Stay Awhile

by Gia Riley

  He pinches my nipple through my shirt, and it feels so good, I’d break my rules and let him take it as far as he wanted right now. “No, that’s not the only thing,” I tell him.

  “What else, Megs?”

  “I liked that our nights never had to end with goodbye. And you being right down the hall when I slept made me feel safer than I’ve felt in a really long time. Sleeping next to you was even better.”

  The heat between my legs spreads as his hands roam lower, slipping between my thighs. Desperate for more, my hips rock back and forth. “Just sleeping?” he questions. “None of this?”

  He hoists me on top of the counter and spreads my legs far enough that he can stand between them. Now eye level, he kisses me hard on the mouth, his tongue licking the seam of my lips before mingling with mine.

  “All of this,” I tell him as I reach between his legs and massage his cock through his pants

  “Fuck, Meg. That feels good.”

  It’s only when he tries to turn his head that I realize how hard I’m gripping the back of his head. “Sorry,” I tell him as I loosen my fingers.

  “You can never hold me too tight, Megan. I always want you close.”

  “I need to be close.”

  He does his best to read my expression, but there’s no way he can ever imagine what I’m thinking right now. I prepare to shock him when I look into his blue orbs and press my index finger between his eyebrows, smoothing out his worry lines.

  “Garrett, when I get home, I want you to make love to me in every room of this house.”

  As fast as they disappeared, the worry lines return as he cups my jaw in his hand. “Here? But you said before.”

  “In this house,” I tell him. “I’ve made some good memories here, but they’ve all been overshadowed by the darkness. So, if I’m packing up and moving, I want to leave in peace. The demons have to stay where they belong, and you’re the only thing powerful enough to make them go away. It’s so painful when I’m not with you.”

  He runs his fingers through my hair and tucks a piece behind my ear. “Why’s it painful? You don’t have to worry anymore. We’re on the same page, and we’re figuring it all out.”

  “I know we are. You’ve done nothing to make me believe otherwise, but it’s painful not being with you because I love you, Garrett.”

  As soon as I say it, I bite my lip to keep from crying. It’s still a little unnerving to put myself out there, but it doesn’t terrify me like it did before.

  I turn my head, choosing to stare at the calendar on the wall instead of him. Blinking, I wait for the numbers and squares to come back into focus, my watery eyes blurring everything around me.

  Garrett’s hands roam over my ass and up my back until he’s holding me by the back of my neck. He presses his forehead against mine, and we don’t move. All we do is breathe in the same air and hold on.

  Normally, my stomach would be in knots, waiting for a response, but this time, the silence isn’t the least bit awkward. Now that I’ve finally told him how I feel, I could never regret it.

  “This is how love is supposed to be, Megan. And you feel so fucking good.”

  Nodding, I brush my fingers against the prickly hair on his jaw, needing the touch of his skin to feel how insanely real and perfect this moment is. I never want it to end.

  He sighs and kisses my lips, gently this time. “Fuck, baby. I love you so much. I can’t tell you how good it feels to finally hear those words from you.”

  “Nobody deserves them but you.”

  “I wish you weren’t leaving.”

  I hate that I have to leave, but if I don’t go to the bank tonight, I’ll never get there. I’ve put it off long enough, and if I want to move on with Garrett in a new house, I need to do this. I have to put Connor behind me, once and for all.

  “I have to go,” I tell him.

  He swipes his thumbs underneath my eyes and kisses the tip of my nose. “Hurry back to me.”

  I let him help me off the counter, and after a quick check of my makeup in the mirror, I prepare myself for what I may find at the bank. Whatever it is, it’ll never change the way I feel about Garrett. That much I’m sure of.

  Garrett’s the only man I care about.

  Finally, he’s the only man I love.

  Megan

  BY THE TIME I GET to the bank, the Friday night rush is in full effect. Normally I’d hate having to wait in line so long. After what happened in my kitchen, I’m flying so high, I’d stand here for an hour, contently sucking on the complimentary lollipops.

