by Dawn Goodwin
The front door slammed loudly and Maddie heard heavy footsteps pound down the stairs. ‘Sorry, didn’t mean to chase him off. Is he your boyfriend?’
‘Deon? He’s just… you know… friends with benefits. He’s a lot of fun.’ She grinned lasciviously.
Maddie nodded with a knowing smile. ‘Ben isn’t here then?’
Jade looked away. ‘Yeah… no… um, we should go. Where are my boots?’
She dragged a pair of worn-down Uggs from where they were poking out from under the couch and pulled them on over socks that had pictures of llamas on them. One of her bra straps was dangling from her sleeve and her hair was loose around her shoulders. It hung down her back like a sheet, making her look younger. Her face was free of the make-up of last night and Maddie wanted to tell her how pretty she was without it all, that she didn’t need it. But instead Maddie said nothing, worrying that Jade would take offence. Then Jade was rolling her hair into a bun and tying it in place with a hairband, and the illusion vanished.
‘Right, I’m ready. Let’s go,’ Jade said. She chucked her phone and keys into a slouchy bag and headed for the door.
‘So Ben is getting to see lots of his dad then?’ Maddie asked as she followed her out.
‘Yeah,’ was all Jade said.
They started walking down the street, the air damp on their faces as a fine drizzle fell. Not enough to warrant an umbrella, but enough for Maddie to know her hair would be frizzy by the time she reached the house. Now she was wishing she’d also tied hers up, even though she knew her ears stuck out when her hair was pulled back.
Jade was quiet as they walked, her usual chatter stilled and her mouth gurning as she chewed on the inside of her cheek. Maddie hoped she wasn’t still upset at her for cleaning the kitchen. It seemed a petty thing if she was, but some people were funny about stuff like that, as though you were pointing out their failures rather than taking it for what it was – an act of kindness.
‘Is everything ok? You’re quiet today.’
Jade watched a woman cross the road next to them. The woman was pushing a buggy with a very tiny sleeping baby inside. ‘It’s nothing. Just a headache. The hangover, like I said.’
There was silence again, then Jade flicked her eyes at Maddie and said, ‘That woman… in the park. What was that about?’
Maddie was thrown for a moment. She’d forgotten about that, what with going to Greg’s yesterday and seeing Jemima. ‘Oh, er, nothing, a misunderstanding some time ago.’
‘But she said I should keep Ben away from you. That’s a bit weird, don’t you think?’
Maddie stopped and turned to Jade, panic illuminating her wide eyes. ‘Look, I’m not dangerous or anything, if that’s what you think. She got the wrong end of the stick. I just – please don’t keep Ben from me. I really like spending time with him, with both of you…’ She trailed off, realising how manic and rambling she sounded.
Jade tilted her head to the side, then shrugged. Maddie wasn’t sure what that meant.
They carried on walking. Maddie’s pulse tapped in her throat. What if Jade stopped her seeing Ben because of what that woman had said?
‘I think Ben’s dad is going to try and go for custody soon,’ Jade said.
‘Oh. That’s not good.’
‘I can’t compete with him. I don’t have a proper job or anything. I’m on benefits. He would win easily.’
‘You don’t know that. They usually award these things to the mother and you’ve been much more of a parent to Ben so far.’
Jade looked at the pavement as she walked, her voice mumbling. ‘They don’t always – and money talks. I think I need to start putting a different plan in place. You and I need to sort this before it gets to the courts.’ Jade reached out, stopping Maddie in her tracks, her fingers pincers on her forearm. A man walking behind them in a crumpled suit had to veer off sharply to avoid walking into them. ‘You’re my friend, right? You’ll help me?’
‘Sure, whatever I can do!’ At that point, Maddie would move heaven and earth for Jade if it meant she would let her carry on seeing Ben. ‘What are you thinking – character references, that kind of thing?’
Jade’s eyes were alight now. ‘We’re going to help each other. We both have a tricky situation that needs fixing. I just need to figure out the details. How we’re going to do it.’
Maddie frowned. ‘I don’t—’ Jade’s phone buzzed and she reached into her bag to check the message. She typed a quick reply before putting the phone away again. When she looked back at Maddie, her expression was neutral again, like someone had flicked a switch.
