by Gen Ryan
“I know what that’s like. I’m off the next few days, though, so I’ll miss the craziness of the weekend for a change.” Levi took a sip of his tea. It still astounded me that he didn’t drink coffee, especially in our line of work. Coffee was my lifeline.
I looked out the window that highlighted the beautiful day. The sun was shining, birds were chirping, and I smiled.
“You’re full of expressive faces this morning. Care to let me in on what’s making you smile? Not that I’m complaining, because I love your smile. It’s nice to see you happy.”
I looked at Levi thoughtfully. Was I happy? I wasn’t so sure what happy was anymore. I’d had ebbs and flow of happiness all throughout my life, but how I felt right now, content, even remotely satisfied, could have been the french toast, or it could have been something more.
“It’s just a beautiful day. The sun’s out. I just ate french toast in good company. I don’t want it to end.”
Levi put his cup of tea down and signaled the waitress for the check. “The day doesn’t have to end. Let’s go to the park.”
I laughed. “The park?”
“Sure. Lots of fun things to do at the park.”
Screw it. What did I have to lose but a couple of hours of sleep?
“I’m going to need a coffee to go.” With a smile, Levi paid the check and ordered me a coffee to go and himself a tea.
***
Who knew playing in the park as an adult was so much fun? It was still early, so Levi and I were the only ones. It was peaceful, swinging on the swings as the sun kissed my cheeks.
“Want to go make out under the play scape?”
I gaped at the frankness of Levi’s words. He wiggled his eyebrows. “Levi!” I said with a laugh.
“I’m teasing. Unless you want to help me fulfill that fantasy? I won’t object.” He pumped his legs and swung a little higher, having to raise his voice so I could hear him.
“That’s your fantasy? Making out under the play scape?” I twisted around on the swing like I used to when I was younger.
Levi stopped himself from swinging and hopped off. I watched him stalk toward me like a dog after a bone. His eyes, the brightness of them, turned darker, like a storm was brewing. Placing his hands on the ropes of my swing, he knelt so he was at eye level with me.
“If you haven’t figured it out yet, Raindrop, anything that includes you is a fantasy of mine, but I know you’re hurting and struggling, and I would never pursue you until you’re ready. So, until that day, I’ll take you out, wrap you in towels when you feel like you just can’t go on, and I’ll prove to you that not all guys are assholes and cheat.”
Instinctively, I licked my lips. Everything was telling me to press my lips against his. I wanted to feel again, to take a leap of faith without fear. To think about myself for once and what I wanted, and right now, I wanted Levi.
“Don’t lick your lips like that. I meant what I said. I’m waiting until you tell me you’re ready, but I don’t think you know how hard it’s been to watch you struggle. I’ve fought to keep my distance. I don’t want to start what I know will be something amazing between us due to some sexual attraction, or a need for you to escape. I want you to mean it, because I sure as hell will.”
Levi stood up, releasing his hands from the swing, sending me spinning. Closing my eyes, I let his words take me over. He wanted me. He’d wait for me until I was ready. I was attracted to him and knew he was a good guy, but something he’d said stuck with me. I shouldn’t try to screw away the memories of Parker, and I wouldn’t, because something told me that what Levi and I might share could be worth the wait.
Chapter Seventeen
Zombie status. I was on autopilot. Giving report for the last of my four shifts never felt so good. Well, maybe not as good as sleep. Oh, sweet sleep. I wiped my chin where I swore some drool had already fallen.
“Rainey Matthews?” I squinted my bloodshot eyes and saw a man in front of me holding a dozen roses and a large coffee from the diner across the street.
“That’s me.” He gave me something to sign, and I took the flowers. Jean and a few of the other ladies from the shift came over.
“Who are those from?” Jean smiled widely.
“No clue. But there’s coffee.” I took a sip and moaned. Jean snatched the card and read it out loud. “Hey!”
