Haven grew agitated as he spoke.
“She told Levi he had to take the baby girl and leave the area. She told her husband the baby had died. She became pregnant soon after, this time with a son. Levi and I came here, to Crested Butte. A few years later Philip joined us and together we helped to raise Lacey.”
“Does Lacey know who her mother is?” I prodded.
“She does.”
Haven’s expression was one of concealed sadness.
“Imagine being privy to the sickness of the world and having to live with it longer than others do. People, even us, self-destruct because we keep repeating the same behaviors over and over again. There’s no freedom in that kind of longevity.”
“What about you?” I asked.
There was so much to wonder about him, where he came from, if he still had family and just how old he was. The hollow of his cheeks drew in as if I had hit a nerve.
“That’s probably none of my business but since we were being so open with other people’s business, I thought it would be okay to ask.”
“You feel self-conscious about asking,” he noted. “Don’t be. You can be honest with me. It’s not my business you’re worried about, you’re worried about my opinion of you for asking what you’re thinking, just as you’re worried about offending me.”
I shivered as the cold was all encompassing, not just from being outdoors, but from being read as well. Haven had a way of seeing through me. It was as unnerving as it was bonding and I couldn’t figure out how the two could co-exist. I looked down at the ground and reached up to touch my lip.
“You’re thinking too much,” he pointed out. He was watching me and seemed to be enjoying himself as I grew agitated. My eyes widened at being read so thoroughly. I pushed him away with my boot and was ready to jump down when he blocked my escape. I felt cornered and something inside me was itching to break free. I unclenched my fists and dug into the railing with my fingernails.“Feeling feisty are you?” Haven asked with admiration. “The possibilities are endless.”
He leaned in for what I thought was going to be a kiss on the mouth. I felt myself lean back. His lips moved lightly across my cheek and I felt him as he breathed in my scent.
“You’re in my personal space,” I accused. I could feel him chuckle and he pulled back.
“You smell good,” he crooned. “Just like....”
The way I stiffened interrupted him and tension broke through the stillness. I opened my eyes and pushed him away. Once he was clear I jumped off the railing.
Embarrassed and feeling bewitched I couldn’t even look at him. I didn’t know him that well, for all I knew he could be using the same moves on scores of other girls and worse, he could have been doing it for years. I would never allow myself to be used or seen as just another number. I saw Haven take a step towards me.
“Come here,” he beckoned.
“No,” I spat and I lit off towards the house.
Small patches of snow and dried weeds crackled under the heels of my black boots. Seething, I felt like a fool. Tears burned behind my eyes and I wanted to get away. I didn’t want to go into the house; I didn’t want to see any of them. I just wanted normalcy. I stalked around the house and looked behind me but no one was there. Satisfied, I turned my head and caught his scent borne on a swift gust of air. And there he was. His eyes flickered with fury and his lips were pursed. We stood there in united silence but I felt more of a threat than I ever had before.
“Is there something you want?” I asked sarcastically. I crossed my arms in false bravado and stuck my chin out defiantly and when I did I thought I saw a glimmer in his eye.
“No more cat-and-mouse,” he spat. “You came here for a reason. You feel it just as much as I do.”
I knew how he would respond but I couldn’t keep from saying it.
“Feel what?”
Nothing prepared me for his outburst. I’ve heard of explosive tempers but he looked like he was going to detonate. In the few seconds that it took to happen, everything about him changed as if he were going to morph into something else. My eyes tried to register what was happening and then it stopped. The moment had passed. It was then that I noticed Lauren on the porch, followed by everyone else. Lauren looked sympathetically from Haven to me but Haven only had eyes for me. His gaze was full of ire.
“You made your point,” I snapped, but nothing could hide the alarm I felt.
“The point is Willow, you live in fear; fear of what others think; fear of going after what you want; fear of being close to someone, and fear of yourself.”
I wanted him to stop. I averted my face so all he could see was my hair. He had seen enough of me.
“Maybe you should turn that all-knowing vision on yourself,” I suggested angrily.
“Oh, I know what I am, and I also know what I want. Do you?”
I couldn’t answer. I didn’t know.
“If you would just stop running away from everyone you might be able to figure that out.”
He had seen me again. I wanted to slap him for that. It wasn’t his fault I was so transparent. It was mine. I knew that in my anger I was projecting. I wanted to leave but my feet wouldn’t budge. I knew he was waiting for a response but I couldn’t give one. I couldn’t even look at him. I looked up at the porch and saw Lauren still standing there. She looked at me and I felt nothing but compassion radiate from her lovely features.
“Haven, why don’t you both come inside,” Lauren implored. “You don’t want to scare her.”
Turning to me Lauren pleaded, “Willow, please come inside.”
I kept standing there, not knowing what to do.
“Lauren,” Haven insisted. “Leave us be.”
Lauren checked with me and when I didn’t object, she turned and ushered everyone inside. Before she closed the door she said to Haven, “She needs to know.”
We stayed as we were, both motionless and waiting for the other one to speak. I felt the sudden desire to laugh, but when I saw the intense way he was glaring at me I suppressed it. His stare unnerved me, as it always did.
