by Carrie Hogle
When it comes to you I’m not strong enough to make it easy.
She’d gone into it willingly, knowing he wasn’t staying, but the note tore her apart. She wasn’t strong enough to make it easy either. She sat on the nearest stool, wrapped her arms around herself embracing her emptiness, and let herself cry. He carried her heart with him. Every time she lost him she was left hollow and letting him go never seemed to get easier. She didn’t know what was worse, the hope that it would somehow work out or the thought of losing him forever.
Reina took a deep breath, pulled herself together, tucked the note in a drawer, made a cup of coffee, and pulled out her laptop. James was still a continuous yearning, but whatever was going to happen she couldn’t sit around pining and waiting for it.
Chapter 8
By early evening Reina was glad for the interruption of Paul knocking on her door. She’d worked through the day, but her actual accomplishments were minimal. Her mind kept bringing up images of James in her apartment making it impossible to concentrate properly. When she opened the door Paul held up a small bag of coffee.
“Vanilla French roast?”
Reina smiled, “Come on in.”
He’d been by often enough that he started the coffee brewing while Reina pulled out cups.
“So, normally I wouldn’t be nosey…”
Reina laughed. Paul always had good gossip, usually stories from work.
“But…” he continued.
“Yes…?”
“I could swear I saw a hot celebrity leaving your apartment in the wee hours of the morning.”
Of course the conversation would lead back to James. Surely the fates were having a good laugh.
“Oh...umm...yeah...maybe…”
“Well that clears it right up,” Paul chuckled.
“It’s complicated.”
“Wait...that’s your ex,” he asked seeming shocked.
“You could say that.”
“Very interesting…”
“You could say that as well,” Reina laughed at the irony.
“And he was here because…” Paul prompted.
“To get out of the rain,” Reina responded cheekily.
“I see. I’m not going to get anything out of you am I?”
Reina shook her head with a smile. She handed Paul a cup and filled her own.
“I actually can’t stay,” Paul said, setting the cup down. “I have a date.”
“A date? Oh do tell!”
“Hmmm...we’ll see how it goes first. If it goes well maybe I’ll have details, if not we’ll have something to joke about,” he said with a wink.
She walked him to the door.
“Thank for the coffee and good luck!”
Not ready to work yet and not sure what she was going to do with her evening, she sat on the couch enjoying the aroma of vanilla from her cup. There was another knock at the door. Reina thought it was probably Paul again but when she checked the peephole her heart started beating triple time. James’ father was standing at her door. She didn’t need anyone to tell her who it was because the resemblance was uncanny. He seemed a bit taller with salt and pepper hair and green eyes, but there was no mistaking it. Why his father was at her door was an entirely different matter.
She grabbed her Taser before opening the door. She considered the gun, but the last thing she needed was prison time because he pissed her off. She kept her foot bracing the inside of the door and pointed the Taser at his chest. He held out his hand and introduced himself.
“William Kastel.”
Reina maintained her position.
“I know who you are. James’ father...right? What do you want?”
He nodded at her with a smirk.
“I wanted to see what the fuss was about.”
“Well now you have. Anything else,” Reina replied sarcastically.
He cocked his head at her, almost as if he was considering buying a horse.
“I can see why they find you so appealing.”
“Let me guess...the males in your family have a serious genetic defect?”
He laughed at her and she was glad she didn’t have the gun in her hands.
“Glad I amuse you.”
“It pleases me greatly to see what James gave up.”
She wanted to put the Taser down just so she could kick him in the face.
“Yes, you must be proud,” she replied with a mix of sarcasm and true anger.
“I’m dying actually. Already living on borrowed time.
That shocked her. She had no idea what he meant, but it made the entire situation stranger.
“Not even going to pretend I’m sorry,” she replied.
“Ah...but, you should be.”
Reina shrugged at him.
“Eric may have been...unstable...but he was raised to take over my empire. Because of you that role has shifted to James.”
“What you mean is because he was a crazy bastard.”
“Even so, it played a part in why I made him give you up. You don’t run a business like mine by making the easy choices.”
Reina clenched her jaw struggling not to tase him. The last thing she needed was him lying unconscious outside her apartment but the temptation was real.
“Although, I think I would have fought harder to keep you.”
She didn’t think she could hate him more.
“You mean like I’m fighting not to tase the hell out of you right now?”
He smiled at her, but she saw the predator in his eyes.
“You got what you wanted. I don’t have anything for you. If you come near me again, it won’t be a Taser pointed at your chest.”
Reina pushed with her foot and rolled around the back of the door, effectively slamming it in his face. She leaned against the door trying to catch her breath, slow her beating heart, and cursing. She couldn’t imagine having a man like that for a father. No father was a better option than a bastard like that. She debated calling James but obviously he didn’t want her involved. William showing up at her door made her involved by default, but she’d handled it and after James being here the night before calling him probably wasn’t the best idea.
