by Marie Force
“Wait just a minute,” Grant said. “Did you and Maddie collude against us?”
“Would we do that?” Mac asked.
“Yes,” the others said in a chorus.
“Rigged,” Adam said. “I call for an audit.”
“Stuff your audit and pay up,” Mac said. “Maddie is the rightful winner.”
“Can anyone who has to live with you for the rest of their life actually be referred to as a winner?” Evan asked.
Maddie, who was a few weeks behind Janey in her pregnancy, held her belly as she laughed. “Quit making me laugh, or I’ll pee my pants.”
“She will,” Mac said, his expression grave. “Happens once a day.”
His wife glared at him. “Shut up, Mac!”
“How many times a day do you suppose she has to say that?” Riley asked.
“Hundreds,” Maddie said.
Mac rubbed his hands together, his expression nothing short of diabolical. “I’ve had lots of time to think about our next move, gentlemen.”
“There’s not one man here who’s gonna follow your lead after the skinny-dipping episode got us all cut off for weeks,” Shane said.
“What he said,” Blaine Taylor, Mac’s brother-in-law, replied, using his thumb to point at Shane. “You’ve been replaced as the dictator of this banana republic.”
“By who?” Mac asked. “Who’d want to take on this motley crew?”
“Anyone but you,” Joe said.
“We’ll see what you’re saying when I come up with the perfect plan for retribution,” Mac said.
“Why do you need retribution?” Grace asked. “We’re the ones who were left naked on a beach without our clothes. The way I see it, you oughta be watching your asses.”
“She makes me so hot when she talks dirty,” Evan said, shivering dramatically.
Grace gave him a shove that nearly sent him flying off the deck.
While the others laughed at Evan, Stephanie said, “We need a strategic plan to get these men under control before we end up with a bunch of sons just like them.”
“No kidding,” Laura said. “I live in mortal fear of my boys growing up to be like cousin Mac.”
“You’d be lucky if they were like me,” Mac said.
Listening to their foolish banter, Kevin loved nights like this when the family came together for any reason or often no reason other than a desire to be together. Surveying the crowd, he noted Big Mac’s daughter Mallory had arrived with her fiancé, Quinn James, and that Alex and Jenny Martinez had come by to see Janey along with Alex’s brother, Paul, and his wife, Hope. They’d recently learned that Paul and Hope were also expecting a baby.
Slim Jackson and his fiancée, Erin Barton, were there, as were Victoria Stevens, the island’s midwife, and her significant other, Shannon O’Grady. But the biggest surprise was the arrival of David Lawrence and his fiancée, Daisy Babson.
Janey held out her arms and hugged her ex-fiancé, who said something that made her laugh and then playfully punch his arm.
Joe shook hands with David and kissed Daisy’s cheek before offering them drinks and food. After a man saved the life of your wife and son, Kevin supposed it didn’t matter that he used to be engaged to your wife.
A consummate people watcher, Kevin enjoyed sitting back and taking in the family dynamics. Mac’s sons, Frank’s son, his sons… The cousins were close because the three brothers had always been tight. It was nice to see Shane laughing and bullshitting with the guys. For a while after his wife left him, they’d had reason to wonder if Shane would ever smile again. Since he’d gotten engaged to Owen’s sister Katie, Shane smiled all the time, his gaze frequently landing on the woman he loved, who was on the other side of the deck with the women gathered around Janey.
Kevin took inventory—Maddie, Stephanie, Grace, Mallory, Tiffany, Jenny, Hope, Erin, Daisy. Where was Abby? He got up, grabbed another beer from the cooler and went inside. In the kitchen, Abby was at the sink washing dishes. He’d been seeing her regularly at his office since she’d been diagnosed with polycystic ovary syndrome and helping her come to terms with her fertility challenges. At least he hoped he’d helped her.
“Hey,” he said when he joined her in the kitchen. “What’re you doing in here when the party is out there?”
