by Dawn Goodwin
But since the pregnancy, she’d become a lot more high maintenance. She didn’t want to go out anymore, was always tired and now that she was a few weeks off the baby coming, everything was an issue. It was like she was sitting at home just finding things to complain about.
It hadn’t been like this with Jade. That had been the perfect pregnancy from his point of view. A text message to say she was pregnant and a few photos of her swollen belly. Another message to say she was in labour but not to worry as she had her friend with her. She’d even sent him a smiling photo of the two of them in the hospital, then followed it up with a photo of a tiny Ben after he was born.
No worry; no stress. Pregnancy from a distance meant he wasn’t bossed around, snapped at, sent on late night shopping trips for weird snacks – all that stuff you hear about and think your girlfriend won’t inflict on you. Turns out she will.
He had been thrilled to hear he had a son. When he finally got off the rigs, he arranged to meet Jade at her flat and there he was. A pink, squirming three-month-old, with intense eyes and a strong pair of lungs on him. Mark fell in love immediately.
He’d felt really heartsore leaving him that day and every other time since then. That was one of the reasons he’d left the rigs. He wanted to see more of Ben. He wanted to be there to teach him to kick a football and ride a bike, clichéd as it was.
And he’d had a few opportunities like that, especially when Ben was a baby. He would spend entire afternoons with them. They took him to the zoo once when he was about eighteen months old and it had been a brilliant day.
When he met Gloria, he had been upfront about Ben, told her that he wasn’t with Jade. In fact, he’d never really been with Jade. She’d been a one-night stand in the beginning and then an unfortunate drunken mistake the night before he headed back to the rigs had resulted in Ben. Jade was just not his sort of girl. But Gloria was. She liked to dress up, make herself look pretty, banter with the boys, but also knew when to leave him to it.
Well, she used to anyway. Now it was all moaning, baggy tracksuit pants and not closing the door when she went to the loo.
It was her baby shower this weekend, so she’d gone to stay at her mother’s house, which meant he had all weekend to do just what he wanted. He suspected it would mostly involve the couch, football on the telly and pizza. He could spritz some Febreze around the place before Gloria got back on Sunday night and she’d never know.
He’d actually sent Jade a message to ask if he could have Ben for the weekend, but she’d said no. She’d been doing that a lot lately.
Maybe it was a weird jealousy thing over Gloria. You could never tell with women.
The fact that it was Halloween hadn’t escaped his notice. There were small kids everywhere, dressed in random costumes, trawling the streets, knocking on doors and asking strangers for sweets. Mark wondered if Ben was trick or treating, and his heart contracted as he thought about how it should be him taking Ben around. Not for the first time he wondered if Jade had a new partner and maybe that was why he was being frozen out of Ben’s life.
A mate of his had told him recently to get some legal advice on it – he had rights after all. But Gloria was due soon and then he’d have two kids to worry about. Maybe when the new baby was born, he would do something about Ben.
Right now, he was happy to sit in front of the football. He had a bowl of sweets next to the door for trick or treaters if they knocked – he loved seeing the kids’ faces when they were digging grubby hands into the bowl – but other than that, he wasn’t planning on moving from this chair.
*
Maddie realised halfway along the motorway that she really should’ve thought this through a bit more. She looked into the rear-view mirror to see Jemima in her car seat, fast asleep again, dressed in a pumpkin onesie. That was all that was left in the supermarket.
She was about fifteen minutes away from Mark’s house. Fifteen minutes in which to decide what she was going to say – or do.
She glanced over to her handbag on the passenger seat. She could just make out the handle of the large knife.
Maddie gripped the wheel tightly, conscious of the tiny person behind her. She had sent Gemma a message to tell her that she was taking Jemima trick or treating and had expected a message back telling her to watch how many sweets she ate, but she had received nothing back.
This was madness. What the hell was she doing? Maybe she should turn around, go home, pack up her stuff and disappear somewhere.