Meanwhile William made arrangements to have Reina watched. He knew his son. There was no way James was giving a girl like that up. If she’d submitted that fiery spirit to him and he loved her, he’d come for her eventually. When he did, he would be intercepted and brought home.
Chapter 9
James had thought putting distance between them was the answer, but after a few weeks in Vancouver he was teeming with pent up aggression. Reina was in his veins. She haunted him like white noise. His mind provided a continuous drip, his body demanded his next fix, and his instincts raged for him to retrieve what belonged to him. He saw her tied to his bed and saw her hungry pleading eyes. He’d dominated her, claimed her, marked her, and yet she’d mastered him. She’d let him in her apartment, no questions asked, and subtly taken what she wanted. Her words echoed through his mind on a loop, “You’re still mine.” Like a madman with a burning soul, he’d reached his limit.
He was keeping Reina even if he had to live on an island and hire an arsenal. Since childhood his father had tried to shape him into something he didn’t want to be. Let his father come. Eric had tortured Reina and James wasn’t paying any further price. Deep down he wasn’t a complicated man. He wanted to enjoy the simple pleasures of life with the woman he loved. His soul felt worn thin and only Reina could soothe him.
He’d flown back to see her only to find his father’s men guarding her building. There was one man in the shadows near the door that he didn’t recognize, and two men he knew relatively well sitting in a car out front. James was parked down the street trying to calculate his next move. It wasn’t likely he’d be able to take all three of them and a physical altercation in front of Reina’s building wasn’t ideal. He decided on the direct approach, parked his car in front of theirs, and walked to the passenger side window. Steven had
been employed with his father since James was a teen. Although Steven would carry out whatever orders were given he would also give straightforward answers.
“Why are you here?”
“Your father has requested your presence.”
“He couldn’t call?”
“We don’t question your father’s motives. The orders were when you showed up we were to escort you home.”
James scoffed and shook his head. His father was nothing if not thorough.
“Does she know you’re out here?”
“We have had no interactions with the girl.”
James clenched his jaw, thinking.
“Have you seen her?”
“Yes. She appears to be unharmed.”
“And...If I try to see her?”
Hearing the man at the entrance walking up behind him, James turned slightly to stare him down.
“Unless my father has given you orders to shoot me, I suggest you maintain your distance.”
Steven nodded at the man and continued speaking.
“We are to use any means necessary to bring you home relatively unscathed.”
“Any means necessary...including Reina?”
“That would be correct.”
Once again James’ options were being dictated by his father and it would seem a confrontation was his only logical course of action. With a heavy sigh and a glance back towards Reina’s apartment, James got into the backseat.
“Then I suppose we should get on with it.”
“Indeed. I’ll need your keys and your phone,” Steven replied.
James ground his teeth and handed them over. The keys went to the man outside who promptly drove James’ car to an unknown location. James was riding back to the airport and preparing himself for another round with his father. When he arrived he was denied the confrontation he’d been seeking. His father was in the hospital, on life support, and had been unresponsive for days. James discovered that his father had been battling stage four lung cancer for some time, and had refused treatment. His father had known he was dying before he’d begun the entire set of events with Reina. Seething with rage, James hated him for it. His father had already set up end of life conditions and was to remain on life support for at least two weeks before James could have it removed. Continually under escort James was effectively trapped. William’s men would carry out his orders until he regained consciousness or died.
James sat in his father’s hospital room daily, cursing him. Nurses came in with disapproving looks until they saw his eyes, then they gave him a wide berth and scurried away. He cursed his father for his childhood and cursed him for raising a bastard like Eric. James cursed him for his mother who’d been faithful to the tyrannical bastard until the end, mostly to protect her son. He cursed him for the bullshit situation he’d been forced to put Reina through and he cursed every day that he lived.
For endless hours he sat waiting, watching the rise and fall of his father’s chest, hearing the beep of the machines, watching the nurses come and go. He’d get coffee, eat junk out of the vending machines, and pace the hallways with nervous angry energy all in the hopes that he’d return to find his father gone. While it would seem blasphemous to some, between Eric and his father James had been pushed beyond his limits for far too long. He’d escaped during college only to be sucked back into the life he’d never wanted.
Because of his guard he was forced to stay in his father’s house, the echoes of his footfalls in the quiet house like the clock that seemed to be ticking in his father’s favor. James was living a nightmare.
The nightmare didn’t end when his father finally passed away. Everyone started coming to him to make decisions, and he continued silently cursing his father. He didn’t mourn the passing but a small part inside of him mourned the father he could have had. James wanted more than anything to call Reina, to have her here to calm the wildness building inside him, but he knew Reina. She may have come because he was in trouble, but enough time had passed without word from him that she’d be less than inviting.
James had to deal with all of the funeral arrangements before he could begin to handle any of the business decisions. He then spent days in meetings with board members, attorneys, and accountants. They all advised him on the best course of action for assets. They balked when he told them to sell it all. His first executive order was for all of them to stop giving him advice, do what they were told, and fucking liquidate everything. His second order of business was to find alternative employment for all of the house staff, luckily that seemed to go the smoothest.
