sons.”
“I didn’t like how it felt to think I’d driven you away.”
“You didn’t.” Drowning in the sweet scent of her skin, he kissed her neck and jaw, rolled her earlobe between his teeth and buried his face in her silky hair. “We’re going to figure this out.”
“Are we?”
He nodded. “We don’t need to decide anything right this minute. We’re going to take our time, talk it out, look at it from all angles, and figure out a next step that works for both of us.”
Her hands moved under his T-shirt, pushing it up as she explored his back.
Her touch electrified him like always. No other woman had ever made him feel the way she did, simply by touching him. He drew back from her to pull off the shirt and help her out of the nightgown. Seeing that she wore nothing under it ramped up the urgency beating through him. He took in her full breasts, the flat abdomen that she kept toned through daily yoga, the neatly trimmed hair that covered the juncture of long, tanned legs.
Over the past year, he’d had reason to wonder—on more than one occasion—what he’d ever done to get so lucky to have a goddess like her care for him the way she did. He cupped her breast and bent to draw her tight nipple into his mouth.
Her hips lifted off the bed, pressing her core tight against his cock as she grasped a handful of his hair to keep him focused on her breasts.
He’d often thought that if he died right there, with his face buried in the soft wonder of her spectacular breasts, he’d go a happy man. Kissing his way from her breasts to her belly and below, Kevin set out to worship her, to show her how much he cared and how badly he wanted her. He rested her legs on his shoulders and opened her to his tongue and fingers, setting out to bring her as much pleasure as she could stand.
“Let me hear you, sweetheart,” he whispered against her thigh, which quivered under his lips.
Her obvious desire for him was the greatest turn-on he’d ever experienced. If he was close to her, she wanted to touch him, hold his hand, run her fingers through his hair. He hadn’t realized how starved he’d been for that kind of affection until she showed him. And he loved how responsive she was to him, how he could make her come so easily. Often, he liked to drag out the pleasure, to take her up and leave her hanging before backing off and starting over. He liked when she begged to come.
Tonight, he only wanted to make her feel good, so he didn’t tease or torment her. He knew exactly what it took to send her flying, and gave it to her, loving the sound of her gasps and cries when she came hard around his fingers, her clit throbbing under his tongue.
She was still coming when he pushed his cock into her. The tight fit of her flesh gripping his never failed to take him to the edge of madness. Grasping her hips to hold her still, he drove into her. He’d never felt an
ything quite like the wild emotions that overtook him when he made love to her. She made him feel like he could climb mountains and conquer armies single-handedly. It was foolish, he knew, to have such silly thoughts, but the feelings couldn’t be contained.
“Chels…” He dropped his head to her shoulder. “Love you. I love you so much.”
She grasped his ass, pulling him deeper into her in a move that nearly finished him off. “I love you, too. I don’t want to lose you.”
“You won’t.” He punctuated his assurances with a deep, soulful kiss. Her tongue rubbing up against his drove him crazier than he already was. A thought occurred to him, making him falter.
“What?” she asked, tuned in to him.
He looked down at her. “You… You’re still on the pill, right?”
Her face went blank with shock in the instant before her eyes flashed with anger. She pushed at his shoulder, struggling to get free of him. “Get off of me.”
Chapter 5
“Chelsea—”
“Get. Off.”
He withdrew from her, his cock throbbing with unfilled desire. Flopping onto his back, he tried to collect thoughts that were once again spinning through his mind like a cyclone.
She got up, put her nightgown back on and went into the adjoining bathroom, slamming the door behind her.
Fuck…
He sat up, ran his fingers through his hair and wished he could take back the last five minutes. Going to the bathroom door, he knocked. “Chelsea, honey, I’m sorry. I know better than to ask you that. It was heat of the moment. Forgive me? Please?” Receiving no reply, he knocked again. “Chelsea…”
The door opened, and she pushed past him. “You should go.”
“Baby, I said I was sorry.”
Sitting against the pillows, she wrapped her arms around her legs. “I can’t believe you would think for one second, heat of the moment or not, that I would trap you into giving me a baby.”
“I never thought you would do that.”
“Then why would you ask me if I’m still on the pill while we’re making love?”
“Because I’m an idiot, and I wasn’t thinking.” He sat on the bed, putting a hand on either side of her hips. “I’m sorry.”