“Raindrop, I just wanted you to know I was thinking about you. I know your addiction to caffeine, so I’m sure the coffee will make you happier than the flowers. Next time I’ll just send a bouquet of Keurig pods. Yours, Levi.” Jean held the card to her chest. “Well, isn’t that the sweetest thing I’ve ever read.”
I snatched the card from her hand and read the words with my own eyes. The fact that he was thinking about me, that he went through the effort of sending me flowers, meant more to me than all the coffee in the world.
“Are you guys dating?” Mary, another nurse, asked.
“We aren’t anything but friends.”
“Uh-hum. Sure. He wants to be more than friends. You better snatch him up before someone else does,” Jean said with a wink. “All right, let’s get back to work. New shift, start!”
Before heading home to pass out for the day, I pulled out my phone and sent Levi a text.
Me: Thanks so much for the coffee. Oh, the flowers were nice too . How about dinner tonight at my place? I’ll cook!
I watched the three little dots dance across the screen.
Levi: Sounds good. I’m out at 5. Let’s say 7?
Me: Perfect.
Gathering my flowers and coffee, I had a bit of extra energy. It’d been a while since someone did something for me like Levi did. It was a good start to a new day and a new life.
***
I managed a solid three hours of sleep before I stared at the ceiling, trying to figure out what I was going to make for dinner. I wasn’t a horrible cook, but I lived on simple and easy, especially with Parker being gone all the time. Salads, frozen Healthy Choice meals, and sometimes I just ate a protein bar and called it a day.
I settled for something easy and less likely for me to burn. Spaghetti, garlic bread, and salad. I prepped everything and then focused on myself. Levi had seen me more in my scrubs than anything else; tonight I wanted to make an effort. He’d tried since the first day I met him, and that was refreshing, to have someone care enough to send flowers and find out how I liked my coffee. To listen when I said I hated pepperoni on my pizza. Those things mattered to me, and I was happy to finally have met someone who valued that.
My cell rang, and I put it on speaker so I could chat with Ava and put on some makeup.
“What’s up? I feel like I haven’t spoken to you in forever,” Ava said as she munched on something.
“We spoke yesterday, and what the hell are you eating? It’s so loud.”
“Stupid carrots. I’m just a girl standing in front of a carrot, asking it to be a damn piece of chocolate cake.” Ava groaned. “I hate dieting.”
“Then don’t diet. Balance.”
“Okay, Obi-Wan. What are you doing? I sound like I’m on speaker.” I pulled my hair back so I could see my face to apply eyeliner.
“Currently putting on eyeliner.” I stabbed myself in the eye, sending tears streaming down my face. Taking a piece of toilet paper, I dabbed my eye and started over. “Or trying to.”
“Oh shit! You have a date.”
“Mommy, you said bad word,” I heard Amelia, one of Ava’s daughters, say in the background.
“I did. Don’t listen to Mommy,” Ava said.
“I invited Levi over for dinner. Get this, he sent me flowers and a coffee this morning after my shift.”
“Girl—” Another loud crunch sounded in my ear. “—he’s amazing. Tell me he has some flaw?”
I managed to get a thin line of eyeliner on my eye. I didn’t wear makeup much. In my line of work, simple was best. By the end of a shift, I’d look like a raccoon anyway if I applied too much cosmetics.
“Nothing that I know of. I’m sure there’s something. It’ll reveal itself in due time.”
“Maybe he has a small pecker,” Ava suggested.
“Mommy, what’s a pecker?”
I laughed. “You better watch it, Amelia will be walking around talking about peckers at three years old.”
“She said fuck the other day. In the correct context. Pretty sure Beckett and I aren’t winning parent of the year anytime soon.”
I applied a neutral color to my eyelids and pink gloss to my lips while Ava and I continued to chat. I still looked natural, just enhanced, which was what I liked for myself anyway. I wasn’t one of those women to bother with contouring and changing the shape of my nose and cheeks. I didn’t know how if I wanted to, anyway.
“Just be careful, okay, sweetie? I want you to be happy, but sometimes your....”
“I know my depressive moods come out of nowhere. Levi has already seen that side of me, and he didn’t run away. That’s saying something.”
