The next thing I remember is Heather crawling into bed next to me moaning about it almost being over. I turned to look at her but that made my stomach lurch. I had to cover my mouth and force the vomit back down. I was just too weak to make it to the bathroom. After that, I stayed as still as possible. After dosing off, a few minutes later I hear Asher’s voice booming next to my ear. I plead with him to be quite in my head. I have no energy to actually exert the words from my lips.
“I’m sorry to wake you but you need to drink something. Heather said you have been out for hours. Come on, Maggie. We are both really worried about you.”
Hours? I haven’t been asleep for hours. I slowly reach my hand next to me trying to rouse Heather but notice my bed is empty. That brings some alertness to my mind as I sluggishly peel my eyes open. I have to squint because Asher is standing right in front of the overhead light. He has a glow all around him and I think for a moment that maybe he is my savior. Here to rescue me from my past. And the flu.
“Ok. I will drink something if you will please stop shouting.” My head is throbbing and my body feels like I ran into a massive brick wall at full speed. Asher gives a little chuckle which makes me scowl at him. Maybe he isn’t my savior after all.
“Sorry, it’s just that I am barely talking above a whisper. It gets better, I promise. I have to get to class. I left you two bottles of water and a trash can in case you can’t keep anything down. Kevin told me how much you took care of me while I was at my worst. I thought I could repay the favor. I will be back in a little while. Try to get some more rest.”
Who the hell is Kevin? Too tired to care at the moment, I grab a bottle of water sipping it timidly until I’m certain my stomach can handle the liquid. Then I force myself to drink at least half the bottle before collapsing back on the bed. After about three more visits from Asher and plenty of sleep, I finally feel like I could make it to the shower. Rinsing away the grime always makes me feel better. I decide on sweat pants and a t-shirt and head out to the living room to lay on the couch. I just needed a change of scenery. After a couple more hours of crap TV, Heather makes it home.
“I am so sorry. How are you feeling?”
“Stop apologizing. It’s not your fault. Finally feeling a little better. Please tell me the achiness and soreness go away soon.”
“It does. I feel almost 100% normal. Thanks for taking care of me. I wish I could have done the same for you. Thank goodness for Asher. That kid bounced back faster than me.”
“Tell me about it. I swear he kept getting better looking the more I saw him today. Is that even possible?” Heather gives me a small chuckle, shrugs her shoulders and heads into the kitchen. A few minutes later, she brings me more water and some saltines.
“Here, try these and see if your stomach can handle it.” We spend the rest of the evening watching bad television snuggled up on the couch together.
Asher and Heather were both right. The next morning I feel almost like my old self. In no shape to run just yet, I decide to grab some coffee and donuts for Asher. I want to thank him for taking care of me. I head to his dorm before class starts to surprise him. As I knock lightly on his door, unsure if his cranky roommate will be awake, I start to feel uneasy. Like maybe I shouldn’t be here. Some small part of me almost feels like I’m betraying Vincent. I know that isn’t logical but I think I might, just maybe, I might like Asher a little more than I want to admit.
“Hey Maggie! I wasn’t expecting to see you. What a great surprise. Come on in.”
“Hi Asher. I just wanted to thank you for taking care of me while I was sick.” I peek my head around the door looking for the obnoxious roommate.
“Don’t worry, Kevin isn’t here.” Oh. That’s Kevin. Makes sense now.
“Thank goodness. That guy is a disaster.” Asher lets out a deep sigh in response.
“You have no idea. I should really be taking you breakfast. I think you got the brunt of my flu and I only came to your rescue at the very end. I wish I could have done more. I know exactly how you were feeling. I don’t know how you survived with no one to take care of you.”
“I managed. Don’t worry about me. I’m finally feeling better and ready to get caught up with whatever I missed.”
“Well, Professor Andrews did assign our huge semester project that will count as 60% of our grade. We need to brainstorm and come up with a project.”