“Just cleaning up a little. Joe doesn’t need to be left with a huge mess when they’re leaving in the morning.”
He leaned against the counter next to her. “Is that all it is?”
She glanced at him and then returned her focus to the dishes, but in that second of eye contact, he saw her torment.
“Abby…”
“Don’t, Kevin. Please don’t try to make me feel better when I’m a jealous cow. She’s one of my best friends. I should be nothing but happy for her. For all of them.” She applied vigorous effort to cleaning a pan.
He placed his hand on her arm. “Stop. You don’t have to pretend with me.”
“I don’t want to be this person I’ve become. I hate this version of myself.”
“Your feelings are totally understandable.”
“Are they?” she asked, her eyes flashing with emotion. “Would my dearest friends and sisters-in-law really understand that I can’t bear to be around them and their rounded bellies and their joyful families? Would they understand how fiercely I hate my body for turning on me this way? Haven’t I had enough heartbreak in my life?”
Kevin ached for her, the way he did every time she opened her heart to him during their sessions. He did now what he couldn’t do during therapy. He opened his arms to her.
She sighed, wiped her hands and stepped into his embrace.
All the fight seemed to go out of her when he hugged her. “I’m so sorry you’re going through this.”
“I’m sorry for venting. I hate that I have those thoughts. Saying them out loud only makes me feel worse. I love every one of those babies my friends and family have had. I really do.”
“I know you do. Have you heard any more from the adoption agencies?”
“No, but they said it could be a year or two before we hear anything.”
Keeping his hands on her shoulders, he looked down at her. “They approved your application. That’s an important first step.”
“I guess.” She looked up at him, offering a wan smile. “Thanks for helping me through this. I’d probably be in a loony bin by now without Adam and you and everyone else who’s supported me.”
“Believe it or not, I think you’re doing great, Abby. You’re focusing on maintaining your health and your marriage and your business. You’re doing everything you should be.”
“I’m trying. I just wish I didn’t feel so…”
“What?”
“Empty,” she said, her despondence obvious. “I hate myself for that, too. I’m married to the most wonderful man who ever lived. I have a lovely life and a thriving business. Why can’t that be enough?”
“Because there’s something else you want, and that something else has proven hard to come by. Your feelings—all your feelings—are perfectly justified. Give yourself permission to be sad and mad and bitter, but don’t spend too much time wallowing in the negative. That won’t help long term.”
“I know. I tell myself that every day.”
Adam came in through the sliding door and came to a stop when he saw his uncle talking to his wife. “Everything okay in here?”
Kevin kissed Abby’s forehead. “Call me if you need me.”
“Thanks, Kev. For everything. I mean it.”
“I know, honey. And for what it’s worth, I think you’re going to get everything you want. You just have to be patient.”
Abby laughed, but there was a bitter edge to it. “Patience is not my best quality.”
“You have a lot of great qualities. Don’t ever forget that.” As he turned to leave them alone, he squeezed his nephew’s shoulder.
He felt for them and the difficult road they were on, but he admired the way they were fight
ing for their marriage. He’d had a few joint sessions with them that had reinforced his confidence in the state of their union. They were solid and facing the challenges of her condition head on. He admired them both tremendously and had his fingers crossed that they would get the baby they so desired—one way or the other.
* * *
“What’s wrong, honey?” Adam asked when they were alone.
“The usual thing,” she said, forcing a smile for his benefit.
He ached for her as the months dragged on with no news from the various agencies they’d applied to and when her period arrived with maddening regularity. The doctors had told them to expect her period to be irregular, but that hadn’t happened. No, it showed up every month, right on schedule, as if to mock them and remind them of how powerless they were.
Next month, they were due to begin aggressive fertility treatments that would put a further strain on Abby and her health, but they’d made the decision to try so they wouldn’t have regrets later. He wasn’t looking forward to that ordeal, but since there was absolutely nothing he wouldn’t do for her, he’d be right by her side through it all.