‘How far is this place?’
‘Not much further. Just a couple of streets down here on the left.’ They were walking into the more expensive side of Teddington, with its big houses behind high gates, neatly tiled pathways and white wooden shutters.
‘Must be nice to live in a house like this,’ Jade said, envy dripping from the words.
Maddie looked around, unimpressed. She’d been there, done it and it hadn’t made her happy. ‘They’re just houses. A big house won’t make you happy.’
‘I’d like to try and see. Can hardly swing a cat in our flats.’
‘Yeah, but houses like these need someone to clean them, don’t forget.’
She looked offended again and Maddie wanted to kick herself. ‘What are you trying to say? And don’t tell me you cleaned your own house? I bet you didn’t. You got someone in to do it for you while you sipped at an Earl Grey in your posh conservatory,’ she sneered.
Maddie felt chastised, mostly because she wasn’t far wrong.
Looking at the houses they were passing now, Maddie realised how all this must look to Jade, how extravagant. She wasn’t proud of it, but she also knew she probably wouldn’t have it any other way if it was all hers again. It’s easy to be selfish when you have everything you could ever want. It’s also easy to want more and not appreciate what you already have, like magpies chasing the next shiny new thing. Maddie only realised that when everything she had had was gone. None of it mattered or held any value in the end.
Jade scowled as they walked. Her feet dragged in the Uggs.
‘You know, I will help you if I can,’ Maddie said, partly to alleviate her own guilt and partly to bring the awkwardness to an end.
Jade stopped again and looked at her intensely. ‘Will you, though? Because… I know we’ve only just met, but I really like you, Maddie.’
She looked so vulnerable to Maddie and she felt wretched for her, her struggles as a single mum, trying to fight against the system to keep her son, trying to keep it all together. Such different problems to her own. So Jade played music too loud and wore cheap clothes. So she liked a drink (and possibly a joint). Who was she harming?
‘Me too. Honestly,’ Maddie said and pulled her into a stiff hug. She could feel Jade pat her on the back in return.
Maddie coughed and pulled away. ‘You know, I’m happy to take Ben any time you want. Maybe take him to the pool – I love swimming and he would probably love paddling around. If you trust me to, that is? I’ll keep him safe, I swear.’
Jade thought about it. Maddie held her breath. ‘Yeah, ok. Tomorrow. He can go with you tomorrow.’
Maddie was stunned at how quickly she’d agreed. ‘Great! Tomorrow it is!’ She wanted to hug her again, but smiled warmly at her instead. ‘Come on, it’s the next house down.’
Jade’s eyes widened.
‘Don’t judge, ok? I’ve changed a lot since I lived here,’ Maddie added hurriedly.
The large gates were open to the road and their feet crunched on the gravel as they approached the house. Maddie’s Fiat was still parked where she had left it, but the other cars were gone and the house had an air of abandonment, like it was sleeping.
‘Fuuuuck,’ said Jade under her breath as she peered up at the house.
‘I don’t think Gemma is here. Her car is gone,’ Maddie said, feeling surprisingly disappointed. She didn’t realise how
much she really wanted Jade to meet Gemma. Was it because she wanted a partner in crime, someone who would hate Gemma as much as she did and therefore make her feel better about herself? Or was it to shock Greg and Gemma into realising how low Maddie had stooped to end up hanging out with the likes of Jade? No, that wasn’t fair. Sometimes Maddie didn’t like the thoughts that bounced around her head. She usually did a good job of keeping a lid on them, but lately all sorts of scandalous ideas kept clouding her brain.
‘That’s a shame. I wanted to see what she’s like – and get an eyeful of that house. Don’t suppose you still have your key, do you?’ Jade said.
‘I do, actually,’ Maddie said without thinking.
‘Great, show me around!’
‘We can’t just let ourselves in!’
‘Why not?’
‘Because I don’t live here anymore! We can’t snoop around someone else’s house. It’s illegal.’
‘But it used to be your house. Your name is probably still on the mortgage. And you have a key, so we’re not breaking in.’
‘No, we shouldn’t.’
‘Yes, we should. We could mess with her a bit. Move some things around or something. A little bit of quiet revenge. Come on, it’ll be funny!’
‘But she would surely know it was me.’