“I’m all ears. I want to get the best possible grade on that assignment because I might need it to pass the class. Some of this stuff is a little over my head.”
“Maggie, give yourself more credit than that. You’re doing just fine. And I can help you whenever you need it.”
“Thanks. As long as you don’t mind. I don’t want to take away from your other studies.”
“It’s not a problem. I promise.” He says while giving me his full, dimple producing smile. The smile that is quickly becoming my favorite. We head out to class, walking side by side and I can’t help but think what a great guy he truly is. He starts telling me another amazing story about surfing as I unconsciously inch my way closer and closer to his body.
“I’m telling you Maggie, you would love Florida. The last time I was home, Dex and Seth caught the most amazing wave. I was so pissed that I got stuck on land. Stupid jellyfish. But even watching them ride the barrel…uhh…the space inside a wave between the lip and the face, gives me chills. When you hit that perfect rhythm in the water, it’s like no other feeling in the world.”
“I can tell you miss it. I wish there was someplace around here to go surfing so you could get your fix but I don’t think you will catch any waves off Lake Michigan.” Asher laughs at my response. I’m glad I can lighten his mood with my lame sense of humor.
The next few weeks fly by. Asher and I spend almost every waking moment working on our project or studying. Although I get the distinct feeling he doesn’t need it nearly as much as I do. But he is so patient and willing to help that I can’t say no.
It’s Friday night and even though our project isn’t due for another week, we’re done. We put the finishing touches on it today so we could focus on other classes. Heather has been begging me to go out with her. The much older boyfriend has been out of town on business for the past two weeks so she’s bored. I finally agreed since our big project got wrapped up early. I invited Asher to go out with us. Heather scored us all fake ID’s so we could drink. The campus is surrounded by bars within walking distance so there is no need for a designated driver. I refused to get dressed up for the night out which put Heather in a particularly nasty mood.
“Why can’t you just put on the dress I picked out like a good little puppet?”
“Because it’s October in Michigan and I am NOT going to freeze my ass off so I can look good in some slinky dress. If you want to freeze to death walking to and from the bar, be my guest.”
As much as Heather hates my refusal, she also loves the fact that I stand up for myself. She told me once that she really admired that about me. After giving a huge huff and stomping out of my room, I decide on a tight pair of jeans with a cream colored sweater. I put my brown boots on and grab my jacket on the way out of my bedroom.
“Are you coming or not?” I yell over my shoulder in Heather’s general direction. Five minutes later she comes waltzing down the hall in a pair of jeans and a low cut silk shirt.
“I decided to compromise. No dress but I’m showing off the girls tonight.” Did I mention Heather has some rather large boobs? Most of the time she hates them because she wants to be seen for her brains not her breast size but on nights like these, she lets them out to breathe. Just as we are about to walk out the door, I hear a soft knock.
“Hey Asher. You ready to go? We were just leaving.”
“Uhh…ummm…yeah. Sure.” I can’t help but notice how his eyes start to rake over my body from head to toe. Before I have time to think about whether I like it or not, Heather pushes us out the door.
“Let’s go get some
shots and celebrate being independent!”
We walk a few blocks over to this tiny bar just on the other side of the Liberal Arts building. I have only been here once before but I liked the atmosphere it provided. Not many of the college kids hang out here because of its size and slightly older patrons. Heather and I love it because we aren’t into big crowds. Placed in the very back of the elongated room is a single pool table.
“You up for a game, Asher?”
“Sure. Do you know how to play?”
“As a matter of fact, I do. And quite well if I do say so myself.”
“Careful Asher, don’t let those cute, little brown eyes fool you. She’s a shark! I’m getting us shots. Rack em’ up babe.” She gives me a loud swat on my behind before trotting off to the bar.
“Still want to play?” I ask Asher in a playful tone that might indicate a touch of flirtation.
