by Rhys Ford
“Almost there,” Ellis ground out unexpectedly, startling Zach to the point where he stopped and was forced to jog to catch up. “Cool down inside.”
Those five words might have been the most Ellis had ever spoken to Zach in the entire time he’d been human, and he didn’t know how to react. If he said anything, it would be insulting, but if he was quiet, Ellis might be offended by Zach not replying. A few feet down the trail, Ellis glanced back at him, a ghost of a smirk on his wide mouth.
“Say it,” he rasped. “You are loud. Can even hear you thinking. No talking, suspect you dead.”
Zach’s relationship with his siblings was an icy détente. He’d been the only child from his father’s second wife, and the first wife’s offspring were nearly a decade and a half older than he was, so he’d grown up alone, unused to familial teasing from Gibson and Ellis’s pranks. But the Keller boys seemed to thrive on it, and he was slowly learning that not everything said sharply was meant to hurt. He just hadn’t worked up the balls to return fire, especially since he didn’t think he could play at their level of snarky banter.
But he was going to give it his best shot.
“Are you saying I talk too much? Maybe I have to talk, because I’m sure as hell not getting intelligent conversation from the two of you most the time.” He wasn’t sure of his reply, especially when Ellis shot him a dangerous look through narrowed eyes, but Zach pressed on. “You’re not exactly an engaging conversationalist during these hikes of ours.”
He was about to apologize, thinking he’d gone too far after Ellis was tight-lipped for a few moments. Then the former wolf let out a creaky laugh.
“Hurts to talk,” he confessed, his mouth twisted into a full grin. “’Sides, have to wait ’til you shut up. Takes forever. Race down. Loser washes dishes.”
Then Ellis left Zach choking on the spray of snow his boots kicked up when he bolted ahead.
“Oh, you fucking son of a bitch,” Zach shouted, breaking into a full run. “Goddamn cheater.”
There was no chance in hell he was ever going to catch Ellis. Yet, much like the banter, Zach was going to give it all he had in him. It wasn’t the first time Ellis trapped him into a household chore in a losing race, especially after the other man’s body regained its full human strength, but this time it was made very clear to Zach that he had no chance of winning. They nearly tumbled down the rest of the way, the trail’s steepness throwing them off-balance—or at least throwing off Zach’s equilibrium. By the time they made it to the cabin’s front door, Zach was nearly dizzy and was sure he sported a couple of new bruises from when he tripped and fell over a stone on the path.
“I swear to God, you are more were-goat than wolf.” He stood on the deck shivering while his throbbing leg muscles protested the hard descent. “It’s not fair racing me when you know I can’t keep up with you.”
“Excuses,” Ellis growled, laughing as he leaned back on the railing to catch his breath. He ruffled Zach’s bangs when he padded by, smearing the snow in Zach’s hair into his scalp, then chuckling when Zach sputtered. “Just like a little brother.”
Alone on the deck, Zach stared through the open cabin door at Gibson standing up from the table to punch his brother in the shoulder because Ellis hit him in the face with a handful of snow. In the fading sunlight, poised against the blue-green smokiness of the frost-shrouded mountain, the cabin and the men inside of it became home. It was an unexpected reaction, a swell of emotions Zach didn’t have the experience or understanding to sort through. He’d come to expect the dread of leaving the cabin every evening, then fighting not to be overwhelmed with an odd, quirky happiness at the thought of driving up the winding road to the Keller homestead where Gibson waited for him, holding Zach’s heart in his soul.
“Fuck me,” Zach whispered to himself. “I’m not just in love with this place. I’m in love with Gibson and everything he comes with. How the hell did that happen?”
THE POT roast was not only edible, it was possibly the best thing Gibson had eaten in nearly two years. The meal was fragrant and savory, eaten with a crusty white bread slathered with fresh butter and frosty beers from a local brewery. With a full belly and Zach taking care of the dishes, he’d pondered if the meal hadn’t simply been just okay but made memorable by their easy conversation and laughing at Ellis picking the carrots out of his food.