But she couldn’t. Jade would talk to the police and then Maddie would always be running, looking over her shoulder. The more she thought about it, the more she wondered what Jade had had on the girl who lived in her flat before her. Lucy. There was definitely a story there. Jade didn’t do anything for nothing.
Looking at Jemima now, Maddie realised she did have a reason to carry on, someone who needed her.
This had to end.
Today.
*
Mark wished he’d bought more sweets – and recorded the football. The cul-de-sac was teeming with kids, dressed in everything from ghosts and zombies to princesses and pirates. He was down to the dregs of the sweet bowl and had resorted to rationing the kids to one lollipop a piece. He would have to hunt in the cupboard for some biscuits or something soon – or stop answering the door. He’d thought about turning the lights off and pretending he wasn’t home once the sweets did run out, but his delight as seeing all the kids dressed up swayed him from that idea.
He’d missed all the goals in the match and instead of avoiding the final score, he’d caught a glimpse of it and knew his team had lost. But it didn’t matter. He was actually having fun.
The gaps between trick or treaters were drawing longer, so he might get some peace and quiet soon, maybe see if he could find the highlights of the game somewhere. He was sitting on the couch, counting the seconds between doorbell rings like a kid during a thunderstorm.
Yes, it was definitely slowing down. He opened another beer and put his feet up.
*
Maddie pulled the car up to the kerb in the cul-de-sac. There were one or two vampires and Buzz Lightyears wandering the streets with hands clasped tightly by grown-ups, along with the occasional teenager still trying to eke out the benefits of free sweets despite being taller than most of the people opening their doors. Sunset had turned the lights down and shadows were lengthening along the pavements and gardens.
Jemima stirred as the car stopped and rubbed her eyes.
Maddie sat for a moment watching number 11. It was a small, semi-detached house, with a neatly paved front garden and a dark red door. Artificial light from a television flickered in the front window. Someone was home.
What if he wasn’t alone? She hadn’t thought about that. She hadn’t thought about any of it. She’d have to take the risk.
She looked over at the cheap, plastic Shrek mask sitting on the passenger seat next to her handbag.
She felt numb, her mind struggling to process what she was about to do, so she tried not to think at all.
She grabbed her bag and the mask, before slipping from the car.
Jemima was still yawning and sleepy, but smiled as Maddie reached in to unclasp her seat restraints. Maddie felt her chest clench. ‘Hello, little pumpkin. Shall we go and do some trick or treating?’
She lifted her into her arms and straightened up the pumpkin suit. Taking a deep breath, she slipped on the Shrek mask. Jemima giggled and reached out to pull on the big, green ears.
Maddie locked the car and looked around. A few houses down, a group of witches and wizards were chatting as they headed off down the street. Maddie watched them go, then stepped towards number 11.
The doorbell sounded like a siren, loud and intrusive, announcing her presence to the entire street.
For a second, she hoped no one would answer. Her pulse was racing and she felt ridiculous and weirdly sinister behind the mask.
A shadow fell over the frosted glass of the
door and it was pulled open.
A tall, slim man with a receding hairline stood in front of them, an awkward smile on his face. Maddie searched his face for some sign that he was the man she was looking for, maybe a resemblance to Ben, but there was nothing.
‘Oh, now that is a fabulous pumpkin!’ he said, then added, ‘I’m embarrassed to say I have run out of sweets, but I found some boxes of raisins in the cupboard – will that do?’
‘Oh, er, perfect. Much better for her anyway,’ Maddie replied.
He held out a small box and Jemima took them happily. ‘Brilliant, well, better luck next door I think. They seem to be quite popular with the kids.’ He winked at Jemima and went to close the door.
‘Er, Mark, isn’t it?’ Maddie said a little too loudly.
He paused and turned back. ‘Yeah, do I know you? Or are you in disguise?’ He chuckled at himself.
‘I … I know your son, Ben.’
His face froze. ‘Oh, you do? Is he ok?’