  All I can focus on is the way Garrett reacted to my words. The way he looked at me like I was the only woman on this earth who could ever make him smile that big and feel that good. He went from thanking me for dinner to practically worshipping my body on the counter. Had we been alone, I would have let him.

  Garrett’s the only reason there’s a smile on my face right now. And when it’s my turn at the window, I ask the teller where I can find the safe deposit box. Never having had one of my own, I have no idea where to look for Connor’s.

  After a quick call to her manager, he rounds the corner and ushers me down a long corridor and into another room. Each wall is lined with rows of tan boxes, all of varying sizes. He takes me to one of the smallest, giving me a little more insight as to what could possibly be inside the box.

  With the go ahead, I crouch down, stick the key in the lock and turn it all the way to the left. As my wrist turns, I say a silent prayer that what I’m about to find is nothing more than some of Connor’s grandmother’s jewelry or a maybe a random coin collection he wants to pass down to Laney. I’d like to think that if it was anything more than that, that I’d already have access to it.

  Once the door pops open, I reach inside to pull out the papers, unfolding each document.

  The first is a copy of his birth certificate, nothing out of the ordinary.

  The second piece of paper is the deed to his truck. Since I’ll need that to sell it, this visit makes sense.

  Under the deed is an autographed baseball card, probably either worth a lot of money or just something that meant a lot to him.

  The last is an envelope with my name printed on the front in his handwriting. This one makes me nervous.

  Placing the other items in my purse, I close the box and hand the key to the manager. Now that I have what I came for, I won’t be needing it again. As soon as he excuses himself, I tear open the envelope, completely unprepared for whatever I’m about to find.

  Megan,

  If you’re reading this, I made a decision that I never wanted to make. I just hope I had a chance to say goodbye to you, and that you won’t tell Laney the truth about how I left this earth. It was wrong. I’m wrong. And I’ll keep begging for your forgiveness as long as I’m able.

  Please understand that the mistakes I’ve made were never meant to happen. I didn’t set out on a quest to destroy your life or our marriage. But I’m human, Megan, and I fucked up. I really fucked up.

  It’s a total shit excuse and I take full responsibility for every one of my mistakes. This person I’ve become, I hate him. Do you have any idea what it’s like to look in the mirror and despise your own reflection? It fucking kills me.

  I’ve done things to you that haven’t earned me the benefit of the doubt. I let my needs overshadow yours, and for that, I’ll always be so sorry.

  I don’t want you to spend the rest of your life regretting what we had. I want you to think of me and remember the way we discovered the world together, one year at a time. One step at a time. Because no matter how bad I’ve hurt you, I’ve never stopped loving you or wanting you.

  I wish there was nothing else for you to find out, and I hate that this letter is going to hurt you all over again, but there’s one last thing you need to hear from me. You should have heard about it when it happened, but I was too afraid to lose you to be honest with you.

  Sarah, the woman you saw in our home, was there for a reason.
She’s been in my life since we were eighteen. I met her at one of Leo’s parties, the ones you hated because you said all the guys cared about was hooking up. One night when you had to work at the diner, I hooked up, too, and I got Sarah pregnant in the back of my old pickup truck.

  You have to know how ashamed I was, Megan. How much I didn’t want to disappoint you. I was too young for that kind of responsibly, but Sarah put all this pressure on me. So much that I had to come clean to my mom.

  Do you know what mom said to me? She told me to be a man and take care of my family, and to forget about you.

  That was the exact opposite of what I wanted to do. I didn’t want to be with Sarah like I wanted to be with you. You and I had dreams. We had goals. We had everything. And I fucked it up because I drank too much and couldn’t keep my dick in my pants.

  I didn’t want to believe Sarah was telling me the truth, but after she showed me the pregnancy test, I couldn’t deny it. That day, I had to strike a deal with the devil.