“Go to hell,” I muttered.
I didn’t have time to apologize. Haven reached me in a second and picked me up and threw me over his shoulder.
“Then I’m taking you with me!”
He carried me past the porch as I struggled to be set free. Satisfied that I was done with my outburst he set me down on a bench and knelt down next to me.
His voice broke through the stillness. “My mother was Grace Elizabeth and my father was Franklin Albert Cole. My parents are no longer living. I grew up with the clan and was the lover of someone I shouldn’t have been with. She gave me a terrible task, one I couldn’t do, so I left and started a new life here.”
Haven’s eyes softened and he looked from my face to what he envisioned in his memories. I rubbed my temple as if to temper the beginning of a headache. Haven picked the dried remains of a flower from the bed next to us. He turned the stem over in his fingers and looked past me into the thick of the forest.
“You know but you can’t accept it,” he said. His face didn’t register any emotion. It was as if the sheer intensity of all those feelings had rendered him numb.
“What happened to your parents?” I finally managed to ask.
Haven’s eyes revealed a flicker of emotion.
“The pack was poisoned...by the others.”
“The others?” I asked.
“Their hearts don’t beat,” He filled in.
Haven raised his eyebrow and looked up at me and tried to read my reaction to what he was saying. An understanding passed between us. I knew who he was now. I sighed lightly and dropped my eyes.
“You’re not giving me real answers,” I said.
“This is what I’m giving you until I can tell you more.”
“You can but you won’t,” I said in defeat.
His eyes trailed from my face to the house where something seemed to distract him.
“I�
��ll be right back...”
With those words he squeezed my hands, which were folded on my lap; he swiftly strode up the steps and went inside. Since he didn’t invite me in I got up and walked around. I felt uncomfortable standing outside and I made my way to the side of the house but before I could turn around I heard them. Levi and Haven were in a dispute and it was about me.
“She will die sooner than you!” Levi snapped. “Just like everyone else you’ve ever cared about. Do you want that? Can you live through that again? All of us have lost someone, why would you volunteer for it?”
“My life, my choices; you can’t decide what’s right for me.”
“I can tell you what I think! She is a wounded animal, one who drew you in because you’ve always had a weakness for the vulnerable.”
My skin bristled as Levi spoke so unkindly of me.
“What should be done with a wounded animal? We both know the answer to that. It should be put out of its misery before suffering further, or worse, causing harm to someone else.”
“What an ironic thing to say,” Haven hissed. “What we are causes people to suffer. She is different, yes, like us. None of us fit in anywhere, which is why we’re drawn to one another. How can you try to deny me what I want and need when you know how it feels to be lonely?”
“How can you want that with her?” Levi thundered. “She’s more likely to kill you than comfort you, especially after what you did.”
My thoughts were confounded. What was Levi talking about? I wasn’t like them! Least of all, I was a danger to no one.
“Levi, she is not like that. She is more like her father. I know, I’ve seen.”
“I’m just asking you to watch your back, and ours. I thought we got away from all of that. I want no further involvement as I have my own to protect.”
“Thanks for your support brother,” Haven said crossly. “This thing is bigger than just one girl and you know it.”
I had heard enough and walked back to the front of the house and looked longingly at the dirt road that led away from all that I wanted to confront and also walk away from. Could my feelings have been anymore conflicted?
I started walking to my Jeep when Haven bounded to my side. He took me by the arm and turned me to face him. He seemed to be restraining himself but his grip was unyielding. I didn’t think he realized his own strength. I grimaced slightly. “That hurts.”
He relaxed his hold and let me go. “You’re coming here has presented me with a dilemma so great I am unsure how to go about handling it. You seem so unaware of your history, not to mention what’s happening around you. I don’t think you’re ready but time is not on our side.”
“It’s not on anyone’s,” I mumbled. “All I want is for people to be honest with me. I feel like the truth is concealed by small offerings of half- truths, which leave me feeling more confused. I know I have a lot to learn, so enlighten me, I can handle it.”
“If you want the truth, then you have to be just as truthful. No more hiding.”
“Fine,” I said. “None of this makes sense. I almost don’t want it to because ignorance is bliss. Promise me Haven...promise me that next time we talk you won’t hold back.”
With those words and Haven’s agreement, I drove back to town.
Late that night all the words I had heard and all the stories I had listened to kept me up. I was exhausted but unable to sleep. When slumber eventually came, frightening images dominated my dreams. I woke in a fright and stared into the black night. I clutched my blanket as I sat up and pulled it tight. Into the darkness I whispered, “Pandora?”
I heard her rustle nearby and a second later felt her reassuring nuzzle at my side. I grabbed a handful of fur and stroked her. Satisfied I was okay she returned to her bed. I heard a howl outside my window but with Pandora so near I felt no fear. I readjusted myself, pulled the covers tight once more, and attempted to sleep without dreaming.
Chapter 20
Christmas Eve, for all its magical meaning, fell on an enchanting day with a snowfall so pure and light that it seemed to keep in harmony with the classical Christmas music Anne had playing. Days ago Anne and I had decorated the tree that Jericho and Reece had so thoughtfully brought over, and with the tree came a gift from Jericho to Anne and a gift from Reece to me.
