by Gia Riley
Laney crosses her arms over her chest, just like my niece does when she means business. “Dr. Kristoff, I want you to be honest with me.”
For the first time, I glance at the age listed on her chart. She seems smaller than five, yet wise beyond her years. Then again, kids seem to be growing up faster than they used to.
Setting my iPad on the bed, I give my patient my full attention. “Okay, lay it on me.” My date is just going to have to wait.
She glances at her legs and sighs. “Am I going to get better?”
How do I explain this to Laney without scaring her? I’m an orthopedic surgeon—I put people back together, and I need to do the same with Laney if she has any chance of walking again.
“Laney, some doctors have to give medicine to make your tummy stop hurting. Other doctors have to look inside your ears, your mouth, sometimes even up your nose.”
“Eww, that’s gross,” she says with her nose scrunched up.
“It is gross, isn’t it?”
“Yes, but what do you do, Dr. Kristoff?”
“Well, you get to take a little nap while I do all my work. You won’t hear a thing, feel a thing, or see a thing. You’ll be in the best fairytale ever, just like a Disney princess.”
She studies me, taking in every word I’m saying. “What will you do while I’m asleep?”
“I’ll make your legs better so that once they heal you’ll be able to walk on them.”
“Because they’re broken, right?” Laney asks. “From when the car crashed.”
I nod. “Yes. They’re broken.”
“It sounds like it’s going to hurt a lot. Will you be there when I wake up?”
I can’t promise something like this. I have no idea where my day will take me. It depends what cases come in, who has surgery scheduled, and where I’m assigned. Despite all that, there’s also no way I’d ever want to let this little girl down. She trusts me, and I don’t want to mess that up.
“I’ll tell you what. How about I have your mommy send me a text message when you’re awake and up for a visitor. If I’m not working on fixing up another little boy or girl, I’ll come see you. Will that be okay?”
“Yes, Garrett. I want you to come see me. You’re my doctor. You can’t fix me and then disappear.”
“Laney,” Megan scolds. “Call him Dr. Kristoff, and use your manners.”
This spunky little girl turns her head toward her mother. Completely serious, she says, “But you didn’t last night, Mommy. You said he was the same asshole Garrett you remembered.”
I cough, choking on my own spit. Maybe Laney wasn’t as asleep as we thought she was last night.
Her embarrassment plain as day, Megan’s face reddens, so I jump in and try to save her. “I may have earned that title, Laney. I liked to tease your mommy when we were younger.”
“Mommy says boys who tease girls probably have a crush on them. She tells me not to get mad at Brody when he picks on me because boys are punks until they turn thirty.”
That sounds exactly like something Megan would say. “Good thing I’m thirty-five then, right?”
“Yeah,” Laney says with a smile. “You’re safe.”
I open the drawer in the table next to the bed, handing Laney a coloring book and some crayons. The rest of my meeting needs to be in private. What I have to say is too technical and daunting to say in front of a five-year-old. All Laney needs to know is that I’ll make her better. “I want you to color a pretty picture while I talk to your mom in the hallway, okay? We won’t be more than a couple minutes.”
“You need grown-up time, right? To talk about the stuff you don’t want me to hear.”
Taken aback at how on point she is, I’m convinced there’s very little you can slip by Laney.
“Laney, just color,” Megan says, slightly exasperated as she nods toward the door, giving me an easy out.
Once we’re in the hallway, I feel like I can finally breathe normally again. “She’s a little ball buster, isn’t she?”
Megan shakes her head, stuffing her hands in her pockets. “You have no idea. I’d wonder where she got it from if I wasn’t exactly like her at that age. My mom reminds me every single day.”
“I see a lot of you in the expressions she makes.”
“Yeah?”
“You have no idea.”
After she’s done rolling her eyes, I spend the next five minutes going through my plan of attack for surgery tomorrow morning. Megan listens, but the more details I give, the more I see her shutting down. At first it’s a step back, putting more distance between us. Then, she’s crossing her arms over her chest, protecting her heart. By the time I finish, her hands are shaking ever so slightly as she pulls invisible lint off her sweater.
