Remarkable! How I said that so eloquently, never shall I know! With any luck, I’ll sustain it!
Quite pleased he seemed as he took the fiddle case and bags from me to carry as he led me down the walk through the village of Lisdoonvarna and to a lovely little café. Grateful I be ‘twas a quiet place so that we might enjoy some time alone fer once. All the grander, Donovan located us a nice spot in a little niche, that was about as private as one could hope fer in a public establishment. That escalated me optimism that his intentions fer us were as I could only hope!
Thereby we did sit at a cozy table, facing each other. Here alone with him fer the first, I be utterly wanting fer words. I could sense me anxiety escalating as the blaring silence grew ever more stark. Donovan simply sat there across from me regarding me with the strangest expression.
“What be the matter?” I demanded somewhat warily. “Why do you stare at me so?” I be convinced he presently regretted his rash decision to invite me to dinner.
‘Twas amused he appeared, as though he were debating whether he intended to reveal his riddle. “What a bizarre girl you be, Aislinn! I think you surely must hail from another world entirely!” Donovan alleged with a laugh.
Upon hearing this, me eyes cast down.
So, he thinks of me just as me father does. Be he here only to mock me, then?
Me heart be clenched by me stomach as it plummeted.
“Truly, Aislinn,” Donovan spoke, an intent tone in his voice now as he leaned forth and reached across to embrace me hand in his. “You be the most intriguing lass ever I have had the pleasure of meeting! In all certainty, set me on fire you have— with your blazing hair and your shining eyes as stars, and especially your most ardent spirit!”
Did he truly say now what me mind believes to be hearing?
The startled rumble of me heart upon hearing these words from him, his theoretical revelation that I may indeed be someone special to him as well! Me heart swelled as it floated up from the depths of me gut until I be sure it might burst! I raised me eyes to view the expression upon his face to determine if it indeed revealed what I dared hope it did.
“How could it be that you never knew?” Donovan muttered to himself with a baffled sigh.
So bamboozled I be that I found meself staring intently at his lips, I suppose to confirm the words I heard coming from them. Gazing upon his lips instantly reminded me of the sensuousness of consuming a succulent strawberry. I felt meself succumbing to me imagination . . . those lips pressing against mine, his succulent tongue dancing with mine. His hands . . .
“Aislinn . . . ?” Donovan’s voice startled me eyes upward.
His penetrating blue eyes were probing me. “I beg yer pardon?”
After all this time I have pined over him, at last he be reciprocating and just look at me! I cannot conjure up even a single intelligent word! He may well think better of it and rescind his earnest comments after me fool hearty behaviour. Love has rendered me the fool, set me on fire and watched as I burn.
Oh, to feel the touch of yer hand upon me skin once again . . . how me body aches to breathe in yer breath . . . craves to savour the first taste of you . . . The mercy of yer lips fer just one kiss, so that me heart may sing . . . I’ll embrace and kiss you with such passionate, I shall take yer breath away!
“What say you, Aislinn, of me declaration?” Donovan interrupted me fantasies. His voice ‘twas uneven, seemingly puzzled by me peculiar behaviour. I lifted me eyes, and they were met with the anxious expression upon his face.
Even as I sat there, reveling in the freshness of his presence, moreover I felt a potent sense of reminiscence as though here, this very moment we had certainly shared once before; whereas, paralleling that, I be most confident it existed not any place within me memory.
A sudden breeze blew, first by him, and then to me, sweeping the scent of him across me face. As I inhaled it in, its essence gushed directly through me to me core as a wave of intoxication. Instantly I recognised it to be one and the same as that in me dream, that which never could I disremember! Other than the first night he had appeared to me in the vision, ‘twas the most profound experience in me life! If I didn’t know it before, I now be certain beyond anything that he be me destiny.
With this exhilarating realization, me heart bounded wildly within me chest. It felt as though any moment it would propel me right off me seat into the sky! I felt sure he would detect it thudding through me. Never before had I felt such tension. There he be looking at me entreatingly, waiting fer me to say something in return.