Ava sighed. “It is. It really is.”
The doorbell rang, interrupting our conversation.
“Shit. He’s here.” I fumbled to throw all my makeup in the drawer to make the bathroom look less of a mess.
Ava laughed. “Have fun. Use protection, and I hope his pecker isn’t small.”
“Pecker! Pecker!” Amelia repeated in the background.
“Jesus, Ava.” I laughed. “Chat later. Love you.”
“Love you too.”
With a deep breath, I took one last look at myself. My simple jeans and tight red halter top hugged my body just right. I’d opted for flats over heels because my feet were still hurting from my four shifts. They probably would be until right before my next shift. Such was the life of a nurse.
“You can do this,” I said out loud to myself. I opened the door, and Levi stood there, one hand in his pocket, the other holding a bottle of wine.
“I wasn’t sure what you drank, but you didn’t strike me as a red wine girl, so I settled for white.”
“It’s perfect.” I took it from his hand. “Come in.” I walked toward the kitchen with Levi following.
“I hope you don’t mind spaghetti. It was the easiest, and I knew I wouldn’t burn it.”
“Spaghetti is perfect. So, what can I do to help?” Levi washed his hands in the sink. It was like he was comfortable in my kitchen, making himself right at home. For some that might have been disconcerting, but for me, it brought comfort. I didn’t do awkward well, I didn’t know many people who did, and having been out of the dating game for so long, I worried how I would do with all the preliminary things, the getting-to-know-you phase that always seemed to reveal so much about a person. I was getting to know Levi, and so far, like Ava said, it seemed like he had no flaws.
“Want to open the wine? I hate the popping sound it makes. The opener is in the drawer to the left.”
Flashing me his dashing smile, he nodded. “You got it.”
I poured the pasta into the boiling water, stealing glances of Levi as he opened the wine bottle. His toned arms strained against his plain white T-shirt—my weakness.
“You enjoying the view?” Levi grinned as the cork popped out. I shut my mouth that apparently had been hanging open.
I blushed, averting my eyes from his.
Levi poured two glasses of wine and handed me one.
“I like that you were checking me out because it shows that you’re interested in me. Well, at least in my incredible muscles.” He flexed and pretended he was posing for a bodybuilding competition.
I brought the wine glass to my lips. “You’re right, I am interested, but like a fine wine, time makes it all better. The attraction between us just grows, and once we get together, it’ll be explosive.” I took a sip of the wine, grinning ear to ear. Levi placed his glass down and positioned his arms behind him to hold himself up on the counter. He smiled.
“That was the hottest thing I’ve ever heard,” Levi said as he looked me up and down.
Turning around, I grabbed a noodle from the pot and chucked it against the wall.
Levi ducked, and I giggled.
“What are you doing?” he asked, looking at the noodle attached to the wall.
“That’s how you check to see if it’s done. If it sticks, it’s ready.”
“Huh?” he said. “Learn something new every day. Let me try!” Giddy, he ran to the pot and took out a noodle and threw it. Looking at me, he smiled.
This was what I wanted. The simple things. Cooking dinner together and living life with someone you cared about. There was so much that people took for granted, but I never would, not when I never had it.
“What?” he questioned, tilting his head to the side.
“This is nice, that’s all. Cooking dinner with you.” I strained the noodles, the steam from the hot water surrounding me.
“I’m glad, Raindrop,” Levi said, bringing the two plates over to me. “Because this is only the beginning.”
Trying to fight back my shit-eating grin, I hoped he was right, because this was what I had been waiting for.
Chapter Eighteen
I snorted and gripped my side at Levi’s British accent. A few glasses of wine turned into emptying the entire bottle and getting into my stash. Two and a half bottles later, Levi was showing me his impressions.
“It’s good, huh? I think I missed my calling in life to be an actor.” Levi flopped down on the couch next to me.
“Nope. Pretty sure you would be a starving actor.” The music switched to “Perfect” by Ed Sheeran, and I clapped my hands.