“Of course. But don’t get too cocky because I’m pretty good myself.” He brushes past me slowly giving a little half smile, flashing only one dimple in my direction. The brief contact gives me a small buzz of excitement. Something I haven’t felt in over a year.
Heather was quick to get us refills and Asher ended up being terrible at pool. We laughed so much at his attempts to actually hit anything, anything at all, that by the end of the night I didn’t think my body could take anymore. I have only been drunk one other time and that was from beer. Hard liquor seems to have an entirely different effect on my brain. I think I talked non-stop the entire night. And I paid for it the next morning.
Waking up in my bed, fully clothed with a headache that is pounding inside my skull like a jackhammer isn’t even the most horrific part of my morning. Asher is lying next to me, snoring lightly. I jump up as fast as a firecracker and run into Heather’s room.
“Heather…Heather. Wake-up.” I stand over her half naked body shaking her until she starts to mumble incoherent words. “Heather…wake-up now!” I have to whisper yell which isn’t easy to do. The last thing I need is to wake Asher up before I can get some answers.
“What do you want and why are you waking me up? It’s Saturday! Go back to bed.”
“I can’t! Asher is in there!” That gets her attention. She shoots up so fast she almost loses the rest of her barely there shirt. But then she falls back to the mattress and moans.
“My head hurts. How much did we drink last night?”
“I have no idea. But you kept pushing the shots down my throat and now look what I have to deal with.” I climb into her bed next to her, laying on my back, starring up to the ceiling.
“Did you sleep with him?”
“God no! What is wrong with you!”
“Then how did he end up in your bed?”
“I was hoping you could tell me that. I woke up and saw him lying next to me and got the hell out of there. I still have all my clothes on and so does he. Maybe I can hide out in here and he won’t remember that we ended up in the same bed together.”
“Doubtful. I saw him cut himself off after about three shots. He never got wasted like we did.”
“Well, that’s just great. Thanks a bunch for getting me sloshed.”
“Hey, don’t blame me. You needed a night out. I know you had fun so just admit it.”
“I did until I woke up today. Alcohol makes me do things I wouldn’t normally do.”
“About that. I have to tell you something.”
“Oh no. What did I do?”
“Well…you got pretty chatty last night. In fact, you wouldn’t shut the hell up. At first I thought it was funny but then you started talking about your parents.” I have told Heather bits and pieces of my past but never the whole story. And of course Asher knew none of it.
“Heather, what did I say?”
“You told us about the car accident, then your mother beating the crap out of you on more than one occasion and how Vincent saved you from it all.”
I cover my face in embarrassment. Afraid to know what Heather or even Asher think of me now.
“Hey, don’t do that.” Heather grabs my arm, pulling it away from my face so she can see my eyes. “It takes one hell of a strong person to endure what you did and come out of it so damn normal. I admire you even more now knowing what you had to survive to get to this point in your life. You never gave up and that’s something to be proud of.”
“Thanks. That makes me feel at least a little better about spilling my guts. Ugh. I am never going to drink again!” We stay in her bed until the sun rays start beating down on our faces. We need water and aspirin anyway to help with our hangovers and I eventually have to deal with Asher. I slowly make my way to a standing position and head toward the hall.
Just as I open Heather’s bedroom door, I hear a loud thud come from my room. I rush over to the entryway just in time to see Asher laying on the floor cussing about falling off the bed. I have to fight off the urge to laugh. Poor guy.
“Hey.”
“Hey. You didn’t just see that did you? I might just die from embarrassment.”
“No worries. I didn’t see a thing. Coffee?” Asher looks up at me with a small, shy smile on his lips.
“But you hate coffee.”
“Heather drinks it. Sometimes I make it for her on the weekends, so I’m not totally inept. And I did work at a coffee house. Remember? I can make you a cup.”