But all I could do at that moment was to place me hand over me palpitating chest and close me eyes, breathing in carefully in some attempt to steady meself in order to structure the proper response he so deserved! If only he could fathom the incredible effect he had upon me, then he would appreciate what ‘twas I be going through.
Gazing at him openly, I reached across the table longing to feel the skin of his handsome face beneath me fingertips. Rather, I nestled them comfortably within the nook of his strong, warm hand and smiled tenderly at him. I took a deep breath as at last I prepared meself to respond.
“Words they be needless. They can be but an enhancement to feelings this intense. Furthermore, words they be trivial, worthless and forgettable. ‘Tis our actions which mean so much more. Certain I be you already knew of the feelings I have held fer you all this time. Mere words could not ever truly express the way in which you have seized me heart. Nevertheless, if have them you must . . .”
I peered at Donovan intensely, me voice lowering to almost a whisper as I steadied meself fer the significance of what I would tell him. “I dangle on yer every word fer the mere sound of yer voice infiltrating me head. Each time I close me eyes, ‘tis solely yer face I see in me mind. You appear to me nightly in me dreams. You encompass me every thought. Since the day first I did see you, Donovan, I have been transformed evermore.”
Fer a long moment, he sat there only gazing out, his face still. Swiftly the panic crept over me.
Oh, have I disclosed too much? Perhaps he does not feel quite as deeply fer me in return and I have frightened him with all me raging intensity. Why can I not learn to contain me emotions and be more circumspect? Just when at last he has begun to gravitate toward me, I allow me emotions to overflow and frighten him away!
That surely be the most prolonged few moments ever I have had to endure!
Mercifully, at long last, Donovan clasped me hand tight in his, the most heartfelt expression he wore upon his face, permitting me to exhale once again. His eyes glistening as he looked upon me, he reached up and lightly traced his finger from the side of me brow along down me cheek to just the corner of me mouth.
How I yearned to take his finger into me mouth and taste it! Yet I determined it would not be prudent to overwhelm him with me endless desires fer him. I did not wish him to resolve that I be improper.
All in good time . . .
Just to be with him as that, ‘twas the best day of me life hitherto!
Chapter Nine
From that day forth, I be absolutely the most delighted lass in all of Éire! And yet, alas, the profound bliss I felt then would be deplorably evanescent. Considering all, Donovan and I spent a great deal of time together.
Since Donovan lived in Ballyvaughan and ‘twas a bit of a jaunt to our place, and he typically be heavily occupied with his apprenticeship duties, he made it out to call on me as frequently as he was able. Which, in truth, be never enough fer me! On the other hand, I imagine a limitless amount of time I could have spent with him and still not been satisfied!
Me mama she always be pleasant and welcoming to Donovan when he came to call on me and encouraged any interactions between us, even though typically that meant allowing me to shirk me many domestic duties in order to wander off with him. She be most jubilant fer me and told me that she always did recognise we were meant fer each other.
Me father on the other hand, reacted quite differently than I wo
uld have expected. What I found difficult to understand be that if he had wished me gone so, why be he not more pleased with me having actually captured a lad? At one day’s end, after bidding farewell to Donovan, I entered the house to the accustomed sounds of me parents quarrelling. Though, on this particular occasion, a far greater significance it held.
“. . . that bastard is not to set foot on me land again, Meara!” he roared.
“Quinlan, now do try to understand.” Me Mama attempted to reason with him. “Have a heart, ‘tis genuinely besotted they be with each other. And such a good lad he truly be,” she reminded him tenderly, futilely trying to engage something sentimental in him.
“’Twas a proper lad she were supposed to snag at that festival, one ripe fer matrimony! One who hails from a decent family, not a bastard child! And certainly not one to merely keep amused!” Clearly, he was not to be convinced. ‘Twas then he detected me standing there and turned his admonitions to me.
