by Gia Riley
The bartender spots me coming and nods toward Megan like I wouldn’t be able to recognize the woman I’m in love with.
“Aaron?” I question as I slip onto the stool next to her.
He nods, holding out his hand for me to shake. “That was quick.”
“I was across the street. How long has she been passed out?”
“Five—ten minutes, tops.” He slides her phone and purse across the bar, and I’m thankful he wasn’t too busy to watch over her. Had she been sitting next to the wrong guy, I don’t even want to think about how this could have ended.
Megan’s always been the responsible one. Taking care of people, and making sure they’re safe. Passing out in a bar is the last thing I’d expect to have happen to her, but she’s worn out. She’s tired—and it’s clear she’s reached her limit.
Stroking the back of her head, I run my fingers through her hair. She stirs the slightest bit, but doesn’t completely wake up. Moving my stool closer, I straddle hers and rest my hand on her thigh. I have no problem carrying her out of here, but I don’t want to scare her.
“Megs,” I whisper in her ear, “open your eyes for me.”
Like my voice is the only thing powerful enough to wake her, she lifts her head and wipes the side of her mouth with the back of her hand.
“Where am I?” she whispers with a raspy voice that doesn’t sound at all like the one I fell in love with.
“You’re still at The Tavern. Are you ready to go home?”
She glances at her purse and the pain instantly returns to her eyes. “I guess it wasn’t a dream,” she says with so much sadness, it scares me.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“Not here. I have to find my car,” she says as she tries to stand up. The second her feet hit the floor, her knees buckle and I catch her underneath her arms.
“I’ve got you.” She lets me slide my hands under her legs until she’s against my chest and in my arms. “How much did you drink?”
“I don’t know. I’m sorry. I just wanted to escape for a little while.”
“Don’t be sorry.”
She stays quiet all the way across the street until I set her in the passenger seat of my car. As I’m pulling the seatbelt across her chest, she lays her hand on mine and stops me. Like we’re meeting for the first time, our eyes lock and her breath hitches. “I’ve always liked you, Garrett, but you’re not my second place. Someone as good as you always deserves first.”
I don’t know where that came from all of a sudden, especially since she’s never made me feel like second best. It’s probably just the alcohol talking, so I try not to read too much into it, but I’d love to know what she was dreaming about just now.
“It doesn’t matter where I finish, Megs. As long as I have you, I win no matter what.”
She covers her face with her hands and the wood that had been holding the dam closed too tightly splinters. At first, it’s just a couple tears and a sniffle, but as the emotion of the night seeps out of her, the splinters turn into fractures. And the fractures into complete breaks. There’s no going back to life as she’s known it, and I pray she’s finally absolving herself of the guilt.
She curls into a little ball in the passenger seat and I take the two rights and a left until we’re back at her place. Looking up as the car slows down, she cringes at the yellow exterior and says, “I want to go someplace else. Anywhere else.”
I keep driving, hoping she doesn’t have the same reaction to my house. Her eyes stay open through the stop sign, but at the next red light, they close and her breathing evens out again.
Glancing at her ring finger, I can still see the little indentation from the years she wore her wedding band. All I can think about is putting my own ring in its place. Something that won’t be attached to lies and deceit. A diamond she can wear proudly and feel my love every time she looks at it.
But I’m getting ahead of myself. Before I can make her my wife, I have to figure out what was inside the safety deposit box. I feel like it’s always two steps forward and two steps back with us—like a god damn Paula Abdul video.
I’m ready to put entire decades of time behind Megan—because she’s mine now. And I refuse to let her fall apart ever again. This is the last night she will ever let the past control her.
Megan
I REMEMBER THE BANK, THE letter, and going to the bar. Getting in Garrett’s bed last night—that parts a little fuzzy.
It’s still only five in the morning, but my head is throbbing like I just downed a shot of motor oil. I asked the bartender for something strong, and told him to keep them coming. He didn’t disappoint.
Drinking didn’t make anything better, though. As much as I’ve earned the right to live my life in peace, this morning reality is still reality. Peace is still a privilege and not a right.
But as I sit up and look around the bedroom, I don’t expect to find Garrett sitting in a chair by the window, still fully dressed in yesterday’s clothes. His head is slouched against his shoulder and his fingers are barely holding onto a glass of scotch.
Before it falls and stains the carpet, I take the glass out of his hand and set it on the window sill.
Glancing at the blankets on his side of the bed, I’m a little sad they’re still untouched. Why he didn’t sleep with me, I’m not sure. I hate that I laid in his room without him, all while he was watching me sleep.
“Garrett,” I whisper, not wanting to scare him.
It’s still early, and he doesn’t budge. So instead of trying again, I give him another couple of minutes. It’ll give me some time to check my cell to see if Vanessa called.
But the second I stick my hand in my purse, I spot the corner of the white envelope sticking out. I assumed the truth was still mine, but my stomach nosedives to the floor when I see the letter sitting out in the open, completely unfolded.
Garrett read it.
Hating that he invaded my privacy before I had a chance to tell him myself, I fold it back up and stuff it in my purse where it belongs.