‘Yes, yes, he’s fine. I just… can I come in for a minute?’
He was looking at her curiously. ‘Um, sure, I guess?’
He stepped aside to let her past.
They were standing in a tidy hallway. A pair of men’s trainers lay under a console table on which stood a lightbox saying, ‘Love is all you need’ alongside a large fern. A bowl held keys, loose change and a few business cards. Everything looked like it had a place.
‘Come through,’ he said and she followed him into a small lounge. This room was equally as tidy and decorated in soft pink and silver tones. It was all very feminine, apart from the football scores trawling across the television as commentators got excited about penalties and goals. He lifted a remote control from the couch and muted the sound.
‘You can take the mask off now,’ he said.
‘Oh!’ Maddie had forgotten she was wearing it. She lowered Jemima to the carpet and snatched the mask from her face.
They sat looking at each other for a moment, then he said, ‘So how do you know Ben?’
‘Well, I… I live…’ She was stammering and stuttering, not sure what to say, how much to give away. She started again. ‘I know Jade and I’ve spent some time with Ben, play dates, that kind of thing.’
Mark smiled. ‘He’s a sweet kid, isn’t he? Is this your daughter?’
‘This is Jemima.’ Jemima sat at Maddie’s feet, playing with the laces on her shoes.
‘Cute costume. So what’s this about? I must say, this is all a bit weird.’
‘Sorry, I know. I just wanted to talk to you about Jade. She’s really struggling with this whole thing.’
‘What whole thing? Does she need more money? Is Ben ok?’ He sat forward with concern. ‘I asked if I could have him this weekend, but she was having none of it.’
‘She’s just really worried about the custody situation.’
He looked at Maddie blankly. ‘You’ve lost me. What custody situation?’
It was Maddie’s turn to be confused. ‘You’re filing for custody – of Ben. She’s worried she’ll lose him.’
Mark frowned. ‘I’m not filing for custody. I think you’ve got the wrong end of the stick. What was your name again?’
Maddie avoided the question. ‘But she said you’re filing for custody because your girlfriend is pregnant and you’re getting married?’
‘Look, love, I don’t know what she’s told you, but first off, I’m not filing for custody and second, I’m not engaged. Yes, Gloria is pregnant, but that’s got nothing to do with Jade.’ He sounded like he was getting annoyed. Maddie pulled her handbag closer to her, could feel the wooden handle of the knife through the zip. ‘That woman loves to mess with people. Actually, maybe I should be filing for custody. It’s not like I get to see much of Ben at the minute as it is!’
‘What do you mean? You’ve seen him loads. She’s the one who has to look after him on her own all the time, a single mum, struggling to make ends meet. It’s not easy for her.’
‘Back up a bit, honey. I haven’t seen Ben in over six months. I send her money every month without fail, but she always has a reason why I can’t see him. She never lets him sleep here overnight either. It’s like she doesn’t trust me or something.’ He raked a hand through his thin hair. ‘I love my son and, sure, I could’ve pushed harder to see him, but with Gloria pregnant and work, it’s sometimes hard to find the time to get over to see him, you know? That’s why letting him come for a weekend would be great, but she blocks me every time. I went over there a few weeks back, but Ben wasn’t even there. He was at a play date or something and Jade sent me packing.’
Maddie’s brain was swirling. ‘I don’t understand. She said she needed a lawyer and that you were threatening to take him away. She said you had him all the time at the minute, that he was sleeping over. The other day she said was worried that Ben would start calling your girlfriend “Mum”.’
‘Well, she’s been lying to you.’
Maddie felt sick to her stomach. What was going on? ‘I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have come here.’ She lurched to her feet.
‘Wait, you can tell her something from me. Tell her she’s given me a great idea and that I will be going for custody. I don’t know what game she’s playing, but she can’t keep my son from me.’
This was not going well. If he did that, then everything would unravel. She looked at Jemima and knew she couldn’t risk ending up in a jail cell, not now, not when she had a chance at being a part of Jemima’s life after all.