“That lad, he only be amusing himself with you, Cailín, taking as much as you be offerin’!” he bellowed. “And yet has he to come to me declarin’ his intentions with you. Not concerned he be with marrying you, as nothing has he to offer fer dowry and cannot possibly take on a wife fer some time, as still he be a paltry apprentice! Not that I’d be consentin’ fer some bastard to marry a daughter o’mine, besides!”
The bruised look I wore upon me face did nothing to enthuse him to speak less harshly. Why does he keep referring to him as a bastard?
To me dismay, he continued on, always having a bottomless quantity of twaddle to spew forth in me direction.
“And when he be in the situation to marry, not to you shall he proposition. Realise his mistake he will in wasting his time courtin’ a lass such as you, and he’ll venture on to acquire a more suitable female.”
To his rant, I responded not at all, fer I distinguished irrelevant it surely would be. Furthermore, I knew it be wholly erroneous.
He not be makin’ any sense whatsoever!
Merely a few days thereafter, to me utter distress, me father returned home one evening and smugly announced that he had favourably come to terms with Aengus Gallagher on the arrangement of his marriage to me.
I refused to accept it! How can me own father do this to me? Particularly when he knows how I be smitten with Donovan! And to Aengus, that oily, baldheaded, gluttonous goat! Furthermore, he exceeds me by no less than twenty years!
With horror I gasped and threw me hands over me mouth, me stomach distorting into aching knots. Aggravated, me father glanced over at me, obviously unaffected by the look of betrayal and anguish plastered across me face. ‘Twas then that it became utterly clear to me that no amount of reasoning or pleading would influence him, as only his own interests did he bear in mind.
All of a sudden ‘twas as though forcefully he compressed a wide girdle about me. Breathing eluded me, me throat narrowing, me chest rapidly constricting, me back tight not able to expand to supply me lungs with the required air I would need now more than ever. Reaching fer me fiddle, I darted from the cottage howling hysterically, falling repeatedly.
Into the twilight I ran interminably, the tears streaming down me face as I attempted to grasp the painful reality of this and the difficult choices with which I now faced. I only knew I could not turn me back on Donovan.
That not be a fragment of likelihood! Not when he had come to me, at last!
And then, I understood all too well that there not be a chance in hell me father would rescind his decision. Me time be up and he wanted me out of his house, lured by the promise of a handsome dowry as compensation fer his troubles in coping with me these sixteen years.
I kept running ‘til ‘twas so dark I could scarcely see ahead of me. At first, to where I be going I did not know. But when I stopped to rest later that night, I had time to ponder. Hid away I did in the cattle barn of our neighbours several kilometres west of me father’s land. And do let me be the one to inform you, bovine smell far worse than do sheep!
During the course of that lengthy, foul-smelling and uncomfortable night, I resolved that which never any true deliberation there need be in the first place.
To Donovan I now belong, as truly I have just as precisely fer the past several years, and there be nothing that will keep me from him. Only it has become much more complex than ever I had intended!
I snuck out early enough in the morning to avoid confrontation and headed out on the road continuing west. An old man in a cart, whom I be most fortunate did not recognise me as the MacAuliffe lass, stopped and extended to me the invitation of a ride into the town of Ballyvaughan. Quite relieved I be, as me energy rapidly be diminishing, from the lack of sleep and the empty belly I towed.
I determined to find Donovan and tell him of that which had occurred.
Surely, he’ll whisk me away, understanding there be no choice but to flee with each other if we’re to be together. But then, what if there be a chance me father was precise in his uncouth presumptions of him? No, I must not allow meself to consider such thoughts. I know that not be the truth of the matter.
I thanked the old man kindly as I hopped out of the cart upon arriving in Ballyvaughan. I hoped it still be early enough that Donovan and the tréidlia would still be in town. I headed in the direction I thought I recollected Riordan once pointing out to me as Dr. O’Connor’s home. Relieved I be to reach it just as Donovan be climbing into the cart to depart with Dr. O’Connor and set out on their calls of the day.
So ‘twas disillusioned I be when Donovan did not react precisely as I had predicted.
“Donovan!” I called weakly, scurrying over to him.