As days went, it’d been a good one. His morning with Ellis doing stretches and resistance exercises went smoothly, without his brother getting resentful or angry. Then he’d gotten nearly five thousand words done, and most of them he intended to keep. When Zach and Ellis returned from their afternoon hike, he’d been wrapping up his day’s work and intending to check on dinner. Hearing his brother tease Zach stopped Gibson in his tracks.
The banter was a bit rough around the edges but definitely lighthearted, something Zach had admitted he needed to get used to, but for Gibson it was as if he was finally hearing echoes of his brother’s soul returning to the body he inhabited. Ellis met his gaze when he strolled through the cabin’s front door, a bit of wickedness in his amber-flecked gray eyes. The wolf left his mark on his brother’s human form, but Ellis was now closer to the person he’d been before the world forced him inward. He’d smiled back at his brother, sharing in the delight of teasing someone they both were fond of. It made his day. Hell, it’d made his life.
He came crashing back down to earth when Zach picked his car keys up out of the bowl sitting on the table by the front door. It was always the part of their day he hated the most, watching a piece of himself leave. The man Ellis drove into the lake out of sheer boredom and mischief had found a place in Gibson’s heart, and every time he left, it felt as if he was breaking out of the warmth Gibson felt for him.
Following Zach outside, Gibson snagged Zach’s fingers, capturing him, then pulling him in close. It was cold—God, it was cold—but he needed just another minute, another second of Zach being near him, of Zach’s scent filling his senses and the touch of Zach’s skin on his.
“You’re going to freeze your balls off standing out here.” Zach pulled up the collar of his jacket to protect his neck from the icy wind. “Give me a kiss and go back inside. You’re going to need all of your fingers. There are still at least ten chapters to go, right?”
“I have better things to do with my fingers than type. And most of them include you,” Gibson growled, snuggling Zach’s length against him in a tight embrace. “I just haven’t had the chance.”
“Well, we’ve been a bit busy,” he pointed out. “And well, as much as I love Ellis—”
“I’m not sharing you with my brother.” The very whisper of it in his mind drew up Gibson’s hackles, calling up the wolf sleeping inside of him. It rumbled, stirring from its slumber, agitated by the idea of Ellis’s hands—actually, anyone’s hands—on Zach’s long, lean body. Zach was his. No one else’s. And as primitive as his reaction was, he couldn’t ignore the truth in it. “I am not sharing you with anyone. Not like that. Not ever.”
When he heard himself, Gibson winced, finding the brutish tone in his words offensive. He opened his mouth to apologize, to find some excuse for letting his animalistic instincts take over even just for a brief moment, when Zach smiled.
“I know what you meant,” he whispered, sliding his hands around Gibson’s body so he could tuck them into his back pockets. “I know that you don’t believe you own me and are probably just as frustrated as I am. If there’s one thing I’ve noticed about the Keller boys, it’s that they run with their emotions, and sometimes that means you end up eating your own words.”
“Yep,” Gibson replied, glad for Zach’s warmth when a flurry struck them. “It’s the Keller family motto: Why eat a steak when you can eat crow or your own foot? I am sorry. I just—there’s no excuse. You’re not an object. Not something I can keep in a box and only take out when I want to play with you. Not that there’s anything wrong with playing with you, it’s just that I haven’t been able to d
o a lot of it—or any of it—and it’s kind of driving me crazy.”
“Right now, we’ve got to keep our focus on Ellis,” Zach reminded him. “He’s doing well, and let’s face it, we both really need him to feel comfortable inside of himself. Not just because I want to be able to rent a hotel room someplace and make sure you can’t walk the next morning, but because… we both know he probably hates being dependent on us.”
“It’s like you know him.” The cabin’s windows were slightly fogged, condensation hitting the cold air and scattering frost on the panes. Inside, Ellis was standing in front of a bookcase, skimming over the spines with his fingers. “I think today was the first time I realized how much he’s accomplished. I’ve spent so much time staring at what’s right in front of me, pushing him to take the next step, that I haven’t given him some space and looked at what he’s done, what he’s become. I couldn’t have helped him go this far without you. I hope you know that.”
