by R B Hilliard
* * *
Six weeks later
THE SOUND OF the garage door opening let me know Ellison was finally home. I could breathe easy again. Tonight was Reyn’s going away party. Ells and Piper wanted to make it special for Reyn, so Mac and I were left to fend for ourselves all day, while they ran errands around town. After spending the morning watching recaps of the World Cup and bonding over bottled milk, I finally took Mac upstairs for a nap. It became a tiny bit easier each time I forced myself to do this. I’d spent the last hour sprawled on the living room sofa with one ear on the monitor and the other listening for the garage door.
Ellison breezed in with a big smile on her face. “How are my two favorite guys?” she whispered.
“One of us is upstairs in dream land and the other is just hanging out watching soccer,” I answered.
“How long has he been down?”
“About an hour.”
She made her way over to the sofa and dropped down into my lap. I tensed and a look of uncertainty flitted across her face before disappearing behind a somewhat too bright smile. She grabbed my hands and pulled them around her middle. Then she dug her tight little ass into my groin. My cock twitched in response. The memory of almost losing Ellison the day Mac was born flashed through my mind and it instantly deflated. Twining her fingers with mine, Ellison leaned back against my chest and sighed.
“Guess what I did today?” she asked. Without waiting for a response, she told me. “I went to see the doctor.” This made me tense all over again. She squeezed my fingers in response. “She said I am clear and we can start having sex again.”
My chest tightened. All of the sudden I felt like I couldn’t breathe. Before I completely lost it, I lifted Ellison to her feet and ran to the bathroom, where I locked the door, turned on the water and hurled everything I’d eaten today into the toilet. I thought I had turned a corner. I thought I was doing better. Times like this let me know how little progress I had made, and how fucked in the head I really was. My wife wanted, no, needed a man who could take care of her. I wasn’t sure I could be that man anymore. The day I watched Ellison and our son almost die, something happened to me, something changed. I love her more than anything in this world. I would do anything for her. I just didn’t know if I could be with her again. Every time I kissed her or touched her, even in a non-romantic way, I was back in that room with her golden eyes staring lifelessly at me, as my son’s life blood seeped from between her legs. I was the reason they both almost died that day. I was the reason she almost lost her best friend. Had I just stayed at Kurt’s with her, instead of selfishly going to work, I could have prevented it from happening.
“Max, are you okay?” she asked from outside the door.
Closing my eyes, I rested my head against the toilet. How am I supposed to explain this without hurting her? I can’t.
“Sorry, babe, I’ve been feeling off all day. Maybe we should hold off until I feel better,” I answered.
“Is there anything I can do?” The concern in her voice killed me.
I’d never hated myself more than I did right then. “Thanks, I’m good for now. Just give me a minute and I’ll be out.”
“Okay. I really hope you can go tonight,” she quietly said.
I heard her heels clomping across the floor as she walked away. Shit, I had completely forgotten about tonight. I started to call her back and explain what was happening inside my head. Then I thought about her nightmares and the pain of her bringing our son into the world before he was due and held my tongue. Ellison had been through hell and back. She deserved all the happiness in the world. Leaning back over the toilet, I vomited again.
Chapter Two
Joss
‡
I HAD A hard time believing Reyn was moving to Virginia to live with her parents. Then again, if the horrible shit that happened to her had happened to me, I would move too. The last people I would move in with, however, would be my parents. Also, I wouldn’t move to Virginia. I would move to Hawaii or Jamaica. Reyn seemed to be doing remarkably well for someone who had been shot in the stomach. So was Piper for that matter. Susannah, however, was an absolute mess. All the money in the world couldn’t make me betray the people I care about the way Zippo had. Then there was Ellie. I am worried about Ellie and Max. Kurt shifted behind me and then settled back into sleep. My thoughts drifted back to Ellie. She looked pretty in her Maxi dress last night. She even smiled and made all the right moves, but I know Ellie, and I know when something is wrong. She was too quiet…and what’s up with Max? She barely looked at him all night. Hmmmm… Should I ask Kurt to ask Max about it, or should I go straight to the source? Go to the source. It’s always better that way. I loved seeing how much baby Mac had grown. I placed both hands on my flat stomach and smiled. I can’t wait to see what our baby looks like. Two, much larger hands, slid around my waist and squeezed my wrists.