He put his arms around her and tucked her head into the nook between his neck and shoulder. “You want to go?”
“Absolutely not. We’re here to celebrate your sister and her new baby, and that’s what we’re going to do.”
“You don’t have to pretend with me, Abs. I know how hard this is for you.”
“It is hard, but it’s not Janey’s fault, and it’s not Joe’s fault or Maddie’s or Jenny’s or Syd’s or Hope’s or anyone else’s. I absolutely refuse to let our sorrow be a drag on them. So get me a glass of wine, and let’s put on our party faces.”
“In case I forgot to tell you today, I love you, Mrs. McCarthy.”
“I love you, too. There’s no way I could deal with any of this without you by my side.”
“There’s nowhere in this world I’d rather be than right here with you.”
“That makes me feel very lucky.”
“We’re both lucky to have each other, and I keep hoping that we’ll be lucky in other ways, too, but even if we aren’t, we still have more than most people get in a lifetime.” He tightened his arms around her. “When it gets to be too much, hold on to me. I’ll always be right here.”
“That means everything to me.”
“You mean everything to me. Don’t ever forget that.” He still worried from time to time that she would run away from him rather than subject him to the challenges her condition presented. That was why he held on to her as tightly as he could as often as he could, hoping she would never want to be anywhere but right here with him.
Chapter 8
The party broke up around ten with hugs and well-wishes for Janey and Joe. Kevin was one of the last to leave. He sat on the chaise and hugged his niece. “I’d say good luck, but you aren’t going to need it. We McCarthys are a hardy stock.”
“You make us sound like livestock,” she said with a grin.
Kevin barked out a laugh. “You’ve got this, sweetheart. My money is on you.”
“Thanks, Kev. Keep an eye on my dad, will you? He’s worked himself up into a full panic over the delivery. I’m worried he’ll have a heart attack or something before the baby arrives.”
“I’ll do what I can to keep him calm. Don’t worry about anyone else but you and that little one. We can’t wait to meet him or her.”
“Neither can I.”
“Love you.”
“Love you, too.”
“I’ll keep in touch with your dad. Don’t worry.”
“Thanks, Kev.”
Big Mac and Linda were accompanying Joe, Janey and P.J. to Providence tomorrow to help them get settled. They were due to return to the island in a couple of days. The island’s chief pilot, Slim Jackson, was on standby to fly Mac and Linda to the mainland if Janey went into labor early. Otherwise, they were due to return to Providence two days before her due date so they could take care of P.J. while his mom and dad were at the hospital.
Kevin hugged Joe, wished him the best and walked out with Mac and Linda, who’d stayed to help finish cleaning up.
“I can’t bear this,” Mac said when they were outside. “Maybe we should go with them for the whole time they’re gone.”
“We offered, and they said that wasn’t necessary,” Linda reminded her husband.
“Still, we could stay out of their way and help Joe with P.J. I’d feel so much better being there rather than sitting around here waiting to hear it’s go-time.”
“What about the marina?” Linda asked.
“Fuck the marina. Luke can handle it.”
Linda glanced at Kevin. “Can you help me out here?”
“You need to calm the hell down,” Kevin said. “Janey is worried about you.”
“She’s worried about me?”
“She just told me she’s afraid you’re going to have a heart attack or something equally dreadful.”
Mac’s shoulders drooped. “I don’t want her worrying about me.”
“Then you need to chill. I know this is so hard for you both. I can’t even imagine how terrifying it must be in light of what happened last time. But they’re doing everything right, getting themselves to the mainland well ahead of her due date. They’re going to be right where they need to be to ensure a smooth, safe delivery.”
“Keep telling me that, will you?” Mac asked.
“Any time you need to hear it.” To Linda, he added, “That goes for you, too.”
She went up on tiptoes to hug and kiss him. “Thanks, Kev.”
“Love you guys. Everything is going to be fine. I promise.”