“I know,” Zach teased, then yelped when Gibson nipped at the tip of his nose. “I’ve got to go before it gets too dark. Well, it’s already dark, but—I’ve got to go.”
“You could stay.”
“We talked about that. The loft is open, and well, having sex where your brother can hear us is not going to happen. It’s his house. I know it sounds stupid, but I just feel weird, and I can’t see us sharing a bed just for sleeping, so we’re not going to do a slumber party.”
“God, I hate that we’re being rational. This whole adult thing—don’t like it.” Gibson made a face, drawing a laugh out of Zach. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning? If you come up early, you can have pancakes with us.”
“You’re really going to attempt to make pancakes?” The mock horror in Zach’s grimace was a clear indication he’d picked up more than his share of sardonic expressions from the brothers. “Aren’t you happy with trying to kill me just at dinnertime? Now you’ve moved on to breakfast?”
“Hey, I can cook,” Gibson protested weakly. “It’s just not anything anyone besides me would eat.”
He stole Zach’s teasing retort with a long, deep kiss. The few moments they spent saying goodbye were the best—and the worst—part of his day. The minutes before Zach climbed into his car and disappeared down the road kept Gibson going into the next morning, but also left him with an aching emptiness he hated. There were usually a couple of hours between their goodbyes and when Gibson stretched out on the king-size bed in the loft, and there’d been more than a few instances when he’d turned to talk to Zach, only to remember he wasn’t there.
The winter sky resided in Zach’s mouth, the brisk cold of the mint ice cream they’d had after dinner coupled with the warm, masculine spiciness Gibson always found in Zach’s kisses. He couldn’t get enough of Zach. There were times when he wanted to crawl inside of him, roll around in the sweetness of the man’s personality and delve into the sharp corners he found in unexpected spots. There was a labyrinthine quality to Zach, a slight maze of complications and simple beauties Gibson knew he would never grow tired of.
He could feel that complexity in Zach’s kiss, in the light caresses they stole from each other while Ellis wasn’t looking. It was like the metamorphosis in his worldview when he went from human to wolf, the mind-blowing explosion of colors and scents suddenly occurring when Zach came into a room. He felt more, felt deeper but calmer at the same time, and despite how much he wanted to call himself a rational thinking creature, he wanted to do things to Zach that bordered on savage.
“Okay, if you don’t get going, we are going to christen the deck,” Gibson said, reluctantly drawing away. The cold rushed between them, dousing his arousal, but Zach’s wicked smile brought it right back. “Don’t want to be like that. I am a very simple creature, and I won’t be taunted. I will see you in the morning, but let me know when you get home. I won’t be able to sleep unless I know you’re safe.”
He watched until he could no longer see the taillights of Zach’s car shining through the forest, then waited another minute, just in case Zach turned around and came back. His heart twisted when Gibson realized he’d stayed out in the cold for fifteen minutes, hoping beyond hope for a pair of headlights to light up the snow on the cabin’s driveway. His cell phone buzzed, vibrating in his jeans pocket, and a quick text message check assured him Zach was already at home. Debating for a second, he typed in love you, then headed back inside.
Only to find Ellis waiting for him on the sectional.
“Not fucked him?” Ellis leaned into the L-shaped corner, hooking his arms over the back of the couch. “Why?”
“You know, I liked it when you couldn’t talk, brother.” Gibson checked to make sure the door was locked, then toed off his shoes, sighing to himself at the dampness of his socks. After padding over to the couch, he took up the opposite end of the sectional and put his feet up to dry them by the fire. “We’ve been kind of busy trying to teach a grumpy wolf how to walk again.”
His brother sneered at him. “Walk fine. Can’t blame me.”
“Maybe I don’t want to make love—” Gibson closed his mouth, hearing his heart in his words. “I think both of us just want to make sure you’re okay. Let’s face it, so much has changed around us, and even though—I don’t know—I think we both feel like now isn’t the time to explore that part of our relationship.”