In exchange I had made an assortment of baked goods for Reece and placed them in red and green cellophane bags tied with ribbon.
Resting under the tree in a tiny blue box tied with gold trim sat the gift he had given to me. Beside it was another gift, from Anne. There weren’t many presents but that somehow made the gifts that were there seem even more special.
A pang rose in my throat as it reminded me of my dad and the cozy holidays we always spent together. We lacked the material things but more than made up for it with meaningful moments. My hand lightly brushed down the pine needles until my fingers rested on a small, worn ornament. The date was etched into the frame and under the date was a tiny black and white photo of my parents and me. I sat on my dad’s lap and my mom was leaned in to both of us. I stared at our image, now a distant memory lost in time. I couldn’t imagine why our time together had been so brief and why their love couldn’t have been for a lifetime. What would it have been like if she had lived? What would it be like right now if we were together the way it should be?
I heard Anne humming in the kitchen and the scent of garlic bread and lasagna perfumed the air with warmth and comfort. I knew that Anne was putting the finishing touches on her meal before Jericho and Reece came over for dinner. I had already ironed a red tablecloth and arranged Anne’s holiday China on the round table - a table for four. Pandora came around the corner. I heard her before I saw her. Anne had tied a red ribbon and a small bell around her neck. I leaned down and let Pandora touch my face with her wet nose. Giggling I motioned for her to follow as I led the way into the living room. I sat on the couch and looked outside as the snow fell. The street was empty and bathed in a blanket of white. The snowfall reminded me of Christmas in Woodland Park and of the last Christmas with my dad.
He had given me another set of tablets to journal in and a beautiful red sweater, which was quite the gift as my dad didn’t like to shop. Earlier I had gone into Old Colorado City and had a man carve my dad’s favorite military poem into a piece of polished wood. I had also taken my dad’s camera and a tripod and with Pandora by my side, took a self-portrait that I framed for him. Later we sat side by side at our little kitchen table, lit a single red candle, and ate fondue as we watched Pandora frolic in the snow.
And now I was here, in Anne’s home awaiting friends and making new memories with the old ones to sustain me.
“Oh Jericho, it’s beautiful!” Anne held up an ornament, much like the one I had been looking at earlier. Except this one was a photo of Jericho and Anne, taken on Thanksgiving.
Jericho smiled. “I’m glad you like it. I’m not really good at this sort of thing.”
Anne leaned over and kissed him while he put his arm around her. Reece was sitting next to me and leaned in closer as he pointed to the blue box.
“Your turn.”
His arm brushed against mine as he reached for the box. I looked at Anne and could see her anticipation. Reece handed me the gift and his finger trailed one of mine as I took it from him. I tugged at the ribbon and opened the box. A black felt box lay inside and I flipped it open to see a ring with a small emerald cut garnet set between two small diamonds. Before I could say anything Reece cleared his throat.
“I know it’s your birthstone, January 5, right? I’ve never seen you wear a ring. I saw it and thought you would like it. You’ve had quite a journey and they say that the garnet is a protective gem of journeyers.”
“Reece, that was very kind of you,” Anne praised.
He beamed at her in return.
“Thanks for the tip on her allergy.”
I took the ring out, turned it over, and sighed.
“Reece, I can’t, it’s too much.
”
Reece looked crestfallen.
“I couldn’t think of what else to get you, what else would suit you. I saw this and thought of you.”
Jericho leaned forward to pat his son on the shoulder and winked at me.
“Don’t disappoint the boy. He worked a long time for that.”
Not wanting to damper anyone’s spirits, and feeling remarkably touched by his gift, no matter how undeserved, I smiled and slid the ring on my middle finger.
“It fits…”
I looked up at Reece and raised my hand to show him.
“That was very generous…I don’t know what else to say,” I said.
“Thank you is always good,” Anne suggested with a smile.
“Yes, of course. Thank you Reece.”
I reached over to hug him and he hugged me back even tighter. I pulled away and extended my hand to gaze at the ring.
“How did you know what size to buy?”
“I didn’t. Not really. I guessed. When we were holding hands--you know, on Thanksgiving--I was comparing your fingers to mine. I wanted to get it right and I knew I couldn’t ask.”
I tried to keep from blushing as what I remembered most from that day was the kiss we shared and how it had been so pure. I looked into Reece’s olive-green eyes and wondered if he was sharing my thoughts. When it appeared he did by the tender way he studied me, I averted his gaze and warmed up inside. I had a wonderful relationship with Reece but somehow I doubted whether I was good for him. I looked down at my hand and suddenly felt older than my years.
“Shall we go eat?” Anne asked.
By the time we finished dessert and were relaxing with warm mugs of white hot chocolate, Reece and I were playing a card game on the coffee table while Anne and Jericho dawdled in the kitchen.
Reece and I were playfully throwing a couple marshmallows at each other when we heard the unmistakable sound of a kiss. We looked at each other while trying to suppress our mutual amusement. Reece leaned over and inclined his head toward the front door.
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