Mac hugged him. “Love you, too. Thank you.”
“Any time.”
He waved them off and got into the sleek BMW he’d had sent from home when he decided to stay on the island. Funny how “home” used to be somewhere else entirely and now it was a tiny island in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by his big, boisterous family. He loved it here. He loved listening to their problems and trying to help them the way he had his patients for so many years. If only he had ready answers to his own problems.
He left Janey’s intending to head home, but found himself parked in the Beachcomber parking lot staring at the door and trying to decide whether he should go see her. That debate was new. Two days ago, it wouldn’t have been a question. He’d visited her almost every night she worked since they got together.
It pained him to realize that things between them had changed since she told him she wanted a baby. He didn’t want the changes to drive them apart, so he got out of the car and went into the bar, taking his usual seat and waiting for her to notice him.
She was talking to customers on the other side of the bar, and when she turned to find him there, her bright smile went a long way toward soothing the disquiet swirling inside him. When she looked at him like that, he had no problems or worries. And when she came over to lean across the bar to kiss him, he felt like the luckiest bastard who’d ever lived, especially when he saw other guys in the bar looking on in envy.
“How was the party at Janey’s?” She opened a beer for him and then reached for his hand.
He linked their fingers. “The usual McCarthy mayhem.”
“In other words, it was a blast.”
“As always.”
“How’s Janey?”
“Eager to get the baby out. Apparently, Joe is having a vasectomy while they’re on the mainland.”
Chelsea winced. “Ouch.” Then she gasped, and her eyes went wide.
“What?”
“We never actually talked about whether you’d had one.”
“A vasectomy? Nope. Deb had her tubes tied after Finn. I offered, but she said she wanted to be sure. Friends of ours had gotten pregnant after he had a vasectomy. Deb had rough pregnancies. ‘Two and done,’ she said.”
“Well, it’s good that you still can,” she said, giving him a shy smile. “I
f we decide to try.”
“I still can.” Even if the thought of another baby made him more anxious than anything had in a very long time. “I talked to Laura about babysitting for them, and she said any time we want, so I made a date for Sunday.”
She gave his hand a squeeze. “Thank you for arranging that.”
“No problem. How hard can it be to get three kids under the age of two ready for bed and settled for the night?”
“Umm, is that a rhetorical question?”
Kevin laughed and then released her hand so she could tend to other customers.
“You’re a lucky guy,” a man on the next barstool said.
“Excuse me?” Kevin said.
“She’s a beautiful woman,” the man said, nodding at Chelsea, a note of wistfulness in his tone that put Kevin on edge.
“Yes, she is.” Kevin took a subtle glance at the man, noting he was probably in his early- to mid-thirties. And, he admitted grudgingly, the guy was good-looking. He was the sort of guy Chelsea ought to be with, a thought that made his chest ache.
Was he holding her back by holding on to her? Ugh, now there was a cheery thought. Christ, when had the simplest thing in his life become so bloody complicated?
I want to have a baby. That was when. He took a deep drink of the beer he hadn’t planned to have. What the hell was he going to do? One minute, he had himself convinced there was nothing he wouldn’t do for her, including father and raise their child. The next minute, he was balking at the thought of becoming a father again at his age. The internal debate was driving him mad.
Kevin nursed the beer over the next two hours while Chelsea tended to customers, cleaned the bar and cashed out. The young man who’d admired her had left a while ago, wishing Kevin a good night, but he’d left him with a whole new set of questions.
When Chelsea was finished, they walked out together.
“Are you coming over?”
“Yeah, if that’s okay.”
“It’s okay,” she said, smiling.
He waited until she’d pulled out of the parking lot and then followed her to her place, parking behind her in the driveway. Inside, Chelsea went directly to her bedroom, pulling her Beachcomber T-shirt over her head and dropping her khaki shorts on the floor. “I need a shower.” In the doorway to the bathroom, she turned to him. “Join me?”