She reached for her handbag.
Behind Mark on a coffee table stood a framed photo. Maddie stepped closer to it, her bag clasped tightly to her chest. In the photo Mark was playing with a younger Ben, who was sitting on his back and riding Mark like a horse, his face lit up in delight. In the background you could just make out Jade sitting on her couch, watching them carefully with a strange smirk on her face.
‘That’s Ben,’ she said to distract him.
‘Yes,’ he said, turning towards the photo.
Maddie reached into her bag and her hand fell on the handle of the knife.
‘That was one of the last times I saw him. I spent the afternoon with him. He really is a great kid. I love him to bits and I miss the very bones of him. I just want to teach him how to ride a bike and play football and stuff, you know? The little things.’ He shrugged with shoulders that looked weighed down.
Maddie felt like she had stopped breathing altogether.
‘I can’t. I’m so sorry. I think I’ve made things worse for you.’ Maddie pulled her hand from the bag, then reached down with one arm to scoop up Jemima and fled from the room. As she passed through the doorway, the strap of her bag snagged on the door handle and it was yanked from her shoulder. The bag swung from the handle like a macabre tableau, the blade of the knife now sticking up and glinting in the light as the bag swayed like a pendulum.
Mark looked at it in horror, then back at Maddie. He took a few steps away from her, but she mumbled another apology and reached for the knife. She felt the blade slice her palm, but didn’t register the flare of pain as she stuffed the knife deep into the bag, then unhooked the strap and fled from the house.
She unlocked the car and clipped Jemima back in her seat. Jemima was still clutching the box of raisins as Maddie closed the car door. Mark was standing in the doorway of his house, looking bemused, a phone clutched to his ear.
Maddie climbed into the car and started the engine, her mind whirling and tumbling. She needed to get back and speak to Jade before the police turned up. She looked down at her palm where blood was dripping from between her fingers as she clutched at the steering wheel. She wiped it on her shirt, but the blood reappeared instantly along with a sharp stinging that helped to bring some clarity to her vision. She grabbed a loose serviette from the pocket in the car door and wrapped it around her hand before she sped off.
17
Jade stared at her phone, willing it to ring. Surely Maddie had sorted it by now? I
t was 7 p.m. and she had heard nothing. She had hammered on Maddie’s door about half an hour ago, but the only person it had stirred was nosy Peggy opposite, who had opened her door a crack, scowled at Jade, then closed it firmly again and slid the chain into place.
Jade poured another vodka and topped it up with the rest of the Coke in the bottle. Great, now she was out of mixer.
She knew Maddie had probably chickened out and was lying low. Jade needed to send her a reminder of what she had to lose.
She put the glass down on the kitchen counter and grabbed a pair of Marigolds from the cupboard under the sink.
Standing on a small set of children’s steps, she reached into the very top corner cupboard and pulled out a plastic carrier bag. She stepped down and took a photo of the bakery receipt with her phone, then sent it to Maddie through Snapchat, the message simply saying, ‘Tick tock.’
She watched for a moment to see if Maddie opened the message. It remained unread.
‘Shit!’
Jade had the feeling something was wrong. Very wrong. Maybe Maddie had done it after all. Maybe she hadn’t been in touch because Mark was lying dead in his front hallway. She smiled to herself, the idea refreshing her like an ice-cold draught on a sweltering summer’s day.
She put the receipt back in its hiding place and stared out of the kitchen window. The occasional trick or treater was still pestering for sweets, but they were few and far between now, with most kids safely indoors eating sausages and chips. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed a big 4x4 pull into a parking space outside. It was the same as the one Maddie was driving when she came home earlier.
She thought it a stroke of genius that Maddie had managed to convince her ex’s girlfriend to lend her that car. There would be no signs of Maddie’s own car on the CCTV cameras. The woman was actually quite adept at crime and Jade was secretly impressed.