  If I agreed to marry Sarah, and to make things legal before the baby came into the world, I could decide what to do with my life after that. Mom would still financially support me going to college. She wouldn’t kick me out of the house, and she wouldn’t tell my father. That alone was too good to pass up. I had no choice but to play by their rules.

  Without a shadow of a doubt I knew I wouldn’t stay married to Sarah long term. She didn’t even seem like she wanted to marry me. That was why I agreed to the stupid deal. I’d do what I had to do and I’d get out of it later. That was always the plan.

  But once Sarah had the baby, she changed. Suddenly, she wasn’t going to school anymore. She didn’t want a divorce like she said she did, and she even threw the fact that my parents were splitting up in my face. She said history repeats itself, and she didn’t want that for our son.

  I didn’t want that for him either, but she crossed the line when she brought you into it. She said if I didn’t move in with her and stay with her, she would tell you about everything. She wanted me to lose you so I would have nobody else but her.

  If I left her, she was going to make it her goal to ruin your life. The only way to keep that from happening, was to do what she told me to do. I had to protect you, Megan.

  Finally, when I couldn’t deal with my life for one more day, I realized I had nothing if I didn’t have you. I gave up on the deal and shut her out of my life—completely. The only communication we had was about our son.

  Things got easier for a little while, and she even started seeing someone else. That’s when I put the plan into motion to make you my wife, while things were good and she was content.

  But even though she seemed to have moved on, she still wouldn’t divorce me. I tried every damn day to get her to sign the papers, but my hands were tied. No matter what I wanted, I couldn’t legally marry you because of her, and I would never cancel our wedding and break your heart.

  From that day on, I started living the life of two people. As your husband, and as hers.

  If I had my way, you never would have found out about any of this. You never would have learned the truth because I didn’t ever want to break your heart. But the pain took a toll on me, and I was tired of hurting the people I loved the most. I confessed to my father, which didn’t go well. For a long time, he wanted nothing to do with me.

  That’s when I started drinking again. Alcohol was the only thing that numbed me enough to make it through the day. It became my escape from life.

  The night I wrecked the car and hurt Laney, I was trying to get to Sarah before she confronted you. She was demanding money and showing up where she didn’t belong. I knew it was only a matter of time before she found you, and she outed me. I was in that car because I tried to stop her. Only she wasn’t where she was supposed to be. She was at our house, waiting for you, instead.

  If I could go back and do it all over, I never would have touched Sarah, and I sure as hell wouldn’t have cheated on the girl I love more than life itself. I did though, and for that, I deserve to go to jail. But a life behind bars, Megan, I can’t do that. I’ll go crazy in a fucking cell.

  That’s why I’m doing this. So Laney doesn’t have to be ashamed of her father, and you don’t have to live with my sins. If I end my pain, I can take the burden of my existence off your shoulders. I owe you that and so much more.

  I’m sorry I lied, and I’m sorry I only told you part of the truth.

  I will always love you, Megan. You’re an amazing mother. A beautiful woman, and the love of my life. You’ll make sure our daughter grows up with a beautiful life. And that’s what I want the most for her.

  I will miss you so much, baby, and I’ll love you for eternity—even if you can never find it in your heart to forgive me.

  All my love,

  Connor

  “Mrs. Campbell, are you okay?”

  I glance up from the letter that’s half soaked in my tears, crumbling what’s left into a ball between my fingers. When I stand up, the room tilts a little bit to the right before straightening out. Like I’m in some cartoon with the world whizzing by me at lightning speed, I try to remember the way I came in and run for the exit.

  As soon as the cool air outside hits me in the face, I realize I’ve been holding my breath. My lungs burn, my muscles are so locked up they’re starting to cramp, and I don’t know whether to keep running or throw myself on the ground. All I want to do is claw my way through the dirt until I’m in hell, beating the ever loving shit out of Connor.

  Connor was lying about why he couldn’t make our marriage official. It wasn’t because of his parents. It was because he was married to someone else.