I’m worried about her.
“Is there anyone who can sit with you while Laney’s in surgery?” I’d do it myself if I wasn’t the one performing it. “What’s going on with Connor?”
Megan glances at the glossy floor in the hallway, her eyes becoming dull from the combination of fear and exhaustion. She’s been through a lot in the past forty-eight hours. “Probably jail.”
She pauses, and while I want to ask her a bunch of questions, there’s nothing I can say without overstepping boundaries. At least not while I’m Dr. Kristoff.
“Please,” I begin before looking over my shoulder to make sure the coast is clear, “let me be Garrett for a minute, okay?”
“Okay.”
“I know about the accident, but none of the specifics? Why jail?”
“He was drunk, Garrett. It was bad enough he was cheating on me with some woman. I don’t even know how they met. For all I know she could be one of the girls from his office—some tall brunette with exotic eyes and tan skin.”
“You’ve met her?”
“Not by choice. The night of the accident, she was in my house when I came home. While he was busy making other poor choices, she was waiting for him.”
“Jesus,” I mutter. I can’t believe he would bring another woman into their home. He’s always been arrogant, but I never had any reason to believe he didn’t treat Megan with respect. Even if he was borderline controlling at times, he was in love with her. “He never deserved you. You know that, right?”
“Garrett, please. You don’t have to say things you don’t mean to make me feel better about myself. I’ll survive one way or another.”
Soon, the entire town will have figured out the rumors about Connor are true. While she’s tired of the whispering, and understandably so, I still have a feeling it’s going to get worse before it gets better. And it’s not fair to her at all.
Taking a step closer, I wish I could pull her into my arms. “Do you really think I’d say shit I didn’t mean?”
She shrugs and raises her head. “I don’t know what to believe anymore. I’d like to think you’re always real with me. It doesn’t seem like many people are these days.”
Now that I have her eyes, I reach out and pinch her arm. Not hard enough to hurt her, but enough to make her flinch.
“Ouch. Why are you pinching me?” she asks as she rubs the sore spot on her skin.
“Laney told me boys pick on girls they like.”
Awarded with one of her biggest smiles, she makes me feel like a million bucks. “Are you saying you have a crush on me again, Garrett?”
I’m so lost in her lips, imagining what they would feel like against mine, that I lose my entire train of thought. Before I have a chance to tell her something—anything, I’m paged to the nurse’s station. It’s probably a good thing considering she’s still married. I have no business trying to complicate her life with my feelings. “I have to go, but I’ll be back to check on Laney as soon as I can.”
Her playfulness disappears when I don’t answer her question, and in its place is the mask she wears like a protective shield. “Thank you, Dr. Kristoff.”
Megan turns to Laney’s door, but before she has a chance to get too far away, and before I l
ose my nerve, I stop her. “Hey, Megs.”
She glances over her shoulder. “Yeah?”
“For what it’s worth, Connor’s a damn fool.”
“I know,” she says, solemnly. “Thank you.”
Megan
WALKING AWAY FROM GARRETT ISN’T easy, especially now that I’m all alone. Despite most of our memories being made in high school, it’s always easy with him, no matter how much time has passed. We get each other without having to try.
I can be stubborn, trying to handle too many things at once, but Garrett always noticed when I was slipping. Even though I always had Connor, Garrett was right there, picking me up and dusting me off when I crashed and burned. That’s the kind of guy he’s always been. He didn’t need a title to care about me. He just did.
His reputation always mattered to him, and it had nothing to do with how many baskets he scored in the gym, or how many girls he dated on the weekends. He wanted to be remembered as more than an athlete. He wanted to be remembered for the way he made someone feel. Not for what he did for them.