James’ father had wanted him to be in control of his empire, so that’s exactly what he did. He used his father’s contacts to hire someone that would never be traced back to him. His last order before leaving was for the entire estate to be burned to the ground. Liquidating assets would take months but the attorneys had their orders, they didn’t need James present, and if he was needed they could come to him. He was finally free to get back to Reina. He realized she’d be hurt and angry but he hoped she was prepared to fulfill her “always” part of the bargain. After everything they’d been through, and his current nightmare, he had every intention of keeping her indefinitely.
Chapter 10
Reina and Amy had made plans to meet at The Coffee Spot and spend the day downtown. It was sunny but mild and breezy, an excellent day for perusing shops and hanging by the river. Reina hoped that the exercise, breeze and flowing water would help clear her mind. For whatever reason, she’d woken up with James in her thoughts and a couple cups of coffee hadn’t chased him away. Some days were like that.
She hadn’t heard from him in over a month and her small glimmer of hope had begun its slide into acceptance. While there was a hollow ache ever present, she’d learned to live around it. She couldn’t let it go but she continued on, keeping it like a secret. At night the tears were less but she still woke curled in on herself with a sense of loss. She managed it though. She put one foot in front of the other, carried on with work, enjoyed her friends and found fleeting moments of happiness.
The walk to The Coffee Spot was familiar and soothing. She got coffee from Carol with a comforting hug included. Amy was driving so Reina sat on the outside bench to wait, breathing in the fresh air and the aroma of her coffee. Without much thought to the few people coming and going, she felt a moment of peace. She was slow to notice when a pair of feet had stopped next to her and everything around her fell away as she realized it was James. It was as if he’d stepped out of a wish she’d made so long ago that her brain couldn’t process it. He sat down beside her and she turned her head toward him, without meeting his eyes.
Reina took a deep breath trying to calm her heart. She closed her eyes briefly, absorbing the feeling of being enveloped by home without ever knowing you’d been lost, both comforting and overwhelming. It was like she was drawn to the radiance of the sun, only to be burned after being in the shadows so long. She couldn’t breathe.
“Hello Reina.”
“Hey...”
The back of her hand came to softly rest against the back of his as she unconsciously lowered her hand to the bench, craving the contact.
“How are you,” he asked quietly.
The entire conversation felt hushed, as if a sudden movement or a loud noise would break the dream.
“Good,” she shrugged. “How have you been,” she asked politely.
“Broken...”
At his answer she met his eyes. Whatever he’d been through, there was so much pain there that she had to look away; the desire to console him nearly choked her. Somehow it seemed that no matter how far apart, they were always a reflection of one another.
“My father passed away.”
“I’m sorry,” she replied, but it caused a bitter anger inside her. Not at James, but at the situations they’d been put through.
“Don’t be...my father…”
Before he could finish Amy pulled up, and as happy as Reina was to see him
safe she also felt a reprieve. Seeing James was hard enough, she did not want to talk about his father. James glanced up to Amy and nodded slowly, knowing that Reina was about to make her escape.
“I miss you Reina.”
Reina took a deep breath, willing the tears gathering in her eyes not to fall.
“I have to go,” she replied as she stood up.
His hand wrapped around her wrist, “When can I see you?”
Reina looked into his eyes but couldn’t seem to form an intelligent response.
“I have to go,” she whispered.
James let her go and watched her slip away. After the hell he’d been through he felt raw. He needed her to calm the demons raging inside his mind. Whether she’d admit it or not, she’d been waiting for him. His cuffs and collar still marked her skin. He loved her enough to understand she’d been through her own form of hell, so he would try to be patient with her broken heart.
Reina looked out the window as they drove away, the feeling of clouds shifting across her sunshiny day. He was both her strength and her weakness. To be shown your greatest longing yet be terrified of losing it was the cruelest cosmic joke.
“Wanna talk about it,” Amy asked.
“Nothing to talk about.”
“Reina…”
“His father died.”
“And...now he’s back?”
“And...I wouldn’t know. That’s the first I’ve talked to him…”
“Are you going to see him again?”
“Who knows…”
“We both know if he’s here...he’s here for you.”
Reina shrugged but stayed silent.
“What are you going to do,” Amy prompted.
“I don’t know why he’s here.”
“And if he has come back for you?”
“Amy...I don’t think my heart can take anymore.”
They skipped the shops, bought ice cream, and spent the day walking the riverwalk. They didn’t talk a lot, but it wasn’t needed. There was an unspoken understanding between them, and the beautiful day had taken a subdued quality. Amy drove Reina by her apartment to get some clothes, and she spent the night at Amy’s house. They watched mindless comedies over a couple of beers. Seth seemed to feel the tension in the air and made himself scarce. The girls put on face masks, painted their toenails, drank coffee, stayed up most of the night and studiously avoided talking about men.