“Aislinn?” he asked, justifiably stunned to see me there. His face baffled as his eyes quickly scanned me. Immediately I realised what a fright I must appear!
With nary a second thought of Dr. O’Connor’s presence, I poured forth the story of that which had transpired the preceding night since last he had seen me.
“Just what precisely is it you be contemplating, Aislinn?” his voice solemn as he attempted reasoning with me.
I nearly feared he was about to suggest that I return and marry Aengus! But, gratefully he did not.
“I refuse to become the mate of that appalling man, solely to serve as a replacement mum! Already ruined his first wife he did, that poor woman forced to birth his eight children! I not be willing to let him do the same to me!”
Out of me mind with angst, I ranted on, growing increasingly more desperate. “Donovan, I beg you, take me away from this place, we can wed presently and worry not!”
“Aislinn,” he spoke gently, fer fear of distressing me further. “Granting, I may hope fer that; though at present, ’tis not in the proper situation I be to marry.”
I just stood there and stared at him, uttering not a word as the hot tears welled up in me eyes, burning me cheeks as they spilled down me face.
Donovan’s body stooped over with his remorse. He stroked the tears from me cheek. “I have not a home of me own, Aislinn, fer until done with me apprenticeship I be, I’ll have not practical wages of me own. I have not any means to support a wife.”
‘Twas obvious he felt dreadful having to pronounce this to me.
I understood and knew I should not make him feel any worse than already he did. Regardless, unless I conceded to marry that debauched old man, I knew never could I return home!
I spoke resolutely to him, “To home I’ll not return, Donovan!” He clearly perceived the finality in me voice.
“Then, where is it you’ll stay, Aislinn?” he questioned shakily.
Truthfully, not an idea did I possess. I stared at Donovan, me thoughts rushing in me head.
Then, it occurred to me!
Me cousin, Deirdre now be a married woman with a home of her own and has recently returned from her summer honeymoon with Fergus. How surprised she’ll be were I to suddenly appear at her threshold!
Donovan gazed upon me inquisitively as he observed the way
which me face lit up with the realization.
“A cousin I have, Deirdre, she be recently wed. She and her husband, they reside in Galway.” I stated breathlessly. “’Tis most confident I be she’d be thrilled to have me there.”
Concern still shrouding his face, Donovan spoke. “Very well, then. I shall drive you there meself, if that be what you wish,” he offered most generously. Still, I had to wonder how ‘twas he really felt about the whole situation.
Since he could not shun his duties of the day, I had to wait out the day in town fer his return that evening. Dr. O’Connor graciously escorted me upstairs and introduced me to his wife who received me kindly and told me welcome I be to pass the day there.
That day, I chatted pleasantly with Misses O’Connor, spilling forth the whole tale, rather guardedly at first, then ever more impetuously as more at ease in her presence I did grow. Though why I could not be certain, I did not feel need to worry that the tréidlia or his wife would betray me confidence and inform me father of me whereabouts and intentions.
After I had decanted every fragment of me anguish, whilst she listened on patiently, Misses O’Connor revealed to me the tale of their daughter— who be about me same age— that they had lost some time ago, along with a most vital piece of information which somehow had eluded me to this point.
“’Twas a great many years ago now,” she started thoughtfully, her face far off as she dredged up the still visibly raw memories from so long ago. “Our daughter, Siobhán, the sweet and lovely lass she was . . .” she trailed off and swallowed, I recognised, to gain the courage to tell her story.
After an extended pause, she explained, her voice ridden with guilt, “Siobhán was utterly smitten with Kieran, a young lad who hailed from here in the village. His kin, they were not as well off as ours, and he was so young. We knew it would be some time afore he was ready to take on a wife properly. But she insisted they were meant to be together.” she sighed heavily.
“Do understand, Mister O’Connor and I believed we were doing the right thing. We secured a gentleman we deemed would be a suitable husband for our only daughter. A well-established older gentleman he was, a highly respected man in the town. We reasoned Siobhán would get over her lad in good time, with a fine life laid before her.”
Cailín (Lass) (Anam Céile Chronicles) Page 8