Back in high school, Connor had me so wrapped up in him, I couldn’t tell which way was up. He was my past, present, and future. But if my heart hadn’t already belonged to him, Garrett would have been the guy I wanted. The pull we had could only be described as magnetic, and our friendship was something I cherished and kept close to my heart.
But what I had with Connor meant too much to me to ever give up on it. Something that strong wasn’t meant to be broken, so after high school ended, it made sense our futures would lead in the same direction. Being apart wasn’t an option, and no matter how many people tried to come between us, nothing was ever strong enough to derail our happiness. I assumed staying together would always be a breeze because Connor was my breath of fresh air.
I was naïve. Maybe I still am, because no matter how much I trusted Connor, he’s always had the power to destroy me, because I’ve always loved him unconditionally.
There have been times I questioned his loyalty, but I didn’t want to see him for the man he had become. I still saw him as the shaggy-haired kid who held my hand in the hallway between classes. The boy who was proud to be seen with me and wanted the whole school to know I was his girl. The one who carved our initials in the tree at the mountains. And the one who took my virginity inside the cabin by the lake. The man who married me in front of all our family and friends, pledging his eternal love.
Until now, I always believed if two people loved each other enough, nothing could come between them. I was only fooling myself because Connor threw us away, and he never even bothered to ask me how I felt about it.
All those nights I spent trying to figure out why our spark was slowly fizzling away, he would get mad, telling me I was making something out of nothing. He knew I could feel our world falling apart, and he did nothing to make it better.
For the very first time in all of our years together, I felt like Connor either needed all of me, or none of me. It scared me enough that I pretended our problems didn’t exist because having some of him was better than nothing, or so I thought.
I didn’t want to believe an affair existed, but after seeing that woman with my own two eyes, there was no denying it anymore. He had someone else, and as far as I’m concerned, we’re over. I can’t hang onto something he doesn’t respect—especially when our daughter was clinging to life a few days ago because of his mistakes.
He almost killed Laney.
“Laney, where’s my baby?” I ask the first person I see wearing scrubs, praying she has some answers for me. I glance at her badge, wondering why she isn’t speaking, only to find she’s doesn’t even work here. She’s a visitor like me.
I push past her, and there’s a nurse finishing up a conversation with another mother in the waiting room. We make eye contact and she walks toward me. My sheer panic must be a dead giveaway that I’m as lost as I feel.
“Mrs. Campbell?” she questions.
“Yes, where’s Laney?”
She doesn’t bother telling me to calm down like she probably should, and she doesn’t leave me sitting alone in the sterile waiting room. She takes my hand and leads me to my little girl. “Come with me, Mrs. Campbell.”
“Megan, please call me Megan.” The sound of Connor’s last name is too much to handle right now.
“Is she okay?” I ask as a lifetime with my little girl flashes before my eyes. The moment Laney was born, her shrill cry, her sweet bubble kisses, all the way up to a week ago when I kissed her goodbye.
How could I have been so selfish? If I hadn’t gone away, she wouldn’t have been with Connor all by herself. That woman wouldn’t have come into her life and she wouldn’t be in the hospital.
I wouldn’t be walking through hell right now, because the farther the nurse takes me into the ER, the more my legs wobble—the combination of fear and adrenaline clashing like two powerful weather fronts. I can’t tell if I need to sit down or walk faster, but I realize the storm is only beginning.
“Here she is,” the nurse tells me when we stop in front of the glass-enclosed room. The blue curtain is open far enough to see Laney’s profile, but not much more.
As I step inside, my already cold hands turn to ice. The lights are dim, but even in the soft glow that creates a halo around her, she looks so much worse than I was expecting.
“She’ll wake up, right?” I question as I run my shaky fingers down her pale cheek. “These tubes—why are there so many?” I grip the side of her bed for support because I’m pretty sure if I don’t, I’ll pass out or end up on the floor.
The nurse sees my fear and takes my hand, placing it on Laney’s sternum. The rise and fall of her chest beneath my fingers is the reminder I need that she’s alive, and that my little girl is fighting. “She looks so small,” I whisper.