“Love this song.” I hummed along.
Levi jumped up and reached out his hand for me. “May I have this dance?” He wiggled his eyebrows at me.
I wasn’t a good dancer, but with a few glasses of wine in me, I felt like I could do anything and do it well. I placed my hand in Levi’s, and he pulled me close, one hand falling to my waist.
The silliness, the accents, all were gone. It was just us and the music. I was hyperaware of his hands, that both now were positioned on my waist. His touch was foreign, different from what I had been used to, but it made me feel alive. Resting my head against his shoulder, I relished his touch, the closeness of our bodies. I inhaled, the scent of his aftershave still lingering on his neck. My eyes studied his long neck, the muscles that were pulsing as I brought my hand up to stroke it. The fear and hesitation were gone, and all I wanted to do was taste him, to feel Levi’s lips against mine.
He looked down just as my hands cupped his cheeks.
“Rainey.” The music hummed in the background, and nothing could make this moment more perfect. Levi stood still, hesitation lingering in his eyes as he searched my face. “You have to tell me what you want.” His hands gripped my arms, as if at any second he was going to either push me away or crash his lips down on mine. All I had to do was tell him that I was ready, and the tension, it’d be gone. The buildup in my mind of what this kiss would mean would come to an end.
“I’m ready,” I whispered, our lips only inches apart. The way his hands gripped my arms, I expected the kiss to be hard and fast. With a smile, Levi let go of my arms and softly caressed my cheek. He placed his hand behind my head, and with a subtle lean, his lips gently met mine. It was slow at first, our lips and bodies becoming aligned. My arms hung by my side, then grasped around his neck to strengthen the connection. His tongue lashed out, coaxing my lips open. I nipped at his lip, and he moaned.
Breathlessly we parted, both our lips swollen from the kiss. I wasn’t thinking of my past, of the heartache that I felt not long ago, but of how much kissing Levi was worth the wait.
We stood in front of each other, the song switching over before either of us spoke, the intensity of what just happened still buzzing in the air.
“That was intense,” Levi finally said.
“It was.” I brushed my fingers against my lips and smiled.
“Stop smiling like that, Raindrop,
or I won’t be going home tonight.” My lips formed a perfect O shape at his confession.
“Don’t worry.” He moved toward me and kissed my forehead. “Not tonight. That kiss was everything I knew it would be. Remember what I said, I’ll wait until you’re ready. For everything.” I breathed a sigh of relief. While I knew I wanted to see where things would go with Levi, I wasn’t ready to have sex with him yet. Although my wet panties would say otherwise, I wanted to take things slow. Relish the little things, like a first kiss that almost knocked me on my ass.
“On that note....” He glanced at his cell phone. “It’s after midnight. I’m going to go home since I have to be up for work in six hours.”
“Oh, here!” I rushed into the kitchen and swiped the container of food I had made him. “Take this home. You can have it for lunch tomorrow or whatever.”
“Thank you.” Levi pressed a kiss to my forehead as he held my front door open. Taking one last glance at me, he shook his head. “It’s hard to go, but I know it’s the right thing.” I bit my lip and nodded. It was the right thing. Taking things slow, I reminded myself.
“Good night, Levi.”
“Night, Raindrop.” I latched the door behind him and flung myself on the couch.
“Holy shit!” I screeched. Everything about tonight was perfect. Nothing could take away the feelings of being wanted and cared for that I felt whenever Levi was around.
A knock at the door made me jump. I smiled, thinking that Levi couldn’t leave.
“Levi, I thought we said we’d wait....” I opened the door, fully prepared to give myself to Levi, to strip down and make love to him, because I deserved that. I deserved to feel something again other than heartache. When I opened the door, my smile melted away. It wasn’t Levi. In front of me stood Parker.
“Rainey.”
I stumbled back and gripped the side of the door. “What are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be in Afghanistan?” Parker looked me over, stopping at my face that still had makeup from my date with Levi. I was suddenly extremely self-conscious. I pulled down my halter top.