I’m so ashamed of what Connor did to me that I want to get the hell out of Garrett’s house before he has a chance to look at me with pity. Like I’m some damaged girl who should have known what she was getting into before it all went to shit.
He has to think I’m completely stupid for not figuring Connor out years ago. All the signs were there, yet I never had a clue.
Garrett wakes himself up with his own snoring, jolting upright so quickly he almost falls out of the chair. “What’s wrong?” he asks, still half asleep as I stand here staring at him.
“I have to go. I want to shower before I pick Laney up.”
He checks his watch, squinting to try to make out the time in the dark. “At five o’clock? Laney’s probably still asleep, Megan.”
Doesn’t matter. I’d rather be as far away from a conversation about the letter as possible. “I’ll rest a little bit at home before I pick her up.”
“You didn’t want to go home last night. Why are you in such a hurry now?”
“I didn’t?”
“No,” he says, like he’s not entirely surprised I don’t remember. “Come here.”
He sits back in his chair and crosses one leg over the other. It’s odd to me that along with his clothes, he’s still wearing his shoes, too.
“Why didn’t you sleep with me last night?”
Holding out his hand, he waits until I take it before he tells me, “My head was all over the place. I went from thinking something happened to you, to finding you passed out in a bar. I had a warm bath waiting for you at your house, and I was so excited for you to come home so we could figure out where we’re going to live—and then you disappeared.”
“I didn’t mean to stay out so long. But the letter, Garrett. I read it and fell apart.”
He stares at me, his eyes so intense I have to look away because it hurts too much.
“Why did you read it?” I ask him, needing to hear his rea
soning even though it won’t change anything. I wanted to tell him on my own—in my own way. So that maybe I’d be able to make myself look halfway decent, and not like a complete fool.
“Around two o’clock, Vanessa called about Laney. I was digging in your purse for your phone when I saw the envelope.”
“Why did Vanessa call? Is Laney okay?”
His eyes soften along with his voice. “She’s fine. Had a bad dream and wanted to hear your voice. That’s all.”
“And you couldn’t wake me up, right?” I ask him, ashamed that I let myself drink so much. I was completely out of it.
He shakes his head. “You were passed out. I didn’t think it was the best time for you to be on the phone, and I talked her through it enough that she calmed down. Don’t beat yourself up about it.”
“She’s my daughter, Garrett. Not yours. Of course I’m going to beat myself up about it. She needed me and I was drunk.” He flinches like I offended him, which I never meant to do. I was a mess—I admit it.
Noticing the glass on the window sill, he picks it up and swirls the amber liquid around. His head stays down and he won’t look at me. Every muscle in his body is tense as he gets up and pours what’s left of his night down the bathroom sink drain.
Slowly, I wrap my arms around his waist and rest my cheek against his back, right between his shoulder blades. He doesn’t move, but his pulse is hammering and his breathing picks up. “I’m sorry, Garrett. I didn’t mean it like that. Laney adores you.”
“No, you’re right, Megs. Laney and I don’t share an ounce of DNA, we never will. But I love that little girl because she’s yours. She’s the absolute best part of you, and if we’re going to do this, I will love her like she’s mine. That means doing all the things parents do, same blood or not.”
I bite my lip to keep from crying, forgetting about how angry I was about the letter. “That’s exactly what I want.”
“You’re sure? Because if it’s not, break my heart right now and we can both move on with our lives—once and for all.”
Even the thought of ending things with him makes me want to throw up. It’s not something I can consider without feeling a little bit lost. I’ve gotten so used to having Garrett by side in the short time we’ve been together that his absence would hurt.
It hits me extra hard because that’s exactly how I used to feel about Connor.
“I’m positive, Garrett. She loves you.” I hug him tighter, hating that he’s doubting what he means to me and Laney. “I was mad that you read my letter, but I’m so glad you were able to take away Laney’s fears.”
Turning around, he looks down at me and I feel so small standing here in front of him. It’s the first time I’ve ever felt like we weren’t on the same level, despite the height difference.
“Do you know why I didn’t get in bed with you last night? Or why I sat in the chair drinking?”
“No,” I whisper.
He takes a deep breath and says, “Because I was so pissed that Connor killed himself. I was so mad that I didn’t get a chance to pound on his front door and kick him in the fucking face. All those years, Megan. We lost all that time together because he was holding your life hostage.”
“Maybe everything happens for a reason,” I tell him, needing him to see that had I not lasted with Connor as long as I did, I wouldn’t have Laney. I never would have reconnected with him, and I wouldn’t be standing in his bathroom praying we’re strong enough to get through this.
“Why are you still making excuses for him?”
“I’m not. I’m just trying to find some good in all of this. If you hadn’t been working the night Laney came in, you might not have been assigned to her case. There are so many variables that had to line up for us to get where we are. Every single one fell into place and now I finally have a shot at my happily ever after—because of you. And as much as I don’t want to admit it, because of Connor, too.”
He finally touches me, gripping my hands that are still wrapped around his waist. “You’re mine, now, Megan,” he whispers. “If something is wrong with you or Laney, I need to know. I need the chance to make it better, even if I can’t. I’m always going to want to do that for you because I fucking love you.”