I glanced over my shoulder at my sleep rumpled husband and smiled. “It’s about time you woke up.”
He gave me a sleepy smile. “Morning, baby.” The rasp in his voice made my insides quiver. This was definitely a feeling I’d been missing lately. He pressed his lips to the back of my neck and pulled me in close. As I settled into his warm body, I sighed in contentment. My body seemed to be on the same page as his this morning, for a change. I wasn’t nauseated or running for the bathroom to throw up. Kurt’s warm breath tickled the back of my neck and I felt it all the way to my toes. My inner slut perked right up and cheered when his hands massaged across my stomach and around to my lower back. Instead of irritating me, they felt good, so good I wanted them all over my body.
“How are you feeling this morning?” he asked. His lips against the back of my neck were distracting…so very distracting.
Poor Kurt. Two days after I discovered I was pregnant, the nausea hit. That was a little over four weeks ago. According to my friends and all the books, I still had another month to go before it would let up. Nausea and vomiting were huge libido killers. We hadn’t had sex in weeks and I could tell my man was hurting for it.
“I actually feel good this morning,” I admitted.
The hands on my lower back stilled. “Really?” The hope in his voice made me laugh.
“I’ve been such a shitty wife to you,” I said through giggles.
“You are the best wife,” he replied in a much too serious tone, before kissing the back of my neck, again.
I glanced over my shoulder and when our eyes met, I snorted. “We both know that’s not true, but for argument sake, how about you let me make it up to you?”
His brow arched in surprise. “You sure you feel up to it?”
Instead of answering, I rolled over and stared deeply into the eyes I loved more than anything in this world. Damn my guy is hot. I’m not just saying that, either. He inherited his mother’s blonde hair, blue eyes and chiseled Nordic features. His father was English, but had Italian somewhere in his blood. Hence, the thicker brows and lashes, full lips and tan complexion. A wave of lust poured through me and I welcomed it with open arms. Welcome back libido. Pregnancy hormones might not be so bad after all.
I remember Ellie telling me and Piper how she wanted sex twenty-four-seven when she was pregnant with Mac. I was beginning to get the picture. One of Kurt’s hands slid towards my breast, and just the thought of him touching me there raised my hormones to a new level of desperation. I arched into his touch, but it wasn’t near enough. More. I need so much more. Pushing him onto his back, I quickly stripped off my panties, before throwing my leg over and straddling his waist. As I whipped off my pajama top, Kurt’s I’m-about-to-get-lucky smile morphed into the look of a starved man gazing upon his last meal. His hands cupped my breasts and I moaned.
“You are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen,” he whispered. The reverence in his voice humbled me. It also made me want him more, if that was possible. As he took my nipple between his teeth, he bit down on it before gently sucking it into his warm, wet mo
uth. Bursts of mind numbing pleasure rippled through my body. Lately, my breasts had been sensitive to the point of pain. Most days I didn’t want anything touching them, including my husband. As I pulled back from his mouth, Kurt wolfishly stared at my breasts.
Needing him to understand my desperate state of being, I took his face in my hands and forced him to look into my eyes. “It has been a really long time since we’ve done this and I wish I could take it slow and make it so good for you, but baby, I need your cock more than a drowning person needs a life raft right now,” I bluntly explained.
His blue eyes darkened and his lips twitched with humor. “Kiss me and you can have me any way you need me,” he responded.
I ran my tongue across his lips in invitation. When he opened up, I dove in. Like a flame to a match, we sparked and then burned. Boy did I burn.
“Back to the headboard,” I commanded between kisses. He sat up and scooted back, taking me with him. I rose to my knees, giving him enough space to strip of his briefs. Once they were gone, I lined him up to my entrance and sank down on his shaft. Ribbons of pleasure danced through my body as he filled me up.