‘Trust me, if she thought you still had a key, she would’ve asked for it back by now.’
Jade was right. There was no way Gemma would let Maddie keep a key to her palace. And it would be cathartic to mess with her just a little bit.
‘Ok, go on then. The spare keys are in my car. I’ll get them.’
Maddie unlocked the car and rummaged in the glove compartment for the set of keys. As she went to put the key in the front door, she paused with a sudden attack of conscience. ‘What if they’ve had an alarm fitted since I moved out?’
‘Well, it’ll go off and we’ll leg it. We’ll say it went off when we knocked on the door or something.’
‘We should probably knock anyway, just in case.’
Jade giggled. ‘She’s probably watching us right now, wondering what the hell we’re doing.’
Maddie knocked on the door, her heart thudding hard in her chest, adrenalin spitting into her veins over something she hadn’t yet done. The perfume from the magnolia tree next to the front door was sickly sweet and cloying at the air, making it difficult for Maddie to breathe.
‘She’s not in,’ Jade said impatiently, bouncing from foot to foot. ‘Open the door.’
The key wavered in Maddie’s hand with nerves. She felt like a criminal, albeit the most middle-class burglar anyone had ever seen with her white Superga trainers and lightning bolt jumper. Maddie looked over her shoulder, almost expecting the police to pull up, sirens blaring.
The key turned and she pushed the door open slowly. Jade shoved past her.
It felt different being there today compared to yesterday when she was invited. It felt deliciously wicked. Jade immediately started to pick things up, examining photo frames and opening the drawers in the console table in the front hallway, like she was looking for something, casing the joint.
‘Wow, quite a place,’ she said, her head swivelling.
‘Yeah, it is,’ Maddie said wistfully. She followed Jade as she headed into the lounge. ‘We’re not going to stay long though. I don’t want her to catch us here. She could be back at any moment.’
‘Yeah, ok, I’m just looking around.’
The lounge walls were now painted a dark, solemn green against the white woodwork, making it a dramatic but admittedly cosy room. It had been a warm honey colour when Maddie had lived there.
Maddie wanted to trash the place, throw the cushions around, leave marks on the paintwork and scratches in the wood, but instead she trailed behind Jade like a well-trained puppy.
*
Jade sat on the cream couch, then rubbed herself against the cushions, like she was leaving her scent on the cool leather. This place was off the charts – a dream house by anyone’s standards. She looked over at Maddie, who seemed to be lost in a bit of a daze still in the doorway to the lounge, immobile.
‘Hey, you ok?’
Maddie nodded. ‘Yes, it’s just strange being here like this.’
‘Do something, it’ll make you feel better.’ She looked around her at the neat bookcases organised by colour and the alphabetised rows of CDs. Who the hell listened to CDs these days?
‘I know, mix up the CDs a bit – that will mess with her mind,’ Jade suggested.
Maddie looked at her for a moment, then went over to the CD shelf and pulled a Celine Dion CD out. ‘This was Greg’s – he always had an eclectic musical taste,’ Maddie said. The CD next to it was Deacon Blue. ‘This one was mine.’
Jade sighed and pulled a random selection from the shelf, laid them out on the coffee table and opened them up. ‘There, mix them up and put them back out of order. Let yourself go mad.’
Maddie woodenly started to put the wrong CD in each box. The more she did, the faster her fingers worked until Jade could hear her giggling madly.
‘See! I told you you’d feel better.’
Jade jumped to her feet and headed through a double doorway into an enormous kitchen that could quite easily fit her entire flat in it.
The room was immaculate. No dishes out, everything packed away, shelves neat. Every countertop was bare and glistening. All mess contained behind a cupboard door. ‘Does she do any cooking in here?’ Jade said with a curled lip.
‘She’s not the best cook, so probably not,’ Maddie said over her shoulder.
Jade spied a cardboard box by the bin in the utility room. ‘There you go – she uses one of those meal delivery services. Spoiled cow,’ Jade said. ‘I use one of those delivery services too.’ Maddie looked at Jade in surprise. ‘It’s called fish fingers from Iceland!’ she added with a snort.
Maddie giggled. ‘Gemma is vegan at the moment. It must be killing Greg, although she did serve beef yesterday. She didn’t have any of it though. She just ate the potatoes and vegetables.’