“I know you love me. I don’t doubt that for one single second.”
“Then why do I feel like I’m constantly walking a thin line with you? Like if I make one wrong move, you’ll change your mind about us. Or you’ll change your mind regardless because of what Connor did to you.”
“Garrett,” I whisper. “Please don’t think that. I trust you. I want you. We’re doing this.”
He runs his hands over his face and his shoulders rise and fall with one more deep breath. I panic a little when he doesn’t seem like he has anything else to say to me. He’s already proven himself in so many ways, but I still need him to help me because I’m so scared I’ll make another mistake.
“We have it all right here at our fingertips, Megan. Everything we’ve wanted, we can finally have. But we have to stop letting Connor sabotage us.”
“I can’t help it. Just when I think it can’t get any worse, it always does. Sometimes it seems like I don’t have any control over what happens in my own life.”
“You do. You just have to keep fighting. Don’t go to the bar and get wasted. Come to me and let me make it better for you.”
I rest my purse on my shoulder, looking at the man I never imagined I’d fall so hard for so fast. What we have is still so new, but I wish I could’ve loved him the way he deserves right from the start. I wish I could have fallen into his arms without hesitation and let him love me the way I deserve.
What if there’s always going to be something coming between us because we weren’t meant to be together in the first place? What if Connor was all I was supposed to have in this lifetime?
“I’m scared, Garrett. But I’m going to keep trying—for you.”
“I’m not giving up on you. I promise I’ll figure out how to make your fears disappear.”
“Get some sleep,” I tell him. “You’ve done enough.”
“I just want you, Megs. I won’t be happy unless I have all of you.”
“You have me. And when I leave here, I’m getting Laney because I miss her. I’m not leaving because of you or that damn letter. As scared as I am, from now on I’m going to do what makes me happy.”
“Besides Laney, what makes you the happiest?” he asks as he searches my face for clues. I can’t believe he doesn’t see it written all over my face.
“You, Garrett. Just you,” I tell him before I turn and walk away.
I’m almost at the back door when I hear his feet pounding down the stairs and across the hardwood floor. “Wait, let me drive you.”
I glance over my shoulder and smile. He’s a disheveled mess, but he’s my mess—and I’m lucky to have him. “I want to walk.”
“You’ll freeze your ass off.”
“I think that’s exactly what I need right now.”
With reality stuffed in my purse and my pride lodged in my throat, I begin the lonely walk to the bank as the sun rises. Only this time, it’s lonely because I want it to be. Not because it has to be.
Though each step I take, no matter how far away I’m getting from Garrett, I still feel him. He’s wrapped around me like a scarf, warming me enough that the walk is comfortable.
My heart may still be afraid to make a mistake, but its content.
I may still be tired, but I’m not giving up.
Vanessa takes one look at me when I arrive at her house and shakes her head. “You look a little rough. What happened?”
Since Garrett’s already read it, I hand her the letter from Connor. As soon as she recognizes the handwriting, she sits on the edge of the couch and devours every word the same way I did.
“Aunt Vanessa,” Laney calls out from the spare bedroom.
“I’ll get her,” I tell my sister. “You’ll need a minute.”
Vanessa
doesn’t raise her head or acknowledge me. She’s so engrossed, I don’t think she even hears me. And if I know my sister, she’s going to blow up as soon as she’s finished.
When I peek inside Laney’s room, I find her wrapped up in her Cinderella blanket with a new doll in her hand. All the things she was spoiled with while living with Garrett have now become her favorite things.
“Mommy!” she says as she sits up. “I missed you.”
“Are you okay, baby? Garrett said you had a bad dream.”
She nods. “I was scared, so Aunt Vanessa called you.”
“I’m sorry I was asleep. I wish Garrett would have woken me.”
“No, Mommy,” she insists as she shakes her head. “After he told me a story, the silly ones he makes up about you and me, I felt lots better. He said his two princesses needed to get some sleep, so I closed my eyes and I was brave—just like you.”
I’m anything but brave, Laney. Lately, I’m petrified of my own shadow. “I’m glad he made it all better for you.”
Garrett always makes it better.
“I asked if he had a cape on, cause his story was extra good this time. Can you believe he didn’t! He said you must have been wearing it because you’re the toughest mommy he’s ever seen.”
While I sit here rising higher and higher, I realize Garrett was right. We do have it all at our fingertips—he is my chance at redemption.
With him, I never have to wonder how much he loves me or if he wants to be with me. He’s not going to leave me for someone else or cheat on me behind my back. He’ll never put my daughter’s life in jeopardy because he’s not that kind of man.
“Laney, what do you think about moving into a brand new house with Garrett? Would that be fun for you? Or would you rather live with Mommy and visit him?”
“I love G, Mommy. He’s fun and he makes me laugh. He doesn’t make me keep secrets.”
I swallow, scared to ask this next question, but strong enough that I can handle the answer no matter what. After that letter, there’s nothing else Connor can try to surprise me with. “What secrets did Daddy make you keep, Laney?”