“Fuck, you feel so good,” he said with a half groan, half sigh.
I ran my hands through his hair and pressed my lips to his ear. Right before I bit down on the lobe, I whispered, “Nothing feels better than your hard cock inside me.” One of Kurt’s sexual triggers was dirty talk. The dirtier I gave it to him, the harder he gave it to me.
With a growl, his large hands cupped both of my ass cheeks. Using them as leverage, he lifted me up and pulled me back down. Each time he pulled down, he thrust his hips up to meet me.
The first time Kurt and I had sex was my junior year in high school. I was new to Charlotte and didn’t know a soul in town, other than Ellie. Kurt and Max were a year older than us and really popular with the girls. Max was a total player, but Kurt…Kurt was something else…something more. For months we watched each other in the halls. At first, if he caught me staring or I caught him, we would look away as if it never happened. Before long, we were openly watching each other.
One weekend, Piper decided to come home from boarding school. She, Ellie and I went to a senior party and Kurt and Max were both there. The moment she walked through the door, Piper made a play for Kurt. As I watched her throw herself at him, I wanted to die. I also wanted to rip her hair out. Piper was my friend and Kurt was…undefinable. That’s when I knew I was in trouble. Somehow, when I wasn’t looking or thinking about it, Kurt Greenfield had flown over my radar and buried himself under my skin. The moment Piper openly kissed him… and he made no moves to stop her…I decided I’d had enough. Slipping outside, I fled around the bonfire to the side of the house, where no one could see me fall apart. How did I let this happen? I stood there for I don’t know how long, contemplating whether or not to go back inside and watch my friend make out with the guy I liked, or to just give up and walk home. While trying to make up my mind, the guy in question suddenly appeared in front of me. With a snort of disgust, I started to walk away, but before I got far, he stopped me and apologized. He told me he was not into Piper and wanted to know if we could hang out sometime. Of course, I said yes. Three days later, he offered to give me a lift home from school. As usual, my parents were out of town and I had the house to myself. I invited him inside and we spent the rest of that day and night getting to know each other. We played several games of Pool and I beat his ass over and over again in Ping Pong. We talked about everything under the sun. It was the first time a guy had bothered to get to know the real me. After two weeks of hanging out practically every day, Kurt made his move. By that time, I was more than ready to take it to the next level. The boy did things to my body I had only fantasized about and some I’d never even heard of. We had been happily together ever since.
The thrill of being with Kurt never got old. In fact, this was the longest period we’d gone without sex in years. There was an eagerness to it we normally lacked, but that was to be expected. Like a finely choreographed dance, Kurt’s hands directed my body where they wanted it to go. It was making love, but it was also two people who had gone way too long without and were feeling pushed to their limits. Carefully, so not to lose momentum, I slid one of my hands down between us and gave his balls a gentle squeeze. His mouth, fused to mine, let out a surprised hiss of air, before turning up into a smile. I was close. I could already tell this was going to be an epic orgasm.
When Kurt let out a low, guttural growl, I knew he was there with me.
Shifting his mouth back to my nipple, he flicked his tongue across it. At the same time, he ground his thumb into my clit. Boom! Like that, I was instantly engulfed by the mother of all orgasms. Kurt’s loud shouts of pleasure let me know he was one hundred percent with me. As soon as the waves of orgasmic juju subsided, I slumped down onto his chest and tried to catch my breath.
“You good?” he asked, stroking his hand lovingly through my hair.
With my cheek pressed to his chest, I tiredly mumbled, “I’m better than good. You?”
“There are no words,” he responded. I agreed.
“When someone rocks your universe, there should be no words,” I sighed.
“This is true,” he said with a chuckle.
I lifted my head up and, before climbing off, gave him a breath stealing kiss of thanks. I needed to pee, but first I wanted to find my discarded panties.