“When?” Ellis leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. His grace was fluid, a far cry from the jerky, painful movements his body suffered through after his shift. “He the one?”
“Yeah.” Gibson cocked his head, studying the flames. He couldn’t look at Ellis, not out of anger or any regret but because he knew there would be guilt in his brother’s eyes. “But you’ve got to understand, you are important. To me. And to him.”
“Like him. Like him with you,” he said, then stretched over the expanse of the sectional to tap Gibson on the thigh. Their eyes met, and Ellis bared his teeth at Gibson’s frown. “He’s yours. Make him yours.”
“El, I appreciate your wolf perspective on this, but you don’t really have a good track record with relationships,” Gibson reminded his brother. “If I remember correctly, your last girlfriend threw all of your clothes into the middle of the front lawn and set them on fire. And the one before that, wasn’t she the one who did that thing with the knife.”
“Shut it.” Ellis tossed a pillow at Gibson’s head. It came at him hard and fast, with a power Gibson didn’t think his brother possessed yet, but he felt it when it hit. “Need to take care of you more. Less me.”
“I know. It’s just that… it’s hard not to… what I mean is, I wasn’t expecting Zach. And he wasn’t expecting me.” He tried to pull his thoughts together, searching for words to the emotions he hadn’t looked at, hadn’t wanted to feel. “Do I want to have sex with him? Yeah, I touch him and he drives me insane. Just seeing him makes me hard sometimes, but today, with the two of you coming through the door, I felt… happy. It was a kind of happy I’ve never had. And I’m enjoying it. We’re taking things at our own pace, and who knows? Maybe tomorrow is the day he and I decide to drive his SUV someplace really far away, park, then work at steaming up his windows.”
“Stupid. But okay,” his brother grunted at him. “Just… see you’re happy. Zach gives you smiles. Want that for you. Love that for you. Love you.”
“I love you too.” Eyeing his brother from across the couch, Gibson said, “You heard us talking outside, didn’t you?”
“Still hear wolf,” Ellis said, tapping his ear.
“I suppose you can smell how much I want him, then. It really isn’t just sex, El. There is something in me that needs him to fit into. I don’t know how else to explain, but I am more of myself when he’s around or whenever I think about him being in my life.” Gibson tossed the pillow back at his brother, a gentle arc so Ellis didn’t mistake it for an act of war. “You said you are thankful I was here for you, but see, I’m the one who owes you, because you kind of brought Zach to me. You’v
e changed my world, you’ve changed everything, and I’m really glad you’re here with me to see it. It sounds stupid, but that’s really how it is. I am crazy stupid in love with him, and I think he loves me. Or at least he loves me enough to eat what I make for dinner, because God, he’s right, I am going to poison us all one day.”
“Probably. Food is bad, but yes, glowing, both of you.” His brother chuckled. “Like fallen stars. But just fuck already. Driving me nuts watching you need him. Let yourself love. You deserve it. Better man than me. Better wolf than me.”
“That’s where you’re wrong, brother,” Gibson said, picking up the other throw pillow to arm himself in case Ellis decided to launch another attack. “I think you have officially out-wolfed any other of our kind in all existence. And you know the best part about you being human again? I no longer have to hide my shoes.”
Nine
THREE DAYS later, Ellis was gone.
There was a note, sort of. A scavenger hunt of notes. Gibson found the first one when he came down the steps, a neon-pink square stuck to the picture window at the bend of the stairwell. It informed him to go to his laptop, where a sickly green note suggested he open the lid after he helped himself to the filled-to-the-top fresh pot of coffee left for him. Gibson didn’t get coffee. The handwriting on the notes was uneven, barely scratches of ink from an unsteady hand, not the heavy block writing Ellis used before he wolfed.
The trail of Post-its worried him more than if he’d found a mound of parchment-dry skin ribbons on the floor. He would’ve been able to handle Ellis going wolf. It would be something he expected, like a backlash from a spring stretched too far. But the notes—oh God, the notes—were a totally different story, and not one Gibson suspected he wanted to hear.