‘What a waste,’ Jade said. Maddie was starting to freak her out. She was all jumpy and anxious, like she thought Gemma would appear with a baseball bat or something. Jade found it amusing and was messing with Maddie as much as anything else.
She wandered out of the kitchen and headed for the cream-carpeted staircase. It was like something out of a movie, all sweeping and grand up the centre of the room. She padded up the stairs, the thick carpet swallowing her feet. Maddie followed behind her, twitching nervously. ‘Maybe we should go. Gemma could be back any minute,’ Maddie said behind her.
‘Chill, would you?’ Jade bit back. Now Maddie was starting to get on her nerves. She was following her like a puppy dog and Jade wished she’d leave her alone for a minute. Jade had seen a lovely silver necklace with a lightning bolt charm lying on the hallway console table downstairs, tossed there absent-mindedly. She could swipe that and the stuck-up cow that lived here probably wouldn’t even notice. She probably had loads of them.
Jade went into the main bedroom and threw herself on the perfectly made bed, among the many throw pillows, her feet sinking into the fluffy blanket draped stylishly across the foot of the super king bed. ‘Well, this is comfy.’ But who the hell needed this many pillows on a bed, just to be tossed on the floor when you got into bed every night? A stupid concept.
Maddie was looking around what Jade assumed used to be her bedroom. Her face was blank, not showing any hurt, anger or anything at all.
‘This looks so different now,’ was all she said.
Jade wasn’t surprised; she’d have found it weird if Gemma hadn’t redecorated, to be honest. It certainly wasn’t Jade’s taste, all these sterile shades of grey and white. There were photo frames everywhere, smiling faces and sparkling eyes, posing and preening for the unseen camera. Jade rolled around on the bed some more. Gemma had a small pile of novels on her bedside table, mostly romances from the looks of the covers. The
top one had a bookmark sticking from halfway between the pages. She opened the book, removed the bookmark and slid it back in three quarters of the way through. Then she turned to the back and carefully tore the last few pages out, before folding them neatly into a square and putting them in her pocket.
She jumped up and started rummaging around Gemma’s dressing table. There were lots of little bottles of perfume and jars of creams and potions, half of which Jade couldn’t identify as they looked to all be in French. She picked up the nearest glass bottle and spritzed the perfume on her wrist. It smelled floral and strong, making her nose tickle unpleasantly. A lipstick case was standing to attention and Jade opened it, studied the pale hazelnut colour, then smeared it on her lips.
‘This lipstick probably costs more than my entire make-up bag put together,’ Jade said. ‘And it’s made to look like you aren’t wearing any! Ridiculous!’
Maddie was at the bedside table, holding up a photo frame. It was a family shot of two adults and a baby. They looked happy. Maddie looked like she was going to be sick.
‘Let’s go. I don’t want to be here anymore,’ Maddie said.
But Jade was having a great time and didn’t want to leave yet.
She sighed. ‘Whatever,’ she said petulantly. Jade looked around a last time, then had an idea. One last feat of rebellion. A statement, if you will. ‘Wait, one more thing before we go,’ she said to Maddie.
Jade headed into the ensuite bathroom at the back of the bedroom.
*
Maddie watched Jade head into the bathroom, but wasn’t interested in what she was doing now. She just wanted to get out of here. Her initial flash of euphoria when she was mixing up the CDs had long gone and she was finding it difficult to breathe. Everywhere she went, she could smell Gemma’s cloying perfume clinging to the curtains and carpets and bedclothes like a poisonous vapour. She left the main bedroom and wandered down the hall towards Jemima’s room where she knew the air would be sweeter.
The room was beautifully decorated in pastel pinks with tulle curtains and stuffed toys everywhere. It had had many different faces over the years, this room. If she picked at the wallpaper on the far wall and peeled away the top layer, she knew exactly how many layers were hidden underneath. She sat on the tiny bed, breathing in the smells of baby powder and nappy cream. Her head hurt and she was exhausted. She curled up on the bed, snuggling into Jemima’s pillow, wishing not for the first time that Jemima was hers, that she could snatch her up and run away. Tears rushed at her and she buried herself in the pillow.