“Uh, babe?” Kurt’s shaky tone made me stop what I was doing and glance over at him. He was staring down at his junk with a strange expression on his face. Instinctively, I looked down between my legs and almost dropped to my knees. I was bleeding. It wasn’t bright red or even dark red. It was light pink in color. Suddenly, Kurt’s arms were around me.
“What does this mean?” I whispered.
“Let’s get cleaned up and then we’ll call the doctor,” he said.
“What if getting cleaned up makes it worse?”
“Are you in any pain? Did I hurt you?”
I shook my head. “No, I don’t feel any pain, but I wasn’t nauseated this morning either, and I’m always nauseated. I don’t know if this is normal. I don’t know anything.” I was starting to panic. The possibility that I was losing our baby was too much to handle.
“Let’s get you to the bathroom and then we’ll call the doctor,” he repeated.
“It’s Sunday.”
He wrapped me in his arms and kissed the top of my head. “Stop arguing, Josselyn. While you are in the bathroom, I will figure this out.”
Carefully, so not to disturb anything, I made my way into the bathroom. I pulled down my panties and cringed when I saw blood on them. Still light pink. Should I shower? Will the hot water hurt the baby? I sat down on the toilet and realized I was afraid to pee. Finally, I gave and let it go. After I wiped, there was a hint of pink on the toilet paper. Quickly, I flushed the toilet and made my way to the shower. As the warm water washed over me, I gave in to the tears. Running my hands over my belly, I whispered, “Please be okay.” The shower door opened and my very naked husband stepped in behind me and wrapped his arms around me. An hour ago, I would have jumped at the chance for shower sex. It’s amazing how quickly things could change.
“Ellie called and got us an appointment with her gynecologist. We need to be at her office in forty five minutes,” he told me.
My eyes snapped to his. “Did you tell Ellie?”
“I told her you needed a female doctor. She didn’t ask any questions and I didn’t give an explanation.” For some reason I was relieved by this.
We finished showering and dressed in silence. What was there to say? We were both terrified we were losing the baby, but neither of us wanted to admit it. On the ride to the doctor’s office, I finally got up enough nerve to ask Kurt what he was thinking.
“I’m thinking, if we hadn’t had sex this morning, this wouldn’t be happening,” he answered. The same thought had crossed my mind. Of course, I didn’t tell him this. The la
st thing I should be doing was pointing a finger. After all, I was the one who jumped him.
Doctor Cooper greeted us at the door. She was tall with a head full of dark hair. In full makeup and designer shoes, she looked more like a fashionista than a crotch doctor, but what did I know?
“Thanks for seeing us on such short notice,” Kurt said.
“My pleasure, what brings you here today?” Dr. Cooper directed at me.
“I am eight weeks pregnant and this morning, after a bout of…uh…vigorous love making, I discovered I was bleeding.”
“Well, let’s get you in a gown and see what we can find out.”
A nurse ushered us into an exam room and gave me a few minutes to change out of my clothes. When Dr. Cooper returned, she was wheeling a little machine with her. After several questions about bleeding and cramping, she slipped what looked like a condom onto a rather large magic wand, squirted a bunch of lube on it and smiled. The horrified expression on Kurt’s face gave me some much needed comic relief.
“This will be cold and might get uncomfortable, but it won’t hurt the baby.” She inserted the giant wand inside me and tilted it in several directions before saying, “Gotcha.”
“Got what?” Kurt and I asked in unison.
With a nod of her head, the nurse turned out the lights and Dr. Cooper flipped a switch on the side of the machine. The sound of our baby’s heartbeat filled the room and I instantly teared up.
“Do you see this tiny little thing that looks like a jumping bean? Well, this is your baby. Let me get all the measurements and then we’ll talk.” She fiddled with some switches and shifted the wand around a few more times before pulling it out. We both flinched when we saw the blood, but the doctor acted as if it was no big deal. Before we could ask any questions, she told me to get dressed and to meet her across the hall in her office.
A million thoughts ran through my head as I dressed. I didn’t know whether to be happy or sad about seeing our baby. I wanted to be happy, but if I was losing it…