“She’s stabilized now. She’s still critical, but doing as well as can be expected considering she wasn’t wearing a seatbelt.” She pushes a chair next to Laney’s bed and helps me lower my body into it. “You can hold her hand—talk to her. It’ll help.”
Afraid to touch my own child, the last thing I want to do is cause her any more pain. They’ve cleaned her up well, but there’s still a little dried blood on her cheek and around her nostril. Her curls are in tighter ringlets, still damp from the antiseptic they used to clean the cuts on her scalp and forehead.
Despite all the bumps and bruises, the cuts and scrapes, she’s still the most beautiful little girl I’ve ever seen. Through my tears, I whisper, “Laney, it’s Mommy. Open your eyes, sweetheart.”
Always so sweet and caring, she usually listens to me the first time I tell her to do something, but tonight, she doesn’t listen. Her eyes don’t open from the sound of my voice.
“Don’t give up, Laney,” I tell her. “Keep fighting and I’ll be right here. I’m not leaving you.” I’ll never let her out of my sight again.
“Mommy, did Dr. Kristoff leave?” Laney asks, as she pulls me out of my daze. Just looking at her sweet face reminds me of how far she’s come in such a short amount of time. I thought I’d never get to hear her voice again, or if I did, she wouldn’t be the same little girl I left the day I went out of town.
“Dr. Kristoff had to go back to work, Laney. He’ll check on you again soon, though.”
“You look like you’re going to cry, Mommy. Did Dr. Kristoff say something bad when he was here?”
I rub my hands over my face, determined not to let Laney see an ounce of the storm brewing inside of me. I’m so angry at Connor, but every time I look at my daughter, I’m reminded that without him, I wouldn’t have her. It makes it so hard to hate him.
Laney’s living proof that Connor and I did have good times—that we weren’t a complete disaster. Still, I feel so much guilt for having my sister draw up the divorce papers the day after the accident. Papers that will officially end us and separate our family forever.
“Dr. Kristoff is happy you’re doing so well.”
“I like him—even if what he does in surgery might hurt me.”
Laney’s not a tough nut to crack. She has one of the biggest hearts I’ve ever known, but she’s also extremely loyal to both Connor and me. Because of her fierce loyalty, I’m a little surprised she’s taken to him so fast. “I’m glad you like your doctor. He’s a special one.”
“Yeah, he was silly wearing that cape. He was funny, too.”
“You’re right, he’s pretty silly.”
“He likes you, Mommy.”
At first she stuns me, but then I realize her version of he likes me, has no hidden meanings or agenda. The doctor is simply a nice man who was kind to us. “I like him, too, Laney. I’m glad he’s your doctor.”
“Me too. Will he be back tonight? Or is he coming back tomorrow?”
I grab her cup off the table and hold the straw close to her lips. They’re still giving her fluids, but it makes me feel better to try to take care of her without the nurse’s help. “Your surgery is tomorrow morning, so we’ll see him then.”
“And he’s going to be with me the whole time?”
“Yes, baby. He’s the one making you better while you’re in your dream.”
With complete and total resolve she says, “Then I’m not scared. Garrett will take care of me.”
“Dr. Kristoff, Laney,” I remind her, completely blown away at how brave she’s being. Even though I trust Garrett with her life, it doesn’t make putting her under anesthesia any easier. There’s so much that could go wrong during surgery, but I won’t let myself think about any of those possibilities.
“Right. Dr. Garrett,” she mumbles. Her next dose of pain medication from her IV kicks in. It already has her eyelids drooping, and sleep follows shortly after.
Laney holds onto her doll while her other hand is wrapped around my fingers. The deeper sleep takes her, the looser her grip becomes.
She’s so much braver than I’ve ever been. Braver than I’ll probably ever be. “I’m so sorry I failed you, Laney.”
I trusted Connor with our daughter, and he destroyed her. Now he’s not even around to see her through the pain.