  The papers Vanessa never found were hidden for a reason. I’m positive Connor’s mother had everything to do with that, because God forbid an unplanned pregnancy tarnish the family name. The only reason the entire town didn’t find out was because Sarah wasn’t from around here.

  That’s not even what scares me the most. What sickens me is that Connor killed himself in an effort to take away my pain. Yet every single day that passes, he’s only adding to the hurt I’ve been working so hard to shed. Every time I take a step forward, he pulls me back under.

  I hated him for pulling the trigger, but I understood. This—this I don’t understand and I’ll never accept. Being young and stupid is no excuse to ruin someone else’s life.

  He’s had years to grow up and change, but he stayed exactly the same—a lying, cheating asshole who covers one mistake with another.

  I deserved better. And I hope he rots in hell.

  Garrett

  VANESSA PICKED LANEY UP TWO hours ago. Since she left, I’ve been trying to watch TV, but every car I hear, I think is Megan’s. Every headlight that flashes through the opening in the curtains, I think it’s her pulling in the driveway. Only none of them are.

  Megan should have been home by now, and the fact that she isn’t can only mean one thing. Whatever she found in the safety deposit box wasn’t what she was expecting.

  Does it surprise me Connor threw something else at her she had no idea about? No, not really. Still, I hate she was all by herself when she found it. I should have insisted she didn’t go alone.

  I wait it out another fifteen minutes before I’ve had enough. Taking the stairs two at a time, I drain the bath I drew for her and blow out the candles I lit around the tub. Her favorite bottle of wine goes back in the fridge, and the plans I had in mind will have to wait until another night.

  Before I leave, I stand on the front step and dial her number one last time, praying she picks up so I can hear her voice. The call rings and rings, but Megan doesn’t answer.

  If she was okay, she would never ignore my call. That’s how I know whatever she’s dealing with, it’s hit her hard—and she’s choosing to deal with it in silence.

  My heart races the entire drive down Ferdinand Street. It pounds even harder when I turn onto High Street, only calming when I pull into the bank parking lot on Ma
in. Her car’s the only one in the parking lot, but at least I’ve found her.

  I’m out of my own car in seconds, leaving my door hanging wide open. With my face pressed against the driver’s side window, I peer inside, but Megan’s car’s empty.

  All the lights are out inside the bank, but I try the door anyway. When it won’t budge, I take a lap around the brick building hoping she’s sitting someplace I can’t see her.

  As I walk, I dial her number again. This time, the call connects. “Megan? Are you there?” I ask as I grip the phone so hard I’m surprised the screen doesn’t shatter.

  If it weren’t for the music playing in the background, I’d think the call hadn’t connected at all. “Talk to me, babe. Where are you?”

  There’s some rustling, not a struggle, but like she might have dropped the phone or she’s covering the receiver with her hand to talk to someone else. All I can do is wait for her to come back, and right now, my patience is wavering.

  “Hello?”

  I finally hear a voice, but it’s not the one I’m expecting. “Who is this?”

  “Aaron. Are you looking for Megan?” he asks nonchalantly, not at all intimidated by the annoyance in my voice.

  I’m not in the mood to play games. All I want is to find my fucking girlfriend, but I try to rein it in, hoping he can lead me to her.

  “This is Garrett—Megan’s boyfriend. Why do you have her phone?”

  “Settle down,” he tells me. “I’m the bartender at The Tavern on Main. She’s okay at the moment, but you might want to come get her. I cut her off a little while ago, and she’s definitely gonna need a ride home.”

  Across the street? All this time I’ve wasted looking for her and she’s been right across the damn street—in the bar. Megan’s never been the kind of girl to hang out in a bar. Leaving my car next to her’s at the bank, I jog across the street. The hostess opens the door and gives me her welcome spiel, but I’m not paying attention. I don’t need a table. I need my girl.

  It takes my eyes a second to adjust to the darkened room, but as soon as I scan the row of stools in front of the bartender, I spot Megan with her head resting on her hands, face down on the wood countertop.