“That would be great. Thanks.” I reach down to grab his hand, helping him from the floor. When he stands up, his body is only inches from touching mine. I can’t look in his eyes, not after knowing that I revealed so much of myself last night. So I stare at his chest hoping for some sort of interruption to our beyond awkward moment. Thank goodness Heather comes stomping out of her room demanding coffee and aspirin. I break away from Asher’s grip on my hand, turning to head into the kitchen.
After some barely coherent mumbling, Heather goes to take her shower. Which leaves me alone with Asher in our tiny kitchen.
“So, about last night. I might have shared some things that I wouldn’t have normally. I mean if I hadn’t been drinking. I’m sorry if I seemed like a non-stop chatter box.” I refuse to make eye contact. I promised myself I would leave my past where it belongs and not bring all that baggage to Michigan with me but clearly I have failed miserably.
“Maggie, don’t feel bad about sharing stuff with me. I would never tell anyone anything you told me, drunk or sober. I’m not that kind of guy. And just so you know, you don’t have anything to be ashamed about. The things that happened to you weren’t your fault and I’m sorry you ever had to experience that kind of pain.”
“I don’t want your pity for my life. It is what it is and there is nothing that will ever change that. This is exactly why I don’t share this crap with people. I don’t need your sympathy for the life I was dealt. And I don’t want you to look at me any differently because of it.”
“I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to offer pity. But I also can’t help it if I do feel sorry for what you had to go through. That’s just the type of person I am. I know we grew up with very different backgrounds but we all have trials and hardships we have to survive. Unfortunately for some of us, it’s more than most have to endure. But my life hasn’t been perfect either. I would never judge you, Maggie. Not for what you couldn’t control.”
“What could you possibly know about hardships? Growing up with a loving mother, a supportive father and never wanting for anything?” Why am I getting so defensive? I don’t think Asher is trying to compare his life to mine. I think he just wants to share some commonality with me. Prove to me that everyone has their own set of issues to work through. Maybe it’s the after effects of the alcohol but right now I’m not in the mood for it.
“I think you better go.”
“Maggie, I didn’t mean to upset you but if my words bothered you maybe you should think about why. We may want to forget our past, but don’t. Without it, the strong, confident girl who stands before me right now, wouldn’t exist.”
He
doesn’t say another word as I stare down at the kitchen table unable to watch him leave. He very gently and calmly gathers his things and heads out the door. He was so quiet when he walked out I wasn’t sure if he was gone until I looked up at nothing. I sit at the kitchen table thinking very hard about the words that Asher has spoken. Most of what he said I already know. I know better who I am today than I did even a year ago. I am strong and I will persevere. That much I’m certain of. I just don’t want to have to do it with my past always clawing at my heels. I want to move forward, but how can I if I can’t become the person I want to be without remembering the person I once was.
Chapter Six
Monday morning rolls around and I’m a bundle of nerves. I haven’t spoken to Asher since Saturday morning. I really don’t know what I am going to say to him. I get to class early so I can make sure I’m in my seat first. That way if he shows up right on time or even late I will know he doesn’t want to talk to me. But just as I round the corner and head through the door, I see his smiling face peering up in my direction. Damn him for looking so good.
“Hey Maggie. How was the rest of your weekend?”
“Umm…good. I guess. How about you?”
“It was good. I got caught up on some school work and hung out with some guys at the park yesterday goofing around on our skateboards.”
Is this what we have been reduced to? Small talk? Like we don’t know each other any better than to converse over insignificant details. What’s next? The weather?
“That sounds fun. I didn’t know you liked to skateboard.”
“It’s not surfing that’s for sure but it helps with balance and passes the time.”
Just then the professor walks into the room stopping our impersonal conversation. He announces that we will be presenting our projects the following week to the entire class. He also expects both partners to participate equally. That means that no matter how awkward things are between Asher and me, we will be forced to work out some arrangement to make sure we both participate. As soon as the bell rings, Asher jumps out of his seat ready to take off to his next class.
Sublime Resistance Page 4
